1 YEAR LATER

“Omo they are more beautiful than I imagined! Aw look at him! He’s a spitting image of T-”

Krystal stopped midway through her sentence when she saw the look on my face.

I glared at her for a split second before I managed to force a smile.

“They’re already starting to move around on their own,” I said softly, brushing the soft dark locks of hair off my baby boy’s forehead whilst Krystal gently picked up my baby girl.

I gave birth to non identical twins six months ago.

Taewon and Taehee, my beautiful boy and girl.

I thought we were moving to Jeju Island, but it turns out that Mum and Ruiji decided to move to Los Angeles instead because they wanted to work in the same Law firms that were giving them brilliant salaries.

They didn’t tell me the moving plan beforehand because they thought I’d never agree to go.

And they’re right, I would never have gone to LA with them under normal circumstances, but my circumstances were far from normal.

I couldn’t have cared less where I was going as long as I could get away from the insanity of everything that happened last year.

When Krystal found out I was living in America, she took a flight here the following week as her family live here too.

Jackson managed to rush over as soon as she had to leave for tour and so I was never alone during my pregnancy, I always had two best friends around me.

I don’t remember too many details as I passed out from the pain of giving natural birth to Taewon and relied on anaesthesia to keep me going before the Doctors decided that it was best I have a C section for my baby girl Taehee.

My body couldn’t cope with pushing out two babies, and as a result Taehee was born with a weak heart and immune system compared to Taewon who was born healthy.

But I do remember crying for months at the thought of Taehyung not being with me when I delivered his children.

I became detached from the world and even my bundles of joy, until Mum and Ruiji got professional help for me to be able to deal with the post trauma and depression of being a single mother.

Even now, it pains me to hold my babies knowing that they will grow up without knowing who their Father is and not having him by their side.

“Mianhae I couldn’t come earlier Minnie, my company weren’t letting me leave before the album’s promotions were over,” Krystal explained to me as she laid Taehee in her side of the large cot.

I stared at Krystal lovingly, she’s never once left my side and I’m forever grateful to her.

I’ve only ever felt this warmly towards Eonni and with Krystal around, the pain of Eonni’s departure from this world doesn’t affect me as much anymore.

I sighed at the thought of Eonni’s beautiful smile, before I shook my head.

The pain and emptiness of her loss will forever engulf me with sadness, but I can’t let it get in the way of my life.

I have to live for two more lives now.

I kissed Taewon’s hand and put him in the cot too, “Krystal I understand, you don’t have to give me these explanations every time you visit. I know your schedule is extremely airtight.”

Amber was part of Krystal’s group and she had some promotions and radio shows here in LA, so Krystal used it as an excuse to pop over and see me.

They had generated immense popularity in this past year.

Coming to think of it, Red Velvet, fx, BTS and EXO had all become extremely popular in this past year.

I beckoned Krystal out of the twins’ pastel coloured room as we made our way into mine.

We both jumped on my king sized bed and I stared out of the large window which overlooked the bright streets of LA as I could feel Krystal’s eyes piercing mine.

I turned to her after a while of listening to the cruising traffic and faint hip hop music booming from cars in the streets down below.

“What?” I asked plainly.

Krystal flicked her delicate brown hair back; she truly has become an untouchable k-pop star.

“You’ve changed.”

I faked a laughed, “Well that’s nice to know. Tell me something new.”

Krystal kept a straight face and pursed her lips as she raised one eyebrow questioningly.

“Don’t you want to know how everyone’s doing?” She asked.

My fake laugh turned into a grimace as I turned my head back to stare out of the window.

“Aniyo, I don’t really want to know. I was doing a great job of living a normal life before you said that. Thanks.”

I tried to get up, but the sharp pain of the c-section scar soared through my lower belly as my legs momentarily collapsed.

“Minnie!” Krystal instantly jumped up to help me, but I swatted my hand at her.

“Gwenchanha, I’m fine, this always happens.”

I limped back to the bed as Krystal took my hand and caressed it softly before leaning forward to pick up the remote from my side table to turn the plasma screen TV on.

My room here in LA was much bigger than the one I had in Halmeouni’s house and I possessed a lot of gadgets and electric items for which anyone my age would kill for.

She started flicking through the channels which were all in English until she found the Korean satellite channels.

“Ya look! It’s us!” Krystal exclaimed excitedly as she turned the volume up and shuffled back on my feather pillow with crossed legs.

