I woke up to the continuous sound of the apartment buzzer ringing.

“Ya, stop!”

I tried to shout, but my voice was a muffled croak as I lifted my head from the pillow and checked my phone.

.

I jumped out of bed, it was already 8 am and I had school in an hour!

I should’ve caught the fast train to Daegu ages ago and now I’d definitely be late.

I sprinted out of my bedroom and through the main room; I realised the couch was empty as I answered the buzzer.

“I’ve been waiting for ages! Hurry up! You better be down in ten minutes!”

Krystal was frustrated as she cut the buzzer and I ran back to quickly put on my school uniform.

I had no time for a shower, so quickly brushed my teeth and let my hair fall down my back in morning waves and used my fingers to brush down my straight bangs.

I grabbed my bag and locked the apartment door, pressing the down button on the lift hundreds of times; it was taking the piss and coming up at the pace of a snail.

“Ai jinja? Why today?” I quietly groaned to myself with annoyance as the lift finally came up.

I looked at myself in the lift mirror and felt sick at how dull I looked, so pulled out my pocket size concealer and bb cream, applying it liberally to cover my tired face.

I used a red lip tint to make myself look and feel fresh and presentable.

I darted out of the lift and squinted as the sun hit my eyes.

“Hurry up or we’ll miss the final fast train to Daegu!”

Krystal grabbed my hand as we ran to the train station, just about sliding in the train as the door closed on my skirt.

I tugged it free as we rolled down on the nearest seats, panting as the train whizzed off.

We were half an hour late as Mr Wang shook his head with anger when we slipped in class.

It was a packed class and luckily we didn’t get shouted at as I slid over to my corner seat, avoiding eye contact with everyone, especially Taehyung whose eyes I could feel were following me.

Jimin turned to me as I regained my breath and slumped down next to him.

“Mianhae I couldn’t wake you up, I left early for practice,” he apologised as I waved my hand.

“It’s okay, my alarm must’ve gone off but I was just so tired,” I replied, swallowing the rapid breaths.

I’d run so many times for the train before and never got out of breath like today.

“Song Jasmine! First you stroll in late and now this disruption! Stand up,” Mr Wang’s voice echoed through the class as all heads turned to me.

I felt blood rushing to my cheeks as I stumbled over my chair whilst getting up.

“Stay standing until I say you can sit,” he ordered coldly as I tilted my head down, letting my hair fall to conceal my humiliated expression.

This day was already going so bad, and I just knew this week would only get worse.

He made me stand for fifteen minutes whilst he was debriefing the class for the citizenship projects we’d been working on these past months, before he finally told me to sit back down.

Mine and Jimin’s project was nearly complete, we just needed to visit some more homes to collect a final sweep of old toys for the girl’s orphanage.

“Okay class, you have until the end of break to complete your project. This will be the last day you can use lesson time to do so and I expect a completed coursework by next Friday,” Mr Wang informed us.

He visited every pair individually with his clipboard and some pairs left the class whilst others stayed and completed their written work.

I looked through my bangs and saw Taehyung and Sooyoung get up to go and complete their project elsewhere.

Jimin answered my thoughts as though he read my mind.

“Taetae has to be nice to Sooyoung because firstly, she’s Jungkook’s girlfriend and secondly, he has to complete the project with her. Don’t worry, it’s nothing else.”

I tried to smile at Jimin thankfully, but that wasn’t what I was worried about.

I knew that Taehyung had no other interest in Sooyoung, I trusted him.

But I was worried about everything Chanyeol told me that day; I was worried that she’d tell Taehyung that I was hiding my pregnancy from him.

I shook my head and tried to swallow the dry lump in my throat as I turned to Jimin.

“Ya, forget that. We only have one hour to collect more toys so let’s just stay local,” I said as Jimin lifted his eyes to stare in mine.

As I looked at his warm brown eyes, I remembered what happened last night and all the things he said.

That couldn’t have been a confession; Jimin was half asleep so he was probably just delirious.

I looked away and broke eye contact as Jimin chuckled lightly and got up, leading the way out of class as I followed him.

