Eun Suk’s POV

Where do I go?

I don’t have a home.

The JYP President offered to allow me to stay in the trainee dorms, but I refused. It would feel wrong. Like going backwards.

I left most of my things at Universe’s house and crammed as much as I could into a single backpack. Trying to think of a place to go, I found a ddubboki stand next to a bus stop and sat there and ate ddubboki as I pondered where to go next.

Suddenly, a girl wearing an upper-class high school uniform asked me, “Oh my god, are you Jin from Universe?”

Immediately I pretended like I was confused, “Who?”

She seemed very disappointed, “Oh, I thought you were… you look a lot like her.”

“Nah… Universe’s Jin is a lot prettier”, a very familiar voice said. A hooded figure appeared behind the girl and spoke to me in that familiar voice, “Ready to go, Soo Min?”

I nodded my head and got up, pulling my backpack on.

I left money and we hurried off, catching the bus that happened to arrive at that very moment.

“Sky”, I muttered to him between gritted teeth, “That was dangerous. You should’ve stayed hidden. What if she recognized you?”

He shrugged, “I trusted that your lying abilities were good enough.”

“Anyways”, he frowned, “why are you at a ddubboki stand? Shouldn’t you be leaving for ho-?” His voice cut off abruptly as he realized exactly why I was at the ddubboki stand.

We were quiet for a moment.

“Do you have a place to stay?” he asked me finally.

I turned away from him, embarrassed, pointedly looking out at the window to avoid answering.

“You can stay over with me at my parents’ place”, he offered quietly.

I shook my head, “Too dangerous-”

He cut me off suddenly, his voice much louder “Not as dangerous as you wandering the streets alone! I think every single Universe member would want to beat me up if I left you by yourself, Eun Suk.”

“I wouldn’t beat you up”, I replied quickly, “Look, Sky, this is nothing new. I’m not afraid. I know how to take care of myself, all right?”

“Are you saying you would leave me by myself if I didn’t have someplace to stay?” he asked me aggressively.

“No, but that’s different”, I protested, frustrated.

“You can explain the difference after break”, he said shortly, and snatched my backpack and dragged me with him to a small café.

I very embarrassedly bowed to his parents and introduced myself, trying to smooth out my hair and clothes. I really don’t blush but I did then. Sky took me to his home then, just a few blocks down from the café. He pointed out a nearby restaurant and explained that that was where Kyuhyun’s parents worked and that we would see Kyuhyun often over break. “Though”, Sky added, “He’s probably trying to make amends with Krystal right now.”

“Seems like they’re always fighting”, I commented, not sarcastically, but somewhat sadly. It must be very taxing on both of them to fight so often.

“Well, love never was about two perfect beings, right? I mean, its two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.”

As always, Sky randomly startled me with his mature insights on life and this particular insight made me very curious about an aspect of Sky’s life that I’d never thought about before, “Do you know that by experience?”

Sky didn’t answer.

“Before you called me Soo Min. Whose name is that? Some past girlfriend of yours?”

“Don’t be stupid. Here, this is the shower and here’s the guest bedroom. It’s a bit small but…”

“Why are you avoiding the question, huh? Huh?”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up. This is the kitchen… and…oh yeah, Ji Young hyung has Balam for now, but I’m going to go get him tomorrow. Want to come?”

“I bet you’re really a player, Sky. A total jerk who dates five hundred women at once.” I paused. “Lies spectacularly. All sorts of false promises.”

Pause.

“Double agent. A fake name for each-”

“Oh my god, Eun Suk, enough!”
 

Gongchan’s POV

In the privacy of my room, I had time to think this over. I didn’t have to pretend to be the happy maknae anymore. I dropped down onto my bed, tired of brushing away all of my parents’ concerns and questions.

I was fine. I was fine. Right?

I clenched my fists on my knees as the feeling of emptiness that was held at bay by the business of packing and traveling threatened to close down on me.

