1/10

Going to school is getting harder, not only because of the snow but because of the countless beatings that I have been getting. It’s hard to get up in the morning knowing that someone is going to come to hurt you.

Grandma called the doctor when she notice the bruises on my face. I didn’t want her to find out because now the doctor want me to go Wednesday after school for a check up. This is bad, if I don’t cover my face properly before the check up I’m going to have to stay in the hospital again. They barely let me out of the hospital five months ago.

There was a time where I stayed in the hospital for two months since I tried to commit suicide for the second time. Before I left they wanted to make sure I was really ready to leave and not like last time. They warned me that if I tried it again, I would have to stay longer and will have to really go to therapy each day. That’s something I don't want to do. I want to take care of myself in my own way.  I don't want to talk to a stranger about my feels about how I wish I could just die.

Let me drop that topic and talk about school again…

Everything's the same, the beatings, the running away, the looks I get from people. I don’t understand why people still want to talk about me…Its been old news since I got here and yet they keep on talking.

Going to lunch has now become a bother since I can’t look at Dongho’s face because I know that he lied to me. I don’t feel the same sitting in the table. Kevin on the other hand had finally make Dongho open up so now they talk non stop. I don’t really feel welcome in my own table...is it even my table now?

Only...when Kevin smiles at me...I feel like he cares about how I feel, that maybe befriending him isn’t a bad idea.

Just..when I get beaten up...Kibum and Eli keep on repeating the same things over and over..”Kevin isn’t your friend. You really think he is? HA!” and they may be right….Kevin could still be friends with them. And they are all still playing a sick joke.

I don’t know….I feel like more of a ed up than before. I’m sorry...It’s just getting a little harder...I want to have real friends...but fear is holding me back and the only person that is my friend is Yejun...but he doesn’t come to this school which I’m so thankful for because if he saw me like this. I don’t know what I would do…

Yejun has keep his promise that he would come over and I love seeing him. He gives me a bit of hope in life because I know someone is there for me. Hope is the thing I look for each day and having him around its easy to have it.

I’m sorry if I’m going all over the place..its just that there is a lot going on at once and I hadn’t had time to update..so yeah..so far life is still going on...

I know I'm sorry I haven't updated...Please let me know if you are still interested or not. I am planning to finish this story but I need to know how many of you still want this story to continue; that way I would update constantly. Well Thank you for reading! Hope you are somewhat happy to see this updated.