JIYONG’s POV

It didn’t took me long from searching and tailing to where Dara is.­­­­­­ I found her underneath a bridge few kilometers away from the city. Minho said she’ll be looking for a beach but sadly there’s none in Seoul unless you drive for 5-6 hours to reach the nearest beach area. Yet she stopped here underneath a bridge where a narow river flows that connects to Han River.

No one is around except me and Dara but the place looks like a battle area for gang fights. It’s not the safest area for a broken girl who lost a child. I silently thank Minho for lending his phone and for allowing me to be with her.

Yet my heart got drown in pain watching her throwing rocks and painfully screaming fo her child’s name while on her knees.

A tear escaped my eyes while I bit my lower lips hard enough to suppress myself from yelling words and curses for this bastard called,.. me.

Hearing that she has a son, honestly at first I won’t believe it. Then later on the pain slowly gets me. I thought she loves me but how could she commit a one night stand with someone who isn’t me? Just a year after she left, comes her son? How could she do it? But then I realized that maybe she’s too broken that someone took advantage of her.

Who the hell broke her? Well it’s me right? I’m the one who broke her. I’m the one who let go. I’m the one to blame for everything that hurts her. I should have listened to her, but I was in pain too. I thought I can get serious with Kiko. I did love her but it’s not the way I love Dara. Dara is the girl I want to protect and wanted to keep her for myself forever while Kiko is someone I just need to love to refrain myself from falling in love with my bestfriend.

I’m a coward! I always told that to myself after I found out that I’ve fallen for Dara. I don’t want to lose the bond we have. I was afraid that I might hurt her and lose her if we are in a romantic relationship. I also doubt myself that I can never give her the happiness that she deserve so I told to myself that I’m the one who will give Dara the perfect man she needs. And that made me back out from falling deeply in love with her. All this years I got so afraid of the time for time flies so fast and changes is always involve. I might hurt her and that will lead to breaking the bond which I don’t want to lose.

I was young and at the peak of puberty. It’s the stage in life where we always rebel, always going the wrong way, always into forbidden matters.

And that’s the biggest mistake I did all my life. I hurt her. I broke her. I need to be punish and it’s too late now to ask for a severe punishment because that will be useless now. I broke her and that won’t change even if I ask for a torture physically and emotionally. I know what to do now and it’s not to ask for forgiveness but just be there for her as someone who loves her very-very-very-very much, and someone she needs at this moment.

“Ryujin!!” I heard Dara yelled once again with her crack voice full of sorrow. That made me go back to the reality and went out of my car to reach her, to finally be with her, to finally be there for her, and specially to finally love her with all my might and give her a better world with which I am her partner, her saviour, her hero, her love one, her family, and her bestfriend.

I took my time walking for my legs kind’a wobbly and my chest hurts whenever I hear her cries of pain which getting clearer and heavy as I took a step.

She is throwing rocks, disturbing the calmness of the river that it creates tiny uneven waves and noises of water as if it is also crying with her, it echoes.

I already wiped away the tears in my eyes for I need to toughen myself for her fom now on. I have to be the man she needs at this moment. It’s hard to be tough when  she is my weakness but just this once, I can bare it. God knows I can and I will.

Finally I reached her. She was about to throw another rock when I fell on my knees and blocked her from throwing more rocks. She loves the calmness of the ocean but she’s afraid of waves. What she’s doing is a digression from love to hate.

I felt her tiny smooth yet trembling hand on mine and felt that she’s clenching the rock  on her palm too tight that it made me bit my inner cheek to supress a groan of emotional pain from seeing her like this.

“Dee---” I whispered while I capture her gaze locked to mine and saw her a little shocked that I suddenly appear before her eyes. Yet I grabbed that moment to envelope her in a safe embrace. My other hand pulled her tiny trembling body towards me using her nape and gently pulled her head just enough to place a kiss on her forehead before I held her near my heart. I can tell that she’s a little shock from the way she paused except her trembles, and so I grabbed the opportunity to tell her the words I needed to say. “---- I’m here now, Dee. I’m here now”.

I slowly released her clenching hand and felt her trembling somehow lessened. The rock she’s holding fell on the ground as she cried loudly and felt her petit body slowly leaning against mine. I closed my eyes and lightly kissed her forehead.

“Wahhhhhhh!” she continuously cried.

What the hell did I do to this woman. How could I hurt this woman. I tried my best to not hurt her yet it fell for the worst. I’m the worst. I curse myself.

Few minutes went on and I let her cry as loudly as she wanted. I whispered words like she should let it all out and every pain will heal in time, and that I will be there for her. She didn’t respond from everything I spilled and her trembling totally gone now. Thank God.

It’s almost half an hour that we stayed on the ground. She wasn’t holding on to me but only leaning her body for support. Her loud cries is slowly quieted. Then she suddenly reached for my shoulders but sadly, it’s to push me away after she calmed down a bit but tears is still leaking out from her eyes. Our eyes met and it pains me to see her tired eyes, a gaze that gives me chills and pains from overflowing sorrow and sadness she keeps deep inside her which she exhibits right now through those beautiful hazel brown eyes.

Oh God it hurts. She looks lifeless right now.

“You!—you--” she paused a bit and then she began to lightly punch me on the chest while yelling the word ‘you’, and then throw yet again another punch, and another, and another, and more. It grew harsher and somehow her punches became heavy and painful, yet I allowed her to do whatever she wants to do right now. I’m not allowed to complain right? After all, the pain from her punches is not enough from the pain I made her suffer.   