I sat up and focused my eyes on the screen; it was a showcase of their new song which she just finished promoting.

My mouth formed a genuine smile as I remembered how hard Krystal used to train, all of the cheers and chanting was well deserved, and I couldn’t be happier for my best friend.

“You all look so great! Ya, Amber is so hot!” I smirked as Krystal nudged me playfully.

“Don’t be a ert,” she chuckled as we continued to watch the showcase.

As soon as it finished and everyone stopped clapping, the camera swerved away to the idols who were MCing.

My heart instantly sunk when I saw Jungkook and Taehyung presenting.

Before I realised it, my vision became cloudy with tears as I could hear Taehyung putting on a higher voice than normal as he faked laughter to get the crowd going wild.

I squeezed onto my fluffy star cushion that I managed to take from Halmeouni’s house with me as my heart was coming up to my throat.

The truth is that I would give anything to have Taehyung here with me; I wish nothing bad happened, I wish we were still together and I wished more than ever that Taehyung could’ve been there when our children were born.

I closed my eyes and flashbacks of last year came rushing to mind.

Eonni, Taehyung, Jimin, Appa, Chanyeol, Sooyoung, Daegu High, it was all a blur; it was all just a bunch of badly glued memories which haunts my happiness.

Krystal turned the TV off as quick as she turned it on as she was staring at me yet again with the same sad expression.

“Loads happened after you left Minnie, no one could even get hold of you,” Krystal said gently.

I looked up at her before dropping my gaze on the baby monitor from which I could hear Taewon and Taehee’s quiet snores.  

“Like what?” I muttered.

Krystal brushed my bangs back, “Well for starters, BTS debuted. They sent us all tickets to their first showcase. Jimin broke up with Irene and when I tell you EXO have gone massive, I’m not exaggerating. They just finished touring the whole of Asia already! With all their tickets sold out!”

She was excited in telling me all this information which I already knew.

But Jimin broke up with Irene?

Well of course that had to happen...

I shook my head and choked a laugh, “Red Velvet are big too, aren’t they?”

Krystal nodded, “Yeah, they aren’t as y as they used to be. I guess fame has turned them into the product of what their fans want.”

“Haha, didn’t Wendy and Suho end up going to Seoul National University?” I asked.

“Yeah they do go, and whenever they come back to the SM building, they bring so much noise of fans with them. Wait- what are you going to do now? Ya! Are you going to come back to Seoul too? For University?”

Krystal was becoming ecstatic at her own assumptions of my future.

I shook my head, “Aniyo. I was initially thinking to go because of my scholarship, but then I found out that President Sung has another University here in California too! So I’ve enrolled for that one instead.”

Krystal looked as though something valuable had been taken from her as she tried to smile, hiding her disappointment.

“Oh. That’s good I guess.”

I rolled my eyes, “Krystal don’t be like that. Even if I did go back to Seoul, you’re always on tour or doing idol related things. Things are good here, I’ve even made some friends, please don’t make me feel worse than I already do.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just, I wasn’t saying it for me. You’ve left behind your whole family and they aren’t doing too well,” Krystal added carefully as my ears pricked up.

“What do you mean? Halmeouni’s fine isn’t she?” I asked with concern.

Although I chose to leave them, it would never be forever, it was only until I had my kids and of course I still love and miss them.

Before I moved to Korea, my life had been plain and dull in London and Appa’s family gave me memories filled with joy and laughter and the sense of belonging that I’d never felt before.

I’d grown to be attached to them through all the love we gave each other, ya, what I wouldn’t give to spend Christmas with them after the blast we had last Chuseok.

“Halmeouni’s doing well, she is on more medication but she’s good. But, Minnie it’s your Appa.”

I registered who Krystal was speaking about and gulped.

“Appa?”

Dad was fine; he always was and will be, no matter what the situation.

He loves living alone and is practically married to his business, I’m sure he’s managing well, even after all the horrible things he said to me and Mum, he’ll still be as giddy as always.

Krystal stared at me in shock, obviously hoping that I’d already known what had happened to Appa.

I obviously didn’t and it was annoying me that Krystal was prolonging what was now making my heart beat fast, something I hadn’t felt my heart do in ages.

“Answer me! What happened to my Dad?” I stammered with a rising tone.

“Oh gosh, how can you not know? Not even a little?”

