Seungyeon walked as fast as she could toward her room, ignoring Gyuri’s relief and asking whine that she had passed through the front door. She entered her dark room that was still covered with the pink curtains hanging in the large glass windows across the room. There were few bright beams peeking in through the small gaps between one and another curtain.

Not bothering to turn the lightings on, she let the room’s state remained like that and locked the door tightly, making sure that no one could get in; even if Gyuri intended to break the door; then she sat down on the floor hugging her knees, her back was leaning against the doorway of her room. Finally, she threw her defense away in the dark shade of her room. The tears, pain and the breathless feeling that she had been holding on to, eventually spilled over flowingly on its own.

Youngsaeng was the one who took her home after apparently kicking Kyujong out with Youngsaeng telling him to do a favor of taking Jiyoung to her campus and quite much argument between him and Seungyeon. He insisted to do so even though she also insisted to refuse but eventually gave up after that young man told her that she only would create more trouble for the others if something happened to her in her way back home. So, she did as she was told, letting Youngsaeng escorted her even though she was not obedient enough when Youngsaeng told her to cry in the car. Why would the hell she agreed to it?

It was enough for her that she had been showing her weak side to that guy, troubled him a lot. Even though his offer sounded rather tempting, because at least there would be a guarantee that Youngsaeng could probably help her if she did something silly while she was crying or after she cried. Because she herself didn’t know what bad thing that she could do while her defense being so frail like that. She definitely needed someone to control her, to stop her if she had gone too far. But still, she didn’t let herself cry, nonsense she would do that.

She felt really grateful toward Youngsaeng that he was being so kind to her despite the fact that they just knew each other a while ago but at the same time she also felt guilty that he had to be dragged into her problem with Kyujong. After what had happened on his apartment earlier, Seungyeon however thought that there would be some discomfort in Youngsaeng and Kyujong’s friendship, and all of that was her fault.

Remembering those stuffs made Seungyeon choke in pain, she took a heavy and deep breath. Her tears kept flowing as she was really in pain, too much in pain. What had she done that Kyujong seemed to really hate her? Did she hurt him by chance, without her knowing? She didn’t know, she didn’t understand.

*

She wasn’t sure how long had she sat there crying when she heard a knock in the door. Her eyes swollen and her face felt so gooey because of the tears.

“Seungyeon-ah,”

Just exactly like what she expected, it was Gyuri. But she didn’t have any intention to talk with her so called sister, at least not at that time. Her mind was in a mess that she had a silly thought that Gyuri took a small part for making her feeling that broken. Because if she didn’t do that, if she didn’t go and tell Kyujong to meet her, maybe it wouldn’t be that hurt for her.

“Seungyeon-ah~”

Again, a small knocking sound came from the door. But she stayed quiet. She had stop crying, no sobbing sound or a heavy breathing that could be heard by Gyuri and it made the worries and fear started to grow in her. She had enough with that one night when she found Seungyeon laying unconscious on the floor.

“Seungyeon-ah, are you okay? Seungyeon. Please open the door.”

The sound on the door started becoming bigger and bigger as the fear inside Gyuri also growing more and more. From a small knock, it turned out to be a bigger one and ended up as a banging now.

“Seungyeon-ah, please answer me! Please, please, please, if you’re there please answer me. Don’t play a joke on me. Open the door now!”

She was far beyond simply afraid, she was frightened. The image of Seungyeon with any possible bad things happened to her was enough to make her freaked out. So, the effect of it was that the banging sound was getting louder and Seungyeon seemed to not be able to stand it and in the end it worked. She got up, not bothering to tidy up herself and opened the door, coming into Gyuri’s sight with a sour face.

“Oh God! What-why you didn’t answer me? I almost-wait...!” Gyuri blabbered, but stopping mid-sentence, shocked to see Seungyeon’s red and swollen eyes, pale face and messy self. The shocked and worried that Gyuri felt was just as equally as seeing her laying down lifelessly on the floor.

Gyuri was all ready to spill everything out, to tell Seungyeon off how worried she was and how she shouldn’t do something like that, not answering her while she was there all okay and to not joking around with her like that. But she hold it in, it could wait.

Her sister, Seungyeon, had never been someone cheerful or having that sunny smile on her face all the time, but she also had never been that broken before. When was the last time Gyuri saw her crying? She couldn’t remember it, because that girl, no matter how hard it was or no matter how hurt it was, she had never left her guard down. She would become moody, she would have this cloudy expression on her face, she would have a fake smile on her face or the worst became expressionless. But the image that she found right in front of her eyes at that time was even worst, something she couldn’t imagine even in her worst nightmare.

“Seungyeon-ah, what’s wrong? What happened?” Gyuri asked. She reached out to touch her, intended to give her a calming hug but much to her surprise she turned her hand down, adding more surprise and thoughts to Gyuri’s mind.

