And just like that, everything went back to normal. Before Hana and I were best friends. Before we used to talk every day.
                I asked my self every day if what I was doing was right. If sacrificing our happiness for her pain was the right thing to do, and I couldn't answer myself. It took me every ounce of my self strength and will not storm up to her and tell her everything was a lie. That I was doing it for her, and that I was living a lie because I didn't want her to get hurt.

Hana still sat next to me at lunchtimes, because we four were still a gang, but now plus Chaeyeon. Sure, she still talked to me, but things were different. It was hard to explain. To anyone else, we seemed like nothing had changed between us, but I knew inside that her smiles were forced, her laugh lasted a bit too long and when she was sure no one was looking, the happy look would disappear off her face so fast you would think that it wasn't there at all.

And did I blame her? Not one bit. I was a rotten person who was a big liar and a coward. After everything Hana and I had gone through in figuring out that everything in the world wasn't based on first impressions and appearances, I had threw it all away.

"Woohyun oppa," Chaeyeon said particularly loudly, kissing my earlobe as she caught me staring at Hana one lunch time. "What are you looking at?"
It seemed everytime she caught me looking at Hana, she would punish me with a slobbery kiss. I was disgusted.
Hana looked up and made eye contact with me. Her smile did not quite reach her eyes.
"Sorry," she apologised, standing up. "Think I'm the third wheel here." She gestured to Sunggyu and Hanbyul, who were whispering something together and giggling. "Or fifth wheel. Whatever." She coughed awkwardly. "Seeya."

"Hana, wait," I cried, trying to push Chaeyeon off me. "Don't go."
Hana hesitated, looking at Chaeyeon uneasily. I turned to look at her too, and saw her face looking...happy?

I was confused. What was going on?
"Oh yeah, Hana, please stay! I need to ask you something," Chaeyeon said. I sat back down in my seat cautiously. What was going on right now?
"I have a party coming up, and the theme is 'dress up with something starting with the letter U, V, W or X.' I was wondering you could give me any tips? I was thinking of going as ugly."

Time seemed to have stopped. I felt my ears grow hot. Heart beating quickly erratically in my chest. As Chaeyeon did not have a quiet voice, the whole cafeteria had heard. And they were silent. I could've have dropped a feather, and there would be more noise than what there was now.

Hana stood there, eyes wide and slowly watering. I felt helpless as I just sat there. Luckily, Sunggyu still had a brain and a voice.
"What party, Chaeyeon? Dress up? Can you go as W? Why don't you go as a witch then? I think you'd suit that better," he joked, but very seriously. Everyone knew that Sunggyu was the captain of the football team who had just led the St. Peter Penguins to a victory in the grandfinal. Including Chaeyeon. No one dared to defy him.

"Har har, very funny, Sunggyu," she sneered. The whole cafeteria burst into laughter. "What are you going as? An eye doctor?"
She pouted and turned back to me and snuggled into my chest. I payed no attention to her. I was watching out of the corner of my eye Hana wipe her eye and duck out of the cafeteria.

"Chaeyeon 1, Hana 0," she leant in and whispered in my ear so no one else could hear. "Take that as a warning, oppa. Remember everything I said."
She leaned in a kissed me, but I moved my head so it landed on my cheek.

And that was the final straw. Hana no longer sat with us at lunch. I was glad she didn't, to be honest. I would rather not see her than see her get hurt. She didn't even come into the cafeteria at lunch anymore. I think she stayed in the classroom or went to the library, because I never saw her when I went to the 'toilet' to try look for her.
          And Chaeyeon left her alone, just as she said she would. I had slowly started my old ways again, partying late every weekend and drinking until I was gone. But it wasn't because I enjoyed it. Not at all. I was drinking because that took away the pain of not being able to be with Hana; to talk to her, to see her smile. I went along to parties only because Chaeyeon forced me to - she knew my weak spot was Hana, and she used it as a threat every time. Come to the party with me, and I'll leave her alone. Drink this shot, and I won't let everyone know the details of that time you went to a strip club. Dance with me tonight, and I won't touch her.
And it worked every time. Was I weak for not standing up? For saying no? For giving in?

I couldn't even stand up to a girl who ate lettuce everyday and wore size four jeans.