I stirred in my sleep, then slowly opened my eyes. Oh... So the plane have yet to depart - it felt like I have been sleeping for quite some time. Instantly, my fingers reached up to feel if the ring is there. It has became my habit. Time to time, I'd reach up to my neck to feel if his ring is still attached to the necklace. It is the last thing I feel before I drift asleep, and the first thing I'd like to touch when I wake up again. How is he doing, I wonder. The last time I checked online, he was on his way to London for Alive Tour. It has been a month... How has he been? Is filming for Alumni completed? Have the preparation for the concerts been tedious? How about his progress for his solo album?

I scoffed inwardly, then shook my head, in disgust with myself. I'd never think it would be that difficult, leaving Seunghyun again. I told myself that his news would be everywhere, which is true. Seunghyun and I have never fancied fans who tries to dig up his past, or intrudes in his personal time. But now, I truly am thankful because what would I do without these 'detectives'? They feed me with all the information I want - what is he doing and where is he going. But none of them can tell me how is he, deep down. I've abused the fact that Seunghyun had been confiding in me everytime he is upset or stressed. When I left him, I just thought, somehow, I'd know how is he doing. But no... All the pictures of him in sunglasses, dressed in his expensive coats, disguised him as a cool and dashing man. He is. But behind those pair of eyes speaks volumes of emotions. I love those eyes. They never lie. 

I hugged my knees together and caressed the ring with my thumb. Choi Seunghyun, how are you? 


The flight to Philadelphia was just an hour but there were a lot going on in my head in this short hour. Thanks to the help of Jonathan, we managed to get in contact with Beverly Jane Lee, Travis' cousin, whom thankfully agreed to meet up with me. It took us a month, but it was worth it.
In this one month, I felt the loneliest that I've ever been. I didn't go back to meet my family, because I couldn't bear to face them. I successfully pushed Seunghyun away, not because I want to - but because I have to. I don't know when will my heart find peace again. I don't know when can I look him in the eyes truthfully and feel the love between us. I don't know when can I confidently tell him "I love you" again. I have to let him go, for now. I know that I'll always love him. I know that no matter what happens, I'm his - which is why I am never going to remove the ring on my finger. But his... I don't want him to be pressured by it. I don't want him to miss a beautiful and amazing woman, just because he's waiting for me to come back. The thought of him being with another someone kills me but I know I can't be so selfish. Until I am ready to love fully, then would I return to him. Till then, I secretly pray that his feelings for me would never die, that the amazing woman would not cross his path just yet, that our love would be forever. 


Like ever, I traveled light, thus, my check-out was a breeze. At the arrival hall, I started feeling nervous. Beverly will be the first...paternal relative that I've ever met in my entire life. I was searching around from the sea of anticipating faces and then I saw a pair of hands waving. My eyes met hers, and immediately I know she has to be Beverly. I walked to her while my stomach performs nauseating stunts. 

"Jae!" She exclaimed, all smiles, "I've been waiting to finally meet you. I'm so glad you're here." She pulled me into her embrace. 
"I am glad, too," I managed to say in my shaken state. I was definitely caught off guard by the enthusiasm of Beverly, but it was a warm feeling to have someone expecting me. 

"Are you hungry?" She asked in the car while her eyes fixed on the road. 
I shook my head, though I am aware of the soft little tantrums my stomach is throwing, "Where are we going?" 
She smiled fondly, "To our old house. I read your emails. Before I bring you around Philadelphia, I promise to answer all your questions. Jae, it must be hard on you... But it's okay. I'll tell you everything I remember. It'll be as if you knew him." 
I bit my lips. That'd be nice...
Beverly is well kept for her age. She's in shaped, with just a few lines across her face that shows up whenever she smiles. Her eyes were in a light shade of brown, like Travis'. 


"Here we are!" 

It was a typical, humble, American house. Actually, it radiates a homely feeling. The roofs are a gentle shade of grey, with the brick walls being off white, which I assumed had darkened with time. 

"Welcome home, Jae" Beverly unlocked the door. I stood nervously at the porch, peeking in. The house is empty. Maybe because of the colors and the materials used, the warmth that had been drawing me since its facade, is now even stronger. Slowly I walked in, but just stopping at where the living room is. I have the urge to explore, to look around, but I refrained myself from doing so.

"Nobody lives here?"