"Love is merely madness for crazy girl like me."

Cont.. at the Fashion event

I messed up this time Dara. I'm sorry.  CL can't even looked at me in the eye but she didn't let go of my hand either. I was waiting for her to talk but..

What do you mean? Did you cheat on me? It was the only thing I could think of. What does she even mean by that?

This is not the right time and place to talk Dara. She uttered. I'm quite disappointed of the situation we're in. Both of us are needed to be somewhere else.Why do I have this feeling that I'm going to lose her. This is just so unfair.  All I wanted was a normal human interaction that couples do. I bet celebrities have them too.  Chae.. but I was lost for words when her phone rang. She took the call and released my hand. I'm coming right up. Just give me a minute. This ain't right.  It feels like I only got limited chance to talk to her and when she'll walk away right now, it's a sayonara for me. Oh, this is so wrong in so many levels. I'm her ing fiancée for pete's sake. I was about to burst out but I noticed her hand slipped through my waist and was hugging me so tight. 

Dara, where are you staying tonight? Chaerin whispered no my ear as I can sense her breathing me in and landed a peck on my neck. I don't have much time but I want to see you. I missed you so much. Wait, what? She wants to see me, huh? No Dara. Just don't give in yet. Damn, I'm supposed to be angry with her but as I felt her hands wrapping around my waist and her heartwarming husky voice permeated in my ear, I was totally disarmed; My knees were shaking; as my entire body weakened.  God, how I missed her too. Now, I'm melting in her embrace. This is so embarassing and unfair. I came here for a cause. 

I hate you Chae.. then tears starts flowing on my face. How could I even put up a fight with my weaken state? Chaerin turned me around to face her and wiped my tears dry. Baby, I don't wanna go and leave you like this. With her eyes burning with passion and hands were gripping with affection, her lips leaned forward and landed a soft kiss on mine. I was in no position to resist as my inner being longed for this kiss. 

But then, she broke it off the moment she heard the MC was calling for her. She cupped my face with her hands and rubbed my lips with her thumb. Wait for me Darong. I will see you later tonight. I know she was running out of time, the stage needs her and I couldn't keep her any longer. I only nodded  then she walked away. Oh, why am I so weak around her?

I went back to my seat feeling defeated and with a heavy heart as Jiyong was looking at me with so much concern in his eyes.  Are you okay Dara? I took my seat comfortably next to him and simply nodded then he held my hand like he always does. Ji, I don't feel like staying around for long. I want to go..

🎶 Jump on that.. Jump on that..  I'm on that dirty vibe. 🎶

The music just kicked in so loud that I shifted my head towards the stage and saw CL was singing the Dirty Vibe with Skrillex.  Her overflowing charisma was like an electric wave sending good vibes and instantly, my fangirl mode was on. The moment she winked at me, I released a small snickering laugh when I recalled the first time she did that. Now, I'm pretty sure that wink before was definitely meant for me.  She was stunning as usual and I could clearly see how happy she was, doing the thing she loves on stage.

🎶Hold up, you in the presence of a queen. Talk with the prettiest lips. Blow a kiss.🎶

Oh, she's being so obvious. She just blew a kiss to me. Jiyong reacted with a smirk and swoop his hand over my shoulder. What are you doing Ji? I asked. Jiyong whispered closely to my ear. Relax D, let's just pretend and see how she'll react to this one. CL shifted her stare to the man sitting beside me with a devious smug on her face. Should I play along? I shook my head in disbelief. Yeah, why not let her feel how I feel for the past few days. 

🎶 What you ain't, you ain't know.  I'm yo girl's lesbian crush.  She ain't with you, she be rollin' my (dirty vibe). CL continued singing her line. 

Oh my God, I cupped my mouth in shocked while holding back the laughter in me. CL just pointed a dirty finger to Ji. I guess she's definitely pissed off right now.  I love seeing her dissappointed face once in awhile.  She was clearly out of focus and keeps on returning to our side of the stage. Oh my, she did it again, that y wink. Somehow I felt a little warm inside and the pain I felt for a week subside. Nevertheless, CL brought the house down with her superb performance with Skrillex.  Both of them really complimented each other.  Oh wait?! Is that really necessary? Skrillex just walked towards CL then hugged her so tight as if lifting her off the ground type kind of hug. Damn you girl. You really know how to retaliate.

Thank you!!! But before I go, I would like to thank my dearest friend Sandara Park who flew all the way from South Korea just to attend this event. I love you so much. Dearest friend, huh? Then, she blew small flying kisses towards me again. Oh !! I face palm myself not knowing how to react. She'd completely gone out of her mind!! Now, the people were eyeing on me. But to my surprise, everyone cheered and lauded my name thereafter. I guess this is pretty normal to everyone after all. When will I ever get used to this kind of thing?

In my hotel

No, I didn't attend the after party as I was feeling low that after the show, I couldn't find her anymore. I was back in my hotel room alone and tired.  The room service was on the line and I just ordered for a bottle of wine. While looking at my phone, I'm not quite sure if she will still receive my text but I'm sending one anyway. 

