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He gripped onto his pencil tightly as he stared hard at the paper before him. His short legs dangled off the chair and he bit his lips in confusion. Letting out a huge sigh, he looked to his mother who was sitting beside him, patiently explaining what the question was all about. Setting down his pencil in frustration, JunHyun rested his head on the table, defeated by the math question presented to him. At 5, he was as confused about addition and subtractions as we would have been with algebra and trigonometry back in high school. MinKyeong smiled at him and ruffled his hair. “Is my little boy tired already?” JunHyun blinked in acknowledgement. MinKyeong nodded knowingly. “Arasseo, one more question and we’ll go to bed alright?” JunHyun gave her a slight smile and raised his head again, pencil in hand, determined to complete his homework so that he can go to sleep.

It was a Sunday night. Unlike usual Sundays, we got the children up at 5am in the morning and with these excited kids in tow, headed for the train station.

Since we left the house, there was barely even a time when the children kept quiet. It was as though everything seemed fascinating to them. After munching on some rice crackers and sausages we got from the train station (which the children claimed were the best food in the world), we boarded the train and after much difficulty, MinKyeong and I managed to strap them down on their seats. With JunHyun beside MinKyeong and Mi Eun beside me, we started on our 3 hour journey to Busan for the day. 

It was the first time taking the children to Busan on a train. The previous times, we always decided that the children were too young to keep still on the 3 hour train ride and a car ride would give us (well, them) more comfort and flexibility. This time round, we agreed on taking a risk. Observing how my children were always so restless and curious about everything they saw outside we were starting to regret our decision. But then, since we were already there, MinKyeong and I decided to just take things as it is and entertained all of their curious questions and amazement over trivial things.

Finally after the longest three hours in my life, we arrived in Busan. Unlike other times, MinKyeong and I alighted exhausted, while our children boomed with excitement to meet their grandfather, MinKyeong’s father. Spotting a head of grey amongst the sea of people, the children wriggled out of our grip and dashed towards him while MinKyeong and I strolled behind.

After our greetings, we loaded our children and day pack that I was carrying onto Minkyeong father’s car and we headed for his home.

After a mere 10 minutes, we arrived at the ever so familiar one story house and even before waiting for us, the children jumped out of the car and with their grandfather chasing them closely behind, headed straight for their favourite part; the corn field at the backyard.

Today was a fairy tale.

The children behaved and with the help of my father-in-law, MinKyeong and I were able to enjoy some time to relax and just enjoy each other’s company while he kept the children out of trouble. She barely felt any discomfort and always wore a genuine smile on her face, crediting all these to the fresh country side air. With her on my back, we even took a half hour stroll around the neighbourhood before returning for some snacks.  We talked about anything and everything under the sun, except for her condition which we promised not to mention unless necessary during this short family trip. We talked about our children, our memories, our parents and siblings, and of course, ourselves.

MinKyeong was the youngest of all children and ever since her mother passed away when she was little, her father raised them on her own. Just like my father did. Weirdly enough, this was one of the first things that connected us in the initial stages of our relationship. It was this feeling of loss we experienced when we were little that we had the same views about love later on as we grew older. We sat at the porch of the small house admiring the view and the people that walked past leading their simple country lives.

The day passed quickly and after an afternoon snack, MinKyeong went into the house because the spring wind was making her slightly sick, while I continued to sit at the porch watching as my children play with the neighbour’s children happily.  A warm touch contacted my skin and I turned in the direction of which he was standing at. With a warm cup of tea in hand, he placed another in my hand and sat down on the stairs next to me. More than half the day passed and this was the first time we were both alone and talking.

Turning to look at MinKyeong who was flipping through old albums and reminiscing old times, a smile spread across his face. He let out a huge sigh as he looked at me with a smile ever so similar to MinKyeong’s and patted my back. “It has been hard on you, hasn’t it?” He started with concern, the smile faded from his face. “Thank you for taking such good care of my daughter.”

I shook my head and looked down at the floor. “I don’t think I am doing a good job. I cannot take away her pain or share what she is going through. I can only watch.”

He sighed and looked at me, “You know, I never thought life could be lost so easily. I always believed in us having control over our own fate. But since the day MinKyeong’s mother died in an accident, I realized how often we cannot prevent what is going to happen to us. And now once again, I will have to face up to the loss of my MinKyeong one day. I know how it is like to watch the life go out of your loved one bit by bit. Even though I want so much to buy a train ticket and move to Seoul to live with MinKyeong for good so that I can watch over her but I can’t do it. I honestly don’t know what it will be like if I saw MinKyeong every day like you do, watching her suffer alone and not being able to do anything. I don’t know if I can even last a week with that. I don’t have the courage to face up to the fact that my daughter that is dying. I can’t watch another person I love be taken away from me again. I know how hard it is for you because I have been there once. That sense of loss when the whole world seemed to fall down onto your shoulders as you look into youre wife’s and children’s eyes, I know how it is like. But Kwangmin, what she needs is not to have her pain taken away physically. You being there for her and never leaving her are more than anyone who is … dying… could ask for. You don’t have to do anything much. Just do what you always do. her hair when she is uncomfortable, hold her hand and tell her you’ll be there when she is in pain, and hug her through when she is having a hard time with accepting life as it is. So, thank you Kwangmin uh, for not leaving my daughter when she needs you most.”

