Chan Hee's POV

I was staying with at my brother's dorm. The President wouldn't like it if he knew, but I wasn't about to go home to my parents while the scandal was still going on. I stayed inside all day. I never knew that I could sleep so much. The boys were mostly gone, anyways, promoting and touring. Despite living with Chan Yeol, I wasn't able to talk to him. He was exhausted by the time he got home. I knew the feeling. 

I stared out the window. A light rain was beginning to sprinkle outside, misting the window. I heard the front door open and a grumble of voices came through. I was still looking out the window when the door behind me opened.

"You're home?" I said, turning around to greet my brother.

Instead, it was Luhan.

"I'm home," he said, smiling slightly to signify that he knew I was expecting my brother. 

"Luhan," I said, and started to get up from the small sofa in my brother's room.

"Don't get up," Luhan said, and joined me on the couch instead. 

I paused, feeling awkard, and then feeling even more embarassed about feeling awkward. I never felt self-conscious around Luhan. But this time around, I hadn't really talked to him or Baekhyun. It's not that they had done anything wrong. It was just that no one could understand what I was going through as Universe's leader- that is, except for one other person. I wanted to see JiHyun. I didn't want to see JiHyun the way I wanted to see LuHan, honestly. As two people, there was no comparison as to who I wanted romantically- It would always be LuHan. But right now, JiHyun was the only other one who could know how I felt, and I had gotten so used to seeing him. I knew I had no right to think of JiHyun in any possessive way, but it was just in my nature. I hated this part of myself, but I could never seem to overcome it.

"Hey." Luhan flicked me gently on the forehead. "What are you thinking about so hard?" When I'm right in front of you? was the unspoken addendum. 

"Sorry," I said. 

"Chan Hee, your brother sent me to talk to you," Luhan explained in a soft voice. "He said you didn't seem to be getting any better." 

"I am," I responded immediately. "I am getting better."

"But you're always so tired," Luhan pointed out. "And you're not talking to anyone." 

"I don't want to bother you guys," I said. "I'm enough of a burden as is. I shouldn't be here. You guys don't need to take care of me." 

Luhan was silent, and I knew he heard the things I wasn't saying.

"What can I do?" he asked me finally. "Or... is it not me anymore?"

My heart stuttered for a second. Does Luhan know? 

Luhan hesitated before saying, "You say a name in your sleep sometimes... 'Ji Hyun'. Chan Yeol told me."

I blinked, taken aback. 

"I get it," Luhan said, avoiding my eyes. "He's been good to you ever since Universe was brought together-"

"Luhan, that's not-"

"He's Universe's other leader. He's the only person who can make you feel like you're not alone."

"Luhan, that's not true," I said through gritted teeth. 

He pressed his lips together, and we both feel silent for a moment.

How can I explain this to him? How...?

I fought the urge to just start talking. Instead, I took a deep breath and tried to control myself.

I need to make him understand...

Finally, I said, "You asked me what you can do. I have... I have one request."

Luhan's eyes flickered up to mine.

I let out a breath and said, "Wait for me."

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That was two hours ago.

I was now hurrying down the street, trying in vain to peer up at the building address and not be drenched in rain. 

2590... This is it.

I clutched the wet piece of paper in my hand. 

I had swallowed my pride and called Shin Se Kyung to ask for Ji Hyun's address. The President would never give it to me, and none of the Universe members knew his apartment address.

I stared up at the apartment complex, feeling the doubt course through me. Am I doing the right thing- as Universe's leader and for myself? I bit my lower lip. Maybe I shouldn't be here.

I unconsciously rubbed the CH tattoo on my wrist. I paced back and forth for a little while, and when a car passed by, I hurriedly turned away to hide my face.

This is stupid. What am I doing?

Frustrated, I started to turn away when suddenly, a figure sprinted out from the apartment doors.

Oh no! I can't get caught here. I started to make a break for it, but the person caught up to me too quickly. Strong fingers grabbed my wrist. I started to fight back, but then I heard him say, "Chan Hee, it's me."

I looked up to see Ji Hyun. 

A wave of relief crashed into me. I almost felt like crying, but I hurriedly put a stop to that emotion. 

I'm here to be strong, not to be a burden.

"What are you doing?" Ji Hyun said, frowning. "You're soaked, Chan Hee."

"You're one to talk," I blurted out. I didn't mean to say it, but at the same time, it was true. He was dressed even more thinly than me, and his glasses were starting to fog up from the rain. 

Without letting go of my hand, he took his glasses off with his other hand. He looked at me, and the intensity of his gaze and the rain on his face made me shiver. 

"Come on, let's go inside," Ji Hyun said. 

"We can't," I said, resisting him. "There are cameras above the doors, right?"

Ji Hyun hesitated, realizing I was right, but not wanting me to stay in the rain.

"Come this way," he said, and led us underneath some trees. 

He turned to me and asked me, straight out, "Why are you here? Did something happen with Universe?"

I shook my head. "Not really. I mean, nothing new. It's just that..."

"How did you know where I lived, anyways?" Ji Hyun asked me suddenly. 

"Erm... that's not important," I said quickly. "Anyways, Ji Hyun." 

He arched an eyebrow and looked down at me. 

"I just needed... a minute with you," I managed to say. "Being with Exo... I could so plainly see how they were a group and I missed mine." 

Ji Hyun nodded slowly, trying to understand what I was saying. 

"I still don't understand what happened," I said, shaking my head. "It all happened so fast. We were doing so well and then..." 

"All hell broke loose," Ji Hyun quipped.

"Exactly," I said, and laughed a little. I laughed. It had been so long since I had done that.

"Things will settle down," Ji Hyun told me. He reached out and put a hand on my head. "Don't worry, Chan Hee. It wasn't your fault."

I blinked. How did he know that's what I wanted to hear?

Ji Hyun turned to me. "You were worried, weren't you? That, somehow, you missed an opportunity to prevent all this."

"Yeah."

"It's only natural. We are the leaders of Universe, after all," Ji Hyun said. "But we're only human, and besides that, we weren't doing anything wrong." 

I felt myself relax for a second, but I knew there was something else I had to say.

"Ji Hyun, there's something else," I admitted. "It may be... awkward for you to hear this, but I need to say it- for me."

Ji Hyun waited patiently for me to speak.

"It's Luhan," I blurted out. "It's always been Luhan. He's the only one for me. But, somehow, I just... I just needed to see you. And I swear I won't burden you any further, but you know how I get- I feel possessive over people I care about, and I just got so used to seeing you everyday, and suddenly, you weren't there anymore, and- and... I'll pull it together, I swear, but-"

"Chan Hee." Ji Hyun's calm and gentle voice broke through my stammers.

I immediately shut up. 

"I'll be here, for as long as you need me to," Ji Hyun said quietly, gazing at me. 

I searched his eyes for further reassurance and found endless warmth.

My need to explain everything faded away. I knew he understood. We both stood there, under the trees dripping with rain for a long, long time, until I felt like I was in control of my heart again. Just like he promised, he waited for me. 

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Ji Hyun's POV

Chan Hee thought she was being a burden, but she didn't know. After Hae Jin died and I was too late to save her, I thought I had been incapable of loving someone ever again. Even though Chan Hee would walk away from me, these few precious moments I had beside her reminded me what it was like to feel human again. At that moment, by her side, I believed, for the first time in a long time, that I was going to heal again. Somewhere, in the heavens, Hae Jin finally smiled, at peace.