I stared at myself long and hard in the full length mirror of my room.

The warm morning sunshine was already giving everything a yellow glow, it was welcoming and friendly for which I was grateful.

My last day here would be spent in warmth and happiness, thank you Daegu.

It was finally graduation day and only God knows how I’ve spent these two weeks.

After I told Krystal that I was leaving, she wouldn’t leave my side and even had a quarrel with her manager because she wanted to stay with me in my family home.

I assured her that I’d be fine, there were always people coming around and Aunt Jeong never left me alone for too long, but she wouldn’t have any of it.

If she couldn’t stay with me in the day, she’d sleep over at night time and make sure I was doing okay.

We even had a night of watching horror films and eating ice cream in the lounge, until Halmeouni got woken up by our screams.

She came running into the lounge, thinking something terrible had happened, but just laughed when she saw our frightened faces and made us both hot chocolate with multicoloured marshmallows.

Everything seemed so normal and happy; it felt as though I had no worries in the world and I was the happiest teenager alive.

But then came the morning sickness and Krystal holding my hair up before she got a call and had to whizz off to Seoul again, leaving me alone and isolated with only the birds outside as my company.

The twins Seojun and Seoeon had come over for a while, but they too had now gone to live with their Nan and so the house was pretty quiet and lifeless without their innocent laughing and crying.

My isolation got replaced with laughter when Jackson came over to visit yesterday morning.

I hadn’t seen him for ages and it turns out he only just found out about my moving in with Mum and his Dad.

He wasn’t upset at me going, he was actually ecstatic that I was to live with them.

He said it was good for him because he could visit anytime without the press following him and stirring up rumours, it would just be a family gathering rather than some long lost foreign love.

I chuckled and let my brown hair fall down, Aunt Jeong straightened my hair for me last night and it looked shinier and felt softer than ever.

It was nearly 8 am and the graduation ceremony would start at 10 am.

Jackson told me to take bags of flour with me so that we could have a flour fight and get our uniforms all white and dirty, but when I asked Krystal she said that was banned this year and any student caught with flour wouldn’t be allowed in the hall.

Our graduation uniforms were different to our everyday uniforms anyway, so getting flour on it wasn’t on my bucket list.

It was a mustard yellow blazer with black edges and a cute black bow tie shaped as a flower over a mustard yellow fitted jumper alongside our school’s emblem on the left .

I paired it with a short, black frilled skirt, sheer black tights and black and white platform sneakers. 

My eyes darted to the door and for a split second I saw Eonni leaning against it with crossed arms and a cheeky, glowing smile before I blinked and saw nothing.

I pursed my lips and shook my head free from sadness, before I applied bb cream, concealer and red lip tint.

I decided to wear eyeliner around my hazel eyes, just so that my last day would be a pretty one before I flattened my graduation uniform out and turned to pick up my brown satchel.

I heard a knock on my door.

“Come in,” I said aloud as it opened and Aunt Jeong stood there in her pyjamas.

She took a good look at me and beamed, “Look at you! I can’t believe it’s your graduation already!”

I looked down and smiled, “I guess time flies past really quick.”

She walked over to me and fixed my tie, “There’s a taxi outside which will pick Krystal up as well.”

I nodded and hugged her before walking over to the door.

“You aren’t going without breakfast, I hope you’re walking to the kitchen young lady.”

I laughed and scuttled to the kitchen where Halmeouni was already cooking.

I crept up behind her and wrapped my arms around her small shoulders as she gasped in shock, before laughing and kissing my hands.

She took my hand and twirled me in front of her.

“My beautiful Jasminah is all grown up! You look like such an angel...” Her voice trailed off as tears formed in her almond eyes, Eonni had taken off Halmeouni a lot.

“Ya Halmeouni, don’t cry! Not today, it’s my day!” I teased as Halmeouni kissed my face.

Although my heart was throbbing with pain every second, I tried to put on a brave face for the happiness of the home.

No one apart from Appa knew I was leaving today and by the looks of it, he hadn’t told anyone.

“Yes, you’re right! I shouldn’t be crying but what to do? You look exactly like S-”

Aunt Jeong cut Halmeouni off as she came in with an adorable Seojun who looked as though he’d just woken up.