Something was wrong here, extremely wrong. What happened to her beloved little sister? She knew something was not in the right place since the day Seungyeon started to avoid her. But what that ‘thing’ was something that she couldn’t figure out until that second, even though she was sure enough that it had something to do with Kyujong.

“I’m okay. Don’t pretend like you care and know what I feel now.” Seungyeon said sharply.

“Seungyeon-ah, why-”

“I’ve told you not to pretend like you care! This is all because of you!!!” She screamed, letting all her frustration out.

Gyuri was clueless while Seungyeon seemed like had lost her mind. She didn’t seem to care and she couldn’t think straight at that moment. All that she needed was a place to vent all the frustration, anger and the pain that she felt also someone to be blamed of for everything, for all the reasons that she didn’t understand.

“What did I do wrong? Let’s talk about it, okay Seungyeonnie.” Gyuri was a little bit taken aback by Seungyeon’s sudden anger at her, but she realized that she should get a hold of her mind and stay rational. So Gyuri took Seungyeon’s hand and was about to take the girl to sit somewhere-so they could have a nice talk- when she harshly let go of her hand.

“I have no intention to talk to you now!” Seungyeon, again, rather than talking she was just almost screaming again.

“Then how would I know? How would I know that I did something wrong? How would I know that I’ve hurt you? Let’s talk and tell me everything, okay. And we’ll put it right back to the place.” Gyuri said, trying as much as she could to keep her voice steady while giving Seungyeon an understanding and pleading look.

“Are you just pretending that you don’t know anything?” She started again, staring at Gyuri with a hurting and angry face. “Why did you go to meet Kyujong oppa? Why did you ask him to come to the hospital? Did you do it on purpose? Did you do it on purpose to hurt me? That’s why I always told you to not in on my problems!”

“Han Seungyeon!” Gyuri said, half snapping at the girl in front of her. She started to get really hurt by Seungyeon’s words and almost lost her serenity so she meant it to give that girl a signal to stop talking nonsensly. But Seungyeon instead grabbed that opportunity to throw more awful-like words.

“Yes! I’m Han Seungyeon and not Park Seungyeon! Is that the reason why you did it to me?”

Seungyeon seemed to really have lost her mind. Far away, deep in the corner of her heart, she knew that she did some extremely wrong thing, that she acted kinda like a jerk. But the anger and the pain that overwhelmed her at that time really couldn’t be dammed. She was bewildered and she really needed someone to explain the reason why to her. Or at least being the one to be blamed of, to feel the equal pain that she was suffering from.

“You know it right? You know it from the start so that’s why you asked him to meet me so he could hurt me even deeper! Is that so?! Because I’m Han Seungyeon! Because we’re different! Because I’m not…”

“Enough!!!” and Gyuri shouted, cut her right before she could utter more hurtful words toward her. She stared at Seungyeon almost in the same way of how Seungyeon looked back at her. But there was the difference, for Gyuri it was totally a deeper hurt and confusion. Anger was nowhere to be found.

Those words hurt her so much, stabbed Gyuri right in the heart. She didn’t understand what had happened or what she had done wrong. She really loved that girl in front of her even though they didn’t share the same blood running on their flesh, but to Gyuri it didn’t matter at all because right from the start she always thought of Seungyeon as her real sister.

More than that, she never expected those kind of words would actually ever came out from Seungyeon’s mouth. Wasn’t it Seungyeon herself who chose to keep her late father’s family name? Did she not remember it?

Gyuri walked a few step back, keeping a certain distance from Seungyeon. For a moment of silent, she only stared at the younger girl with the still hurtful expression. More and more questions were coming into her mind. But then she remembered, in this whole world, no one understood Seungyeon as well as she did, not even that guy so called Kyujong.

That was why the next thing that she did was only taking a deep breath and walked away to her own room. She was still hurting, but she began to realize that Seungyeon didn’t do it on purpose, at least not if she was in her right state. She believed so.

******************************************************************************

Author's note:

Hello, it's been a long time. How long has it been since the last time I updated? 1 month ago?

I'm really sorry for keeping you guys waiting for so long. I didn't really get time to write lately because of this and that. My body acted strangely, I got tired easier than usual so that's why.....

I hope you guys will forgive this irresponsible writer, I'll try to update as much as I can in the future even though there would still be some delay sometimes. But one thing that I can promise you guys is that I won't abandone this story. I will surely finish it because I already have the plot in my mind, and I already know how to end this story, so don't worry :)

Maybe this chapter, is not that kind of image of an update that you wanted, but I want to show the effect that was caused by the pain and heartbreak. I'm not sure whether I captured it well or not, that's why you guys have to leave some comments and critiques so I can improve in the future :)

I hope you guys will keep on supporting and loving this story. Thank you so much :)