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What seemed to be tears stained her cheeks and her forehead was creased in a wavy manner on her forehead. Her eyes were tightly shut and her lips quivering. I sat down on the bed and brought my hand up to her face and down the contours with minimal force. Casually, I placed my arm on her shoulder, about to ask her if she was alright when her body immediately jumped at that touch and she winced softly. “Kwangmin uh, my shoulder doesn’t feel too good these days…” She said and I understood her expression immediately.

Quickly I withdrew my hand, not wanting to cause her any more pain even from the gentlest touch, and tucked myself into bed.

The girl I knew who was so enthusiastic and lively had been forced to withdraw into this quiet lady, shutting her desires to get out of the house and hit the waves, sprint as fast as she could on the tracks or dance through a garden of flowers, within her…

Fourth spring.

I stepped on the pedal and sped full speed ahead on the empty road, overlooking the perfect view of the blue ocean, with MinKyeong in the shot gun seat. She hummed a lively tune and drew down the windows, allowing the wind to run through our hair and tickle our scalps. It was a refreshing Spring break, and all we wanted was a getaway from Seoul, and here we are, on our first ever trip together in Japan Okinawa, where she said had one of the most beautiful oceans.  

The blue ocean sparkled under the sunlight and the cool ocean breeze embraced us as we got off the car. The light penetrated through the clear waters, bringing life to the creatures below. It was a beautiful sight, seeing sea creatures swim about calmly below, the water sparkling with glitz. Hastily, she pulled her hair into a messy bun and threw her shades on the sand after we had finished unloading the things from our rented car, all prepared to dive into the ocean. She her sun robe hesitantly as she peeked at me from the side of her eyes, a shy smile on her face. Oblivious, I stared at her with questioning eyes. “YAH JO KWANGMIN! Look away…” Instantly, those words gave away her thoughts. Clearing my throat, I turned to face the other direction as I pulled my shirt off, waiting for her as she takes off her summer robe.

“Can I turn around now?” I asked after a good 5 minutes, only to hear a faint ‘yes’ coming from behind me. I turned around to a shy MinKyeong with her hands wrapped around her exposed abdomen looking away deliberately.

“Y-Yah what are you awkward about?” I choked a little and asked, trying not to sound like it was a big deal since we were at the beach and there were barely even people around. Just the two of us. Confidently, I strode over to her and grabbed her hand away from her stomach and led her behind me to the waters, avoiding looking at her. In actual fact, I was more than awkward with the sight of her exposing her body with just a bikini over it. Yes, I awed over how amazingly slim and shapely her body was, but nonetheless, that does not cover up for the fact that this was the first time seeing so “much” of her, and I just can’t look her in the eye for now.

As we approached the waters, MinKyeong playfully slipped her hand out of mine abruptly and without any hesitation, pushed me straight into the blue and laughed hysterically at my reaction.

I fell forward upon that, splashing into the clear sea directly, instantly getting soaking wet. As the waters touched my skin, I felt a sharp shock through my body and stumbled to my feet almost immediately. “YAH THAT WAS SO COLD!” I screamed, covering my body with my hands hoping to give myself some warmth but the ocean breeze was not helping one bit. Desperately, I succumbed to submerging my body back into the waters again, deciding that it was better this way. “Come on down!” I prompted, my hand gesturing for her to enter as well.

With a smile on her face, she splashed into the water as well, without any sign of being cold or terrified of the fact that there were many fishes swimming past us. She leapt up and down in the water, as she laughed excitedly and dived below.

Four hours had passed and the sun was starting to set. I sat on the sand in my dry clothes, as I watched the sun paint the sky a bright orange. In a distance, I searched for MinKyeong, turning my head from left to right, but to no avail. Frantic, I sprang to my feet, about to dash towards the beach to look for her when I saw her emerge from below the sea, the water glistening off her flawless body.  I heaved a sigh of relief and a smile crept onto my face. She looked so happy, so blissful. It was like her life was perfect at that very moment, being in the one place she always dreamed of visiting.

She swam to the shallow waters and stood up, giving me a big wave and grin. She shifted a little in her spot and turned to face the horizon. The setting sun in front of her had made her become a silhouette, her figure highlighted by the shadow.

