Chap Thirty-Five

Saturday afternoon.

“By the way, how was dinner at Lulu’s home yesterday?” 

At the question, Sehun turned his head slightly to face his curious older brother.

“Hmms, it was… uh, enjoyable I guess.” Sehun replied curtly and distractedly.

If you called having a romantic dinner swapped for a family meal and being treated like any regular guest enjoyable than yes, I had a wonderfully fantastic time yesterday. Sehun sighed tiredly as the memory of last night’s dinner came back to him; not only had his initial plan of cooking for Luhan failed, he had cried in front of his boyfriend once again. But it wasn’t a completely wasted trip though; the teenager had gained and learnt a few things about Luhan in the presence of his daughter and wife.

Like for example, Luhan has a habit of reading the newspaper after dinner, with a mug of fresh cappuccino in his hand – warm, not too hot, not too much milk froth and with two teaspoons of sugar added; Taeyeon told Sehun that. She also gave Sehun some cooking tips on Luhan’s favourite food, which sort of happened by chance. The boy could still remember very clearly the fear he felt when Taeyeon pointed out that the groceries he bought were the exact ingredients to Luhan’s favourite foods.

Sehun didn’t know whether to think if she was being suspicious or just simply surprised but either way, it made him panic mentally. What if she found out that her husband was cheating on her? And that the person Luhan was cheating with was him? But luckily, Sehun remembered the benefit of having Kai as his older brother, so he told Taeyeon that Luhan’s favourite food was in common with his best friend’s. And she believed it, taking it as a mere coincidence, much to Sehun’s relief. After the initial shock, Taeyeon also taught Sehun how to better prepare Luhan’s favourite foods.

Which was all good, considering that Sehun’s relationship with Luhan was still secret.

But despite it, Sehun couldn’t help but still question himself in Taeyeon’s and Hyeri’s presence

He was nothing but a third party, an outsider and a blatant intruder shamelessly having dinner with Luhan.      

Sehun knew very well that Luhan would definitely scold him if he knew that he was doubting his own self-worth once again; like the previous night when Luhan had not so gently held or rather, slammed Sehun against a wall. It was a fact that Luhan loved the teenager sincerely, but Sehun couldn’t help feeling conflicted and confused about their relationship.

He has a kid and wife too, I’m a ing idiot… it isn’t going to turn out well for either of us. I’m nothing but a problematic load to Luhan and I’m just a ing crybaby who is too selfish because I want Luhan all for myself despite being so imperfectly flawed. And to be honest, Sehun was tired of constantly crying and feeling like a little child that Luhan had to take care of. Maybe… I should just give up on loving Luhan… he’s such a great guy and he’s also so much better off without me. It was good… while it lasted, the five months of knowing Luhan… the four months of feeling loved by him… I should just disappear from-

“Baby bro.” Kai’s concerned tone sprang out amidst Sehun’s mental war.

“What.” The boy muttered brokenly, as his voice cracked audibly at the single syllable.

“Sehun ah…” Kai sighed softly while moving to hug the younger male reassuringly.

“… Ugh-” Sehun groaned, a noise  like a mix between a sob and choke sounding from his throat. “-Go away!”

“No.” Kai insisted firmly, fighting to keep a tight hold on Sehun who was stubbornly pushing him aside.

“I said go away, Jongin! I don’t need you to hug me, I don’t want you to hug-”

“Sehunnie oppa, why are you crying? Is-” An innocent and questioning voice interrupted the two brothers. At the little girl’s voice, Sehun willed himself to hold in the new tears that were threatening to overflow from his eyes. The teenager had actually managed to forget that he was playing a video game with the kid he was babysitting! “-Is… it because I won the game? I’ll let you win as many times as you want oppa, just don’t be sad… please?”

“No Hyeri, I’m not crying because I’m sad…-” Sehun lied with a small chuckle, sniffling as he pretended to rub at his eyes after putting down the playstation3 controller he was holding. Oh my god, what are you doing, crying like an idiot now in broad daylight? Look, even Hyeri, a six year old little girl who is tens year younger than you, doesn’t cry as much as you do! Sehun berated himself as he forcefully bit down on his lower lip in attempt to stop it from quivering. “- I’m crying because there is something irritating in my eyes.”