“Jasmine and Jimin pick up a yellow tray on your way out from reception so that you can carry the donations,” Mr Wang told us loudly from across the class as he was checking on Kyungsoo and Seungwan’s project.

I laughed as Kyungsoo’s happy face dropped when Mr Wang told him to take out his work which he left at their studio in Seoul.

The hour in which we had to collect old toys in went pretty smoothly.

Children were so easily entertained because of how pure their souls were, yet it broke my heart knowing that millions of children like the ones we were collecting donations for had nothing.

No toys, no parents, no genuine love.

Yet, when Jimin and I visited them, they were so happy in their own company, in their own world.

They were all individual blessings, who knows what they’ll grow up to be, they just need a chance to live.

We stayed on the main road and went to a few side roads, ringing doorbells and explaining what we had come to do and for what cause, as we received welcoming smiles and heaps of old toys.

The only problem we faced was some homeowners recognising Jimin and desperately wanting to take pictures with him.

Jimin would chuckle and nod as I stood there smiling, watching him pose for selfies until I heard loud noise coming our way.

Someone must’ve shared the location of the picture on SNS, as a group of young girls with heavy cameras came shouting and screaming ‘Park Jimin’.

“Omo, not again,” I sobbed as Jimin beamed and waved at them, saying he had to go back to school.

Although they were upset that they couldn’t speak to him properly, these girls were very respectful as they even smiled at me and let us get back on our way without anymore disruptions.

“They were so nice compared to the fans in Seoul,” I nudged Jimin as he brushed his hair back, smiling.

“Ya my fans all over Korea are nice, they are all my girlfriends.”

I laughed, “Girlfriends? Park Jimin the player strikes again.”

He turned to me with an open mouth, “Player? Since when?”

“It doesn’t matter; soon it won’t just be Korea. Soon you’ll have fans all over the world! Maybe you already do!” I said enthusiastically.

Jimin smirked and looked down, “I can’t wait for that day to come. But you’ll always stay my biggest fan, right?”

I bumped my head on Jimin’s shoulder, “Of course pabo.”

There was a silence that soon became a little awkward which was pretty weird because there was never an awkward moment around Jimin before.

“It’s too heavy to hold!” I broke the silence and whined as Jimin laughed loudly.

He took the full tray from me and carried it with one hand.

“You should’ve said something before then, you moany cow,” he teased as I pinched his arm.

He left his blazer in class, so his white t shirt revealed his toned arms from which I grabbed some fat.

“Ah-ouch! You pinched me so hard!” Jimin rubbed his underarm like a kid as I laughed.

“Now who’s the moany cow.”

Jimin tugged at my hair before we visited a few more houses to collect donations and checked the time.

Our hour was nearly over, so we decided to head back to school.

“Seoeon and Seojun had a lot of old toys that were still in brand new condition. I put them right at the bottom,” I told Jimin as he laughed charmingly.

“Aegyo, they’re so cute when they play together. They must be growing up really fast!”

I nodded happily, before I realised my face had dropped.

“What’s wrong?” Jimin asked, using his thighs to lift up the heavy tray.

“Ever since Eonni’s problem, I haven’t gone back home. I don’t know how the situation is like,” I sighed.

Jimin stared at me before he flicked his hair back, “Why don’t you go back today?”

“I can’t. I mean, I’ll probably go back on Friday or the weekend,” I quickly said as my heart was drowning.

This Thursday was the abortion appointment Krystal had booked for me in Busan and I couldn’t bear to see the twins, they’d remind me of how big a blessing having a child was.

Noticing my tone, Jimin changed the subject.

“The wedding reception last night was quite a blast.”

We crossed the road and just about avoided a group of school girls who luckily didn’t recognise Jimin as he dipped his head pretty low.

“Ya those are the type you want to avoid. I love all of them, but seeing you with me, they might do something crazy,” Jimin whispered as I turned back to look at them.

“Haha, I recognise a few of them. They aren’t too bad, one actually started to style her uniform and hair like me,” I chuckled as Jimin raised his eyebrows.

I poked him as he repeated what he said about the wedding reception.