I sighed impatiently, “No I don’t know anything since I moved to Los Angeles Krystal. Hurry up, ppalli! What’s wrong with Appa?”

There was a brief moment of silence.

“He’s in prison. He k-killed Taehyung’s stepdad.”

There was another moment of silence which stretched out longer than expected.

I tried to take in what Krystal just told me, but I couldn’t believe my ears.

“No...” I whispered with disbelief.

Krystal nodded slowly, before continuing.

“Everyone was so shocked, it was so random and sudden. No one could get hold of Taehyung’s whereabouts for weeks. But he was obviously with Big Hit and-”

“Appa would never kill anyone!” I shouted hysterically as Krystal looked taken aback.

I knew what this meant; I know what Korea does to murderers, how they punish is either imprisonment or death penalty.

As though she read my mind, Krystal answered my worries.

“He’s not been given an extreme punishment yet because he voluntarily confessed everything. The authorities were so shocked that someone of such high class would do something like this. I’m so surprised you haven’t heard; there are national protests as well...”

“For what? Protests for what?” I looked up, tears falling down my face, someone was definitely framing Appa.

He would never kill anyone, especially not Taehyung’s stepdad, regardless of how much of a bastard he was.

“Your Halapoji is in the process of bailing him out. Netizens are protesting against injustice or something like that. Your Appa will be out of prison soon, but what’s worrying everyone is that Taehyung doesn’t seem to be affected at all.”

I grimaced coldly, “Why would he? Nothing ever affects him. I bet he’s left his Mum and little brother in a mess and ran away to Seoul...”

“Ouch. That was a low blow Minnie,” Krystal said softly.

“Low blow? Are you kidding me?”

Before I had the chance to explode, Krystal put her finger on my lips and our eyes interlocked for a few minutes as my vision became cloudy with tears that were waiting to fall.

Krystal moved her finger away and pulled my head into her chest as I started crying on her shoulder.

“Krystal...I miss...I miss him...”

I sniffed and tried to regain myself, I didn’t know what I was saying, who was it that I missed?

“Taehyung should...he should be here with me...how am I going to raise these kids on my own? Oh Krystal, wae? Why was I so dumb? I should’ve just told Taehyung everything properly; at least he’d be with me now!”

Before Krystal could reply, her phone started ringing as she declined it once before turning back to me.

“Minnie, listen-”

Her phone rang again as I lifted my head from her shoulders and wiped my face dry.

“You should answer it.”

Krystal grudgingly answered her phone with irritation, before she straightened up.

I had the same tingling of unease as I shuffled closer to Krystal, who stood up and brushed her hair back rapidly.

She cut the phone and bit down on her bottom lip before looking up at me.

“I need to go now, but I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

“What happened, why do you look so flustered?” I questioned as Krystal was quickly rushing out of my room and down the hallway to leave.

“Aniyo, nothing happened, my company are just being bastards. I’m supposed to be on a break but they called me to attend a radio recording today! Ya, good luck with University! We’ll have lunch next week, I promise!”

She flew down the stairs and opened the front door, giving me a huge hug and two kisses before putting her face mask on and sliding into a black car which was already parked at the front door.

I watched her get in and drive away as my heart sunk to loneliness yet again.

I stayed still on the front porch, inhaling the blissful, Sunday afternoon LA sunshine as my fingers caressed a familiar dainty necklace which I never took off once this past year.

*************

 “Minnie, wake up! You’ll be late for your first day!”

I stretched my arms and instantly scrunched up as a familiar pang of pain shot down my lower belly yet again.

“What’s the time...?” I groaned as I slithered my hand under my soft pillow, feeling for my phone.

September 5th.

Yikes.

It was 8.30am on Monday morning already and my first lecture of this year was at 9am.

I sprung out of bed and wrenched my eyes open to the sight of Mum cradling a quiet Taehee in a front baby carrier as she was ironing my clothes for me.

“Mum, leave it, its fine! Ya, are you sure you’ll be okay with the twins? All by yourself?” I asked as I quickly got dressed and ran to the en suite where I brushed my teeth and washed my face.

“I have enough experience already young lady,” Mum replied as she was making faces at Taehee who was giggling cutely.

I smiled before I kissed and held Taehee’s small, soft hands as she was now staring at me with wide, brown eyes.

I grabbed my bag and ran over to the twins’ room to check on Taewon who was still fast asleep.

, he looks so much like Taehyung.

