By the look on Karam's face, this clearly wasn't pleasing news. “He’s been trying to get close with hyung for months. But hyung told him that hyung was not ready because of someone’s name already engraved in this heart,” Karam said, putting his hand on his chest. He took a long breath and let it out slowly.  “But now, it’s time to move on. Hyung can see sincerity in his eyes. Love will come later. Hyung just needs to give it a try." Karam eyed Changmin for his reaction.

Changmin's lower lip trembled, his posture stiff.

Karam stared deeply into Changmin's eyes. "Hyung thinks.... that he's the right one for hyung. Hyung is ready to start over with Seungho."

Changmin was practically staring at his lips as they moved now, but he couldn't hear him speaking anymore.  He didn't care to listen. He managed to force a weak smile and tried to get a grip.

"By the way, hyung is going out for a movie with Seungho tonight. Don't wait for hyung."

"Then it's good for you, Hyung. I'm...I'm happy for you," Changmin said in a sarcastic tone. He didn't know what he was saying. All he knew is that there was a deep pit in his chest and it was yawning wide and hollow and in a minute it was going to swallow him and he couldn't let Karam see that. "I uh.. I-I need to go now." He quickly walked out of the kitchen, grabbing the car key on his way out. He was holding the door handle when Karam called him.

"Wait!" Karam nearly shouted, as he desperately tried to keep him there. Changmin didn't let go of the handle, but he didn't turn it either. For a whole minute they just stood still, unmoving. "Don't go... yet," Karam said tremulously, finally breaking the deafening silence.

He slowly looked back at Karam, the hurt he had obviously been feeling for a while, now plain on his face. He didn't answer him. He was too busy losing his senses, common sense included. Karam was moving toward Changmin without really knowing why, and he didn't stop until he was standing right in front of him, mere inches away. Changmin was quite taken aback by this, and he didn't blame him. They were so close that Changmin wondered if Karam could hear his heart beating and he was still trying to figure out what the hell he was doing still standing there.

"Hyung, please don't do this," he said, his voice barely audible.

Slowly Karam went on his tiptoes and planted a kiss tenderly on his forehead. His hand caressed Changmin's cheek. "Hyung loves you, Baby," he whispered. "Always."

In that short time Changmin managed to feel nervous, euphoric, guilty, sad, relieved, horrified, excited, shocked, and so angry at himself that he could have exploded. "Hyung, ......" He pulled away from Karam and opened the door, all the while avoiding Karam's sad eyes and closing it with a soft thud.

Karam squeezed his eyes tight, trying not to think about the stunned-speechless look he had seen on his brother's face just now. But of course, trying not to think about it only made him think about it more. Made him think about him more. His shoulders twitched, his body shivering involuntarily at the thought of Changmin.

‘He doesn't want you,’ a voice in his head told him.

Karam closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, desperately trying to calm himself. No matter how much it hurts, he told himself, he has to face the facts. He must face the facts.

‘He doesn't want you,' the voice said yet again

'But why? Because of appa and Daddy Jae?' 

Karam sighed. He knew their parents will say no if they are in a relationship. He knew that his appa was expecting him to marry a nice girl and have kids to carry on the Jung name. Kids with Jung blood.

'But.. Why can't I be happy while being me? Appa still married Daddy Jae instead of my real mummy, so why?'

He smiled bitterly, leaning against the wall for support. 'Maybe it's just parents' logic which I wouldn't understand anyway. At least not yet.'

'Well.. This is it,’ he thinks sadly. 'I've tried and tried and tried and it just doesn't work between us.’

He only knew that he had reached his limit, and now was the time to turn tail and run his off to get away from the entire mess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Changmin had felt like he was being torn into pieces when Karam told him that Seungho might be the one for him. He couldn’t believe that Karam had accepted Seungho that fast. It had only been five weeks since Karam made his confession.. But now, his brother seemed really happy with his boyfriend.

It was his fault anyway. He'd asked for it. This was the best for them. At least that was what he'd been telling himself over and over again for the past month. He had been too hard on himself, but he knew he had lost his chance. 'Was I really that stupid?' His brother had wanted him for years and all he'd ever done was reject and crash his hopes and dreams of being with him. 'What the heck was I thinking? Honestly..' and now he regretted it every time he saw the two together. He definitely wanted them to be more than just brothers. But a relationship as more than brothers was unacceptable, disgusted by many.

Changmin knew it was better for him not to do anything about getting his brother back or getting his brother to love him again - because he now seemed so happy with Seungho. Changmin saw his eyes glow whenever he talked with Seungho over the phone. He saw how his brother's smiles reached his ears before he answered his phone. He saw his brother's excitement when he sent Seungho a text message, telling him to meet him somewhere. Changmin could see those things that he used to see when he was still his one and only. But those things were not for him anymore.

The house was quiet. Karam was out with Seungho and wasn't back yet. He turned off the room lights and forced himself to sleep, but his mind refused to follow. He tossed and turned but nothing seemed to help. Finally, he lay still on his bed, staring at the ceiling. The bed was soft and warm and as he buried his face into the sweet smelling fabric, all he could feel was the miserable loneliness. Only this time it felt just a bit more real. He again tried to fall asleep, but he still couldn't, so he stared at the wall, at the door, at his drawer, wardrobe, anything, desperately waiting for sleep to take over.

Changmin saw a flash of light on his bedroom window. He stood up from his bed and walked