63
Their Kingdom Panorama
/\_____/\
Donghae glanced into the rearview mirror. So Rae sat silently in the back as usual. Her eyes distant and far. They resembled that of a bird glancing up into the sky that was hard to reach until it spread its small wings.
“Can I ask you something?” Donghae spoke up.
So Rae turned to face the front.
“Cho Kyuhyun…how good is he?”
So Rae’s face expression didn’t move or contort like Victoria’s would. He noticed that much.
“He has the quality of every great man a woman would want to be with,” So Rae started, “he’s handsome, kind hearted, patient, forgiving, he wouldn’t hurt anyone, and when he sees a person he sees them as the world. Cho Kyuhyun can enlighten one’s world and when he does it’s really captivating, but when he suddenly leaves, it’s suffocating.”
“That great?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because someone said no one can ever compare to him.”
“Who said that?”
Donghae shrugged before stopping in front of So Rae’s house just in time to see Victoria stepping out of the door. His eyes immediately landed on her just as her eyes met with his.
So Rae stepped out of the car and on impulse Donghae stepped out as well. When he did So Rae glanced at him strangely before starting toward the house. He watched as she and Victoria made eye contact without a word.
The gate door closed and Victoria tucked a hand into the pocket of her thin sweater. With a small glance at him she started down the road stopping at the hood of his car when he called out to her. Walking around the hood of his car he stopped by her to find Victoria inching back.
“What?” she asked.
“Where are you going?”
Victoria gazed elsewhere, “Why?”
“I want to know.”
“Yah, mind your own business.”
“Where are you going though?”
He noted that Victoria seemed a little frustrated.
“What?” he questioned.
Victoria assumed, “You’re acting weird. You have something up your sleeves.”
“No.” he stated with a straight face.
Victoria bit her bottom lip, “Then get off my back and go…back to your apartment or whatever!”
“Is it weird that I’m worrying?”
Her face expression froze. After a long pause Victoria laughed out loud and slapped his shoulder real hard.
“Lee Donghae is worrying?” she continued. “That’s funny…”
He couldn’t quite grasp his feelings. Was she making fun of him? Why couldn’t she believe him? Was it really funny that he was serious? Or did she think he looked funny?
The atmosphere changed when he grasped her arm again.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Lets talk.”
“Talk?” Victoria repeated. “Why?”
“Because you don’t want to talk.”
“Yah!” Victoria shouted when he pulled her toward the passenger door. “What are you doing?!”
“We’re going somewhere,” he answered.
“I have plans!” Victoria half screamed before he shut the door.
/\_____/\
Victoria glared over at Donghae who had suddenly immersed himself into driving. With a small snort she turned to stare out her window.
“What?” he asked. “I’m being serious here, ok? Lets have a serious talk for once.”
Victoria shut her eyes hopelessly frustrated.
“I don’t want to. Drop me off here,” she muttered.
“No.”
“Lee Donghae!” she shouted.
“Just sit still.”
“I want to get out!’ she shouted again. “You should listen to me while I’m being nice.”
“You’re not nice.”
She heaved another angry sigh.
“Exactly! Because the last person I want to be with is you!”
The mood in the car became tensely quiet. Victoria bit her bottom lip with a frown. Why was he making things so hard? When she said to be friends they could have been well off as just friends. All of the sudden he was acting strange and demanded to have a talk. A talk about what? What in the world did Donghae have that he wanted to talk to her about?
Everything she had for him, she wanted to end, and she had almost ended it until he came trotting along her tail.
It made her furious!
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.” he told.
Oh, Jesus Christ…she heard herself swear inside her mind. She felt like punching him in the face. Just how much idiocy can an idiot possess?
He stopped the car near an empty park and Victoria was the first to get out. She started toward the picnic tables. A second later he called her toward the sandboxes. Rolling her eyes she made her way over.
She stared down at Donghae as he made himself comfortable on the grass and patted the empty spot next to him. It somewhat reminded her of her father and Kyuhyun who always gestured her toward the empty spot next to them. Heaving another loud sigh to make it obvious that she didn’t want to be there, she sat down far from him.
“I used to play here when I was in the orphanage,” Donghae told, “or when someone took my toy and claimed it as theirs.”
Victoria wanted to ask, “So?” but remained heavily silent. Maybe the reason was that it was the first time Donghae was actually telling her something about himself. Yet, she despised the fact that she didn’t want to be there with him, but wanted to know more about him.
“I keep reminiscing about that day when we sat together, when you told me about the day you just got released. If it wasn’t for the fact that you wanted to try to save your own uncle then perhaps we would have never met again and I wouldn’t recall how you wanted to do the right things for the grandmother who never visited you. It doesn’t make up for anything, but I hope the little word ‘sorry’ means something to you.” he began
What kind of junk was he talking about now? Victoria just wanted to snort at him. Sure, a sorry might do some good, but she most didn’t want to be reminded of the trash she’d been through.
