Their stay at the cottage was spent heading to the beach, building sand castles, and giving the two boys an impressive amount of mammaries – which, even though she didn’t want to admit, Chae Rin deeply enjoyed. It was hilarious watching the two fall asleep on the beach while she and her unnie put sand over their chest, and them waking up mermaid-fied. She couldn’t help but  laugh and laugh during the day, the hours filled with fun activities.

Halfway through the week, Jaebeoom’s parents bid them goodbye, Mrs. Park hugging the boy while he resisted, though Chae Rin could tell he wanted it to be longer. He lacked love, the boy, she thought. And he deserved so much more, but he made do with what he got.

In the morning of their second last day, Jaebeom came in with a heavy looking box and dropped it on the kitchen counter, making the three look up from their food.

“What is that?’

“Guess.”

“I asked you what that is because I didn’t want to guess, mister.” Bom had muttered before taking a bite of her toast, angrily eating the bread. She was so tired last night, she forgot to watch the new episode of her drama. Plus, the Bingu hadn’t texted her back in a while, and she had been debating against herself whether it would be too much to “double-text”.

“Fireworks!”

“You’re really going all out, huh?” Ri said, grinning mischievously.

“Of course! This is the summer of our lives, we might as well make the most of it!” Jaebeom said, bringing out stuff after stuff from inside the box. “By the way, noona, do you have some cash? The delivery guy wouldn’t take credit cards.”

“WHAT? PARK JAEBEOM, HOW DARE YOU OR-“

“Uh, excuse me?” A tall man muttered, two boxes covering half his body along with his face, yet his deep baritone voice shut the woman up. “Where am I supposed to put this?”

“Just put it on the ground, hyung. Noona said she’ll pay for it.”

“I SAID NO SUCH THING. Wai-“ Bom muttered, her eyes widening as the man carefully put the fireworks  on the ground.

“Ahjumma, I think you’ll go broke. Your kid ordered so much, the store owner decided to give him a big discount.”

“AHJUMMA? HOW DARE YOU, YOU TALL LOOKING ALIEN!” Bom huffed as the man straightened out, a look of surprise painted across his face.

“Alien?! Listen here, I am not an... Oh.”

“How dare you call my beautiful noona, a goddess, AN AHJUMMA?” Ri randomly piped up, hopping onto his feet and putting his arms on his waist in a mildly-not-at-all threathening manner.

“Shut up, Ri. They’re having a moment,” Chae Rin whispered  before smiling at the man. She pulled her bestfriend down, back to his seat then greeted the seeming stranger. “Annyeong, oppa!”

“You really know how to shut unnie up, huh?” She joked as she sat on the shade provided by the huge beach umbrella. She and Jay decided to give the two time to catch up, while their friend stalked the couple in the shadow, making random unnecessary remarks that made her unnie glare. She smiled at the thought while her hands traced circles onto the white sand, her other friend by her side.

“Of course. You think that years of spending every day with that old lady wouldn’t teach me anything?”

“Yeah, sort of.”

“Yah!”

Chae Rin chuckled and smiled, her eyes travelling to gaze at the sea, its blue color reflecting the sky above. She wanted him here. To be beside her, joking around. But that wasn’t the case and will never be the case. With a soft smile, she closed her eyes, the light of the sun making the usually dark view of her eyelids, red.

“What are you doing?”

“Breathing.”

“Okay, I can see that. What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. I’m just.. existing. We’re in the middle of the beach, it’s beautiful outside. The clouds are flowing perfectly across the sky. Why should I think of anything besides that?”

“Woah. Deep.”

“Deep?”

“Yeah.” He muttered, unable to control the beating of his heart as he looked at her face. Her complexion had turned darker, yet her cheeks retained its rosiness. Even more so pronounced, as a matter of fact, from all the heat around them. Looking away, Jay stared at the waves, crashing against the shore.

 They sat in comfortable silence, the sound of water helping her clear her head. She can do it, she can move forward. She just had to believe it. She opened her eyes and stared at the sand, the exact same place where they tried to create a sand castle, most of it now washed up, though a  little bit remains.

“Humans are like sand, right? And the ocean, like time. We build or create or do things. But with time, it slowly gets eroded. Erased.”

“Hmm-mm.” Jaebeom nodded, agreeing to her words though he didn’t think much of it. He felt calm. At peace beside her.

“Jaebeom-ah, do you think I can be like the sand?”

“Yeah, I mean.. things pass by eventually, right? Where are you getting at?”

“I mean.. IF I could be like it... It would eventually slowly ebb away, yes? The way I feel, the way I hope, the way I think.. Then a new thing can be made, like a sand castle.”

“If you mean changing yourself, then I don’t agree.”

“Huh? I wasn’t.. but alright. Why not?”

“You say humans are like sand, they change and castles built upon them get washed away. But I don’t think it should be like that. Humans aren’t as capable of forgetting as they’d like to believe. Or of changing. I mean, look at me. I used to be an idiot around you-“

“You still, sorta, are.” She smiled and poked his arm playfully.

“Okay.” he said, turning away to hide his stupid grin from  the contact. “But I changed, right? Slowly? But still, there’s still a part of me that remains the same. If not, the change made me realize just how constant it is.”

“So what are you trying to say, exactly, mister?” She mused curiously.

“I actually don’t really know,” he laughed nervously, his train of thought leaving him. “But I guess my main point was, and I have no idea how I was going to tie it to your words, is that,” he uttered before looking her in the eyes, “You don’t ever need to change who you are, Lee Chae RIn.”

“I wish we are like the sand on the beach.  And love stories are  like the castles built upon them. Some of them are too near the waves, so it crashes and vanishes along with the water. Young loves, I guess, shallow loves. And then, there are those that are too far away from the ocean, the sand not even properly foming . The edges of the castles fall onto the ground, joining other grains of white, resistant to staying. The wind too, erodes it, making it susceptible to breaking. And then, there are castles that are in the middle. Just the right amount of distance from the water, where the sand is still moist and easy to form. The right place to create. And it would last for days, maybe even weeks, so long as a storm doesn’t break it.

 

 I think that my point in thinking this is that, I hope, this love vanishes. I know not a lot of people would agree. Or maybe they will, it doesn’t matter. I pray that time, like the waves of the oceans, would reach farther into shore and wash away the castle I had built for him. But what can I do when it feels as if its too far out, yet oddly enough, the foundation never felt weak. But strong. Stronger than any of the rocks that defy the angry crashing of the blue?

 

But if Jay is right, I’m scared. I’m scared to think that even if time erodes it, even if a change do happen... I’m scared that it’ll all still be the same. That the foundation will still be there, forever etched onto the ground.

 

It’s a scary thought, but it’s 2 in the morning and i’m scribbling beside Bom unnie who’s snoring. I wish I had one of those cameras where you can record things, but it’s too expensive. And really, I don’t need it. I have this book, and a pen. And memories last in words too, not just in pictures. “

 

-Chae Rin outttttt