Credits: Google 

That evening we returned to the hospital and surprisingly calmly, the doctor approached Min Kyeong and wheeled her in personally with us tagging along closely behind. 
After giving her a thorough checkup, his expression became dull and he avoided eye contact with us. 
Gently, he lifted her onto the hospital bed and hooked the oxygen machine back on her.  To my disbelief, he stepped away after doing so and gave me a pat on the shoulder. 

“Aren’t you … going to attach that tube to her so that, you know, you can insert medication into her body … like you always do?” I asked warily as I pointed to the tube left hanging by her bed side, its end disconnected from Min Kyeong’s body. 

I knew this was coming. 
I knew it was here. 

Perhaps it was desperation calling but I wished so much for the doctor to tell me that he had just forgot about that tube and march right back to attach it. I wanted him to tell us she was going to be fine even though it may be a lie. I just needed someone to tell me it was going to be okay. But now is not the time. It’s not going to be okay anymore. 
The doctor just sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry Mr. Kwang Min. But I think it’s about time. Her life is a miracle. She wouldn’t have lived so long in this state but she pulled through for 2 years. You may want to look into some arrangements.” 

There it was. That darn word: Arrangements. 

I swear I hate that damn word so much. But now’s not the time. 

Instead with tears in my eyes I told myself this was it. Gratefully, I grabbed the doctor’s hands in mine and bowed to him. “Thank you so much, for everything you have done for Min Kyeong and my family.” 
He shook his head and with an apologetic smile, left us alone in the room. 

This was it. It’s here, and we can’t avoid it. 

I would have to say, MinKyeong had a very strong will power to live. The doctors expected her to not last the night but the next morning, there she was, still surviving. Friends and relatives came one after another, pain in their eyes as they hugged Min Kyeong what I suppose means goodbye. 
By then, Minkyeong could not move or say a word but I could see in her eyes that she was happy. 
By afternoon, majority of the people have left, leaving just my kids, me and Youngmin’s family in the ward. Just then, the door creaked open, revealing a figure we never expected would turn up. 
My father-in-law. Min Kyeong’s father. 

With a brilliant smile on his face, he waved at us and cooed “Hey kids! MinKyeong uh!” in the cute voice that only appears around MinKyeong and the kids. 
He walked towards the bed, his body shivering but keeping himself as composed as possible, he her hair gently and kissed her forehead. 
“Appa is here to see you my darling.” 

And then finally I saw it. I saw fear in her eyes. 

MinKyeong had been putting up a strong front in front of us because she knew I was on the verge of breaking down but now in the face of her father, she could no longer hold it. Tears rolled down her cheeks uncontrollably. 
As though reading her mind, my father-in-law comforted her, “Why MinKyeong? Are you worried for Appa? Don’t worry, my baby. Appa will be fine. I will live well so you don’t have to worry.” 

Turning around, unable to compose himself any further, tears rolled down as he grabbed my hand in his and wept for a minute. “Aigoo, our Kwangmin and children, what is there I can do for you?” 
It broke my heart. He was a father who is about to lose his precious daughter and here he was, not worried about himself, but us. 
Wiping his tears away, he decided he could not stay another minute and see his daughter in this state anymore. Slowly, he pulled out an old-fashioned pearl bracelet and wore it on for MinKyeong. “My baby, keep this on, next time when my time is up, Appa will go to look for you. You are a strong girl. You have been hurting so much and there is nothing Appa can do for you. I’m sorry you had to suffer so much on your own.” And with a kiss on the forehead and one last glance, he made his way to the door, his back shaking uncontrollably, and left.  

Evening drew in and Youngmin’s family left for the night. 
It was a cool and breezy October 4th night. 

I held MinKyeong’s hands in mine and soothed the back of it numerous times as I watched her drift in and out of consciousness. I did not know what to say to her, or my children, and the four of us just stayed there in silence.

It was the most painful silence ever experienced by our family of four.

