Soori’s POV

It was very foolish of me to sneak out with another celebrity with Soo Ri’s almost-scandal just a few days ago… but I couldn’t resist.

We’d just won a Stage Award, and I was hoping my luck would hold out just a while longer.

At least, that’s what I told myself as I met with Junho in front of Lotte World.

“Hey, oppa”, I said, recognizing him by his hoodie pulled low over his face.

“Hey, Soori. Nice glasses”, he said, indicating my huge owl glasses that covered almost half my face.

I laughed, saying, “I was hoping to use them as a disguise, but there’s so many people… I feel like we’re going to get recognized.”

“I should have rented out the whole park, huh?”, Junho asked, as we moved through the ticket lines.

“Girls like that stuff”, Junho told me matter-of-factly.

“And how would you know that?”, I asked, laughing as I passed through the ticket booth.

 Junho smiled and said, “I’ve got all day. What should we do first?”

I picked out a super scary ride and as we walked towards it, Junho asked me, “Hey, that one girl who was with Jinwoon that day… I heard from Seulong that it was Soo Ri. Is it true?”

I hesitated, not sure whether to give it away… from 2pm and 2am were like family, Junho would hear it from Jinwoon himself eventually.

“Yeah, it was her.”

“I figured. She was Jinwoon’s type from the beginning. Pretty, classic. I heard she rejected him though.”

As ridiculous as it was, I felt a tinge of jealously when I heard Junho describe Soo Ri as “pretty” because I was aware of how true it was. So many boys liked Soo Ri not only because she was generous and an amazing musician, but also because of how gorgeous she always was- on and off the runway.

Wanting to stop talking about Soo Ri and also wanting to prevent any rumors from starting, I asked Junho, “Oppa, what’s your type?”

“Well”, Junho said, thinking about it as we got into line, “Someone cute, with pure black hair… someone who knows how to write lyrics…”

My heart fluttered as he described his ideal type… Oh my goodness, it sounds like… me… No, no, it couldn’t be… Right?

It was our turn now and we climbed onto the ride.

Everything was completely fine until we got to the very top and were waiting to drop- backwards.

“Oh my god”, I whispered and closed my eyes.

I heard Junho laugh slightly and he leaned over and pried my hand away from the handlebar and gripped it tightly.

“Why did you pick this ride if you were going to be so scared?”, Junho asked, half-laughing.

“I don’t kn-OWWWWWWW! AHHHH!”, I screamed as we shot backwards at full speeds. My stomach was still at the top when the ride was over.

Junho couldn’t stop laughing at my glazed expression after I had stumbled off the ride.

“I’m really dizzy”, I admitted when I nearly tripped getting off.

I was embarrassed at how badly I’d handled that ride but Junho just said, “You’re cute”, smiled and took my hand again. He led me to the food court and then asked me what sounded good. I wanted something refreshing and sugary, so I went with ice cream.

I ordered an ice cream, but when I turned to pay, Junho was already there, paying for it.

“Oppa, you don’t have to”, I protested, pulling out my own wallet, but Junho just handed me the ice cream.

“Thanks”, I said grudgingly, and then I said, “Oppa, I’m the one who asked you to come. Shouldn’t I be paying for you?”

Junho shook his head and said, “Don’t worry about it. I know you’ve been stressed lately… when I first started being an idol, everything was so overwhelming… I just want you to relax today and have fun.”

He’s so kind and wonderful. We sat together at a bench just talked about everything on our minds. I truly do love our Universe members, but as a member of the group, there were certain things that just weren’t right to complain to them about. I could tell all of these things to Junho, and so I just let everything out- about the stress of never winning, about Soo Ri and how she was just so wonderfully gorgeous, about Jaesun and how he was so good with people and crowds, and how I always felt so shy and distant from everyone… Junho just listened to me, patiently, and the whole time it felt like he only cared about me. He would look at me with thoughtful eyes and never judge me for the childish things I was saying.

In return, he made me laugh by telling me about how much he disliked his diet, or when people would randomly asked him to do his “ pop” or to take off his shirt.

