Seohyun fumbled inside her purse for the key to her dorm. Finally finding it, she sighed and clicked it to the sensor on their door. The door opened. 

"Unnies, I'm home," she called out. 

"Oh. Seohyun-ah, welcome home," Yuri yelled back. As Seohyun entered the kitchen, she saw Yuri, Tiffany, Taeyeon, and Jessica snacking on grapes. "Did you eat?" she asked, pushing the bowl of grapes in Seohyun's direction. 

Seohyun shook her head. "Aniyo, I didn't eat yet," she replied, grabbing a few grapes after setting her stuff down. 

"Mwo? You didn't eat yet? What were you doing then?" Taeyeon asked, surprised that the healthy Seohyun would even neglect her meals. 

"I stayed at the hospital and then went to Hongdae Center to visit Yong's accident site. I came straight home after," she explained. 

Suddenly the room went quiet. 

"Ah . . . it's that day . . ." Tiffany quietly said, trying to break the silence. 

"Well . . . how's school been for you? I remember having a hard time in freshman year," Yuri continued, leaving the subject of Yonghwa behind. 

"I'm okay," Seohyun replied, still munching on grapes, "I have a lot of time to study and do homework since I go to the hospital after school." 

"Right, Seohyun did graduate with the highest grades in her whole high school," Tiffany reminded Yuri. Yuri waved Tiffany off. Everybody who went to their  high school knew that Yuri barely graduated with her grades since she partied so much. 

"Yah! Be quiet!" Yuri shouted, playfully hitting Tiffany on the shoulder. Everyone laughed except Seohyun.

Silence faded over the conversation again. By this time, Seohyun had already finished the whole box of grapes. Everyone could tell that Seohyun had been starving. 

"Is it alright if I make a fruit smoothie?" Seohyun asked, "or are the rest of the girls already asleep?" 

"No, Yoona's out practicing for her dance concert coming up and the rest of them went clubbing. Go ahead," Yuri replied. Nodding, Seohyun went to get the blender ready. 

While the other girls watched Seohyun move around the kitchen, obviously quite tired, Jessica started to talk.

"Yah Seo Joohyun." 

Seohyun quickly turned around, surprised to hear her friend use her birth name. 

"What happened to you?" Jessica asked. 

"What do you mean, Unnie?" 

"I mean, what happened? You used to never skip your meals. In fact, you would lecture us when we went on a diet and skipped dinner. And now you're skipping dinner?" 

"Jessica, it's ok," Taeyeon tried to calm Jessica down. But it didn't work. 

"No. It's not okay. I want the old Seohyun back. I want the Seohyun that laughed with us when Hyoyeon did something stupid, or cried with us when Yuri's dog died! Everything changed since 3 years ago. What happened Joohyun? What happened!" she yelled. 

"Unnie, you know what happened!" Seohyun shouted back. What was Jessica saying? How could she not know what happened? She had locked herself inside her room for weeks on end after it happened!

"Seohyun, you just don't get it. You don't get why I'm so mad at you. I'm sure I wouldn't have yelled at you like this 3 years ago, or maybe even 2 years ago, but Seohyun, it's been 3 years! 3 freaking years of dealing with your sudden depressed-all-the-time state, with you not being the same person you were before Yonghwa died!" 

Jessica's last words echoed in Seohyun's ears. . . . Before Yonghwa died . . . . Before Yonghwa died . . . 

"Aniyo, Unnie. Yong didn't die," she replied, voice flat. 

"Seohyun! Yonghwa died, 3 years go, at Hongdae Center, after he got in a car accident with a truck! You can't deny it anymore!" Jessica yelled even louder, standing up from her chair. 

"ANIYO. HE DIDN'T DIE," Seohyun screamed. She wouldn't admit it. Yong was still alive. He was in her heart. As long as he was in her heart, he would be alive. 

Jessica walked over to Seohyun and slapped her. A clean slap, right across the cheek. Tears started rolling down Seohyun's cheeks. 

"Yah! Jessica!" Taeyeon started, walking up to Jessica to pull her back. 

"Seo Joohyun. Have you gone crazy? Admit it. Yonghwa-ssi's already dead. The only thing keeping his body alive right now is a machine. A machine that has to keep his heart beating for him. Do you call that alive?" Her voice was quiet, but angry. "Yah, Seo Joohyun. Who are you?" 

Seohyun put her cold hand to her warm cheek. Her tears wouldn't stop falling. "Unnie . . . you wouldn't understand. You never loved someone as much as I loved Yonghwa. You never had to watch the person you loved the most not talk, not laugh, not even open his eyes for three years straight. You would never know how much I loved Yong. And I guess I'll never know how much he loved me. After all, he'll never be able to even look at me again much less tell me how he really felt. . . . But unnie, all I have now is that machine. That machine and Yong's body, that's all I have left. To me, he'll always be alive. He'll be with me forever. And until I die, I'll never let that go." Seohyun looked up at her unnies. "I might not be the Seohyun you all knew 3 years ago. But that's okay with me. And if you can accept the me now, that's great. But if you can't, I'm sorry." 

Slowly she walked away, walked to her room, the only other place she could find peace other than right next to Yong. Laying down on her bed, she hugged the teddy bear that Yong had given to her for her 14th birthday. 

"Yong . . . Am I still the Seohyun you loved? Will you accept me as I am now?" 

A/N: sorry for not updating for a while XD (im trying to give myself some discipline and update every or every other day but im not sure how thats gonna work out :\) COMMENT PLEASE :DDDD FEEDBACK GREATLY GREATLY APPRECIATED