I hadn’t even been able to say good-bye to Soori.

My mother knocked softly on my door before coming in.

I felt anger flare in me- can’t they just leave me alone? But I held it in as I told her repeatedly that no, I wasn’t hungry, I was just tired, and going to sleep.

Sorry, Mom. I know I’m being rude. But can’t you see… can’t you see I’m just trying to hold it in?

I missed them already.

But why was I here anyway? The reason for our hiatus. Why…?

It had all happened so quickly.

But I knew one thing for sure. We had never done anything wrong. Why shouldn’t we live together? We were like family and I was in love with Soori.

Was that so wrong?

To be human?

I picked up my phone and dialed.

A few rings passed before it was picked up.

“Hello?”

“Soori? This is Gongchan.”

“You shouldn’t call… it’s dangerous. What if the Presidents find out? ”

“I don’t care”, I said, laying down on my bed, “I wanted to hear your voice. Is that wrong of me?”

I paused when she didn’t respond. “Are you all right, Soori?”

“I’m fine. Just…”, Soori’s voice sounded strained, “Apparently it’s not just the press that’s upset about girls and boys living together. Krystal took it rather hard that Soo Ri and Kyuhyun shared a room…”

“That’s not what it was like though”, I replied quickly, “They were never more than sibling-like friends.”

“I know”, Soori replied, “but it’s hard to just say that and expect someone to believe it. Nobody knows… nobody understands…”

“I do”, I said fiercely, “I understand and if, some day, for some reason, I don’t, I’ll try hard to. I’ll always be there for you.”

“Thanks”, she said, and I could hear Soori’s smile in her voice.

“What about you?”, she asked me, “Are you holding up okay?”

I hesitated for a moment and gathered myself together so that when I answered her, “Yeah”, it wasn’t a complete and total lie.

“Gongchan”, Soori said, and her voice was soft. She knew what I was feeling. She always knew. I closed my eyes, “I’m fine, Soori. I promise.”

“It’ll work out”, she promised me, though she had no way of knowing that, “It will.”

And for that moment, just that moment, hearing the warmth in her voice, made me believe again.

“Yeah”, I said, my voice thick with emotion, “I know.”

Shim Jang’s POV

I wasn’t going home.

That would be the same as admitting defeat.

I wasn’t going to pack my bags and arrive home with a shameful face, not when I’d just been at the top of the world.

So I stayed at YG, dancing furiously in the training rooms by day and sleeping in the dorms at night.

What had happened?

I knew. I could answer that.

People couldn’t control their emotions.

It was so funny because people always regarded me as “lucky” for being so focused, for always being single-minded in my passion for music, particularly dancing.

They didn’t realize how much painstaking effort it had taken me.

They talked to me with a tone of of course you don’t date, you’re too focused on dancing and of course you left your parents, it’s because you love dance so much.

Yeah, I did love dance. But it didn’t mean I loved my parents any less or that I’d also faced many moments of wanting to be with someone and start relationships. It just meant that I’d made the sacrifices so many others were unwilling to make.

Like Soori and Gongchan.

I was angry at them. No, angry wouldn’t even cover it. They didn’t make the sacrifices I’d had to make and yet they’d enjoyed the same amount of success I’d had and even more, I was now being punished just the same as them.

I knew they were just doing what they thought was right for them, but the consequences had turned out disastrous for me.

And I’d thought they’d understood me, I had actually trusted them with the most important thing- my career.

This is what I get. I should’ve known. I was the stupid one.

I danced harder, faster, breathing hard, and began to sweat.

Suddenly, a slightly timid voice called out, “Um… Shim Jang?”

I turned. I had been so lost in the music, in my own thoughts, that I hadn’t heard the door open.

It was Jaesun.

“Why are you here?” I asked him, half-shocked, half-angry, “Do you want to get us in more trouble? Leave.”

“I-I just… wanted to see if you were all right”, Jaesun said, looking down with his hands behind his back.