When we finished talking, he stood up and threw away my ice cream cup without asking and when he came back, he suddenly knelt down and tied one of my shoelaces for me, which I hadn’t realized was untied.

“There, you ready for a few more rides?” , he asked me.

I nodded, but shyly asked, “Can we just start with the merry-go-round?”

He doubled over laughing, but nodded.

We did ride the merry-go-round, surrounded by tons of toddlers and their parents.

Afterwards, Junho coaxed me into riding one of the scarier ones- with six consecutive loops. I took a deep breath, and got on.

When we got to the first loop, I screamed, “I HATE LOSING!”

Junho screamed at the second loop, “I HATE DIETING!”

I yelled at the top of my lungs for the third, “I HATE BEAUTY STANDARDS!”    

Junho yelled back, “I HATE TAKING OFF MY SHIRT!”

I screamed, “I LOVE MUSIC!”

And Junho shouted back, “I LOVE YOU!”

My heart almost stopped- not because of the sudden drop, but because of what Junho had just said. Did he mean it? Does he really feel that for me?

I couldn’t get the question out of mind, even as we were leaving two hours later.

Both of us clutched small stuffed pandas, which I’d won at the obstacle course, meeting Junho, two teenage boys, and an older woman. (I credit it to the intense Dream Team Training.)

But as we walked out to Junho’s car (he’d agreed to drive me home), I suddenly felt this rush of adrenaline- and some part of me was telling me that it was now or never.

“Junho oppa…”

“Hm…?”

I turned to him, and strangely, my heart wasn’t thundering away.

Everything was so peaceful in my brain, and in my heart. Calm.

“Junho oppa, I love you”, I told him, and I felt every word as I said it.

“Thanks, Soori. I love you too, my dongsaeng”, Junho replied, smiling at me.

“No”, I pressed, “Not like that… Junho… I mean, I want to be with you. As your girlfriend.”

I looked at him hopefully, watching him as he digested my words.

He seemed very surprised and my heart rose, but then he responded, “Oh… Soori, I never meant for you to feel that for me. I didn’t… I thought we were just like siblings. Soori-yah, Don’t you know? I’m already dating Kim So Eun.”

Oh. My. God.

“Oh… really?”, I asked, and those two words took all my confidence away. I felt myself get smaller, and I just… I lost all my courage and said things I didn’t even mean to, “But didn’t you say… cute… black hair… writes lyrics? I mean… I mean, you didn’t mean me?” My voice turned into a whisper by the end of the sentence.

Junho looked stricken, like he wanted to put himself. “No, Soori… I… that was So Eun… She is all those things. I thought… I thought you knew.”

My heart felt it was ripping in half, so I simply stared up at him and said the one thing that was really on my mind, “Why were you being so nice to me?”

Junho bit his lower lip and then he mumbled, “I thought you just wanted me to act like your oppa… your brother… I didn’t think… I didn’t…”, and then he just took a deep breath and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

My last hope of Junho seeing me as a woman, my last powerful hope, was driven away by those last three words.

I’m so sorry.

Those words snapped me back to normal, real self. The one who keeps everything to herself, and I completely shut myself off from him.

“No, no, Junho oppa”, I said loudly, the word “oppa” burning in my mouth, “it was my fault, I should have been more clear about everything! I’m so sorry!” I laughed, and it tasted bitter. “I just took everything the wrong way and now look what I did! I’m so funny, aren’t I? Ahaha.”

Even as I laughed, I felt the tears coming, and I knew I wanted to separate from him.

“Oh, oh my goodness! Junho oppa, I completely forgot- JiHyun oppa was supposed to pick me up. What if he’s waiting? I should go- sorry! I forgot! Bye, Junho oppa, and thank you for today-”, I started backing up, feeling the tears rise in my eyes.

“Wait, Soori!”, he called, but I didn’t wait as I sped across the parking lot back to the front of Lotte World.

