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A couple of coughs echoed and instantly, the dinner table fell silent. She dropped her utensils on the table and with a hand thumping on her chest area, her other hand reached out for the glass of water beside her plate. I stood up and smoothed my hand over her back repeatedly, hoping to help her ease her food down for the fifth time that night.

It puzzled me. It wasn’t like I could say “Eat slower, MinKyeong uh,” because in the first place, she was not even eating quickly. In fact she was chewing slowly like she always do, making sure her food was properly chewed before swallowing. I didn’t know what was going on, and why she kept choking on her food for the past few days whenever she ate.

Finally she heaved out heavily, relieved that she had swallowed the food successfully and the constant coughing to choke up the food again subsided. I dropped my hands to my side, relieved and glad that it was over. That moment whenever she started choking on her food never failed to set me through a whirl of anxiety, and I’m just glad it was over.

“I’ll get you another glass of water.” I offered and headed for the kitchen upon her nodding her head.

“Gomawo,” she thanked after I set the glass of water in front of her, and immediately took it to get a sip of water.

“Look at you, eating like a 5 year old. Even JunHyun doesn’t choke!” I teased, trying to liven up the mood. MinKyeong smiled in agreement and smoothly threw in a few compliments for the children on how well they were eating, which encouraged them to eat even faster. I smiled to myself as I picked up my utensils again and continued to indulge in the food, throwing this whole choking issue to the back of my mind almost immediately.

It was the day for MinKyeong’s regular trip back to the hospital for her check up again. It seemed as though I was even more reluctant to step into the hospital than Minkyeong was when I had to mentally force myself off the car.

MinKyeong never liked the hospital, ever since she was young. She always complained that it was so dull and lacked color and that the prominent smell of sanitizer never failed to make her nausea. 

I pushed her through a couple of corridors, as we greeted the nurses who were on duty, as they casually threw back a few greetings and well wishes as well. We smiled at them and finally after a while, we arrived at the doctor’s office. I took a deep breath as I raised my hand to give the wooden door a small knock.

“Come in,” Doctor Kwon invited, “so how are you feeling today?”

Minkyeong flashed a huge smile and claimed that she was feeling better than ever. We knew that wasn’t true. Just this morning, she was complaining about how her back hurts so bad, and now she is telling the doctor she is feeling great?! But I stayed silent as I grinned at that. At least, it was not to the extent where she would say she feels horrible…

Doctor Kwon then ran a few tests as always and scribbled some diagnosis on the paper. “Well your condition is deteriorating, unfortunately.” He sighed, “But what we can do now is to schedule for you to try out some new medications and I will also personally teach you some techniques that you can use at home at your own free time to let your body exercise a little. Hopefully all these will slow down the progress of your condition.”

He stood up and walked over to MinKyeong where he showed us some simple moves that MinKyeong could do to keep herself active. After which, he promptly sits back down and gave us a comforting smile, “Well don’t be too stressed out over this. No matter what sickness it is, be it serious or mild, a happy heart is the most effective medicine of all. And don’t worry, we should probably start worrying more if she starts choking at this stage.” He tried to sound lively to brighten up the mood but MinKyeong and my face instantly became sullen.

“Ch-Choking?” I asked uncertainly as I looked at MinKyeong’s face for signs of shock. It appeared for a split second but was quickly wiped off and replaced with a nonchalant expression. I looked back at Doctor Kwon as he tried to study our peculiar expression towards that statement, while I contemplated whether or not I should raise the issue that MinKyeong HAD been choking on her food and even water. I wasn’t sure why I was contemplating though. I mean, in a normal situation, anyone with the right mind would tell the doctor about it so that hopefully he could come up with a solution.

But after years and months of not seeing a single positive sign of progress from MinKyeong, I hesitated whether or not we were once again ready to face the devastating truth that MinKyeong’s condition was worsening. AGAIN.

“KwangMin ssi? Kwangmin ssi?” Doctor Kwon snapped me out of my thoughts and I jumped slightly in my seat. “Is anything wrong? Or is there something you want to know about?”

I looked at Doctor Kwon as I forced the worry out of my eyes. “Erm, that choking part you said about, what happens if she starts choking?”

“Well,” he started, pushing his glasses closer to him and sat upright in his seat, “when she starts choking, it’s the first sign that her muscles at have started contracting at inappropriate times without awareness or any particular reason. In worst cases, she may choke on her food, causing her to be unable to breathe. It will eventually lead to her windpipe also having the same problem, and these two MAY even become a cause of… death. Basically, it just means her condition is deteriorating to a very severe point.”  Doctor Kwon explained, trying to keep his voice as sturdy as possible.

My eyes widened slightly at that and I let out a soft gasp just enough for myself to hear. From the corner of my eyes, I saw a single tear escape from her eyes and her breathing became slightly heavier. She wiped it away hastily and took my hands into hers. Doctor Kwon looked at us puzzled.

“MinKyeong ssi? Is something wrong?”

MinKyeong looked at me, her eyes still b with tears but somehow she managed a small smile at me. Even though she was the one sick, but all these while, it seemed like she was the one comforting me and protecting me, telling me everything was going to be okay when I should have been the one doing that. “Kwangmin-uh, it’ll be fine.” She said, as though knowing the dilemma I was having within me. And with a straight face, she looked to Doctor Kwon and her lips parted, those impactful words escaping from between.

“Doctor Kwon, I have been choking.” 

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