“Your kingdom, you wanted one where we could all exist together peacefully. Can I help you build it?”
Her head automatically turned so that she could look at him. He remembered that little stuff she’d talked about? A little warmth seeped into her heart, but she wasn’t about to be played like a puppet.
“Forget it,” Victoria turned away. “I never said that and you never heard it.”
It was as if she could feel his disappointment, if he was really feeling any, sink into her. Victoria reminded herself of Cho Kyuhyun and numbed herself.
“I’ve just worked things out with Cho Kyuhyun and his parents. My future has already been written out for me, so just be the friend you are to me. I won’t ask anything more of you,” Victoria said, “never mind all the things I’ve ever said to you. I just need you as a friend.”
Why did her words sound so helpless and so fake? Victoria wanted to pull her hair out. Did she want to take what was on her right or left?
“Cho Kyuhyun, you’re really not going to him, are you?”
Why was he even bothering to ask? Victoria wanted to slap him and herself as well for acting cold, yet for wavering at the same time. She really needed to strengthen herself up.
“If I say don’t go, would you listen?” he said.
Was he for real?!
“Are you sick? You’re feeling unwell somewhere, aren’t you?” she questioned.
“No.” he denied. “Saturday night, your unnie was no where in my mind.”
Victoria felt herself flush.
“Do you know what you’re saying?” Victoria frowned baffled refusing at any cost to let his words work on her. “Why are you being like this?! When you’re tired of me, but the sight of you suffocates me. When just hearing your voice made me excited, you despised me for being with So Rae’s supposedly-fiancé. When you told me I was awful, did you think about how I felt? When you never viewed the picture as a whole, did you know how pissed off I was? And now you’re asking me not to go to Cho Kyuhyun, not to do anything for myself, but to go back to that of a friend who didn’t care, but I was so nice to?! Who am I to you?!”
Her breath was cut short when he suddenly leaned over, arms around her, palms against the ground. Was this that lock-in method she’d seen so often in TV dramas?
“Sorry,” he apologized, “but don’t you think you should apologize to me as well for embedding your terrible self into my memory?”
“What joke are you playing this time?” Victoria asked half glaring at him.
She felt uselessly angry and upset both at him and herself. The four chambered building inside of her was crashing, exploding into slithering flames. It was impossible to endure anymore.
“It’s not a joke,” he refuted.
Victoria pushed him away and sat up straight. Leaning back arc-styled hurt her back.
“Get away from me,” Victoria angrily demanded before starting to get up.
Donghae, however, pulled her back and they wrestled, with Victoria trying to push him back and escape, and Donghae trying his best to keep a grip on her. The strength he possessed surprised her when she felt herself being tugged forward, his hands moving up her arms each time. They came to a silent standstill when they came face to face.
“I feel like I think more about you than you think about me,” he told, “I honestly hope you’re wavering because I’m sure that you don’t have any real feelings for Cho Kyuhyun.”
The dictionary of words distinguished itself from her mind.
“Go out with me, and like me again.”
Why was God allowing the world to rush at her all at once? It was so unfair that it didn’t give her any space to distance herself and sort her mind out. Why was it that when she felt so determined to do something, did her walls have to go breaking down the next instant?
How many times her breath had been taken away that day, she’d lost count.
Her mind spun, her heart skipped a thousand beats, and the sun had rose up to the sky again. Just for that moment, she promised herself never to look back. Just once, she pleaded with her mind-body-soul, for the last time she wanted to indulge herself into the sweetest moment. She’d make up for her mistakes starting from tomorrow so that she would no longer feel indebted to her father, Kyuhyun, and his family.
His lips were soft, they felt like a girl’s every moment that they caressed hers. The scent wavering off him lightly brushed against her nose. It was nice while it lasted.
When she got home her father walked up to her, “Chairman Cho’s wondering if you could do him a favor tomorrow.”
Victoria walked with him toward the stairs.
“The doctor is visiting her tomorrow, but he won’t be able to make it because of a meeting he can’t put off. Besides the ahjumma, he’d also like for her to accompany her,” her father explained. “How about it? It’ll also help you get closer to them again since the incident.”
“I know.” Victoria nodded. “I’ll be there.”
Her father patted her on the back, “I’ll let So Rae know.”
If that’d do any good anyway.
That night while she lay in bed staring at the stars through her window Victoria unlocked her phone and locked it and did the same thing for the next few minutes. After a long time she finally sent Donghae the thoughts she’d been meaning to tell him.
/\_____/\
He slept peacefully for once. His lips cradled a smile all throughout his dreams. When he woke up and brushed his teeth he finally heard the beeping of his phone. With heart beating in excitement he unlocked his phone to read the text. The smile from before dissolving bit by bit.
“A friend whose company I enjoyed no matter what happened, I hope we can stay this way. We can’t give each other anything. About your feelings, it’s a bit late, I’m sorry.”
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