2/7

I feel like once again! We all know it was because I got the beaten out of me by Kibum and Eli again but I was so scared. When both of them left the room, I was on the floor for a good five minutes before getting up and as I walked out. The panic attack started because Yejun was right by my face like last time.

“H-How long where you standing there?” I asked with a broken voice which made me mad as I didn’t want him to have to see me like this again.

“I-I came after you didn’t show for lunch and I..I’m so sorry! I shouldn't have left you alone like that if that meant that you would have turned out like...like this…” He said and with those words I fell to my knees and I didn’t know if it was because of what he said or just simply because my legs hurt to stand for a long period of time.

“Just stay here and I’ll bring some food and things to clean you up. I’ll be fast don’t worry about anything okay.” Yejun said with a soft voice and all I was able to do was nod my head.

I don’t know how he did it but seven minutes later he came back with a tray full of food and everything he needed to patch me up but I still couldn’t really move to eat.

Yejun quickly started to clean all the blood that was visible and cursed a few times when the blood didn’t stop. The whole time he was doing this I still couldn’t move, my body for the first time in weeks felt numb from the pain. “Can you move?” Yejun ask that exact moment and I felt so useless as I nodded no. “Don’t worry I’m done, I can feed you.” That’s how we passed the whole thirty minutes.

After school I made my way to Soohyun even if a big part of me wanted to run away because I just had a hard day. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep the pain away which clearly I’m not doing at this moment.

Anyway, reaching this office was harder then it seemed and as soon as I stepped in; he looked at me with worry which quickly faded since he knew my habit of reading faces.

Looking for his notebook he said, “Will you be talking to me today or are we going to look at the sky together?” and I couldn’t help myself because he was being self aware and seeing my condition; he wanted me to talk.

“I’m sorry but you are the one who sees how I look and wants to talk about it. All I want to do is sleep.” I walked over to the sofa and tried to not yell from the pain.

“You know Kiseop, I don’t fully understand you. I see everything in your eyes yet you don’t talk about anything. Why is that? What are you afraid of?” His voice was getting higher and higher and I felt so bad for this man. Why does he have to have someone like me to take care of? Clearly he had better things in his life and I really am a nobody to him.

“You know what, you tell me something.” I said looking the window like always but waited for a um, before I continued. “If I die will you be held accountable? Will your career go down the drain?” I didn’t need to look at him face to know the horror he felt.

It felt like forever until he finally answered me but his voice emotionless, “No but that doesn't mean I wouldn’t feel accountable.”

That’s all I need to hear, “Don’t worry I’m not going to die..” Yet.. “See you next week Soohyun.” I said as I left the room. Letting him sit with the words which were really a taboo.

I should feel bad but do I? No and that makes everything worse because when it does come to it and I’m close to death..What will happen?