Pit pat pit pat pit pat my tears falling echoed the raindrops as they hit my window pain.  I dreaded this day like a plague even though we had spoken about it over and over. But nothing and no amount of small talk or lengthy conversion from you could have prepared me for this.

Today is the day I will start missing you.  The day you told me that I should start learning to forget. How is that possible even when I’ve spent more than half of my life with you? You probably know me better than both my parents and my siblings. I guess that’s the case since I can boast of knowing better than your own family.

I know you so well, Choi Seung hyun that when you dared me to find you in one of those weird black darkroom restaurants I easily found you in five minutes flat. I remember that day so well because you called me a stalker freak. I know you were joking back then but maybe your accusation was kind of true.

I stare at the mirror. Like what you told me I should look my prettiest today since I’m sending you away. I might break my promise to you. I don’t think I can look my best knowing this is good bye. My tears won’t stop falling. I don’t think I can properly apply makeup on my face and besides I don’t think that will do the trick. You did tell me before that I’m the prettiest when I’m all natural.  I’ll just wear the prettiest dress I own, the one you said you bought because you can’t imagine anyone else wearing it. I think I look sick in white but you insist I look like an angel instead. More like angel of death.

I’ll at least try to fix my hair. You said I look very pretty when my hair is in a bun because you can see my whole face specially my beautiful forehead. You had a habit of kissing my forehead a lot. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Your soft lips pressed gently on my forehead as I pretend to be asleep. Back then I hoped you would often kiss me on the lips instead.

Chae helped me fix my hair. She’s been by my side ever since and I appreciate her friendship but I do not think it would be enough. She promised she’ll stay with me until we arrive in your resting place. I told her she can leave me once we’re there. Despite her refusal I was vehement about keeping her by me side. It was a privilege I do not d