PLEASE READ!

NOTE: I AM REDOING THIS CHAPTER AND THIS NOTE WILL BE DELETED WHEN IT'S DONE. FOR NOW, YOU MAY STILL PROCEED BUT YOU MIGHT GET CONFUSED ON SOME PARTS ALONG THE WAY. I'M SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR READING.

JIYONGS's POV

"Damn you Dara, !" I cursed but on a whisper. I don't want to wake my girlfriend who's in total pain right now. I press both my palms on my face then raked my messy hair and leaned back to the backrest of the sofa I am sitting right now, facing the colorless ceiling of this hospital's private room.

Everytime I cross the bridge to your heart, you ran away.

Her words is going round and round my thoughts after hearing it and damn it hurts. I am also hurting here especially the part where I push her away. Treating her as if I don't care for her at all when in fact I care for her a lot, way more than a friend should care.

How could she confess her love at that situation? How should I even treat her after hearing that? God knows how I do not ever want to hurt her but she leave me no choice and now the picture of her crying in so much pain lingers on my mind. The sight haunted me for hours now.

How could she love me without thinking of the outcome? What if our friendship ends here? or was it just me who's afraid of the outcome for loving a close friend? My biggest fear is losing Dara and so I didn't do anything to hurt her, and loving means hurting so I backed out from taking a step forward to her heart. Sad to say I didn't even try. 

She loves me.

Damn what a music to my ear. I smiled bitterly while still looking up the ceiling.

Her sudden change was beginning to blind me. I began to hate her whenever she did something bad. It's like she's not the Dara I know. She became really nosy and annoying. She doesn't even care if she said something that hurts other people. Lastly, she forgot how to say her sorry. But my conscience is nagging me not to see those as a basis to hate her, and what did I do? 

I hurt her.

! I need to see her now.

I stood and was about to open the door when I saw the almost lifeless girl squirming in pain on the bed and mumbling my name with her broken voice. She's even trying to open her eyes but the bruises on her face that's now tended with bandage and gauze are making it hard for her to do so. 

I reach for her hand and sat on a stool at the side of her bed, pressing it into my lips. My heart aches for the girl. She suffered so much. Even when I want to see Dara right not, but this girl needs me more that Dara needs my apology.

"Kiko-yah, I'm here baby. I'm here"

DARA’s POV

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I sat up while gasping some air... My head hurts, my chest hurts, my eyes hurts. Everything hurts.

A dream?? Of all the good dreams out there, why that scene?? Damn it..! I scratched my hair and buried my face on my palm.

I chuckled weakly when I felt the wetness of my cheek coming from my eyes.. Looks like I’m still crying even on my sleep. I cried bucket of tears yesterday, how come I still have fluids inside my body?? I didn’t drink nor eat but only cried myself to death.. But look!! I’m still alive!!, I’m still crying!!, I’m still in pain??... I don’t want this!!

I began to cry once again... I miss him, I miss my best friend.. Right at this moment he would send me a text message saying: ‘wake up sleepy little bigbunny’. But now, I received none.

I really miss him, as well as Bom, CL, and Minzy. I expected them to understand my situation but I was wrong..

What should I do?.. It really hurts..Do I have to go to school later and face them?? Should I say sorry?? But what for?? I didn’t do anything, right? Did I?

I began to go to my bathroom and faced the mirror. I looked so pathetic with a face of a monster, a lonely monster in exact.. Gosh!, I have dark circles on my eyes, wrinkles on the side part of my eyes.. I looked so damn ugly.. Maybe this is the reason why GD doesn’t love me because I look like this.

‘You’re just a sister to me Dy’

I suddenly remembered that phrase.. !! Why do I have to remember that ing words?? Why does my mind and my body have to hurt me as well.. This life !!

Without taking off my pyjama, I drown myself to the coldness of my bathtub, opened the faucet and let myself get wet. Wet with my tears and the freezing water..

I’m tired... I’m lost... I’m in pain... I’m hurt... and I’m still lonely..

Dara, you are so stupid... Of all the guys out there to fall in love with, why him??

