"You know, somebody told me I don't have a reason to be sad because there are people who have it worse" she said, then stepped on her cigarette bud, "But that's like saying I don't have a reason to be happy because there will be someone out there that has it even better. Life . But that's the way it is. We are putting up with it just because." 

I stared at her and flashed a small smile. She wears really thick eyeliners. But no amount of make up she wears can hide that sadness in her eyes. Her make up, her cheery smiles; they are like her mask that she is constantly wearing. She wears is so much it feels like it has taken over her, but not entirely. If you looked closed enough, you can still see her pain. Her eyes tell it all. She has a deep, beautiful pair of eyes, but it doesn’t shine the way a truly happy person’s would. I don’t have to know what she had gone through, or is going through, but I know, like me, she never had it easy.

“It’s good talking to you,” she said then walked away. I watched as she slowly disappears, then turned back to the lush greenery. Somehow, I see myself reflected in her. Somehow, I know how it feels to be constantly wearing a mask and covering your heart. I am, too, living just because. 

Since when have I become needy? Since when have I grown dependent on a person? It was a mistake I made once, but I had vowed to never do it again. But here I am, dwelling about how empty I feel with Seunghyun out of reach.

A single tear of anxiety slipped.
Is it emptiness? Or am I just petrified of what I have to face, again, when I get home? Or simply, I have never been truly happy. Seunghyun completes my life. He taught me to love, to forgive and forget and he brought me so much closer to home than I have ever been. But there still exist of a fear that never diminishes - A fear that threaten to overwhelm my beliefs and take away my happiness. Like her, have I always been wearing a mask? 

For the first time, I felt my life was unbelievably unfair. I have never had the easier way out. Even when my parents died, I have never felt that my life was unfair. It was ed up, but it wasn't unfair because thankfully, I still have my grandparents, whom love and dote me so much. Even when Dave came into my life, and messed it up, I never felt like my life was unfair because I knew it was part of growing up. But today, I genuinely feel that my whole life is a joke. If there is a God, I must be his source entertainment. I am always proved wrong. Every single time I tell myself that things cannot get any worse, it will, and it always tears me apart. Why? Why is it that