MinKyeong’s father was about the most calm and accepting person I have ever met. Since the first say we met, I have rarely seen him sad or angry because he always told us that a day happy and a day sad is still a day that has gone by, so why not just live each day happily. But today, for the first time since he found out MinKyeong fell sick, I saw tears in his eyes. Tears that were threatening to fall out any moment, tears that showed the sadness, regret and reluctance that he had held inside all these while. I never knew what the reason was for him never coming to Seoul to visit, even though we offered to take him here many times, instead only called through to find out how we were doing. Now I know. It was all to hide the tears. To hide the fear.

I nodded, unable to speak another word.

Placing his hand over mine, he gave me a loving squeeze like what a mother would and wiped his tears that had fallen with his other hand. His expression was replaced with a grin as he looked into my eyes, as though giving me strength and comfort. Clearing his throat, he supported himself with the railing and pulled himself up. “Why don’t the four of you sleep here tonight? You two can sleep in MinKyeong’s room and the children can sleep in her sister’s old room?” He offered.

Even though MinKyeong’s mother passed away and the children moved to Seoul one by one, MinKyeong’s father never once threw away the excess furnitures or changed anything in the house from before when there were at least 5 people living in the house. He always said that it gave him and his family a sense of home.

Although reluctant, I kindly declined his offer as Minkyeong had a medical appointment the next day and the children had school to attend as well. Nodding knowingly, he signalled to the door, indicating for us to go inside, “now, let’s get the kids and ourselves inside shall we?”

After an hour more, we were finally on our way back to Seoul. Surprisingly, our children were still bursting with energy on the return trip home but the moment we set foot in Seoul, the energy drained out of them instantaneously and I soon found them resting on my shoulder as we took a taxi home.

It was barely even past 9pm but MiEun had already drifted to dreamland since we got home and JunHyun is on the verge of falling asleep while trying to complete his work.

Finally after some time, he dropped his pencil and too with a satisfied smile, hopped off the chair and dragged me towards his room to get ready for bed.

It has become a daily routine to get my children changed and ready for bed, then tucking them into bed, kiss them good night and ensure they are asleep before leaving the room. Similarly tonight, I watched as JunHyun stepped up onto the stool we placed in the bathroom so that MiEun and he could reach the sink and wash up. Watching him carry out these on his own I fascinated over how much he had grown. Just a year ago he still needed us to prepare his toothbrush for him and here he is now, (with difficulty but still doing it) squeezing toothpaste onto his own toothbrush and sometimes even remembering to cap it back tightly.

After brushing his teeth, I quickly helped the exhausted JunHyun button up his pyjamas and tucked him into bed. Within minutes, his eyes fluttered and closed. Combing his short fringe away from his forehead, I kissed him goodnight, went over and did the same to MiEun before leaving the room.

As I closed the door behind me I heard shuffling of books coming from the study room next door. I knocked on the door lightly careful not to scare MinKyeong before entering and lifting the few books she had in hand from her and helped her outside to the couch. Then, I carefully checked the children’s class schedules for tomorrow and packed their things accordingly as what MinKyeong would do.

MinKyeong had always been like that. Being trained as a children educator she had always been passionate about the way children should be educated and taken care of, which explains her patience and devotion whenever she teaches our children on how their work should be done and on life values. Since she had found her passion in teaching, she always shared with me on how she wish she could make a difference in these little angels’ (or so she calls them) lives through teaching. But looking at our own children, she has done more than that. She has led by example. And I cannot be more grateful to her to bringing up our children so well up till now.

I walked out of the room to join MinKyeong on the couch, snuggling close to her as I embraced her, her head resting in the crook of my neck. We sat like this for a moment in silence before she broke it. “I had lots of fun today.” I peered at her and agreed. It has been a while since MinKyeong had been in a wheelchair after she had a fall but she had never stopped exercising her legs whenever she could and since yesterday, she was able to walk around a little longer than she usually could. Although she still needed me to carry her whenever we had to walk for long distances, but she still managed her movement on her own most of the time, which at this point in time of her condition, I consider as close to a miracle as we could possibly get.

And that’s all I ever need, to give me the energy to see it through, to the last day. No matter how hard it becomes, there’s still hope.

Because I know she’s trying, so I won’t ever give up on her. 

Hey guys ! it's been long hasn't it? We have been really busy so we didn't get a chance to update this story. Hope you guys would be patient with us, and that this chapter would be to your liking :) And thanks for not unsubcribing to our story :) This story really means a lot to us and we hope this can sort of be an inspiration and motivation to keep hoping even when things get tough. 

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