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I had to admit, ever since MinKyeong fell sick, I had changed. I was more meticulous about the things I do. Or maybe paranoid. I have no idea.

I started being exceptionally particular about cleanliness, as though the absence of even one cell of germ could keep MinKyeong and my children alive longer. I became more considerate to those around me and the me whom I never thought could look after a patient with so much care and attention had suddenly became a person who never forgot the slightest detail of which medication should MinKyeong take at which time, to how warm should the water be so that my children will not catch a cold while taking their bath.

Life was no picnic. I had to get up every morning at 6 to prepare breakfast for the family. It wasn’t something I would normally do. Getting up anything earlier than 8am had always been a pain for me. But now, it had become a routine. After preparing breakfast, I would compress the urge to not wake MinKyeong up and get her up to make her swallow those pills that had to be taken on an empty stomach. Then as she goes back to sleep for a short while more, I would get the kids dressed up and ready for the day. Then as a family, we would sit down and have breakfast together. After sending the children off to school, I would then head down to the café. As I managed the café, I would start composing music at the same time so that I don’t have to spend too much of my time at home focusing on work. Then after picking the children up from school, we would head home, occasionally stopping by the grocery store to pick out some items, while frantically putting back those that my children had randomly thrown in the basket along the way. After reaching home, I would start my household chores while they immerse themselves in an hour of animated shows with MinKyeong. I used to never have to even sweep the floor or wash the dishes because MinKyeong was so good at it and she always told me not to do any fearing that I will mess the house up even more. Which I did.

But now, I was the one with my back arched and broom in my hand twice a day, trying to sweep up every single bit of dirt up my eyes could see, as though the misfortune of the family will be swept away as well.

Then comes dinner. I would chop up each piece of food into tiny pieces so that Minkyeong and the children will not choke on their food, especially with MinKyeong’s condition. Cooking had also become a longer process because I had to make sure each piece of food was soft enough to be chewed easily. Then, I would take an hour or so scrubbing pots, dishes and cutlery one by one, making sure that the remaining bits of food were washed off completely and not accumulated in the dents.

After that, I would settle in with my family in the living room for a little family time, talking about everything and anything, answer the never ending questions that flowed out of my children before reluctantly, sending them and MinKyeong off to bed.

After patting my children to sleep, I would creep out of the room and peek into my own room to make sure that MinKyeong was fast asleep and not in pain and suffering.

Then came 2 hours of cleaning up.

I would mop the floors, clean the windows, tables and chairs, cleared the floors of any items that may potentially cause MinKyeong to trip or slip and then did the laundry, never once failing to be amazed by how tiny the kids’ clothes are compared to mine and also how fast they had grown from babies to bouncing toddler and child.

Then, by the end of it, I would have been too tired to even move an inch. I would plunge my body onto the sofa as I let my perspiration slide down my face and neck down my back, allowing myself to cool down before taking a cool shower in the bathroom near the kitchen so that I won’t wake MinKyeong up like I would if I had used the bathroom in our room.

Then once again, I sneak back into the room, light on my feet, then clamber into bed slowly.

Finally, reaching the last ‘task’ of the day, I would bring my index finger up to MinKyeong’s nose and fix my vision on her abdomen to check that she was breathing. Still alive.

And with that, I end my day.

I had always thought that maybe having children would be the life changing factor for me. I was wrong.

Having my wife fall critically ill was.

I never had to do much even after my children were born. I merely took on my responsibility of playing with them and caring for them but never to the extent of even doing housework and making sure they didn’t wake up in the middle of the night crying by checking on them at least once every night.

 To many, this may be a chore. To me, it was too. Getting up in the morning and repeating everything all over again, as though everyday was the same day. But after months, it had become more of an obligation rather than a chore. I was always reminded of how my family would benefit from this and with that thought, I carried out my daily routine with pleasure. Finally, after being married for so long, I understood how much effort MinKyeong had to put in every single day before she fell sick to keep this family and home in order. And all of a sudden, I realized how good a job she had done. She never once complained, never once did she break anything in the house or let any accidents happen to the children while they were within the boundaries of our home.

Unlike me.

After MinKyeong fell sick and I took over her responsibilities, my children have slipped on wet floor numerous times while I was mopping the floors or while they were taking a bath, knocked themselves onto furniture that weren’t meant to be there in the first place, and choked on their food because I fed them without cutting the food pieces up.

In the past, I would always give her the responsibility of cleaning up and stuff, thinking that I had more work to do, but now I know what she had gone through every single day without fail.

I never fail to choke up on the thought that I had never realized what she had done for the family until now, when I had to take over and… when she is leaving us.

And especially now… when faced with a crying MiEun.