******************************

I walked towards the main door of our exclusive university, the YGU, Yang Goon University. As I entered the lobby, all students looked at me with hate, some avoided my eyes and even heard murmurs and curses.

All I did was to bent down my head and ignore them.

“What a !! Where the hell did she get that thick face of her?? After what she did yesterday, how could she show that y face here??”

I heard some girls whispered at my back but I didn’t care.. They’re like garbage in my life.. I smirked. This es can’t even mind their own farts!. Aishht.

I walked towards the elevator and saw 2 girls and a boy inside but as I entered that small room, they walked out and left me alone inside. My heart pound in pain. I don’t like what is happening right now..

Fine!! I’ll tell you the truth.. I want to ignore them but looking at their stares pinned on me.. It reminds me of the stare I saw from GD’s eyes. This is so frustrating..!!

With still painful beats of my heart, I didn’t realize I already reached my classroom.. As I entered, another round of hurtful stares darted on me, murmurs and curses I heard, and the most painful among those was the stare I received from Bom.

Bom is my classmate and my girl best friend, but right now I saw her rolled her eyes, smirked and left the room.. I was about to follow her but I told myself that maybe this isn’t the right time to talk with her and to our other friends.. Looks like I have to bare this for now.., but it really hurts.. I shouldn’t get tired from all of this right?? So I just have to respect them.. Its just that, it really hurts so much.. I want to cry but I cannot show them my weakness.., and to think I have to burden myself from all of this s when in fact I didn’t do anything bad.

I sat up on my seat and saw my classmate ignored my presence as if I’m a ghost. Still I didn’t do anything.. I should be shouting at them to mind their own ing business but right now I don’t have the courage. It looks like I’m guilty right?, but I really can’t find the courage to confront them. The real me would just tell them to off, but why can’t I do that now?..

“She still have some guts because her brother donated billion wons at this uni (short for university), so sad for GD hyung and to preety Kiko”

It was a whisper but I still heard those clearly.

******************************************

NEXT DAY (Tuesday)

Still the same.. I’m alone again..

Just after our class that day, I saw Seungri and Chaerin holding hands and laughing with each other.. I smiled. Just looking at them made me so jealous because their relationship is perfect.. They’re together for almost a year now and still their loyal to each other as if their newly couples.

I waited for them to walk near me and when their almost on my front I greeted them.

“Hello”. I even bowed down but sadly they ignored me as if they didn’t heard me or even saw me.

I felt my eyes watered but I didn’t let them fall out. At least I greeted them right?? So don’t be sad Dara.. Just bare it a little more.

******************************************

2 DAYS PAST (Thursday)

It’s still the same, still alone, still ignored, and still crying.

I miss my friends and specially my best friend Jiyong. I have not seen him this past few days. I tried asking some of my classmate but everyone just ignore me. It really hurts I tell you. Every night I cried and cried to death still I told to myself to bare it. But I’m losing strength now. I’m kinda tired but I shouldn’t be like that.

That afternoon during lunch break I saw TOP, Youngbae, Jiyong, Daesung and Seungri chatting with each other. My heart pounded when I saw and felt Jiyong’s presence. I haven’t seen him for almost 4 days so I’m having mixed emotions right now.. What should I do???

I want to hug him and jump on his back, kiss him on the cheek just like the last time, but not right now.. I’m afraid to go near him, to even utter a word, afraid that he’ll ignore me just like everyone did. I miss him so much.

Why the hell do I have to fall in love with him? This is why I don’t want to confess my love to him because it isn’t easy especially when you’re confessing to the one you love. I idolize those people who confess their love to their loved ones with courage but sadly I don’t belong in that group.

I tried to step forward and would greet them but I saw Youngbae looked at me. GD, and TOP’s back faced me, Only Youngbae saw me at the corner. He shook his head telling me to stop the idea of getting close with him. I don’t know why I even stopped on my tracks and ran away crying and sobbing.

