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I woke up to the sound of voices singing and cupboards slamming. Groggily I pulled myself up and checked the time. “Gosh people it is only 3 am. Don’t they need to sleep?” Annoyed, I pulled the covers off and was about to stomp off to my neighbour’s house to tell them to shut it when reality hit me. It wasn’t my neighbour. It was my son singing away in his room while searching through his cupboard for what seemed like nothing.

Carefully I knocked on his room door and gave him a gentle smile. “What are you doing Jun Hyun? It’s only 3 am and you will wake Mi Eun up like that,” I whispered as I leaned forward and extended my arms for a hug.

He walked right into my arms and slung his over my shoulders, “I am too excited to sleep. I’ll be going to the ‘big school’ later!”

All the annoyance in me dissipated almost immediately as I felt myself chuckling at his excitement. My little baby boy is starting his new journey in an elementary school in a few hours’ time and all those worrying I had about him making a fuss about having to go to a new school was unnecessary. “Yes you are, but first we need to get enough sleep so that you can last through the day. You wouldn’t want to be falling asleep in class on your first day of ‘big school’, would you?” Junhyun nodded as I lifted him up and brought him to my room where I tucked him underneath the covers beside me. “Now what do you say we get a little more sleep and I’ll wake you up when it’s time for school?”

Junhyun gave me a soft smile, as he tried to go to sleep but his eyes said otherwise.

‘Will there be playgrounds at the new school? Bigger ones?” I nodded.

“How about a cafeteria like those I see on TV?” I nodded again.

“What about a garden like the one I have back in kindergarten?” And once again, I nodded.

“Will the teachers be nice? Would they like me?” For the nth time that night, I nodded.

Slightly impatient, I pulled the covers closer to JunHyun’s face, gesturing for him to go to sleep, when he decided to test that little bit of patience left in me.

“Will eomma see me go to the big school tomorrow?” He whispered between yawns, his eyes starting to betray his energy and fluttered.

For a moment there, my shut eyes opened and stared at the beautiful figure before me, anticipating a reply with that much energy left.

“I, erm, I don’t think eomma will be able to come, JunHyun uh. But she’s definitely really proud of you.”  I answered cautiously while toying with the necklace hanging around his thin neck. As I mentally prepared  myself for the fit JunHyun was about to throw as he always does when he realizes that his mother cannot be there with him, I felt a warm hand interlock with mine as he gave me a nod and the calmest expression ever. And with no words he just stared at me. “Are you sad JunHyun? That eomma cannot be there.”

JunHyun hesitated for a moment before nodding. “But only a little, because you will be there and I am a big boy now. Eomma would be so proud of me too.”

I struggled to fight back the tears as I cuddled him closer and patted him to sleep. “That’s right my son, you are a big boy now and eomma and appa cannot be more proud.” And with that we drifted off to sleep.

The morning was far less magical than it was just a few hours ago. There were panic and anxiety (mostly from me) and pots and pans flying everywhere at breakfast. I didn’t know why I was so nervous though. Without MinKyeong around I felt insecure with the things I was doing. “Am I making this right? Is this how his uniform is supposed to look? Is that all that I have to pack in JunHyun’s bag? What if he gets bullied in school?”

Thought flew in and out of my mind as I mindlessly made breakfast and with a sandwich in one hand and carelessly snapping pictures of Junhyun with the other, hurried my children off to the car. I just can’t afford the scolding from MinKyeong that will come along with sending JunHyun to school late. In the car I asked a train of endless questions to JunHyun about how he was feeling and that if he missed me he could just call me, only to have him cleverly reply that he would be too busy in the new school to realize that I am not there.

What a way to calm his anxious father down.

As my son leaped off the car and carried the school bag half his size on his back, a wave of emotions overcome me.

My baby boy is growing up. He is going to elementary school.

Like a proud mother, I waved at my son dramatically as he joined the rest of the new students at the assembly ground.

Time passes too quickly. Our children are growing up and we are growing old. Lost in my thoughts, a small voice snapped me out of it. “Appa, I need to go to school too.” Mi Eun exclaimed. Jumping up in shock, I suddenly remembered that Mi Eun was with me and I had to send her to school as well. Hopping into the car, I left my big boy in the new big school reluctantly and drove further and further away from where he is. “I’ll see you after school,” I said as though he could hear.