“I’m sorry Dee. It’s all my fault, I’m sor--” I bit my lower lip when a slap landed on my left cheek then felt another slap on the right and I still didn’t complain nor stopped her and continued the punches on my chest and arms. “I’m sorry” But I whispered again and again and again.

“ you!!! I hate you! I hate you, you-you---” Then she grew tired from yelling, slapping, punching and I saw that coming so I took advantage of it and pulled her once again in a tight embace.

“I’m here now Dara”

“Damn you!!. Let go of me! Let go of me!! I hate you!! Damn you Kwon Jiyong. Don’t touch me!!” she tried her best to wiggle her body away from me yet I held her tightly even more.

“I’m sorry Dee” I painfully uttered. I know she’s crying again as I felt hot tears on my chest, soaking my polo shirt which is half buttoned.

I gasped when she successfully pushed me away. I tried to look away and stare at the dirty cold ground. I can’t bare the pain anymore. Tears fell down and it’s coming from my eyes. I can still hear Dara’s sobs.

“It’s too late for an apology don’t you think? I hate you!! I hate you so much but it hurts everytime I tell you that!! Did you know that I dreamed and wish that I should have never met you!” She spilled out and that made me capture her gaze once again, but she looked away.

“Please don’t say that Dara. I care for you so much that I want to keep you on my pocket all the time. Please just punch me or kick me, or even kill me, just please don’t say that Dara. Plea--se” My voice trembled so as my entire body. Hearing those words from her gave me this pain that it feels as if it’s slowly killing me. My mind is filled with thoughts that what if I never met her?? Where could I be? What could be the purpose as to why I’m alive? What if Dara is out of the picture? Damn! maybe I’m lost or maybe I’m dead already if I haven’t met her. It hurts so much.

“Do you even hear yourself talking Jiyong? You said you care for me?? Then why? How could you turn your back from me? How could you hurt me --”

“Because I’m afraid Dara!!”

I yelled back and shook her gently on her shoulders. Another tear fell on the ground once again and my gaze followed the wet mark on the dirty cemented gound. I just saw how she loath me thru her eyes, so I need to look away.

“Afraid of what? Then shame on you for being a coward. I was lost. I got crazy. I commited a sin. I got pregnant and now I lost a child. I thought I could be happy together with my son, but then I lost him, I lost someone I love again. I lost everything Jiyong, even you. And you’re spitting that you’re afraid? All that happened to me is just because you’re afraid? It’s all because of you Ji, I fell deeply in love with you-you bastard and you didn’t let me explain! So now I’m filled with thoughts as to why did I love you even now if I’m going to hate you this much!” she cried out loudly.

Yes I am a bastard.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I repeated on and on and heard her sobs again while I kneel in front of her, gazing the cold gound.

“It’s too late for that so please leave me alone. I don’t wanna see you again!” She yelled so loud when I tried to reach her. “Don’t ever touch me and leave now Jiyong. Please don’t hurt me more for I had enough. So leave!!”

“I’m sorry” I whispered.

“Stop that! I told you it’s too lat-“

“I’m sorry but I will not leave you. Not again”

“Then I will” she stood on her feet and with haste, I reached for her hand but she slap it away. She then ran  but she’s too weak to run fast so I caught her and captured her in a back embrace. “Don’t make it hard on me Jiyong so please let me go.. Please!!” Her voice got weaker and her struggles to get away from me weakened.

“I will not lose you again Dee. I will never let it happen again, because I don’t wanna be a coward anymore. You asked what I’m afraid of right? My biggest fear is losing you. Meeting you is a blessing in my life Dara. In such a young age of 13, I fell in love with you. With my bestfriend. I was young and naive, so I got selfish. My attention is always on you. I took care of you so much and treated you as my queen. I even shoo all the boys who wanted you and lust on you, and yet I didn’t have the guts to tell you that I like you. So when I heard that you love me, I was so happy. Yet I realized that I got defeated by you. How could you be so brave to tell me how you feel when in fact I should be the one proposing. That’s when I remembered that I chose friendship over love for I thought I might not be the one for you. I’m afraid to hurt you in the end. I might lose you even the friendship and the bond we have. I was so into you that I have no experience of that kind of love so I got lost. I don’t know what to do. I tried to love Kiko to divert my attention Dara and it’s the biggest mistake I did that makes me a coward, a stupid coward. Yet you told me your real feelings at the wrong time. An accident just happened and your confession that day freaked me out. Totally freaked me out. I even began to hate you because you didn’t even consider the fact that we might lose the bond that we have and still you spill it out so easily and chose the wrong time for a confession. I fear of losing you Dee, even just the friendship, I’m afraid to lose you even now. It was totally my fault as to why you fell for me because of the way I treated you. I was too young to realize that I’m making it hard on you too, not just me but even you. That’s why I will never let you go. I was a coward but not anymore now”

“W-what? What a-are you saying—h-how?? Ahhmm-” she stuttered and slowly turned her body to face me.

“I’m saying that I’m the first to cross the bridge. It was I who fell in love with you first. You are my first love and hope you’re the last. But right now, I want you to listen to me when I say that no matter how you wanted me to leave, I will never leave you alone. No matter how you push me away, I will stay with you. No matter how you’ll stop me from apologizing, I will never stop asking for forgiveness.  So I’ll be very selfish from now on Dee. I won’t go away. I am here now.”.

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A/N: An update for everyone. I'll update more soon.. Thanks to those who left comments and my new subscribers. Thanks for the vote ups, it means so much to me.. Thank you. Enjoy.