“Seojunieeeee!” I squealed as I lifted him out of Aunt Jeong’s arms, I hadn’t seen him in ages and he was as soft and smooth as ever.

“When did you come my little prince? Has Seoeon woken up? Ya this is the most beautiful gift!” I yelled with joy, kissing Seojun all over his small face as he started laughing. 

“They came last night when you were still sleeping. Hwijae! Bring the camera, ppalli!” Aunt Jeong shouted down the hallway as she piled up breakfast on a plate for me.

I carried Seojun over to the table where I started eating the delicious kimchi and spinach omelette and fried honey bread with orange juice.

“Ya I can feel the fat, but it tastes so good!” I exclaimed as Seojun opened his mouth, wanting some.

I started making little bites and made my hand an aeroplane as he jumped up with delight, his eyes becoming crescent moons.

Uncle Hwijae and the twin uncles stormed in with a half awake Seoeon on their backs as they all made rowdy noise and after months, hearty laughter was heard in the Song household.

Seoeon instantly woke up when he saw me feeding Seojun and ran over to me with an open mouth as I chuckled and fed both of them at the same time.

I looked around and smiled with my eyes as the home felt lively and full of happiness once again.

“Picture time!” Uncle Hwijae took me by the hand as Uncle Jiho lifted me up.

“I’m going to fall! Samchon aniyo!” I protested, but he wasn’t listening as he lifted me higher and I burst out into a fit of giggles whilst Uncle Hwijae was clicking away.

He put me down and my smile still hadn’t left my face as Uncle Hwijae took single photos of me before everyone got in the pictures one by one.

“Ya Minnie, what time do we have to be there?” Uncle Jihu asked as I flicked my straight bangs back.

“Well the ceremony starts at 10 am, but there’ll be opening speeches and performances, so the actual thing will start at like 11 am. But get there earlier or you won’t get any seats!” I warned as they chuckled.

“Ya, they’ll have to move out of the way once they see who we are!” Uncle Hwijae joked as I glared at him playfully.

All of a sudden the laughter died down and I stopped blowing raspberries on Seojun and Seoeon’s stomachs as I too turned around to see Halapoji and Appa walk in the lounge.

My smile instantly went cold as I composed myself and bowed to them, before picking my satchel up and making my way over to the front door where the taxi was waiting.

Appa stopped me as I stared at him.

He didn’t meet my eyes, but he had very bad eye bags and his face was more gaunt and pale than ever.  

“Hwijae, take a picture of us,” Appa coughed, his voice sounding husky.

Uncle Hwijae nodded, “Get closer together, Appa you get in the picture too. One on either side of Minnie. Smile! 1, 2, 3!”

I flashed a fake smile before I squeezed past them.

I heard a cough before Aunt Jeong broke the silence and told everyone to eat and then get dressed quickly.

I opened the front door and inhaled the fresh morning air.

As I was halfway down the front garden, I heard footsteps behind me as I turned around.

“Minnie, wait.”

Appa stood inches from me as I kept my eyes locked at my feet, fidgeting and messing around with my laces.

So many people have changed, and Appa was one of them.

I bet he feels so guilty at how even when Eonni was living in his apartment, he couldn’t cater for her wellbeing.

I bet he feels so guilty that he laid a finger on me because I was speaking for justice and truth. 

“I can’t take your coldness anymore, it’s killing me. Look at me,” he lifted my chin up as I looked past him before finally laying my eyes on his.

“I’m not being cold, I’m being normal. What do you want me to do? My sister died, I can’t be laughing and acting as though everything is okay when it’s not,” I mumbled angrily.

“I’m your father Minnie. I love you so much and I’ve only ever been tough on you because I care more than anyone else. I care and love you unconditionally ttal, I hope you know that.”

I gulped and felt my lower lip trembling, he was right though.

All he ever did was care for me and shower me with love.

I nodded, “I know Abeoji. It’s okay. Urm, I need to go now, the taxi is waiting. I’ll see you at graduation.”

I my heel and walked straight out of the front gates and jumped into the taxi, letting my tears fall once again.

I know I’m being too curt and feisty, but what else can I do?

I clutched onto my stomach as I felt a jolt of sharp pain.

Even my child was trying to kick sense into me, I shouldn’t be so harsh on the first and last man I’ll ever love unconditionally.

