A week had passed since the last time they met each other. Youngsaeng was like cutting off every connection she had to him. He replied her message saying that he would take care of everything on his side so she didn’t need to bother. After that, he was missing. She couldn’t find him anywhere. Now that her relationship with Kyujong had changed for the better, she even asked him for a favor to look for him. As expected, he also couldn’t be a help, Youngsaeng didn’t even go to classes.

There was once when she stood in front of his apartment door for hours, ringing the bell hundreds of time, but he still didn’t show up. She left putting a note in the door stating she wanted to meet him and explained everything. He read it after making sure that she really wasn’t there anymore, for all this time he was hiding inside his apartment, holding back all the longing to see her. He didn’t want to keep his expectation high anymore. He was afraid that once they met again, he wouldn’t let her go and being like a fool hurting her. The note ended up in the trash bin.

Seungyeon thought that even if they were about to go separated ways, a proper goodbye was necessary at least. She was frustrated despite the awareness that it was herself to be blamed. If just she put everything straight in the line with him before making decision, they would be all happy right now.

But the table has turned. He and his whole family must hate me.

***

On the second week she found out that his parents hadn’t knew anything about their ‘separation’. She met his mother on one branch of bakeries Nicole’s family had and was flustered by the way she treated her so well just like the old times.

“Seungyeon-ah, it’s really good to see you here. That son of mine, really, I’ve been telling him to bring you over for dinner.”

She wasn’t sure whether she did the right thing or not, but she asked her for a time to talk and pour everything out. The old lady was shocked at first, but the worst that Seungyeon had expected didn’t come out.

“It’s really…a pity. Still, I’m thankful that you are being honest to me.” She said, holding Seungyeon’s hand with a sincere smile plastered on her face.

“However child, are you sure you have nothing inside for my son?”

That caught her off guard.

“Omoni-I…”

***

She gratefully got some information about his whereabouts from his mother but kept contemplating for the rest of the week. Another week passed by and she chose to not bother him for a moment. She had left some scars and time would help to heal it, she wished.

That was some of the worst time of her life. She was so used to him being around, just like breathing the air, even though they started as awkward, fake, and full of her self. A phone call from him, which came on a morning right on the fifth week after the very last time they met, didn’t make it better either. He was asking to meet her and she supposed to be happy. But something in his tone made her heart restless.

Kyujong Oppa, he called, and I’m scared, she had written in one of messages she exchanged with the kind-oppa-who-had-back.

***

When she saw him at the front parking lot of her college that afternoon, tears welled up on her eyes. The mixed feelings of not seeing him for the past weeks and the strange worried about losing him making her miserable that she thought she must have gone crazy.

“Hi there, Hamster!”

Youngsaeng brought her driving around, saying that he wanted to have a date because they weren’t able to have a real one before. They had been together going here, there, and places but no one really stated it as a date.

“So, let’s go and do the things normal couple would do. What do you say?” He had asked.

Even though she went along quietly with him, somehow it gave her a sense of a goodbye. It was like he was doing a farewell trip. However, she was also playing blind, denying all the thoughts that came into her. He acted like nothing had happened, that the time when he avoided her didn’t exist, and she was kind of forcing herself to believe that it was a good sign.

After almost an hour of having no precise destination, he stopped at an Italian restaurant they frequent. He held her hand all the way inside and pulled the chair for her at their favorite seat.

“It feels cheesy.” She said, smiling.

“What?” The eyebrows met at the furrowed of the owner, whether he was confused at her question or at the menu list opened in front of his eyes.

“These things like pulling the chair, you never did it before. So, it feels weird, somewhat cheesy. It doesn’t seem like your style.”

He smiled back at her words, “well done, the Hamster has now even understand me that deep. Then, let me just be so-not-my-style for this day.”

His last phrase gave her another shock. Whether she watched too much drama or what, but those words were often said as a parting sign. However again, she shrugged it off with a smile.

At the coming of the waiters to take their orders, he cut her off by stating the things she had wanted to eat.

“One Spicy Seafood Salad and Prawn Cream Spaghetti for this lady, and a Mushroom Fettuccini for me.  For the drink please give us one Strawberry Honey Lime Tea and one Ice Americano.”

Somehow, it still amazed her on how he could understand her so much until the peak where it seemed like he could read her mind.

The time waiting for food they spent chatting awkwardly, commenting about weather and news they saw on television. She struggled with her words because he obviously was avoiding talking about ‘them’.

