Youngbae POV 

Age:15

Chapter 7- You are not my Hyung!

After the funeral of our mom, my brothers is suffering so much. Especially, Seunghyun hyung. Our eomma was Seunghyun hyung biological mother. He has no one but us. However, he tries is hardest to smile for us. I wish he does not have to forces himself on us. I know he is being a hyung but that does mean he should ball up his emotions. 

Daesung cried so much, I believed his own tears are dry up. He has not eaten for days. He only drinks water. I try to help him eat but he kept pushing the food away. He sometimes does not get out of his own room. I hate to see our dongsaeng like this. He does not deserve another lost. We all did not deserve any lost.

Jiyong has it worst. He loved our maknae so much, He spent most of his days looking for him. I know losing mom hit him hard but finding out that little Seunghyun disappeared hit him way harder. He does not eat as well. He always comes home late. I kept telling him to stop and we end up arguing so much. I hate arguing with my brother but he needs to open his eyes that Seunghyun might be in a better place. Is what I kept thinking. I hope he is. I wonder where he is.  Is he healthy? Is he with someone else? My maknae where are you?

Since Seunghyun hyung is still not old enough to take care of us. It was our mom friend. The old man that found Jiyong and me in the sea.  He is haraboji to Jiyong and me, also our hero. His name is Kim Lee. He suggests us to move with him. He said we do not have to sell our house in the countryside of Seoul.  Hyung agreed on the offer. Thus, our new home is with Kim Lee.

We have not talked for days.  Like we are on our own. I really hope we can get through this. Even I is not doing so well. My mind is still questioning the whereabouts of little Seunghyun. The police seem like they are not doing a great job. What is take them so long to find a missing child!

I am over here wondering in the streets. Every stop I make, I can always hear little Seunghyun pleading for an ice cream from me. “Hyung! Hyung! Is hot! Let’s get ice cream!” Yeah, I remember how he always tugged my shirt. Eomma always told me not spoiled him even if he beg but is hard to resist his panda eyes.

These memories are not going away. My chest feels tight again. Losing mom is so painful than I thought then what add it, is losing our little brother. I want to see his bright smile one more time. Feel his embrace around me, just messing with me or I mess with him. To see mother laughing when we do stupid stuff. Show her off our talent. Also, feeling her warmth.

I stop midway from home.  I could not handle this anymore. I wish I can travel back in time and stop them both from going to that stupid audition! None this wouldn’t happen if they went to that audition. A useless…audition.

I can feel tears running down my cheeks. I fell on my knees and wrap my arms around me. Damn it. I couldn’t hold it in. I feel so lonely. Our family is breaking apart. I have no one. For some odd reason, this is worse than that shipwreck accident, when I lost my family.

“Youngbae?” I heard someone called my name. I turn to see who it was. It's Hyunbae.

“Hyunbae hyung” Great now he is seeing my weak self. Why did he come in the wrong timing? I averted my eyes away from his. I do not want to see him. Just by seeing him, I feel uncomfortable.

“You okay buddy?” he kneels down and patted my back.

I buried my face in my arms while hugging my knee. He should go away and leave me.

“Is going to be dark soon.” He tried to pick me up but I jerk his hand away.

“Go away” I shouted.

“No! I know you are in your miserable stage! I can’t leave you like this!” He scolded me. I can hear his anger between his words. 

“Then you should know to leave someone who is miserable alone! I lost two very important people in my life! I do not wish this hyung!” I got up and run away from him. “YA! DONG YOUNGBAE” he shouted but I let my legs guide me back to what so call “home.”  I thought I will have a better life after the shipwreck accident but I was wrong.

I woke up in the middle of the night. My eyes feel so damn dry. I cried so much, I cannot shed tears anymore. My throat feels dry. I should get water.

I walk toward the kitchen but stop because I heard voices. “Jiyong is coming home late again” sigh the old man.

“I did call him, he said he is coming back from his friend’s house” That was Seunghyun hyung. Why is he up so late?

“Is Youngbae and Daesung doing alright?” Hyunbae voice? What is he doing here?

“Yeah they should be asleep, Daesung still has not come out of his room. Youngbae wonder a lot” Reply my big brother, Seunghyun.

“Okay, you know why I came here this late” Yeah why did he come here? I know being noisy is bad but I do not like it how Hyunbae is here.

“You want to get your little brother, Youngbae” Seunghyun sigh.

Huh? Little brother? What is hyung talking about? My big brother died from that shipwreck. There is no way he survived. Right? I feel my body shaking for some reason. This has to be a lie. Hyung please tell me this is not true.

“Yes, I would like him back. He was happy to with a new family and I am glad for that because I was still young and could not take care of him” he said. “Now that I have a job, I can take care of my own dongsaeng”

It was silent for a while. I wonder what Hyung is thinking. Is he not going to agree to this right? I do not care if Hyunbae is my biological brother! To me, he died long ago! I do not want Seunghyun to give me up that easily! I am his dongsaeng, not Hyunbae.

“…It kills me to say yes but shouldn’t we have Youngbae to decide that?” yes hyung, let me decide! I will stay with you.

“He does not even remember his own big brother face or name. All he remember that he had a brother since that shipwreck accident and thought he passed away along with his parents” Kim Lee added.

“Even so, if you both said no, I am still going to take him. I do not care if he remembers me. He is suffering so much. I even saw him crying in the middle of the street. I think he needs time to be away from you” He sounded serious. His tone sounded scary. What is hyung doing! Say something damns it!

“Fine…do what you want” My heart drop. My eyes widen from the shock of my hyung answer. He can’t be serious. I thought I was his little brother! 

I finally showed myself, “You…canot be serious hyung..?” I choked my words. New tears started to develop.

“Youngbae…” I can see Seunghyun hyung is surprised by my presence.  Same with Hyunbae and Kim Lee.

“Are you en seriously going to give me up like this? And you!” I shifted my anger eyes on Hyunbae. “You have no right to show yourself! You died! I believe that you died! You have no idea how much I en suffer for losing you! You have no right to claim me! If you were my brother you should’ve shown yourself to me long ago! Not like this!” I can't control this anger. This sudden news is killing me inside. Why there something added to my pain. “I had enough…” I said as my finals word and dash out of the house.

“YOUNGBAE” Hyunbae shouted. I kept running from him.

As I continue to run, lots of questions are rushing in my head. How did Hyunbae survive? Did Seunghyun know about this? Why is he letting me go with that bastard? My questions stop when I bump into Jiyong who was coming back home. “Youngbae?” He looked confused. I couldn’t stop crying and couldn’t control my anger. I just look at Jiyong and said “Sorry Jiyong” I kept running.

“YA YOUNGBAE!” Jiyong shouted but I ignore him. I ignore my brother. My own brother and best friend. I wish Jiyong did not have to see this. I am glad Daesung was still asleep. If he wasn’t, I probably would’ve stayed for Daesung.

What is going to happen to me? What should I do? I am so lost!? I need you, mom. I need you maknae. Please come back. Guide my legs to somewhere safe, please. 

Author Note: I was trying to think how to split the family. It was hard. But I had to. Don't worry it will get good. Oh yeah, by the way, I made up the old man name