******

“Where do we go? Has it started?” I whispered to Krystal as we ran inside the gates.

A few other late students were in front of us and some were behind.

Even though they were late, they still didn’t fail to talk about the buzzing gossip revolving around my life.

“I don’t know. Ya it’s nearly 10 am, we aren’t late,” Krystal replied as she checked her watch.

I smirked as we were fast pacing to the sports hall, “That’s a new watch, and it’s beautiful too. Did Kai get you that?

Krystal turned around to see if anyone was behind us and elbowed me, “Shutup you rat. And yes, he did get it for me.”

I giggled as we stopped outside the sports hall, the doors were fully opened and there were professional banners and balloons congratulating the graduating students.

I could see journalists and cameramen setting up as there was a buzzing and shuffling from the hall.

I took a deep breath in and stopped Krystal who was progressing forward.

I knew everyone would be here, all the faces I’d been trying to avoid would be in such a close proximity to me, I didn’t know if I was ready.

“What’s up? Ya Minnie, take my hand, I promise you’ve got this. You’re the star today and everyone will be left with opened mouths once they find out about your achievements,” Krystal reassured me, but I was still feeling queasy.

I couldn’t even handle seeing Jimin that day in the bakery, even though his face was covered, how am I supposed to see Taehyung without breaking down?

I took a deep breath in and held tightly onto Krystal’s hand as we stepped into the sports hall which was fully opened with a high stage propped up in the middle.

The parents and journalists would sit high up in the stands whilst the graduating and performing students would sit on the chairs lined up around the high stage with a podium for those who would give speeches.

I initially kept my stare locked on the ground with my straightened brown hair covering my face, before I braved up and looked around the hall.

I saw a few eyes already looking at me and whispering, this was the first time I’d come to school after Eonni and Junghyun’s deaths.

Masses of students were already seated with the exception of those on their phones and with their managers or speaking to teachers.

Everyone looked so pretty in the mustard graduation outfits and the guys were wearing black trousers or black shorts.

“There’s our seats,” Krystal nudged me and pointed to the front as I followed her and sat in the corner.

Just as we sat down, Coach came running up to us with a beaming face.

“Miss Jung and Miss Song, I’d never have thought to see you two looking so lady like and grown up!” he teased as we tilted our head back and laughed too hard.

“I’m not that funny! Or am I?” He pondered as we shook our heads in unison.

“Ew Coach Gwok, get over yourself!” Krystal chuckled as I covered my laughter.

“We’ve never seen you in a suit before and well...” I trailed off giggling.

“Well you look like a smart egg, with your freshly trimmed hair and all!” Krystal sniggered as my eyes widened with humorous shock.

Coach Gwok was known for the shiniest, bald head around and it felt so good to finally for it.

He turned a beetroot red as he coughed awkwardly and looked around for help, before he dragged a slow moving Yoongi to him.

“Yoongi my boy, do I look funny in a suit?”

Yoongi stared blankly at Coach Gwok before he slowly turned to both of us.

I could see a faint smile forming on his pale face, he was desperately trying to control his laughter and was doing a great job as usual.

“Aniyo, you look good. Don’t listen to these girls, they don’t know what’s good,” Yoongi muttered as he turned his head away from Coach and flashed us both a gummy, toothy smile that made his eyes look even more catlike.

Coach smiled at him proudly, before he walked around the hall, checking if students were hiding flour in their bags.

We sat back down and started playing a slapping game before we got tired and began watching all the students who were spread out around the hall finally taking their seats.

We analysed and checked out the girl’s choice of accessories before we started discussing what type of hair looks better.

There must be about two hundred or so students who had taken their seats as the buzzing of conversation from parents, families, journalists, company managers and teachers could now be heard from the stands above.

I looked up and started searching for my family and my eyes started smiling when I saw Mum had come with a blonde haired Jackson who had a black face mask on.

I craned my neck to the other side of the hall and sure enough, I could see Seojun and Seoeon trying to escape Aunt Jeong’s hold as all my uncles, Halmeouni and Appa were sitting at the front.

I looked to the stage and saw a row of important people including head boy Namjoon, Gyojang Yi, Halapoji and President Sung of Seoul National University seated.