So much for wanting my children to grow up soon.

Now that reality has hit me, it kind of .

“Mi Eun uh, don’t you dare grow up so quickly!”

“And this was when he was getting ready for school all by himself. And this was when he was walking towards the school and he was too excited to even old my hand. Oh and I took this when he was waving bye to me. Look at this boy, he didn’t even turn back.” I blabbered on as I flipped through the pictures in my camera for MinKyeong to see.

A bright smile spread across her face as he asked for me to bring the camera closer to her. “Looks like he will do well in this big school! Aigoo, you did a great job too Kwangmin Appa!” She exclaimed cheerily in between giggles.

I haven’t seen Minkyeong this happy in a long time. Without conscious knowledge, I picked up the camera and took a picture of her smiling, catching her off guard.

“Kwangmin uh that is not fair I wasn’t even ready!”

I stuck out my tongue at her as I showed off the new photo that I had taken. It was really beautiful though in my opinion, minus of course the wires and machines around her. “Well it doesn’t matter because I like it.”

MinKyeong sighed as she gave in and gestured for me to lie on the bed with her. “Let’s take one together.”

Slightly astonished, I carefully sat on the bed beside her and laid down slowly, careful that I was not hurting her in any way. It has been a long time since we took a photo together. Minkyeong used to love having her photos taken but now she always refused any because she said that she didn’t want us to always be reminded of the unhealthy and dying her. Gently, I arranged her fringe before lifting the camera up above our faces. “I’m gonna take it, one… two… three!”

Snap

It was the 8^th year we spent together and finally the day was here. Nervously, I played with my fingers and constantly arranged my hair to make sure it was in place.

“Congratulations!” Snapped out of my thoughts, I quickly wiped the nervousness off my face and flashed a bright smile at the guests who came to greet me at the door.

“Thank you for coming! Please take a seat inside and enjoy the refreshments first!” I commented as I directed them to the reception corner.

Huffing out a huge sigh, I was once again overcome by anxiety and worry. I was not exactly sure what I was nervous about though.

“Kwangmin uh, it’s time,” Youngmin patted me gently on the shoulder and said in a hushed tone, a small smile spread across his face letting me know that he was just as nervous as I am.

I nodded. Finally, it’s time.

I made my way down the aisle to the centre of the hall with all the guests looking at me with anticipation. As my group of friends took over the instruments and began playing a tune, the majestic doors of the hall opened and two grand figures stood before me: the girl I want for the rest of my life, and the man who gave her her life.

My life was perfect, but my gastric wasn’t.

As they walked closer towards me, their faces getting clearer with each step, my heart pounded harder and I felt my stomach gurgling more than ever.

Once again, I felt a squeeze on my shoulder, reassuring me to go for it. At times like these I really thank that idiot brother of mine.

Taking a gulp, I timidly extended out my hand for her to take and the hall roared with cheers and claps. Slightly shy by the attention she was getting, she hid her face behind the bouquet as she took my hand and together we stood on the podium to say our vows.

“…in sickness and in health, I promise to love you.”

With that we shared our kiss as a married couple.

As the crowd stood to congratulate us on becoming one, the first thing Minkyeong did was call for Youngmin to come over and get our photos taken. It was an epic moment, when Youngmin shooed everyone standing around to congratulate us out of the way just to get a nice picture of us because his now sister-in-law demanded for it.

As she s her arms around my waist and mine wrapped around her in a hug, she looked at me with such loving eyes and I cannot be more grateful to Youngmin for taking the photo without warning, capturing not only that moment, but also the love that we shared.

“I love you Minkyeong uh. Let’s go a long way together.”

“And I love you too. But before we go anywhere, let’s get another picture taken. I have nice hair today!”

And here we go again. I rolled my eyes as I ruffled her hair to her annoyance.

Thanks to this lovely wife of mine, we have lots of photos to document our journey together.

Because it’s her, the journey is worthwhile. 

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