Yeah right, Oh Sehun. You can fool Hyeri but not me, you have always been bad at hiding your emotions; especially from me. Kai rolled his eyes when the younger male shoved him away to take a piece of tissue paper that Hyeri was holding out on her hand. I am never giving you comfort the next time you come crying to me again! The twenty one year old model thought pettily to himself as he neatened his creased clothes from sitting on the floor. 

“Well then, have fun playing kiddies, I’m going out now.”

 Kai announced with a smirk as he stood up from his position beside the younger male.

“Wait, where are you going, Jongin?” Sehun asked while standing up too.

“What else?” Kai raised his eyebrow curiously, doing a slight pirouette to show off his clothes and body. “You’re going on a go-see?” Sehun guessed without much difficulty as he took in the sight of his older brother’s lithe body that was dressed to seduce and impress, earning a nod from Kai. Go-sees were appointments that models made with designers and potential clients to earn their jobs and money, and to be booked, models had to give their best impression along with their portfolios. And god, he was definitely prepared to kill… are you really my brother? Sehun thought amazedly; struck by the seemingly inhuman perfection that was Kim Jongin.

Dressed smartly yet casually in a sheer black leather jacket, Kai was wearing a slim fit, light cotton shirt with a pair of ripped skinny, denim jeans. The clothes were ordinary, non-designer labels that every average person could have but they practically smouldered on Kai, extruding an aura of subtle sensuality and there was an unexplainable magnetism to him; further strengthened by the light shade of eyeliner and shadow accenting his eyes. The fabric seemed to be made simply for Kai, clinging to him in all the right places, showing off his muscular biceps, built chest, shapely thighs and nice a- “Are you drooling while staring at my , Sehunnie?”    

“No!” Sehun sputtered, blushing deeply as he was caught ogling. “And I was just glancing at your outfit-”

“Don’t be so ashamed, I know you like my y body.” Kai chuckled before smirking teasingly.

“As if I find you y, you’re just as y as a wooden coat-stand!” Sehun scoffed.

“Then I must be the iest coat-stand on earth right?”

“… Where do you even find that haughty over-confidence of yours, Jongin ah?”

“Born with it.” Kai sang playfully, enjoying Sehun’s unimpressed frown. “If there’s nothing else, Baby bro, I’ll be leav-”

“Wait, there’s something that I need you to do.” Sehun mentioned quickly as he check the time on the living room clock. “I need you to help me look after Hyeri for a while, the pie I’m baking in the kitchen is about to be ready and it still needs some finishing touches to it. There’s going to be some egg glazing and sugar or it wouldn’t taste as nice witho-” 

“Do I have a share of your pastries this time?” Came a question while the boy was still speaking. “… Yes, I’ll save a portion for you.” Sehun sighed as he was rudely interrupted. “Okay then,” Kai grinned brightly while shooing the younger male to the kitchen. “Hurry and run along, I don’t have much time to spare. The most I can give you is ten minutes before I need to leave for my go-see.” With a small nod, Sehun scurried to the kitchen to finish the topping for Hyeri’s mixed berry pie, but not without muttering a grateful “Thanks Jongin, I’ll try to be fast.”

“Kai oppa, what’s a… uhm, got-see?” Little Hyeri asked curiously when the teenage babysitter left them alone. “It’s called a go-see, Riri, not a got-see.” Kai corrected with a small chuckle, amused by the girl’s innocent mistake as he sat down beside her to speak at a comfortable eyelevel.

 “A go-see is a meeting that… pretty people which wear pretty clothes like Kai oppa, go to for work.” The twenty one year old explained slowly, with a short pause as he tried to simplify the concept of modelling to Hyeri. “Pretty clothes?” The little girl piped up with an excited squeak, a bright sparkle lightening up her eyes briefly before fading away. “But… am I pretty enough to wear pretty clothes, Kai oppa?” 

“Ah, of course you are!” Kai asserted quickly after blinking a few times in surprise. Very smart choice of words to say to an impressionable child, Kim Jongin, the male thought sarcastically to himself. Kai literally felt like a slap had smacked him across the face at Hyeri’s question. But it was the truth though, that both the fashion industry and society idolised bone structure and worshipped human perfection.

To be honest, the whole concept of beauty itself was hypocritical to Kai. Everyone loved Kim Jongin, the new handsome, tanned and cool-looking model that risin