I kicked off my slippers and headed for the waters and gently set foot into the shallow waters. I crept up behind her slowly, mostly hoping that the water will not wet my pants and s my hand around her bare waist. She jumped slightly at my touch, obviously surprised but almost immediately, wrapped her two hands around my arm in front of her.

There was silence between us. The waves whooshed upon the shore and soft chuckles of children leaving the beach came from a distance. Nothing more. But that was a magical moment. With her in my embrace, I felt like nothing could go wrong: That I could protect her, that that was a perfect moment. I took in a whiff of the salt in her hair and felt a gush of warmth run through my body. I knew she was happy, and that made me happy.

With her in my arms, nothing could go wrong.

“APPA!!!!!!!!!!!!” JunHyun and MiEun screamed as they dashed out of school into my arms. Just a week ago, I had MiEun transferred to JunHyun’s pre-school as well for convenience sake and today when I have barely any time to spare, I officially praise myself for that decision. I hurried my children along and strapped them to their safety seats before they could even start telling me about their day and headed for the driver’s seat myself.

“Uncle MinWoo is unwell today so we have to rush back to the café.” I explained as I started the engine and headed straight for the road. “How would you two like spending the day with Appa and Eomma in the café today?”

The kids nodded enthusiastically. “Alright then hold on tight,” I said in a playful voice, giving the children a sense of excitement as I sped down the empty road towards the café.

With all their might, they pushed against the glass door, attempting to open it. Seeing how helpless they were, I silently helped them a little by pushing slightly above them. Thinking they had successfully pushed open the door together, JunHyun promptly high-fived his sister, leaving her confused about the new gesture, before they skipped happily into the store towards their mother. I strode straight towards MinWoo sitting almost lifelessly at the counter and apologized to him before he left to go home to rest.

“Eomma!” they screamed with equal joy as when they saw me and ran straight into her arms, causing MinKyeong to fall back into the chair. She let out a wince and pain filled her eyes but she still managed a smile at the kids and gave them a hug despite the pain.

“What did you two do today in school?” MinKyeong peeled the children off her body and asked with her ‘baby voice’ when talking to the kids, or so I call it since her voice goes an octave higher and pitch was even more exaggerated than usual.

JunHyun and MiEun excitedly slammed their bags on the table and pulled out whatever they could show their mother, while elaborating on what other things they did today, if they had fun, or if they ate their vegetables. As I hadn’t had the chance to ask them about their day earlier, I gingerly pulled a chair from the neighbouring table and sat myself beside them as well, engaging in their conversation since there were not customers. “AH!” JunHyun exclaimed out of the blue as he peeked into his bag. He reached in and pulled out a transparent box with a slice of cake inside. The outside of the cake which was supposedly decorated with what seemed like a part of a dinosaur had smeared slightly on the sides of the container due to movement. His eyes gleamed as he opened the box and showed us the cake. “It was Jung Sung’s birthday today and his mother brought cake to the school to celebrate so we all get a slice to eat! Appa, can I eat it now?” I looked over to MinKyeong, knowing what her answer would be considering they haven’t had lunch yet, but I decided that since it was a rare time they could spend time together like that on a regular winter afternoon, I nodded. Upon cue, MinKyeong’s voice boomed with frustration as she hit my arm gently. I shrugged and stuck out my tongue at her childishly, before begging JunHyun for a mouth of cake.

“Oh and Appa! Next week is our class’s Christmas party and everyone has to bring a food to school to share! You and Eomma have to come as well because everyone’s eomma and appa are invited.” He cheered enthusiastic, obviously delighted at that thought.

“Me too!” MiEun added unanimously.

I looked at MinKyeong for recognition but her eyes were a blank. I breathed out heavily, unsure of whether I should even make a promise that both of us are not confident of keeping. JunHyun continued, “and we can all wear nice clothes, play with our friends, eat delicious food…” He continued to ramble on, bringing much laughter to the family with his overly enthusiastic remarks. Noticing how he continues to chatter on about the party happily, I reckoned the least I could do was to not dash his hopes just yet.

 “Arasseo.” I said after a while, setting the two children on jumping mode.

“REALLY?! YAY!!!!” JunHyun cheered happily as it was the first time in 3 years we actually agreed to go to his school’s Christmas party.

My lips were spread into a smile at that sight but as I noticed the anticipation in his eyes, a part of me felt fearful at the many what ifs that could possibly come our way. What if… we disappoint him again?

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