I picked him up and gently cradled him before tucking him back into his cot and running downstairs to make sure Mum was supplied with enough pumped milk for both the twins.

“I’ll come back straight after my lecture, so I’ll definitely be back by 1pm. Mum, are you sure that you’ll be fine?” I repeated with a high pitched voice.

Mum stared at me with her huge hazel eyes and sat me down on the kitchen stool before brushing my bangs back and tying my hair in a high ponytail like she used to back in school.

“Don’t worry about me, my love. I want you to go to University and focus on your degree. No more messing up or worrying, I’m here, I’m your Mother and the Grandmother of these beautiful babies. Everything will be okay.”

I slowly nodded and pushed away the breakfast Mum had already prepared.

I stared at her and wondered how she managed to stay so positive and survive so much, how did she manage to juggle her career as well as a daughter, at my age?

My heart broke at how I mercilessly hooked onto Dad’s lies like a small goldfish, how I doubted my Mum’s unconditional love for me all those years, how much I thought she just didn’t care.

I just know God has given me two babies so that I can appreciate how hard it must have been for Mum at my age with just one, and even then I was unappreciative of her Motherly love and efforts.

If Mum wasn’t here with me today, no way in a million years would I be able to breathe properly, let alone leave the house to go and study again.

Mum caught me staring at her and widened her eyes, “What are you still doing sitting here? Just because your University is a five minute walk, doesn’t mean you can take liberties like this young lady! Off you trot!”

Mum scurried over and pushed me out of the front door as I fixed my bag and took one look at myself in the full body mirror hung on our porch.

The dress Mum ironed for me was a cute one which sat above my knees and my shoes were cute platforms too.

My hair was tied up and my bangs left out, with my nerd glasses covering my tired eyes as I shrugged my shoulders and closed the door behind me.

If Mum hadn’t chosen this outfit today, I’d probably have come out in an old top and jeans; I honestly didn’t care about my looks any more.

I checked my watch, it was five minutes to 9am.

I sped up my pace as I recalled the information Krystal told me.

I couldn’t get my head around Appa actually killing someone, and that too, Taehyung’s stepdad?

And Jimin broke up with Irene, haha that was one rollercoaster of a relationship.

I’d already reached my University before I knew it as my feet dragged me to the main lecture hall, where everyone was already quietly seated, listening to the lecture.

I didn’t dare look around as the door creaked shut.

I scuttled to the nearest free seat as I apologised to the students around me for my disruption.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t want any latecomers this year, or that door, see that one there? It will be locked.”

My cheeks flushed bright red as I felt faces turn in my direction and could hear a few sneers of laughter before I fumbled with my laptop.

I ended up enrolling for East Asian Studies, so I can go on to work as a translator or a teacher one day.

The University knew about my Basketball talent and also offered me minor studies in Sports which I took up and so my timetable this year was pretty hectic.

After the gruelling lecture was over, everyone was packing their bags and talking to friends they already made as I made an effort to slide out as quick as I came in.

Just then, I felt someone tap my shoulder as I turned around.

“Is this yours?”

I stared at the boy’s outstretched hand before I looked at his face; he had asked me in Korean.

He was holding my anti-depressants as I felt a wave of embarrassment flood over me, before I nodded quickly and took them from him with both hands before bowing and turning back around.

To my misfortune, the door was jam packed with students trying to leave, so I stood in the same position awkwardly, waiting to find room to push through.

“Ya, why is nobody moving?” His deep voice boomed from behind my hair which made me jump up and girls in front turned around, giggling at him.

Noticing my surprise, he gently laid his hand on my shoulder, “Joesonghamnida, sorry if I startled you.”

“Don’t touch me,” I cruelly replied in English before pushing my way through the crowd.

I instantly regretted how mean I sounded, but it was too late now, I was already up the stairs and needed to get through the hallway to the outside lawn of the campus.

I tiptoed and looked around, why was it so packed?

Nobody was even trying to move forward, they had all stopped and I could only hear buzzing of different languages as girls were clutching onto each other.

Just then, I overheard some American girls speaking amongst themselves excitedly.

“Are the rumours true? Why would they be here though?”

“I know right! Here of all places! I’ve been watching them since their debut; I swear God has granted my wish!”

“But how could you understand their pre-debut stuff?”

“Duhh...English subtitles obviously!”

They both laughed out loud before resuming their conversatio