2/18

It took two week for me to convince myself, and a last minute conversation to convince Yejun, to let Kevin sit with us. At the start of lunch period all I wanted to do was run away as Kevin happily walked to our table with a tray full of food. But I knew that I did then Yejun would never let Kevin sit with us again because who would invite a person and then run away from them. Sometimes I do feel like I’m really stupid but that isn’t the point.

The real point is that I felt like I was standing in a battlefield but once again I didn’t understand what’s wrong with both of them. Yejun was the one glaring and I could hear his soft sentences filled with curse words. Looking at Kevin, it was clear that he didn’t know what Yejun was saying but he quickly notice the glares in which he was kind enough to not return them.

“Kiseop, how have you been?” Kevin asked me with much care which again I didn’t understand this kind of action but that didn’t stop my heart for skipping a beat. And I know! How stupid is it that with such small words my heart would do that. I just guess I missed him in a way and again I should be thinking like this let alone talking about this.

Lets go back to the battle, shall we?

“Not like you would have taken notice but Kiseop hasn’t been well. But it’s not as if you care.” Yejun spoke up and the rush of panic that went through my body was uncontrollable. I just don't understand what made him say this. What was the point of this!

“I’m clearly asking him aren't I?” Kevin’s face was red but for some reason, instead of trying to help him out I was just thinking of how funny he looked.

“Yeah but if you really cared you would have known him better than me since I was away for some time.” Yejun said with a smirk but a look at my worried expression, he quickly dropped it and added; “Nevermind, just do whatever you want to do. It’s not like it would make a difference.”

“Kiseop, why don’t you take some of my rice since I don’t really like white rice.” Kevin said with a smile as he handed me his rice. I nodded my hand happy to be eating a bit more since to tell the truth I been only eating small meals at home. Once I’m home, Yejun isn’t there to help me fight off all my negative thoughts and so I barely leave my room to eat and when I do I just grab the first fruit I see.

Apart for the battle that took place Kevin had to ruin everything with the smallest question ever: “Why don’t you talk or eat with Dongho anymore?”

I didn’t know what to say. If I had said anything I would have sound stupid and that goes back to yeah I’m pretty stupid. But I have feelings and Dongho truly broke the small trust and hope I had for him. I really did like Dongho and wanted to help him out somehow but the minute the real reason to why he was with me, made me realize. That yeah, I really am the only one who is ed up. I don’t want Dongho to be around me for that reason. He is a better person than and he shouldn’t be around someone as sad as me.

And I couldn’t say any of this to Kevin. I looked down at my food hoping that the topic would be drop but when he asked again I knew there really wasn’t a way out. That was until Yejun spoke up, “If you agreed to sit with us just to ask him this then you can leave now.”

The next thing that happened got my emotions all messed but because Kevin got up without a word and left.

I don’t know how to feel….why would someone do this…..so it’s true, he really doesn’t care...stupid….