This was all my fault. Only if I had listened to what Minki had to say I wouldn't end up the way I am now.

But I'm stupid. Aren't I? I can't even admit to my own feelings...I keep telling myself to forget about him when I'm doing the exact opposite. I don't know why I always feel this way. I don't know why I always put myself down, like I'm not good enough...or not worth it. I always think that she's better, that she's prettier, that she's more confident, more popular, more stronger.

And I...what am I? What do I think I am? What do I think I deserve? Nothing...I believe I'm not worth the love, I can't have this feeling of care and longing that people search for. It hurts me when I think that way. But honestly I can't help it.

I always act weak and selfish. I only dream not act. If I really want something I just watch it go by and don't actually step up and try to reach for it. I just stand here. Inside my little box. I keep myself locked in this small place where I can't have anything, where I can't touch anything. I observe as the people around me walk around freely while my box squeezes me in place. Keeps me away from the things I could actually experience and love.

I can't rely on hope like other people, because once I do, I always think that it will abandon me. When truthfully, I'm abandoning it. I can't hold on. I always let go. I can't endure the emotional pain that envelopes my mind. I'm not strong, I'm not brave. I'm weak and afraid.

I'm afraid to face the reality. I'm scared to step up and see the truth.

But...I would have to soon enough. It might be today, or tomorrow. But I know that I can't act this way anymore. I can't keep myself in this little box. I can't hide from my feelings. I can't keep denying the truth.

I love Minki. I really do...and I can't help it...

--

I stayed there at my door step sorting through my feelings. It was a long and painful process, but I had to do it before I became a total mess. I glanced at the clock that was on top of my dresser. I had ten minutes before the next exam would start. Only ten minutes before I had to walk inside that class room with Minki and Jia. I would have to face them. I had to, and I needed to.

I hovered my fingers above my keys that were sprawled on the floor beside me. I guided my hand to the bass and lifted it up. I formed a fist around the metal piece to keep it safe in my grasp. I shakily got up form the cold wood floor. My eyes stung by the tears I had shed before but I ignored the feeling and swallowed it up.

I turned around to the door. It was firmly closed. Raising my empty hand, I turned the lock and grasped the knob. I twisted it slowly and once I heard a click, the door slightly pulled open.

The door made a creaking sound as I pulled it all the way. A slight breeze past my face as the hall was now visible. I took a step outside bringing the door to a close behind me. With the key in my other hand, I safely locked it. I placed the key in my pocket and turned to the right. I was about to proceed when my body froze.

Minki was sitting down against the wall. His head was ducked low and his legs were hugged to his body. I inhaled a sharp breath. I would presume it was really loud because Minki's head jerked forward as if he had just been awaken from sleep. He confusedly gazed up at me. But his expression completely changed when his mind began processing again. He jumped to his feet and stared at me with worry and sadness in his eyes.

I shied at his gaze and looked down to my feet.

“Hana,” he breathed out shakily, my heart leaped with fear at his voice. What was he going to say? Make fun of me? Yell at me? Laugh at me? He kept silent for a moment and didn't continue. I just wanted to scream at him, I wanted to tell him how imperfect I was and to hurry on with the teasing and just forget about me because I wasn't worth his time. I was a lame, stupid, annoying cry baby who couldn't face her fears. That's who I was and I didn't want Minki to deal with me. I didn't deserve him, he deserved better. And I couldn't be better, because this was who I was. And I couldn't change that. “The exam is starting soon.” he finally finished.

I fell silent.

“W-wait, what?” I blurted, fully registering what he had just said.

“The exam.” he repeated nervously clearing his throat. My heart was beating with confusion, but I couldn't think about it to long before Minki grabbed my hand and pulled me away.

MANWAH POV

I was sitting in Hana's spot next to Jr. I couldn't wait to see Hana's face. She seemed really nervous going into Minki's room before, I just really wanted to about it. She was just so cute.

Once we entered the room Mr. Lee explained that he didn't want anybody to talk before the exam. I was kind of disappointed by that because I really loved talking to Jr. But rules are rules, and I got to follow them.

I faced the front of the class patiently as the time passed. Nor Minki or Hana had arrived in class yet. Strangely enough, Jia had come earlier than me and Jr. She was already seated at her spot looking quite angry and rejected. I was very concerned with what happened, because if Jia had done something to Minki or Hana, Hana would seriously become the shy little mouse she was and beat herself for it.

My attention got side tracked once I heard footsteps from the door.

Minki casually came into class with a blank expression on his face as usual, but this time, he was dragging Hana into class with him, and they were holding hands. A huge smile formed across my face, but it slightly faltered when I saw Hana's expression. She seemed sad and confused. I don't think she was really processing the fact that Minki was holding her hand. She seemed distracted.

Her eye were a bit red and puffy. Had she cried? Why? How? What for for?

Minki led Hana to my seat. Hana kept her face ducked low and out of the way. Minki slightly gestured to my chair and Hana bowed and sat down while Minki did the same. Jia hadn't said a word to Minki, she didn't even look at him.

Now I was really confused. Had Minki said something to Jia? Had Jia done something? What was going on?

JR POV

Once the exam was passed out Mr. Lee motioned for us to begin. The whole class was silent for once. Jia didn't have her annoying bubbled gum anymore which was a big relief. But what really confused me was that she hadn't talked to Minki when he entered the room. She didn't even look at him. I was really curious to how this was possible because just a couple hours ago she was literally stalking him everywhere and bothering him to no freaking end.

But now...she seemed mad or something...like...I don't know...she kinda sorta looked like she was giving up on him...

I wondered if Minki had maybe said anything to her to make her act that way. But, whatever, I was happier this way. It was a win-win situation for all of us. Or...maybe not.

My heart leaped in realization.

Oh my God I have to propose to Manwah soon or else I'd have to get married to Jia! Ah Jia must have been rejected or something if she's acting this way...Damn it! If Minhyun does something stupid I'm going to personally pound him till he begs for mercy. Why doesn't he just freaking talk to her instead of bothering Manwah and I?! If Jia could just fall for Minhyun everything would work out! Everything would be fine! But no! That little jackass has to misunderstand everything and try to ruin my life! Dang it....

Aw...wait...but that means...

That means I have to confess to Manwah...I have to tell her I love her and that I want to...marry...her...Oh God this is so ridiculous...we're like seventeen...Seventeen! Damn I hate my father...I don't want to marry Jia, I freaking don't want to. We're just kids! And anyway there's no way in hell Manwah would say yes. Like...there might be a chance she likes me...but...

My face burnt up. I ducked my head low and groaned quietly.

This is so stupid...I can't confess to Manwah. I'm too shy. I'd probably chicken out and die in a hole somewhere...Damn it...I only have like two weeks left till Christmas...this ...by then I'd have to figure out a way to confess...maybe I should do what Hana said, confess on the roof top at night when all the stars are out. I didn't get to do it at the dance because I was such a loser and...yeah...I was being a ...

I rubbed my temples trying my best to refocus on the exam.

I'll think about all that later...right now I have a long exam to finish...

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-LonDon323