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Second Spring.

I looked at my watch for the second time that day ever since I arrived at her apartment, while waiting for her to get ready. Flustered, she pulled her hair into a messy bun and dashed out of her apartment block straight into my arms. “Sorry for being late again,” she apologized sheepishly and stuck her tongue out. At that, I pinched her cheeks playfully and told her she needs to be punished for her tardiness. Pulling her closer to me, I pushed her hair out of her face and looked into her deep eyes.

“For your punishment… I shall… Keep your lips in my possession.” I teased and with that I leaned in to give her a kiss on the lips. “Happy 1^st year anniversary, MinKyeong uh!” I announced and presented her with a tiny box with a silver necklace inside, and her face flushed an unusual shade of red.

She hit my arm playfully for that sudden action before receiving the gift and putting it on immediately. And with that, we links hands and strolled down the street towards the bus station. With an ever youthful smile, she leaned onto my arm, telling me about her morning while I just grinned at her liveliness and listened silently. One year into our relationship, and I still can’t get enough of her enthusiasm and energy. It never fails to put a smile on my face. She continued to blabber on excitedly about what she did that morning and how she woke up late because she spent last night talking to me on the phone. I snorted at that and retorted that it was her idea to talk till 3am in the morning. Pretending to be ashamed, she hid her face in her hands, he tongue sticking out in between.

Just like that, we reached the bus station. Boarding the bus, we sat side by side: her resting her head on my shoulder while I played with her slim fingers, while we talked.

It has been slightly more than a year from the time we first met, but even so, I still get butterflies in my stomach whenever I see her.

MinKyeong uh, I’ll never forget the butterflies you gave me.

I sat on the chair at the corner of the room while Doctor Kwon paced to and fro gathering slips of papers, asking MinKyeong a lot of questions and finally, after a full 20 minutes, he sat down.

Clearing his throat, he sat MinKyeong upright and told her to put her arms out straight. Like the first ever consultation with doctor Kwon a couple of years ago, he told her to touch her knees then touch her ears. They repeated the test a few times. Unlike the first time, MinKyeong missed the spots almost every single time she tried. My heart sank at that sight. I knew very very well what that meant and where it was leading to. Rubbing my face with my hands, I was unable to watch further as Doctor Kwon carried out other exercises to evaluate MinKyeong’s progression.

Sighing, Doctor Kwon looked to me with sorrow, “Three months, like what I told you a month before. Unfortunately, there is no definite cure for this illness. And although it is a rare sickness, in usual cases, it takes at least 5 years to get to the stage where MinKyeong ssi is at right now, but as you can see, it is progressing very fast now and we can expect it to go even faster.” Patting my on the back, he gave me a comforting smile. “All we can do now is try our best is to test out different medications to slow down the progression but these things are tentative. On your part, you can just ensure that she doesn’t fall or over exerts herself.” Turning to MinKyeong, his lips instantly broke into a bigger smile than before. “And for you MinKyeong ssi, it is important to be happy. A happy soul heals a million pains.” Doctor Kwon comforted and MinKyeong nodded her head.

Helping her off the bed, we headed for the door and left. Supporting her with both my hands, we inched towards the reception to collect her medication. “So… what do you want to do for the rest of today?” I asked while waiting for the nurse to prepare her pills.

MinKyeong shrugged, “Don’t you have to go to the café or the company?” I shook my head, insisting that for the rest of today, I was all hers. She forced a smile and nodded. “I want to go to the beach.”

With our shoes in one hand, we set foot on the warm sand. Apart from the cold sea breeze, the winter wind pierced our skin. It bites, but there was a smile on MinKyeong’s face so I presumed she was happy. After a while of walking, we lay on the sand, a few metres away from the sea, as we listened to the waves crashing onto the shore. Slowly, MinKyeong s her arm over my abdomen and rested her head on my chest. After a moment, I felt my shirt become wet and I knew what that meant. her hair, I hoped to calm her down. “Kwangmin uh, do you know something? My sickness can’t be cured. One day, I’m going to disappear.”

My heart stopped beating for a second and sadness suppressed my lungs. I couldn’t breathe properly and for some unknown reasons, I could not even bring myself to say things like ‘You will be okay’ or ‘That won’t happen with me around’ anymore.

Instead, I choked out a simple, “I know.” It pained me more than anything at this moment, to admit that I knew what was going to happen and that none of us could run away from it anymore. Not Minkyeong, not me. MinKyeong stopped sobbing and lifted her head to look at me.

“I want to live, but I know I probably don’t have much longer. It may be a little early for this, but I hope you look after the children well while I’m not around. The three of you are my everything.” I nodded.

“The three of you are my everything too.” MinKyeong rested her head back and inhaled deeply.

“It’s good to be here.” She commented, her spirits lifted immediately. “It has been a while hasn’t it? Do you remember? We spent our one year anniversary here. In this exact position, talking.” Images came back to me bit by bit and I nodded once again.

“Of course I remember.” I assured, as I recalled the times we spent here on this beach together during our high school days. “That’s the day I gave you this necklace.” I pointed to the silver pendant dangling off her neck an toyed with it for a moment.

“That’s right.” MinKyeong smiled and she took my hand into hers, her head still on my chest. “I wonder if I can still come here in future.” She said, referring to her mobility.

It has gotten a lot worse in the past month. She used to be able to walk on her own, even if it looked ridiculous, and only needed my support to mainly prevent her from falling. Now, not only is it like I was lifting her up at the waist while she just moved her legs in the walking motion, her feet just touching the ground without the ability to support the weight of her body, but her hands are not as mobile as before either. She could not hold an object well without dropping it 10 seconds later, nor could she properly grab an object that was right before her without missing it by an inch in the first few tries.

I notice how sometimes she tries even harder than she does before to not let the kids see her in this state, and not to let me worry too much about her. But we all know that her condition is bearing down on her. “I want to live.” She says this all the time, with a smile that reflects how strong and determined she is inside and I must say, if I were in the same position, I may have given up already but MinKyeong’s courage to keep living and walking till the day she can no longer do it really touches me. It makes me want to be an even better husband and father.

I opened my eyes at that and stared at the vast sky above me. “Then, when you can no longer walk, I will carry you, to wherever you want to go. No matter how far or how tiring it is, I will do it.” 

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