I didn’t once turn around to look at all the students behind and the only time I decided to was when Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung swaggered in.

My eyes automatically closed as I used all my energy to turn back to the front, why did my eyes have to rest on Taehyung for?

That good for nothing scum, that player, that idiot.

Don’t worry Jasmine, you don’t need to be loud to get your revenge.

Just leave quietly, that will kill him the most...

As I looked back to the front, I saw Chanyeol, Kai, Xiumin, Sehun, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Chen and Suho slide in the front row as well.

Sooyoung, Irene, Wendy and Seulgi had come in with them and were sitting on the same front row as all of us as well.

Chanyeol slid next to Krystal with Kai sitting right at the far end, as far as possible away from Krystal because of the prying journalist and camera eyes that had a clear view from the overhead stands.

Krystal had leant all the way back on her chair which gave Chanyeol a clear view to try and get my attention from.

I stared at his adorable smiling face and briefly remembered how scared I was of him that first day in the cafeteria when he threatened me and even slapped me.

Again, it’s amazing to see how viewpoints and people can change in such little time.

I smiled back at him and he looked back once before reaching his hand out to me.

It took me a couple of seconds to realise what he was doing before I too reached my hand out and felt a note being stuffed into my hand.

Krystal instantly leaned forward again and I waited for a minute before I looked down and unfolded the note Chanyeol gave to me.

Hello Song Minnie, how are you doing on this fine day? :) 

I couldn’t stop the laughter as I covered my mouth.

I took a pen from the inside pocket of my blazer and scribbled something back.

Aish, such a junior high way of communication! I was feeling sick before, but you just made me laugh. Gomawo you happy virus.

I turned slightly to Krystal who sighed and leant all the way back again as I pretended to stretch and passed Chanyeol the note back.

He took the note and quickly wrote something down before passing it back.

I’m gonna use that nickname from now on. How about lunch after we graduate?

I read it and chuckled, this was so cute and a perfect way to dodge all the nosy eyes.

As Krystal was still leaning back, I turned to Chanyeol who looked at me with a puppy expression.

I leant in, pretending to lean on Krystal.

“I’m on a diet,” I whispered, sticking my tongue out as Chanyeol tilted his head to the side and pouted his bottom lip out before flashing me a white smile.

Just then, Mr Wang closed the heavy front doors which caused the jam packed hall to be silent.

We all looked straight ahead as Gyojang was now standing at the podium, his bright smile radiating through the hall.

“Parents and children, my fellow teachers and respected guests, honourable journalists and of course my children, you lovely students. Welcome to the high school graduation of Daegu High.”

Gyojang’s voice echoed through the silent hall as everyone burst out in applause with the back row boy students hooting and whistling making everyone chuckle.

His voice trailed on as he spoke about all the memories, wonderful achievements and childish trouble our year had given him and the school.

Gyojang’s short and sweet speech had everyone in tears of happiness; he was truly like a father and best friend to each and every one of us.

“Not once in my fifteen years of hosting a graduation ceremony have I shed a tear on the podium, but what can I say? This class has really been a handful that I will miss dearly and never forget. Now I’ll let the head boy of this year take over, I’m sure he’ll make you all laugh again,” Gyojang sniffed as Namjoon passed him a tissue.

As soon as Namjoon stood at the podium, flashes of cameras and loud hooting from the back row could be heard as students were wolf whistling and shouting vulgar terms which made Mr Wang and Mr Park move their chairs closer to control the back row.

Namjoon’s speech was full of humour and seriousness; he pointed out the realities of our situations and thanked everyone for making his time as head boy memorable.

He ended with a poem that he wrote himself called ‘moving on’ which got him a standing ovation, we all stood up and clapped for him, he was a great head boy.

Performers from younger years got up and started singing and dancing for us, both contemporary and modern songs in English and Hangul, before the time came to present the achievement awards.

I felt Krystal nudge me as I turned to her.

“Make sure you look at me when you go up there. You better smile with your eyes, and show me those teeth too!” Krystal beamed as she started fixing the neck strap of her camera.

After the clapping for the performance died down, Gyojang returned to the podium and spoke a little about what being a good citizen is.

I could feel blood rushing to my head as I knew I’d have to collect the award with Jimin.

