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MinKyeong was discharged from the hospital a week after she was admitted. Helping her up from the sofa, she set foot on the ground and as usual, and strapped her arms around my waist. She waddled on slowly, her legs as though locked at the knees, trying her best to keep her balance. “Do you want me to carry you?” I asked as I could no longer tolerate her forcing herself so much. She shook her head almost immediately, determination gleaming in her eyes. “I want to keep walking, till the day I end up in the wheelchair.” She insisted, just like she always did in the past.

Shaking my head slightly, I teased, “You are seriously the most stubborn person I have met in my whole life, and I had live with Youngmin under the same roof for more than two decades. Yes, that’s how stubborn you are.”

At that, she giggled softly as she hit my abdomen playfully, “And Jo Kwangmin, you are hopeless, you give in to me so easily too. So we are a perfect couple.”

I gave her a wide smile as I agreed with her. Yes, MinKyeong, yes we are…

I tightened my grip around her shoulders as we carried on down the path leading to the park, trying to prevent her from falling. With this disease come a few things that should NEVER happen to MinKyeong, the most important being falling: be it falling down or falling sick.

With each fall, she risks losing her life sooner than she actually should. As a helpless individual, all I could do to lessen her pain was to prevent her from falling down. “Wonderful season, isn’t it?” I sing-sang, trying to be as cheerful as I could as I pulled the scarf tighter around her neck to keep her warm. We kept our eyes fixed on Youngmin with MiEun on his shoulders jumping around wildly, while KyuJung and JunHyun were tagging behind closely, laughing hysterically at a new joke. MinKyeong let out a soft chuckle at that scene. “I’m glad,” she commented as I looked at her confused.

“Why?” I prompted.

“Because, I know one day when I am gone, there would still be someone to help you take care of the kids, and love them like his own.”

My heart stopped at her comment but I still managed a comforting smile. “We all love them, but we two are going to look after them together.” I reminded for the nth time.

MinKyeong just smoothed her hands over my arm repeatedly as she stared into my eyes, “Kwangmin, we all know, that won’t-“ But before she could continue, I quickly cut her off with a verse of a rap I just wrote recently in my free time, insisting she listened to it. Truth be told, I knew what she was going to say, but I was scared. Yes I am scared. I’m afraid of what the future holds. I’m afraid that one day she will leave me and the kids. She took a deep breath at my attempt to avoid the topic, obviously a little annoyed, but quickly let it go.

“Let’s go, I’m hungry.” She suggested. Patting her head lightly, I shouted to the bunch in front. Watching them groan, they jogged towards us and within seconds, overtook us. We didn’t walk far actually, but what usually took 5 minutes to reach where we were now took almost 30 minutes with her condition. I felt her arms around my body tensed up as she grabbed onto my shirt with more force now, indicating that she was using whatever she had left in her to walk back to the apartment. I hugged her closer to me, supporting her as we took small steps together. It doesn’t matter how long it takes or how tired we were, because we both know, this won’t last forever. It will come a day where we won’t be able to walk side by side anymore… like this.

 I shut the front door after bidding Youngmin and his family goodbye. Finishing the last bit of cleaning, I was attracted to the sound of my children happily running to their rooms after having washed up, and prepared to go to bed. Turning my head, I noticed the pair skipping into their rooms and hurried me to tuck them into bed as usual. Wiping my hands on the sides of my pants hastily, I headed for my children’s room, where they lay strangely still, for kids their age with an exceptionally stiff expression that they have whenever they try not to move, on their bed. I strode over to JunHyun’s bed as he looked up to me towering over him. “Goodnight my prince,” I said as what MinKyeong would always call him and bent forward to plant a kiss on his forehead. I did the same to MiEun, calling her ‘my princess’ and tucked them into bed. Just as I was about to leave, Junhyun called out to me.

“Appa, Eomma hasn’t given us goodnight kisses in a while!” he reminded, and MiEun shot up in her bed, agreeing almost immediately. Looking into their innocent eyes, my expression loosened and lips softened into a smile.

“It’s probably a little strenuous for her to do so every night right now.”

JunHyun wore a quizzical look on his face. “Appa, what’s strenuous?”

I stared at him for a moment before answering, “Well it means it takes her a lot of energy to do so and she is tired. You know what, why not you two go to her instead?” I suggested. As if on cue, the two sprung out of bed and raced out of their room, with me following closely behind.

I pushed open the door gently, with my two children peeping into the room from behind me, not wanting to wake their mother up should she be sleeping, when an awful stench filled our noses.  I hurriedly dashed towards the washroom that is attached to our bedroom and pushed open the door that was left slightly ajar. Her frail body hurled over the sink as greenish fluid dripped from . I extended my hand out and rubbed her back in a circular motion, hoping to ease some of the discomfort as she continued to suffer from the side effects of her medication. Holding back my tears, I gave her a hug from the back as I pulled the hair out of her face. Noticing the presence of our children standing by the door, Minkyeong hurriedly washed and looked away to fix her hair. Wiping her hands on her clothes, she gently pushed my hands away and led us all to the bed where she finally sat down. Her eyes were lifeless and puffy after all the vomiting. She brought her shaking hands up to JunHyun’s face and brushed the side of his smooth jaw, and did the same for MiEun, before asking them what the matter was.

There was a moment of silence and MiEun turned to make eye contact with her brother before looking back at her mother. “Eomma, are you sick?” Tears brimmed in MinKyeong’s eyes as she nodded.  “Then does it hurt?”

MinKyeong shook her head. “No it doesn’t.” She said in a reassuring tone.

“Then are you scared?” JunHyun asked innocently as he played with his mother’s fingers.

MinKyeong shook her head once more, a blissful smile on her face as she took JunHyun and MiEun’s hands into hers. “I’m not scared because I have JunHyun, MiEun and appa with me.”

JunHYun smiled at his mother, “Neh, I will protect eomma.” With that, he looked at his mother proudly, obviously proving that he would stand true to his word.

Quickly, she gave the kids a brief hug but tore their body away from hers almost immediately, not wanting the kids to smell the stench that lingered on her body. She gave them a kiss on their forehead, whispered a goodnight and hurried them off to bed. She kept her eyes locked on us as I ushered the children out of the room and back to theirs. Once again tucking them into bed, I turned around to leave when I was stopped by a tug on my shirt. “Is Eomma going to get better?” I sighed as I felt my shoulders drop.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, not wanting to hide the fact that their mother was sick, “but we all got to be strong for her okay? Now go to sleep soldier, we have a new day to face tomorrow.” With that, I shut the lights in their room and closed the door behind me, trying to sound as encouraging as I could. After all, they are just children, five and three in this case, they should be running around with their playmates and not learn about death and dying just yet. But I guess that’s just something we cannot run away from any longer. One day, we will all have to face it, and embrace it when the time comes. 

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