“Yeah, I’m glad Mum’s finally happy with a man. Just need to find Appa one,” I replied, avoiding any talk of what happened when we got back to the apartment.

I wanted Jimin to sense my hesitation and change the subject, but he didn’t.

“I meant what I said yesterday night,” Jimin replied as we were now entering the school gates again.

Holy , he remembered.

No Jimin, you don’t know what you’re saying.

Don’t do this.

“What are you talking about?” I asked quietly, looking the other way.

Jimin stopped and let the tray fall, we were in the school grounds and it was pretty empty, but the break bell was about to ring any moment now.

I turned to the sound of the tray dropping and my eyes widened when I saw Jimin approaching me.

I stepped back as he took my hands, “I can’t control how I feel, Minnie. Try to understand, it kills me to see you with Taehyung. I love the both of you, but I – I love you so much. You are everything to me.”

I shook my head slowly and snatched my hands away from his.

“No – Jimin, you – you can’t say that. You’re my best friend-”

Students were pouring out on the fields as Jimin kept eye contact with me and cut me off loudly.

“I ing love you Song Jasmine! I know you’re Taehyung’s girlfriend, but I – I can’t hold it in anymore! You don’t know how much it kills me when I see your face, I’ve always loved you, you’ve never seen me in any way other than a friend, how can you possibly know what your presence does to me?”

Tears were swelling in my eyes.

Oh Jiminie, why do you feel this way for me?

“Jimin, stop, please-”

He cut me off again, but with anger in his voice, “Let me speak today! Even if I never get a chance to speak to you again, I want to say it all now!”

I looked around and saw some curious students stop to look our way, whispering to each other but Jimin’s eyes were still fixed on me.

I sighed and grabbed his hand, running to the other side of the school building, near the car park as he instantly recoiled his hand.

“I know that you think you love Taehyung and I want you to be happy, I really do! I’ve stayed quiet for so long because he’s my best friend, he’s my brother; his happiness is worth more than my existence. But Minnie, I can’t bear the way he’s been treating you, you deserve much better!”

Jimin was subconsciously coming closer to me as I kept on stepping back, shaking my head with disbelief.

“Jiminie, you’re my best friend. You don’t know what you’re saying. Ya look how many girls die over you!” I made my tone calmer, but Jimin shook his head and grabbed my hand firmly.

“I don’t care about other girls, I only see you, you’re the only one who’s made me smile like no one else ever can,” Jimin exclaimed, his puppy eyes locking with mine.

I cupped his face with one hand, “You know I’m only Taehyung’s.”

Jimin let go of my hand and looked down as he sniffed and blinked his wet eyelashes.

A tear fell down my cheek, why was this happening to me?

I’ve just made the kindest soul on this planet cry, I have to be cursed.

Hurting an angel like Jimin is something not even the devil himself would contemplate doing.

After what seemed like ages, Jimin looked up, but didn’t look in my eyes.

“I’m always here for you. When you realise the truth, I’ll still be here. But please, please don’t smile at me. Please just stay away from me, even if I come to you, tell me to move. Say it’s for my own good, don’t let me look at you. Push me away each time, jehbal...”

I blinked and tears fell from both my eyes as Jimin looked destroyed.

“Haha, dammit Minnie. Even when you’re crying, you’re so beautiful. I don’t know what I’ll do without your smart mouth, I don’t know how I’ll stop my head spinning, but I’ll be fine as long as you stay away...”

I wanted to punch myself, why didn’t I believe Krystal when she overheard him and Jungkook speaking?

Why didn’t I understand that Jimin is a man too, he has feelings?

Why did I burden him with all my worries and concerns yet not bother to look in his heart once?

I could’ve stopped this; I could’ve stopped his feelings before they got out of hand like this.

“Jiminie, that’s impossible. You – you know I won’t be able to live like that! I can’t stay away from you,” I cried.

Why would he ask these things from me?

Jimin wiped my tears with shaking hands, “You have Taetae, stay happy with him, he will keep you smiling. I’ll always be here for you, but my weak heart can’t see your face every day without breaking, I can only mend it for so long before it’ll kill me.”