 My mind went off to one precious night in our 12th spring together, our children off to camp with Youngmin and his children while they demanded we stay put and enjoyed a night with just us two. I was a quiet night at 11pm, the streets were deserted and the air grew colder by the minute. MinKyeong had her hand in mine, stuffed into my pocket as we shifted a little in our seat before she stood up. 
“It’s too cold let’s go back. Look our lips are turning purple.” Reluctantly I stood up. I had to admit it was getting a little too cold for a spring night and it really annoyed me that we were going back just like that. 
As though a reflex, I sneaked a kiss on her lips before smiling sheepishly, “There, I warmed our lips up.” MinKyeong shook her head as she hit me on the arm as though she hated it but her face showing otherwise. 
“You know, I was thinking about going back to work after MI Eun turns one. I really want to go back to working in the café again. I can bring Mi Eun along and take breaks when I have to.” 
For the past year I had been against the idea of her going back to work but now, instead, I nodded my head in acknowledgement. “Alright. You will go crazy staying at home all day as well.” I knew how much she enjoyed working at the café as a barista and pastry chef and helping out at the counter and the thought of her going back to how she was before we had children brought a smile to my face. 
Jokingly, I nudged her and exclaimed, “Yah! But even though you start working again, you must still have time for me. Arasseo? Your nights are mine.” 
Min Kyeong turned to look at me her eyes slightly wide as she hit me again on the shoulder, “Yah you get really weird when the kids are not around!”, a slight blush tinted her cheeks. 
I meant to do that. It was too cute. 
“I just said your nights are mine, you know, watching our shows together. What were you thinking about that you blush like this?” I teased as I poked her cheeks. This time she looked away shyly and he r grip on my hands tightened. 
Her face fell slightly calmer and her eyes full of love again. 
“You know I’ll always have time for you. You are my love. Now and in the future too. We will be together forever.” 
I squeezed her hands twice in mine in recognition as we continued on the journey back home in silence. 
Forever… is a really big word. And maybe, forever doesn’t really mean forever. It just means ‘Till we meet again’. 

I snapped back to reality when I felt two beings stare straight at me with helpless eyes as though questioning the situation. And finally with much force and courage, I spoke, “Kids, do you have anything you want to tell eomma before she leaves us?”, sounding surprisingly stable and unshaken. 
Without words, Mi Eun just help her mother’s hand in hers and placed it on her face. I’m not even sure if she knew what was coming but that was definitely painful to watch. 

And that was when Jun Hyun spoke. With a crack in his voice, I knew he was going to cry. As I was expecting a loud wail that was going to come, instead came a soft voice that spoke with much love. “Eomma, you must be in a lot of pain because you are crying. When you go to heaven, you won’t cry anymore right?” It was returned with silence and JunHyun nodded his head knowingly. “Eomma I love you. Don’t go too far so that next time I can look for you again.” 

God knows where this boy’s courage came from. 

I nodded my head in response. “That’s right MinKyeong. You will always be with us in our hearts. When you get there, send us a rainbow so that we know that you are happy whenever.” 

Tears welled up in my eyes as I noticed life flowing  out of her as her hands went limb and intervals between drifting in and out of consciousness became longer and longer. 

“And love, I will stay strong for you and the family. Wait for me, one day I will come for you again. Till then, you must be happy alright?” 

My heart shattered into pieces at the thought of Min Kyeong leaving. The time was finally here. Memories from the first time I met Min Kyeong all up to now ran through my mind, each one piercing my heart like an arrow, leaving a scar impossible to rid of. 

It was time. It was her time. I just felt it in my heart. 

I stared at her for a good minute, absorbing every single bit of her that I could remember into my heart. Such a beautiful angel. I have been blessed beyond belief to have met her. 

As the beeping heart rate on the monitor slowed down, I could not contain my tears any further. As though waiting for me to break, my children started crying as soon as I broke down. 

The soft beeping rang especially loud to me that evening. As I leant down closer to MinKyeong’s ear, trying to block out all the sounds around us, I said into her ear as I caressed her face for the last time, “I’m sorry my love, that you had to go through all those pain yourself and the only thing I could do for you… is to let you go. I love you so so so so much Min Kyeong uh. Till we meet again, you’ll wait for me right? Thank you for everything you have ever done.” With that, I planted a soft kiss on her lips. 

For the last time. 

And as though she had been waiting for me to tell her all along that it was okay for her to leave then, she gently closed her eyes, her hands still in mine and the children’s and in a second, the beep from the machine turned into a soft wail and doctors came flooding into the room. 

It was done. She was gone. 

For a second there, my world stopped and everything went blank. I knew I had to do something about my children that have suddenly gone silent before bursting into a loud wail again. But I just couldn’t bring myself to let go of her cold hands. 

Grieve took over me and for a minute, I allowed myself to cry out loud as the doctors checked her for the last time and bowed their heads in condolences. 

It was only when a wailing Mi Eun crept off the bed on her side and snuck in the gap between my leg and arms did I snap out of it and realize I had two children who needed me more than ever. Reluctantly, I gently placed Min Kyeong’s hand beside her and took my children into my arms. 

Everything was over. MinKyeong’s pain was gone. All those past years of struggle and torture was over.

A calm October 4th autumn evening. A day too ordinary for the past 32 years of our lives made very unforgettable… and painful. An ordinary day that will never pass the same way ever again. An ordinary day, when an angel left earth, and all that’s left are a few broken hearts and a new chapter of life waiting to begin.  

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