“Um…”, he said awkwardly, “I brought you bubble tea.” He’d been holding it behind his back, but now he showed me the bubble tea he’d bought.

“Just leave it there”, I said shortly, “I’ll drink it later.”

Jaesun hesitated before he asked me straightforwardly, “You’re… you’re angry with us, aren’t you? You’re angry because you feel like we weren’t as dedicated as you were.”

“Well, isn’t it true?” I snapped, “It’s not just a feeling, is it? I mean, this mess we’re in right now, it’s real.”

“Yeah, but… feelings are real too”, Jaesun said. His tone was quiet, but his eyes blazed with a hard strength, “Shim Jang, there’s enough love in your heart that you don’t have to pick just one thing.”

“That’s what the weak say”, I scoffed, turning away from him as the next song came on again.

“No”, Jaesun replied even though my back was turned to him, “that’s what the fearless say. Take care.”

A second later, he’d left.

Despite myself, I turned around.

The bubble tea was by the door… and so was Chu… that old stuffed rabbit, his ears drooping from too many years of being clutched tightly.

Jaesun’s most precious and loved object in the world…

My heart thumped.

Sky’s POV

Eun Suk fit in quite well at my home, though that may be mostly because she was never actually there. She left quite early in the mornings, often in a business suit, which confused me. In the evenings, she would come, throw on an apron, and help my parents with the restaurant. She’d take a shower and fall right asleep and then do it all over again.

Finally, one morning, I woke up earlier than normal and waited so that right after she’d dressed and left her room, I stopped her, grabbing her arm.

“Where’re you going?” I asked her.

“Holy shi… you nearly gave me a heart attack!” Eun Suk said, clutching at her heart.

“Sorry”, I said, letting go of her, “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“Oh”, she said, straightening out the collar of her shirt, “I’m going to Jung Yunho’s.”

“Of DBSK!?” I said and for some strange reason, I felt panicked.

“Yes, he’s our sunbae”, she confirmed.

“Is that where you’ve been going every morning this week?” I asked her, and even to my ears, my voice sounded unnecessarily aggressive.

Eun Suk looked startled, “N-no, of course not.”

“Oh, so what, you’ve been seeing a different guy every day of the week”, I said, overly sarcastic, “I should’ve figured. You smoke and drink, now this?”

Eun Suk looked incredibly hurt. fell open in surprise. Then she quickly closed it and it turned into a thin line as she became angry. She stormed out the door, leaving me feeling guilty, stupid, and mean.

“Ughhhh. Damn it.”, I groaned and flopped back onto my bed.

She was understandably, cold to me all evening. When my parents asked us to complete the dish-washing duties for the night, we completed all two hundred dishes without saying a word.

JiHyun’s POV

It was raining hard outside and streaks of crystal-clear water poured down the window. It had been a week and a half since our hiatus had begun. Three days of it remained.

I’d stayed with my parents for a week and then rented an apartment from a friend who was traveling overseas for another week.

Because I needed time to think. Time to figure out what the hell Universe was going to do. Dating Shin Se Kyung had only been a distraction and a very immoral distraction. Although we both mutually agreed that was only for publicity on both sides, I suspected there was something just a little more on her side. Of course, that might’ve just been me being really vain… I was known to do that, as Gongchan always liked to point out.

But the real truth was that I already had feelings for someone… I had had them since a long time ago, way back…

What?

I blinked hard and stared out my window.

No, I’m just imagining it because I thought of her.

No, there’s no way.

It’s pouring outside! There’s no way anyone in their right mind would be outside…

I grabbed my glasses and shoved them on. I looked again and sure enough…

But then, I thought resignedly, she’s never been in her right mind, has she?

I dashed to the door, wrenched it open, and sprinted out into the absolutely pouring rain to meet her.

a/n: hopefully someone will read this. i'm months late, i know. shame, shame, shame on me.