As the night deepens, I have already lost my hope, l guess I won't be seeing her tonight. But the truth is, I was still holding on to what little hope I have left before the night succumb. The silence grew and grew then it came to me that I don't really have a hold on her. That a regular person like me couldn't matched up to a celebrity girl like her.  It's like I am the one who is always seeking out for her. This is just definitely not me at all. Im not the subservient type. I know, I've learned it the hard way when my father squandered my earnings and left us all with nothing. I grew up not depending on anyone and now. Oh Chaerin, don't push my button too hard. Im not quite sure if I can still hold it in.

I was sipping my drink in the balcony of my room indulging myself with the city lights view as I was mesmerize with the sound of the engine running and the car horn blowing. I guess this trip is still worth it. I needed this for healing but where the hell is she? 

Oh, !!

You should learn how to lock your door Dara.  This is not the first time you did this, you know.  I couldn't control it but despite of how frightened I was, a smile just broke into my cheeks as I heard a very familiar voice behind me. I tried hiding it but it was futile. I turned around and I was shock seeing her face so close to me.

You scared me!! *Ummpp..  

Immediately, I was lost when she smacked here lips to mine. I want to break it off but my lips and the rest of my body were completely doing the opposite as I even pulled her in towards my mouth. Uhm, no Chae, you can't always have it your way. I successfully broke the kiss off and held my forehead against hers while my hands landed on her chest pushing her away. We need to talk. Tell me why d'you have to do that? Did you cheat on me?  She just smirked and cupped my face with her hands.

I have made many mistakes Dara but not cheating. I have been tempted not once but a couple of times to cheat on you, but I didn't. I have already asked you to marry me.  What's wrong with you? Don't you trust me?

I was awestruck with her way of reasoning. What's gotten into me? She's really good at it but couldn't even talk to me in a week. We are really standing in complete opposite end. I'm a people person.. I won't even last a day without talking to someone. Is this another side of her that I have to endure? Then, what's with the silent treatment then? You know how much I hated it. I grumbled. She took a deep sigh then looked at me in the eye as she slipped her hands on my waist and snugged it in tight. Do I really have to do this? She murmured softly.

Yeah, I think so. I'm all ears. My voice was begging for some answers.

The truth is, for months, I haven't written a single song since I met you. She paused and released a deep sigh. I think, I lost it.. I don't know why but  I used to live in a fortress of solitude.  I am a leader and my crew looked up to me. I walked a lonely path. I don't rely on anyone.  I just want to do something I love and music comes first for me. I don’t like to box myself into anything. 

But, when you came, everything around me changes. I am more clingy, needy and hungry of you.. of your presence and its killing me. I don't know.. I think I'm about to lose myself.  I practiced patience but it didn't work. There were just so much on my plate and I felt like I don’t want to take too much responsibility anymore.

That's it? In other words, she got lazy? I can't believe this girl. She's more psyche than me.

I love you so much Darong.  I've asked you to marry me because that's how crazy I am for you. I do everything for you. I can't stand seeing you next to him. The way you are holding his hand, confiding in him, seeking comfort around his arms. I have to admit.. it hurts and I want you back. Come live with me baby. I know its a long shot but.. do you want me to give up everything I've work for in the US? 

Come live with her? In the US? What is she trying to imply? Well, why didn't I think of that? Chae, baby, I know how you have worked so hard to be where you are. I don't want you to do that for me. I tried rationalizing everything as much as I can.

So, will you be with me then? I know how you love to stay in Korea.  You don't have to say it.. I felt it when you ask about home when we were in L.A. I know how you value your family very much. So, all this time, all she wanted was me to be by her side.  True enough, Seoul is home for me.  I feel strong whenever I am close with my family.  But,

Chae?

What? 

Just kiss me.. I got so tired with all the talking.  She didn't cheat on me and that's all that matters.  Now, I just want to enjoy the rest of the night with her. Who knows how much time I have left with her. Damn, she's like a unicorn. 

She pulled me in and kissed me so hard. It didn't take long as she pinned me down in bed, and wrapped totally in her arms. We made love to each other, satisfying our hungry ual desire with touch and kisses and sending off an electrifying chills that only the baddest female can give.

After a while, we were pretty much exhausted and both of us collapsed on bed after a couple of rounds of relentless . She's a beast in bed and I couldn't ask for more. I know, she's kind of childish in so many ways but I cannot deny the fact that I'm totally in love with her. Am I going crazy over this girl?  What have I got myself into?

Now, here comes the turning point though. Can I really compromise everything for her? How about my career? Can I really live by her side? I her hair and caressed her face softly and gently. What should I do? But then, my phone rang.

Chaerin was half-awaken by the noise and took my vibrating phone in the bedside table. It's Bom. She said and placed it in loud speaker.

DARAYA!!.. Bommie was so loud and speaking nonstop. Where are you? What's going on with you and Jiyong? My newsfeed is flooded with pictures of you two? Are you both back together after that kiss?    

Chaerin just looked at me mortified with what she just heard.

I.. I can explain it Chaerinna..

A/N:  Most of CL's lines were taken or quoted from her interviews and social media updates.  Such as this one.