I gulped as I realised a table with awards had been lifted on stage by the caretakers and Halapoji was standing in front of it with a cameraman behind him.

Just then, the same beautiful orphan girls we collected donations for had lined up in front of the award table dressed prettily in pink dresses and were glowing with rosy, angelic cheeks and a smile which could light a thousand dark caves.

My anxiety turned into longing as I wanted to hug them all individually and thank them for all the happiness they brought me.

There were whispers and caws which soon became silent as Gyojang spoke.

“All of you should be proud of your citizenship projects, but one project stood out in particular. This project was highly organised, genuine and made a real life impact on a handful of young girls’ lives who were once orphans, but have now found true homes.”

My eyes didn’t once leave the radiant girls, and I was too mesmerised by their innocence that I didn’t hear my name being called until I could feel Krystal nudge me hard and the whole front row’s faces turned to me.

I looked ahead and saw Gyojang laughing and ushering me to come forward as I bowed and stood up, tripping over my bag before Krystal caught my hand and I regained balance.

I heard snickering as my face flushed pink and my heavy legs took me over to the stage where I could already see a smart Jimin standing with styled black hair and a forced smile on his face.

I gulped and didn’t dare to look around at the masses of seated students and teachers as I could hear clapping and cheering from the packed stands above. 

I stopped behind Jimin who was waving at the girls that were running over to us.

I stretched my arms out and five of them instantly jumped on me which turned the cheering into louder caws and more clicking and flashing of cameras were heard.

They made me full of joy as I kissed each one of them before I unknowingly turned to Jimin who was carrying one of the girls in his arms.

Our eyes locked for a second and there was a telepathic connection of peace before Jimin let the girl down and started walking up the stairs to the stage where Halapoji was waiting.

The hall went deathly silent again as Jimin was getting his award and picture taken, before a girl screamed, “Jimin oppa saranghayo!” and everyone started laughing and clapping again.

After shaking Halapoji’s hand, Jimin surprised everyone with giving Halapoji a warm hug.

“Omo! Aigooo Jiminaahh!” The students all hooted in unison as everyone cheered louder.

I tried to smile, but tears fell instead as I heard what Jimin had whispered to Halapoji.

“Forgive me for being a bad son. Forgive me for not attending noona’s funeral, forgive me Halapoji.”

I quickly wiped the tear away before I approached Halapoji.

I heard whispers and furious clicks of cameras, everyone was expectant to see how we’d interact publicly after Eonni’s death.

I looked at Halapoji as he smiled at me and I tilted my head so he could put the medal on, but just as I was trying to wipe the tears away, Halapoji cupped my face and wiped a tear with his finger before clapping.

I knew everyone had seen that and the cameras were zooming in on our faces as I managed a smile.

Jimin and I were ushered together by Gyojang as he told us to look at the camera ahead.

I pulled back dramatically as soon as Jimin’s hand brushed mine before I blushed and felt dizzy.

I averted my eyes to Krystal and flashed her a smile as she put her thumbs up and blew a kiss to me.

As soon as it was finished, I scanned the students who were smiling at me and I deliberately missed Taehyung from my vision as I walked back to my seat.

Everyone apart from Irene and Sooyoung congratulated me on the front row as I turned back before sitting down, only to meet Jimin’s fleeting gaze.

I slumped back down and wiped my sweaty face.

How can someone feel so many different emotions all at once?

“You guys were so cute up there! Aigo everyone could see the pain you and your Halapoji shared,” Krystal whispered as I leant my head on her shoulder.

“What are you saying, ya that was so damn awkward,” I croaked back.

After a few more awards were given out, it was finally time to announce which university everyone got into.

I chuckled as I remembered that in London this would be a private affair, but I guess the Korean education system always has to put that extra pressure on students.

Before Gyojang announced everyone’s universities, he introduced President Sung who stood up and went over to the podium, everyone’s eyes following him ravenously, hoping and praying their name would be chosen for an entry into the best university.

He didn’t need to give an introduction for his university but he did so anyway just to heighten the already tense atmosphere which was built up.

It was kind of cruel that they made students anticipate and stay in hope when the students who were given scholarships and places had already been chosen beforehand.

“...And so this year, only three students have been accepted for scholarships into Seoul Nation