Hell I’m tired!! I don’t want to cry anymore. It’s been four days already and still their ignoring me.. What did I do to deserve this??.. I’m tired!! I’m really tired. I’m running out of tears. I’m running out of time. And, I’m running out of patience.

********************************************

ANOTHER DAY HAD PAST (Friday)

It’s already lunch break and I’m still here at our classroom alone. Just this morning I woke up with an aching head as well as with an aching heart.

It’s been 5 days already and still they won’t talk to me. If they really are my friends, they should hear me out first before they’ll judge me, right? But until now they still ignore me. Are they really my friends?? That question’s been bugging me lately.

I coughed and felt that my body’s not in good condition now. I stood up with trembling knees and went to our school canteen to buy water. Just walking down at the corridor, I held on something on my way just to help me on my feet for it’s kinda weak and still trembling. My head hurts a lot and suddenly the room looks like it’s spinning.

As I entered the canteen and some students saw me, I tried to act cool yet it’s hard. I went directly to the counter and bought a bottled water when suddenly the room turned silent. I looked at my back and the students avoided my gaze. To the right, Just a few feet away from where I stand, I saw Bom,TOP, Youngbae with IU, Minzy, Daesung, Seungri and CL looking at my direction. They were all looking at me as if I did a crime like I murder someone.

I bent down my head. I don’t know why I did that. I want to smile at them or even greet them with a little ‘hello’ but no words came up. Hell what is happening? Maybe because I’m frustrated right now and to this situation I am in.

I pulled my wallet and paid for the bottled water I bought and was about to leave the room. My head hurts so much and now I felt my heart beat in pain. I want to rest for a little bit when I heard someone talked at my back.

“Can’t even say the word ‘sorry’. What a shame”

“Oppa, stop it”

I heard Minzy’s voice and I know it’s Daesung who wanted me to say sorry. Sorry for what?? Do they still want me to say that ing word when in fact I didn’t do wrong? This is all s! I’m so tired really.

I turned my back and faced them head up.

“You want me to say sorry??” I asked Daesung with a loud voice. I saw their surprised expression except Bom whom was looking at me with hate and disgust..

Bom rolled her eyes and muttered “Yeah right, can’t even admit it” then she broke our eye contact.

I smirked. “Fine, have it your way”. I leaved the bottled water at the counter and walked towards the centre of this big rounded room.

“HEY EVERYONE, LISTEN! I’M PARK SANDARA AND I’M IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND KWON JIYONG WHO’S IN LOVE WITH THAT MIZUHARA KIKO! I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I WANT TO KILL HER. I PUSHED HER SO THAT SHE’LL DIE. SHE’S A TWO-FACED CLINGING TO JIYONG ALL THE TIME! HELL I’M JEALOUS ALRIGHT, I ADMIT THAT BUT WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SHE DESERVED THAT. HURT ME ALL YOU WANT, WHATEVER! BUT I WILL NEVER SAY SORRY!”

I heard grunts and curses but I ignored them all. I walked towards the table where my so called ‘friends’ are and face them sadly.

“You want me to say sorry right?, fine I’m sorry for being a . Sorry for having a friend like me. Now are you happy?”

______________________________________________________________

I got so busy Mianhe. I had 2 weeks training so I have no time to write.. BUt I'm free now.. I'll update sleagh maith next.

To my subscribers... THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING!! Saranghaeyo!! To those who left comments... Thank you so much!!! I really appreaciate it... Thanks to those who answered my first question...

"Is it easy to confess to the one you love???"

@cn_ara- No it's not easy unnie

@eamzkirei- well,as for your question,it aint really easy to just confess your love to someone because our mind tends to think ahead of us,what could it be or how would it turn out.

@mrskwonyoora- my answer is NO! 

@dorkirabit- my answer would be NO

@aeiya-luvs-u- my answere is.... that depends upon the situation. I have a strong personality, I don't think I'll hesitate to blurt it out, but there are situations where I have to keep it to myself.

My next question..

"What will you do if no one listen to you? (If you are in Dara's position)"

Keep on smiling...

Aeiya-luvs-u