"Ahh I am so tired!!" I whined in my room and banged my head on the book open in front of me. Maths had never been a good point of mine and the exam was in just two days. I was stressed out, so bad and the worst part was, I couldn't ask for help from my usual saviour. 

I sighed and buried my face in my arms. After I had talked to Minhyuk, I had went back inside and acted like nothing happened with Jonghyun; but it didn't mean I didn't feel awkward at all. I felt sooooo weird. All the little things I never noticed before had started to basically scream out to me. Like, the way he slightly leaned in when he was talking to me, the way his hair fell on his eyes as he was reading, the way his eyes glinted whenever he teased me... his soft cologne tickling my nose when he was close... it was just too much lately. I was so confused with myself and my own feelings that I couldn't bring myself to stay near him... which made studying real hard for me because he was the one who usually tutored me with the subjects I was bad at. If I failed that would be his fault and his only!

"Excuse me..." 

I jumped with the sound of my door opening and turned that way.

"Do I have to teach you to knock before you come in? What if I was chaning or something?!" I screamed, trying to hide my racing heart. 

"Well you could dive under your blankets or better yet, gauge my eyes out, I have faith in you; but you weren't so no worries." he said with a grin as he let himself in all the way. 

"I like sound of gauging your eyes out." I mumbled, looking away as he sat next to me.

"I guessed so. But well, more importantly..." I looked at him when his tone got more serious, his eyes also stared seriously at me, "You have exams so soon and you don't call me over, are you sure you can pass like this?"

I wanted to slap his witty mouth right then. I was quite sure that if this was an anime, I'd have a vein popping on my face right now. 

"Of course I can, you- you- you- UGH I can alright?!" I threw a tantrum. It only made him laugh. 

"My bad, my bad, alright you can!" he chuckled, then flashed me that chic smile of his, "I still came anyways so let's study together."

Goddamn, how could I refuse when he asked that way? I groaned and nodded in the end. 

"Fiine, let's do that..."

An hour later, we were actually studying and I got a big nothing in my hands. I kept getting distracted again and again, he needed to knock on my head or click his fingers in front of me to bring me back to real life. But, how was I supposed to concentrate with everything that went through my head?! I tried to learn and focus but his whole existence just kept distracting me. I found myself wondering if he really liked me, or how he stayed so composed with all those feelings, or how he could be so perfect in every sense and...

"Hey, can you please focus already?!" I snapped out of it again with the click of his fingers.

"I-I am focusing, alright!" I stuttered. He had a seriously annoyed look on his face.

"Jeez, what's wrong with you?!" he scolded with an exaggerated sigh, "I'm trying to help you here and all you do is just zone out!" 

"Well, I was better before you came!" I retorted, before I could stop myself. I saw a shadow pass through his eyes for a short moment; but I could as well have imagined that.

"Oh, so I make it worse?" he said, sounding actually disappointed. I felt something dig at my chest - probably guilt. 

"It's not like that!" I said; but bit my lip. What could I say?

"Then what is it?" he said. If I wasn't going to tell him I overheard him or if I wasn't going to confess, then what could I say?

"It's just..." I mumbled, unsure of what to do now. I felt truly stupid. I felt him come closer to me and when I raised my eyes, I saw true concern in those beautiful sparkling orbs; he had easily noticed that this wasn't just some casual catfight for me. 

"You know you can tell me anything. Anything." he said assuringly. But I could feel worry wash over me. What if I lost this? What if one day he stopped being by my side and found someone he would stay with more? What if I didn't have him anymore? The thought could make me paranoid, I tried to push the thoughts away. 

"What would I do without you..." I heard myself mutter before I could stop myself. He chuckled bashfully and smiled at me. 

"You would have found a way to survive, I'm sure. Or maybe you'd have gone and got yourself killed somewhere with nobody to save you, who knows?" he grinned, turning it into a joke in the end. I couldn't even joke along this time. 

"Probably the latter. Hey, can you promise to be by my side? Forever?" I asked, feeling quite desperate. 

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" he said with worry, placing his hands on my arms; I hadn't even noticed I was clinging onto him hard before he did that. 

