1/27

What to talk about...I’m getting no where. HA!

I been seeing Soohyun twice a week now...To be honest, it’s stupid since all we really do is look at each other for a good five minutes and then I turn away to look out the window.

Soohyun tired to talk to me but I just give him simple answers that wouldn't lead to talk about my parents or the fact that I been molested before. He has to reason to know more about me than other people. Even if that means I will still be traumatized for the rest of my days.

Yes days because I can ensure you, I will not live in ten...no five years from now. I just see no point when I got to a stupid school, act like my world is fine to me only friend, and try to live with the face that I really got kicked out of my old table.

To incite you all, it turns out that Dongho has no problem in talking to people now and so my old table was full with young kids. The minuet I made eye contact with Dongho who was laughing away, I turned my heel and asked Yejun to pick a place to eat.

Not more than five minutes later Kevin joined our table without permission and to tell the truth I got scared for a second.

“Why didn’t you sit with us? You been sitting with us for a good amount of time. What happened?” Kevin asked me with pleading eyes for some reason but when I couldn’t answer Yejun cut in.

“He doesn’t feel right with many people. Sorry but we’ll be sitting here for now on, you can go back to your table though.” He said with a smile but I could see that it was rather cold. I didn’t understand his face expression but I felt glad that he spoke for me.

“O-Oh okay, well when you feel better come back..yeah?” Kevin asked with sad eyes but quickly turned to Yejun and glared at him.

Before he left our table Yejun said, “Keep trying but you won't win.” I really don’t understand what was going on between them two and I still don’t because from what I remembered Kevin and Yejun talked once. Yejun didn’t even explained to me what he meant by that when I asked him.

I just hope that it’s not a twisted kind of bet between the two because I could see Kevin doing it but Yejun? I would guess that he is different...right? He’s been a good friend and been taking care for me even when he doesn’t even notice it.

Okay I’m being mean. I’m just saying that Kevin could do something like that to me because he was with Kibum and Eli. I’m sure Kevin is a nice person, he looks like he cares about me but it that the truth? I don’t know but this is what I hate about Kevin. I can’t say anything really mean about him as it makes me feel guilty. I should have asked him to stay at our new table and leave Dongho just so he could be with me...I MEAN US!

Sorry yeah...It’s getting late and I shouldn’t be awake as I start to talk about stupid and then you’ll all know how that stupid ing nurse molested me and who want’s to know that! That would give you all another reason to pity the out of me.  

Okay...no but really bye.

***UPDATE/EDIT***

I deleted all those thing’s I said yesterday night, I don’t need to think about that nor talk about that. I know this is my own blog but I don’t feel comfortable talking about things that ed me up even more. For those who read it please don’t messaged me or even talk about it.