Maybe he realized that it was getting more and more awkward for them to talk and at one point, he stopped talking and just staring at her. Though she was flushing, she boldly stared back. It suddenly became a staring competition between them that soon interrupted by their coming foods.

For a moment there was only sound of the eating utensils and he remarking it tasted really good. He would put the mushroom from his plate on her spoonful spaghetti and she shared her prawn in change.

They finished the food in no time. After paying the bill, he took her to the car and speed to the direction of her home. But instead of stopping in front of her house, he stopped the engine on a park seven blocks away from her place.

“Let’s take a walk from here. I want to walk you back home.” He explained, erasing the question mark on her eyes.

Again, he took her hand into his as they walked side by side in a slow pace. Their shoulders would bump from the closeness they were in.

“Couples always do this.” Lifting their joined hands, he started a conversation. Their engagement ring on her finger reflected the afternoon gleam. “You know, there is also that holding arm gesture. Which one do you prefer?”

For the first time that day, she laughed. “Why are you suddenly asking random questions?”

“Hmmm, I’m not sure.” She continued, distancing her self to get a better view of him. “Since, I have yet to try doing the latter gesture.”

Suddenly he stopped walking. “Then, do you want to try?”

“No.” She said.

He was about to pull out his hand but she kept holding it tight and started walking again, making him followed her.

“I will do it later. for the first time. on my wedding. when my future husband offered his arm, taking me from my father.”

She was keeping her gaze on the road they were walking in, feeling shy. She was a red crimson hue at her own thought of boldness but he was too busy being such a worrywart to notice. It was supposed to be a tease, but without her knowing it just gave him another death blow. It downed on him that she wanted to do it with someone else, most probably Kyujong. He was right; he really had no hope left.

On the rest of the stroll to her home, he kept thinking that she should stop being so nice and meek to him. He was dumped already when she revealed everything and amended with Kyujong. She should have stopped wearing that ring too, he thought, his own part of ring on his free left hand.

“We’re here.”

They arrived in front of her house in no time. She was about to say something when he pulled her into a hug. It was a loose one, no overwhelming feelings, just a calmness she sensed, a dangerous one. So, after he pulled out, the first thing that she uttered was asking whether he would come again tomorrow or not.

He smiled, and patted her head in response, before giving a peck on her forehead and caressing her cheek. She closed her eyes all the way through the process until she didn’t feel his skin brushing hers anymore. He was already walking away showing his back as she opened her eyes.

Swallowing hard, she placed a hand on her heart.

It didn’t feel good.

***

The answer to all her anxieties came at the fourth day after that afternoon. A bouquet of her favorite Calla Lily and a package of box arrived in front of their door. She immediately knew it was from him and confirmed it after reading the letter inside the bouquet. She supposed to be happy, but she wasn’t. a part of her world ended that day with the meaning of every word written on that paper and the engagement ring inside the box.

He was leaving.

He had left.

To: Seungyeonnie.

I don’t know where to start. First, I’m sorry that I left without giving a proper goodbye. This is one hard decision I took, it will be harder doing it with you knowing. Because I will definitely change my mind if I see you and do the silly thing to never let you go.

I regret a lot of things. I too feel sorry for a lot of things, to you and your parents. But most of it, I feel thankful for all the memories we have.

For you who let me experience the feeling of being in love.

I’m sorry for getting in between you and Kyujong.

I love you, so much that it hurts because I know that yours will never be mine. That’s why I decided to leave, for good.

Please promise me that you will be happy. Don’t let anyone hurt you and make you cry anymore.

Send my apology and regards to your parents.

Take care of yourself.

From: Heo Youngsaeng

***

She tried to call him for hundred of times but it never reached. She even contacted Jiyoung and his home, but not even once it got connected. In panic, she ran to his apartment, ring the bell, but no one came out. The manager told her that the he already left that morning and put the apartment in a rentable condition.

She passed out that day as she got back home with her last piece of energy and self-control. She cried the whole night after she woke up; thinking that it was a nightmare but then realized that it happened for true.

“Stupid! That is what you called love? Is that love?”

*************************************************************************************************************

A/N:

sigh! I don't understand why it's so hard for me to write the update while I have all the ideas and plot in my head. I'm really sorry T.T the next chapter will be the last one (or I will probably cut it into two part). I hope you guys will stay patient.

please kindly leave comments and send death threats to me so I will get motivated to keep writing.

special thanks to ezzaazmi and mako336647. I got motivated and kind of 'forcing myself to write' after reading your messages lol.

ps: I'm writing a new fic :P