"If our love ceases to be.. that would be the end of my world to me." 

Is she going to be alright? She has to. Then, tears come running down my cheeks again. I bit my index finger lightly as I was drown with my own thoughts. I'm such a coward.. a viciously evil person. Chaerin doesn't deserve a person like me. I know that now.

And about the letter..

Lee Chaerin,

I don't expect you to understand me Chae. When you read this.. I'm probably miles away. Even if you won't accept my apology.. I will say it anyway. For a very short period of time.. you have shown me so much love and affection more than I could ever ask for. And I'm sorry.. I failed you.

Please be angry at me.. be very angry.. I cannot even fight for you when life gets too difficult for me. I have my reasons.. and I couldn't even tell you.

Dara

LAX Airport

The plane just landed in LAX airport, yes, and not France. I've decided to change course where I could just lay low without the prying eyes of Jiyong. I didn't tell anyone except my mom. I don't want her to get worried.

As I was waiting for my luggage. I feel like I want to throw up but I haven't eaten anything yet since I've departed in Seoul. I've lost my appetite to put anything in my mouth. I was walking like a zombie in the airport while waiting for someone. Jeremy Scott called, he said he'll send someone over to fetch me in the airport.

Jeremy Scott's studio

Hello Ms. Sandara Park.. welcome to L.A. He hugged me then gave a peck on my cheek. I called him the other day and he took me in even for quite a short notice. How's your flight dear?  Jeremy asked. It was fine Jer.. I lied but I guess he already knew the answer which was painted all over my face. I really appreciate you helping me out. I added. No darling, you are helping me out.. I love your designs and I can't wait for you to start working right away.. 

Jeremy provided me with everything that I need. A place to stay, a car and even a new mobile phone. How is CL? Does she know about this? I haven't heard from that girl for quite a while now. No, she doesn't.. and I'm hoping it will stay that way Jer. I pleaded with my melancholic voice. Oh, why? What's wrong honey? I told him everything about what happened and he felt sorry for me. It's not that hard to trust Jeremy.. he  understood my situation quite well. As long as she won't ask me about you.. you're secret is safe with me Dara.

Don't worry.. she won't. I know Jeremy couldn't lie to her, they've been closed buddies for so long.. but he would be the least person to seek out if someone's looking for me.. 

Weeks later

The first week was not fine at all, it was terrible. I had a hard time adjusting to my new workplace. I'm homesick most of the time. Speaking in English kind a stressed me out too. I've lost weight and I missed her so badly. I just kept myself updated with the news back home.

• Jiyong paid all the damages since I left YG before the contract has ended.
• Park Bom signed in as YG artist.
• And Chaerin.. 

I took a deep sigh. I just realized how impulsive I was with the decision I'd made. I may have panicked for what Jiyong did to me.. and even led me to this mess I myself has created. Did I regret doing it?  theres no use of lingering on such ideas anymore.. what done is done. I have to move on. Work is my priority now, though it feels so empty being alone in a foreign land.

So, I decided to draw Chaerin in different angles and posted it all over my wall.. I feel like a sociopath.. but this is my world.. no one has the say in it but me. Wo ah.. you left the door open dear.. Oh, what have we here? Jeremy Scott has been fully accomodating since day one. You should really go out a lot girl.. this isn't healthy for you. He was pertaining to the sketches on the wall. Like I said.. I looked like a sociopath.

He always ask me every weekend to go out with him and even introduces me to his friends.. He strongly recommends me to date again but I couldnt.. I just can't.

Months after

Time went by so fast.. and its been 4 months already. I was having lunch date with Jeremy since we're about to launch his summer collection in the next few days and I noticed that there's an update on CL's  instagram.

OMG this girl..

I would definitely say that most of her post were provocatively y.. but its just being her though.. thats the kind of image she wanted to portray. Oh my, is she dating Skrillex? They looked so close together. Stop it Dara.. you shouldn't left her in the first place if you're going to continue to be like this. She even posted a video on Instagram where she baked a cake for his birthday. I'm totally a loser. I  don't even have the right to be jealous. I'm sorry Jer.. I just cant help it.

​​​​ 

Oh my God.. What is this? CL is in town.. what am I supposed to do? I thought she cancelled her reservation for the fashion event. Jeremy looks anxious and agitated while looking at his phone. I guess I won't be going then.. I responded.

Nooo!  I need you Dara.. it will be a mess if you're not there.. Jeremy retorted. Okay.. just relax.. I will remain backstage.. no need to worry. But I am already worried.  The truth is, my heart starts racing after hearing the news. Random questions were already flooding in my mind.

What if she sees me? 

Will she ignore me?

Will I be hurt? Or okay about it.. 

Urghh.. the thought is killing me.

Fashion Week Night with Jeremy Scott

It was still early in the venue as I busied myself preparing my stuff before the models and guest will arrive. I was wearing a huge hoodie to cover my face just in case.. with a black jeans and a sneakers. One by one, models  came in backstage with their corresponding make up artist as they lined up to be prepped for the runway. I got so busy that I didn't even mind what's happened outside. 

Psst.. she's here.  Are you okay in there? Jeremy just popped out his head over the door. Yeah, I'm fine. On the contrary, hearing about it is just as bad as I thought it would be. I couldn't control my heart beating so fast again and suddenly the air around me became so thin that I find it even hard to breathe.

Should I take a peek? Nah.. Dara don't.. you'll get distracted.. my inner being begun to nagged incessantly. The runway was on and models changed their clothes one at a time.  It was so hectic and fast moving.

Moments later, a group of people burst in my area as they surround a certain celebrity. One of them pushed me accidentally and I lost my balance. I hit the table next to me then I fell on the floor. Everyone was shocked for the commotion and went silent for a while. Then someone grabbed my arm to pull me up.

Are you okay?  That familiar voice though. Oh no. She can't be.. Then, suddenly, I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my heart beating so rapidly. I was frozen and kept my head down covered with my hoodie. She's holding my arm right now and I can see her chubby hands. Oh God, breathe Dara.

CL in position now.. you're next.. the floor director just announced sternly. She pulled me up, released my hand and turned around. Huh.. that was a relief. I was holding my breath the whole time. It was only then I realized my hands and knees were shaking as well. I stood up straight and saw her back just inches away from me. 

Oh Chaerinna.. you're so close. I could hear her husky voice as she was talking to a guy infront of her. God.. I missed her. Reality pulled me back in, reminded me of my rightful place the moment I'd let her go. Then, I moved back further to the corner watching her as she took off to the stage. I want to see her perform but I my hands were full in prepping the girls backstage. And to my relief the show ended sucessfully. Jeremy was so happy with the result and congratulated the team for our hardwork. He wanted to invite me for the after party but, It's fine Jer.. I'm dead beat anyway.. I just want to go home now. I fixed myself up.. arranged all my stuff then went straight home.. 

In my Apartment

Aigoo.. did I forgot to lock the door again? I settled myself in.. placed all my bags to the floor as my tired body fell on the couch then my eyes grew so heavy and my sight went dim.

Arghhh.. an annoying tickling sensation over my ear just woke me up but I'm still lethargic.. then I went back to sleep again. Damn it.. what the.. now it hurts.. someone just pinch my ear hard. As I opened my eyes.

Ow.. Why am I in handcuffs?

A/N: I just want to share that I quoted "If our love ceases to be.. that would be the end of my world to me" from 2NE1 MV Missing You shown on the background @ 2:29 when CL was sitting in the concrete block