Changmin couldn't sleep.

His eyes burned with exhaustion as he struggled to make sense of what happened earlier. He was standing in front of a full-length mirror looking at himself.

'Fall for hyung.'

'Fall for hyung.'

He was tired, so tired.

Knock knock knock.

There was not an immediate answer from Changmin for he already knew who was behind the door. His heart pounded so vigorously he was sure he could hear. ‘He will not come. I’ve hurt him too much.’ Changmin took a step back.

He had turned around when he heard the door open, and there stood Jung Karam. Their eyes met instantly, and Changmin stood frozen.

“Do you need anything, Hyung?” Changmin’s voice seemed to shake as he tried to hold himself together. He felt the blood drain from his face. ‘I must make this right or live the rest of my life thinking of what could have been.’

Karam did not say anything. He took three quick steps and stood close to his tall brother. Looking up, Karam gazed at his brother beseechingly before his gaze stopped at his mouth. Changmin could hear his hyung’s breathing and his heart was ready to burst.

On tip-toe Karam leaned forward and captured his brother’s lips with his, and his hand encircled his neck as he tried to get closer. Karam kissed his brother, at first gently, then more urgently as he felt Changmin become hard, pressing insistently into his hip, one layer of fabric separating their skin. This was not , it was love, and therefore it was not wrong.

Changmin was at first surprised by his brother's ardor, kissing him with such passion, nipping at his bottom lip, pressing himself towards him, demanding more of him. As good as it was, Changmin was completely enchanted by his soft lips, his arousing movement against his body. His hand slid to Karam’s back as he pulled them closer.

Changmin continued exploring his brother's mouth, almost delirious from the chance to kiss him and how familiar it felt, like they were lovers for years. Changmin felt it ; the thing that was missing in all his kisses. The part that was always missing was found right here, in his brother's kisses.

The kiss became intense. Changmin pinned Karam to the wall next to his window and kissed him deeply, making up for all their missing moments. Karam seemed as eager as Changmin did, which did not surprise Changmin. He was always amazed that his hyung loved him back as much as he loved his hyung.

Karam's breathing became labored, and he trailed his hand down Changmin’s back and across his lean chest. Changmin’s heart was hammering in his chest.

Karam simply melted into Changmin’s arms, with pleasure when Changmin nibbled his bottom lip, before prodeeding to do the same with the top and then slipping his tongue past his lips to caress every inch of his mouth.

Karam moved his mouth to glide down Changmin’s neck, and Changmin tried desperately not to make a sound as Karam's teeth grazed gently at his skin. Karam gently bit his neck and Changmin growled fiercely at the pleasure it caused him. He felt it now, the feeling of belonging, of losing yourself, of becoming one with your partner through a simple kiss. It was Jung Karam, that was who he was looking for. Only Jung Karam, his brother, could complete him and he hated it. He loathed himself and the whole world for ever feeling it.

Completely losing himself in the kisses, Changmin had forgotten the vows he had made. Both made lustful moans deep in their throats and when Karam slid his left hand under Changmin's pants, Changmin shivered.

"Jung Changmin, I love you. Tell me that you love me too," Karam whispered.

Changmin’s head rose sharply as he watched his brother. As if he was in a dream.

"You heard me, baby. Tell me you love me and you want me, too," Karam whispered again.

"Hyung, hyung... we can't."

"No baby, we can do whatever we want to do. This is our life."

"Hyung..."

"Make me yours."

'Hyung..."

"I love you, Jung Changmin, my brother."

"Noooo...."

Changmin sat up abruptly, eyes snapping open, suddenly wide awake. He look around his room, his skin slick with sweat, heart beating hard against his chest.  He tried to clear his mind, recollecting what had just happened.

'It's just a dream, he murmured. 'It's just a dream.'

He didn’t know what time he fell asleep last night, but definitely after long, long hours of trying. His head was pounding and the light shining directly into his eyes was definitely not helping. Slowly he sat up and leaned on the headboard thinking of how wierd and disgusting he was.

‘Jung Changmin, I love you.’

'Make me yours." The voice echoed in his mind.

His heart began to race. 'What the hell happened to me last night?'

Why is this happening? Why did it have to happen? Why did I lose control?

'Fall for hyung.'

Karam’s words stabbed him in the heart, and the stare of his brother's eyes bore into him painfully. The pain of betrayal, his betrayal. He already 'loved' him, only his brother didn't know that. But he did. And he didn't regret loving him. But he had to do it the way he was doing it now. To deny it. It was his family that always mattered the most.

'Family above all,' he had once told himself.

Changmin loved Karam with all his might. But he couldn't betray his family. No one knew what he felt. No one knew that he hadn't only daggered Karam’s heart, he'd daggered his own heart as well, for it belonged to Karam. No one knew. No one would. Not even Karam.

He knew it was wrong to care for his brother in such a way, but it wasn't something