I saw Junho start to follow me, but then hesitate. He must have seen the tears now streaking across my face, so he paused and then slowly got into his car and drove away. Junho, being the perfect person that he was, probably realized that he was the last person I wanted to see right now.

But that’s not true, I thought sorrowfully to myself, I always want to see Junho.

And now… now I can’t.

A wave of regret washed over me and I called myself out loud, “Stupid. Stupid. Just stupid.”

You really went and got herself hurt there, Soori, and you have no one to blame but you, I told myself in my mind.

“God”, I said aloud.

I gave my panda away to a little girl leaving Lotte World, and realized that everyone was leaving Lotte World now. It must be pretty late.

I pulled out my phone and was about to call Soo Ri, when I realized she was not who I wanted to see at that very moment either. Or any of the beautiful girls in Universe. Or my brother. Or Kyuhyun oppa.

As much as I loved them all, I didn’t want them to see me in this weak and bitter state. They’d probably be angry at Junho and that wasn’t what I wanted either.

Junho oppa had done nothing wrong.

JiHyun oppa was not someone who would judge Junho, so I tried calling him first, but his voice mail said he was at Immortal Song 2 Training.   

And I remembered Sky was at a meeting to go over his parts for our new Chinese Album.

That left Gongchan.

I hesitated; he wasn’t one that was quick to judge either… but… he made fun of me way too much and… he’d just barely gotten his license.

It was freezing cold now, and I was about to call Chan Hee, but groaned, gave up, and called Gongchan.

“Hello?”

“Um… Gongchan, where are you right now?”

“Just finished grocery shopping and driving home. Why? Where are you?”

Oh, crap. I didn’t tell anyone I snuck out today.

“Um… at Lotte World. Can you come and pick me up?”

There was a pause, and Gongchan asked me, “Why the hell are you there?”

“I met with a few friends today”, I said.

I heard Gongchan sigh and I replied, “Hey, don’t you sigh at me. I know for a fact you’ve snuck out before to meet up with what’s-her-face from AfterSchool! Eyoung?”

I heard Gongchan mumble something, but he said, “All right, fine. But you need to give me directions. I haven’t really been to Lotte World before.”

“Fine”, I shot back, and I heard Gongchan start driving.

I coughed several times as I gave Gongchan directions- it was freezing cold and the fact that I’d completely cried my eyes out only made it that much colder.

Almost all the workers had left now.

“Are you sick or something?”, Gongchan asked me.

“No, it’s just cold outside”, I replied.

“You’re outside!?”, Gongchan replied, “Why are you outside?”

“Um… cause Lotte World is closed now?”, I answered.

I heard him sigh and the engine sped up.

He was probably speeding like crazy.

 “Gongchan, don’t go over the speed limit”, I warned.

“You’re going to get sick”, he answered, and then before I could reply he asked, “Left or right on Taepyoung Street?”

“Left”, I answered.

Five minutes later, he coasted up, definitely speeding, to the entrance of Lotte World.

I hurriedly got in, my face, hands and ears feeling like ice.

“God, Soori, you look like hell”, Gongchan told me, and I could tell he was laughing at me.

“You’re hanging with the boys too much, you’ve started swearing”, I noticed, shutting the door.

I tried to pull on the seatbelt, but I pulled on it too fast and it stopped, sliding against my ice-cold hands. It felt like I had just burned my hands.

“Ow”, I complained, letting go of the seat belt.

Gongchan tsk’ed at me, and then leaned over to put on my seatbelt for me.

His cheek accidently brushed my nose and he winced.

“You’re freezing cold!”, he said, and gave me his scarf to put on.

I was glad he didn’t put it on for me. That would have been weird.

We cranked up the heater as we drove back towards the dorms.

“So… who were you meeting here?”, Gongchan asked me again.

“Just some friends”, I replied casually.

“And why did these friends make you cry?”, Gongchan asked cheerfully.

Why is he acting like he knows everything about me? He has no idea how serious that was to me… and he’s treating it like it’s nothing.

“Just drive, Gongchan”, I said, slightly bitterly.