I shook my head constantly, “No, Aniyo! Jimin, don’t say that. Jehbal...”

My voice trailed off as my burning tears were choking my breathing.

“You have to do this, for me. I will never ever push you away if you come, but I love you so much that I will wither away if I see you more than necessary. Just promise me one thing,” Jimin softly spoke as his eyes were glazed with innocent tears.

I sniffed and trembled as Jimin was keeping me still.

“W-what is it? I’ll do anything...”

Jimin chuckled, it was a lonely laugh.

“If you believe that you belong with Taetae, promise me you won’t let him hurt you, promise me you’ll never let him make you cry. Ya, if he does...Haha, if he does, just come to me. I’ll wipe all your tears away and sort him out.”

I couldn’t take this anymore, my heart was about to burst, Jimin couldn’t be doing this.

Not to me, not to Minnie.

“I won’t let you do this to me, you don’t understand what you mean to me Jimin...You can’t say goodbye after watching me grow up! Jiminie, I need you, you’re everything my heart can’t explain.”

Jimin tried to pull me in for a hug, but I pushed him away, hitting him softly.

I didn’t want to cause him any more pain, but what to do with my crumbling heart?

Jimin ignored my protests and hugged me tightly, even though I was still pushing him away.

“Who said I’m saying goodbye? Minnie, I have to think about my health and career, if I see you all the time, I won’t be able to concentrate on anything else. You’re my worst distraction, you’re my downfall, but I want to sing for you forever.”

I let go of all the sadness I was holding back.

I couldn’t do this, but I needed his hug now more than ever.

I closed my eyes and savoured his warm hug as he wrapped his arms around me.

“If I can’t get you in real life, just know that all my songs and performances will be in your name. All of me loves everything about you, even if you love Taehyung, I’ll love that same love too...”

I sniffed and ran my hands through his soft, shining black hair, “Jimin...I promise that this will all work out. Sooner or later you’ll find someone who’s better than me, and then I promise never to leave you alone,” I whimpered, my voice muffled in his shoulder.

This wasn’t a goodbye, but for now I’d let Jimin think that I’m listening to his request.

We pulled apart gradually as we heard the bell for the end of break ringing.

Jimin turned around and wiped his face dry before looking at me and putting on a fake smile.

“Ya, let’s go back in,” he picked up the tray and ran forward, as though nothing had happened.

I stared at his back and followed him in slowly, wiping my eyes and nose with my sleeve.

Oh Jimin, how I wish you weren’t my best friend.

I wish I could control my heart, I’d choose you any day.

But my heart only beats Kim Taehyung’s name.

*******************************

“So all this time – all this time Jimin felt like this and didn’t even breathe a word of it to you? Ya, I think I’m gonna cry!”

It was a Wednesday morning and I just told Krystal about Jimin’s heartbreaking confession.

We were early to school and decided to sit in the back of the field, under the last oak tree, accompanied by the cool morning breeze and silence of the empty school grounds which would soon be filled by masses of students.

“I can’t stop hating myself for not realising it though. Ya, how many times must he have seen Taehyung and I kiss? I’m seriously such a stupid girl,” I said, pulling grass off the ground.

Krystal elbowed me, “Stop beating yourself up for it. It’s not all your fault, I mean yeah, you could’ve listened to me when I told you that Jungkook and Jimin were speaking about you but even then I didn’t know for sure myself.”

I laughed and threw grass at Krystal before she pulled my hair.

“Ouch! Why does everyone enjoy doing that to me?!” I complained, rubbing my head.

“Because you have such luscious European-like hair. Ya have you heard anything from Taehyung?” Krystal asked as students were slowly coming in to school.

I shook my head.

“Ani, I haven’t heard anything. Why is he being like this? He’ll ask everyone else about me, but he’s too arrogant to speak to me himself! He hasn’t even apologised for how he treated me!” I yelled as a nearby bird flew away.

Krystal turned to me solemnly, “I know you’re going to hate me for this but Taehyung is a very possessive guy. I feel like Jimin truly loves you whilst Taehyung needs you more than anyone else.”

I shook my head, “That’s what I thought at first about Taehyung. Bu