"Nothing, just, pretty please?" I asked again. He sighed and gave in. I guess he thought the stress of exams affected me a bit too much.

"Of course I will. Forever. Cross my heart and hope to die." he said with an honest smile. 

"What if you find someone you like?" I said. Well, here goes caution to the wind. And what more I was thinking on anyways? Why was this confusion? I had trusted Jonghyun more than anyone my whole life. I was happy with him more than anyone else. I had people I liked; but even when I liked someone else, Jonghyunwas always more important to me. Now after I heard the talk they had with Joon, whenever he was close my heart beat in my ears, his scent made me dizzy and just the thought of losing him made me crazy. Was this not apparent enough? 

"What if, indeed..." he only said softly with a gentle smile. I bit my lip. 

"Then you will go to them; won't you?" I said, averting my eyes as I answered my own question. As I spoke the extremely obvius answer I felt like my heart was a glass trinket and I could hear the sound effect of it breaking anytime now.Maybe I got it all wrong, maybe he had said all that to Joon to make sure he wouldn't play with me. Of course, I was the one who called him harabeoji and told him to go find a girl so I could find peace just two weeks ago. 

"What happened to 'go find a and leave me alone' hm?" he chuckled softly. I could feel myself blushing. Could he read minds or what?

"W-well, that, uh..." I stuttered and averted my eyes again. I jumped slightly when I felt his fingertips touch my chin lightly. He made me look at him again. God he was so perfect... 

"Don't worry about a thing, alright? You don't need to think any further. I did swear that I would be by your side, forever so I will. And wherever this worry came from, you can stick it back in there. I'm always right here. Always." 

Oh if only he kissed me right now... or could I kiss him instead? Of course I couldn't expect someone who had loved me for years and never done anything to come up and kiss me now. But I couldn't make a move either!! I took a deep breath and forced myself to act normal for now. 

"Stick it back in wherever it came from, huh..." I mumbled, raising my brows and looking down. Then I took a glance at him, a second later we were both laughing. 

"No, I don't think it came out from your , you crazy woman!" Jonghyun said, laughing. 

"The pot calling the kettle black; you're the crazy one!" I ed and started hitting on his head with a pillow I grabbed. He was used to this, it was a reflex for him to get into defense. 

"Oh please, nobody can hold a candle to you!" he said with a wide grin. 

"Get out before I turn you into what you look like, you freaking grinning skull!!" I screamed, not ceasing my attacks; but I was laughing too. He crawled his way to the door, pulled himself out and closed the door after himself. I was absolutely sure he was taking cover next to the door. 

"Don't you dare slack off because I'm leaving, you hear me? I'm leaving because you said you study better alone, if you get less than 80 I'll make you regret you were ever born, just so you know." he threatened behind the closed door. I let the pillow down and quickly opened the door, stuck my head out. As I guesed, he was taking cover next to the door. 

"If I get something above 90 I'll tell you something; but you can't say no." I said. His brows raised. 

"Can I assume you won't try to make me drink rat poison?" he said cautiously. I grinned evilly. He swallowed and took a step back. "O...kay I'm not so sure about this." 

"You don't have a choice." I said, keeping up the same grin. He took a deep breath and thought hard. 

"The only exam ahead is Maths and if you get 90 from that without my help you'll tell me something I won't be allowed to refuse... it's such a low possibility, sweetheart. Fine, then." he said in the end. When I opened the door and took a threatening step out he laughed evilly and dashed away like Jack Sparrow - sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow. 

When he left, I went back in my room laughing and rolled up my sleeves. After tidying up everything that looked even a little messy I gathered my heavy war weapons (a notebook and a few books), tightened my Ninja forehead protector (Pass or Die headband) and, with the most deadly weapon of the humanity (a pencil), started studying. I had an exam ahead that I had to get 90 from and not even Heavens could stop me this time. 

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sooreeeeyyyy for the late update but i didn't know how to continue with this. now i have it written down in my mothertongue and as soon as i find the time to translate, i'll update. sometimes i wonder if there's anyone left reading, tho. welp. enjoy! o/