She woke me up with her screaming and crying 3 hours past midnight, but thankfully for MinKyeong, she had already taken her pills which made her drowsy and so she was harder to wake. Quickly, I scrambled out of bed and dashed to the kids’ room frantically only to be faced with a crying MiEun and a terrified JunHyun staring intensely at his sister. MiEun rarely cried like this. Maybe she did but I didn’t know since I was always asleep while MinKyeong settled this sort of crying and fuss.

Flustered, I tucked Junhyun back into bed, his bedside lamp so that he would not be afraid when he was alone in the room and told him to shut his eyes and try to sleep again, before lifting MiEun up into my arms and making and hasty exit from the room so that JunHyun would not be petrified further by his sister’s sudden outburst.

Shuffling across to the corner of the house furthest away from the rooms, I the lamp and settled both of us into the armchair with her still in my arms. By then, the wailing had toned down to a softer, choking cry. As MiEun laid on my chest with her body faced downwards, I soothed her back while trying to get her to stop but he didn’t. Her breathing was irregularly and she was constantly choking and crying.

“Yah, MiEun uh, stop crying. Please. Appa is here.” I begged desperately after numerous minutes of attempting to coax her but to no avail. It wasn’t the first time I was faced with this situation but all the times this had happened, Minkyeong was here to take over. She always had a way with the kids, to get them to stop crying very easily. I, on the other hand, could never stop my children from crying without a handful of candy and goofy tricks. But even so, that was not going to work now, in the middle of the night.

Anxiously, I stood up, with MiEun still in my arms and head on my shoulder, and began bouncing lightly hoping to sooth her crying. “MiEun uh…” I whispered, but the crying persevered. As I walked past a wall mirror, I noticed MiEun’s eyes were close. She was already sleeping but she still continued to cry. Unsure of whether to wake her up or not, I hesitated. Just as I was about to make my move and wake her up, a comment escaped , causing me to freeze in my action.

“Eomma… don’t go.”

This simple sentence brought tears to my eyes and the hand that was initially about to wake her up dropped to my side.

Then it hit me.

My kids knew that MinKyeong was going to leave them, going to leave us.

Carefully, I sat back down onto the seat and smoothed the creases on the back of her pyjamas as she lay on my chest, the sniffling continuing. “MiEun uh,” I started after a while, unsure of whether she could hear me but still continuing anyways, “Don’t be afraid. No matter what you always have Appa and Eomma. Appa will protect you from everything. You will be safe with me. Even when… eomma leaves. Do you know what, eomma would never leave you and oppa by choice. But when she does, it’s because the angels have decided they needed another angel there in heaven with them so they chose eomma. Do you understand? So don’t you worry, eomma isn’t gonna leave us for good. She will just be going elsewhere next time much earlier than us, to watch over us. So don’t cry anymore.” Mysteriously, with that, MiEun’s crying subsided and soon her breathing became constant. A smile crept up onto my face as I patted her head affectionately, partially also proud that I finally was able to coax my children and get her to stop crying. “Looks like you could hear appa after all huh?” I laughed at her sleeping face. “That’s my girl. I love you, MiEun uh. Sleep well.”

However, just as I stood up and was ready to put MiEun back into bed, I heard a shuffle come from the direction of my room. Turning my head in that direction, I noticed MinKyeong retreating from the door I had accidentally left ajar when frantically running to the kids’ room, a streak of tear down her cheek as she flashed a smile at me and gave me an approving nod before disappearing into the darkness of the room again.

I knew exactly how she felt at that moment. Like I had finally accepted reality, and that she knew that we will be fine without her. As much as I knew it was a good thing to let her feel at ease, a part of me wished that MinKyeong wouldn’t know that I had already accepted the fact so that she would possibly hold on a little longer to make sure we were alright, to make sure I was alright with the fact that she was going to leave us someday, not soon, but she will. But, now, I could no longer be so selfish. I had to start thinking about my children and the pain MinKyeong has to endure each day as she struggled to live her life normally, and also… life without MinKyeong.

Fighting back the urge to burst into the room and tell MinKyeong that it’s not going to be okay without her, that I was just coaxing MiEun and that she will be okay and healthy in no time, I turned away and headed for the children’s room; turned away from the avoidance and lies that I could no longer say.

I knew what was coming, and I could no longer run away from it anymore. 

Hi Everyone, This is still Yoomin over here. This is the new chapter I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please do comment and subscribe. These were the few chapters that we wrote before everything happened so I'll be updating these bit by bit when i have time, because Geummin told me to go ahead as well. 

And yes, Geummin. 

For those who are wondering, I will be writing a blog post about Geummin's condition because many of you asked about her condition. And thank you all who took the effort to pm us about geummin. :) 

So yes, comment, subscribe, upvote etc. 

Love, 

YooGeum