“Oh, so it wasn’t friends after all. Who was it?”, Gongchan asked. I could tell he was just trying to play around with me and make me laugh, but I was certainly in no mood to laugh.

“You don’t know anything about me, so just drive, Gongchan!”, I said, almost yelling.

There was silence for a bit and then he said, “All right then. You’re awkward.”

This kind of comment would not bug me any other day, but the honesty of the statement just hit me spot-on.

“Can you STOP acting like you know everything about me? You’re so insensitive and you know absolutely nothing about my fears and my dreams and my hopes! Why can’t you just be quiet?”, I shouted, exasperated with his nonchalant attitude towards me.

Gongchan gripped the steering wheel tightly, but only said to me stiffly, “Shut up, Soori. Someone’s going to call the cops because you’re yelling so loud.”  

I didn’t say another word, and neither did he.

He dropped me off at the girls’ dorm and drove away immediately.

I sighed, angry with him, but also with myself for losing my temper.

I entered the girls’ dorm to find Soo Ri making dinner and Shim Jang sleeping on the couch.

“What’s up?”, I asked Soo Ri, as I took off my coat.

“Just making dinner. Nice scarf, did you buy it?”, Soo Ri asked me.

I looked down at it and felt a fresh wave of guilt as I saw Gongchan’s scarf.

“Yeah, couple weeks ago”, I answered, pulling it off, “Where’s everyone else?”

“Chan Hee and Eun Suk headed out to the playground to practice for Dream Team. Shim Jang just finished practicing choreography for the new Japanese album, so she’s exhausted. Um… JiHyun’s at Immortal Song Training, Kyuhyun’s modeling for Italy Vogue, Sky’s going over his parts for the Chinese Album, and I believe Jaesun’s at the playground with Chan Hee and Eun Suk, throwing rocks at them if they don’t move fast enough… I don’t know where Gongchan is…”

I nodded, and went to the bathroom to wash my hands, but when I came back Soo Ri asked me, “Where were you the whole day? I don’t think you had a schedule…”

“No, I just… spent some time with some friends from high school who aren’t idols”, I said.

Soo Ri nodded, and handed me a cup of warm tea. I smiled at her; she always gave me exactly what I wanted.

No One’s POV

 Chan Hee and Eun Suk clambered in at that moment, waking up Shim Jang from her peaceful sleep on the couch.

“Our album concepts will be finalized tomorrow, and then we can finalize our choreographing and composing and lyrics and all that. Then we need to practice like we’re going die and get these albums recorded!”, Chan Hee told all of us.

Shim Jang groaned at the thought of what was coming up, but she didn’t complain. None of us did, because this was what we had dreamed of doing.

“It’s complete madness at the agencies”, Eun Suk said, pulling off her coat, “I went down there today to suggest some concepts for the Japanese Album, and the YG President told me they’ve hired 8 choreographers, 4 lyricists, 6 translators, 5 designers, 11 stylists, 7 set designers, and 3 language coaches- all for us.”

“We’re going to need all of them since we demanded we do the choreography and composing and lyrics again”, Soo Ri said, and we all agreed.

“And we need to brush up on our language before we go”, Soori said, sipping tea at the table.

 “How’s this? Starting tomorrow, we all speak in Japanese for the next three days in this dorm. Then we can do English, then Chinese, and maybe a day of French”, Chan Hee suggested.

“That’s great, but I’m going to forget how to speak Korean!” , Shim Jang said, laughing.   

  We gathered around the dinner table, talking about possible lyrics, composition, and dance ideas.

We were so lively, all of us, because this is what we’d waited so long to do. Music was what brought us together.

a/n: I'm sorry if anyone feels this is completely Soori-biased, but she requested that scene MONTHS ago and I felt like I finally had to do it some justice in return for taking so long to do.

thank you for everyone who's still supporting me. i have two weeks of finals coming up- and i'm sure you all do to, so good luck && study hard!

oh, and get ready for some picking-what-you-want chapters again. ;] lots of love, and happy december!