Choi Seunghyun

Chapter 18

Age 24

Weather: Warm

Time: noon-evening

After having that call from Jiyong, I’ve been looking for many houses. We still have the house where we were raised. I am pretty sure it will shock Seungri if we go back there. Plus, I do not want him to remember any more trouble memories. He has suffered enough. Jiyong told me he wants to meet all of us separately before moving with us. Since Jiyong was with him that day it would be my turn since I am the oldest.

I look at the time and it was 12:30 pm. It is time for me to pick up Seungri for our date. I got my laptop and started to get ready.  I still can’t believe this is happening. We were together once and now we're going back. The problem is Seungri memories. He still rather be called Seungri than Lee Seunghyun. I feel sad because his name is special to me. We both have the same name and I do not want him to abandon that name.

I arrived at Seungri apartment well Jonghoon. Seungri was waiting for me outside of the apartment with Jonghoon. They must be really close since Jonghoon did not leave his side.

“Hyung?” Seungri beam with excitement as I got out my car. Hyung. He called me his hyung. Gosh, I want to cry but this is not a good place to cry or the right time. I am just overwhelmed by his comment.

“Yes, my maknae I am your hyung” I ruffle his hair. I am glad he did not wear his shades but then I notice Jonghoon holding his shades. “Did you took that away from him?” I whisper to Jonghoon. Jonghoon laughs and said “Yes, he needs to get away from that habit” I nodded with agreement.

I know he is uncomfortable but he needs to get to know me. “Are you ready to go? We are going to eat lunch first and then take you to my gallery” Seungri spread his cute smile and nodded. He so cute. I am glad I get to have this moment with him.

We both arrived went to a restaurant that has Tteokbokki. Seungri favorite food. Hopefully is still his favorite food. “Hey, Seungri what is your favorite food,” I ask before ordering his meal.

“Tteoknokki” he cheered.

“Heh,” I giggled at how cute he look with a cheerful smile. Then he changes his expression wondering why I giggled. “Hyung, why did you laugh?”

“Nothing… is just “I wonder if I tell him that he always been liking Tteoknokki seen he was a kid. “Is just…you have always been liking Tteoknokki” He wasn’t surprise of what I said instead he said, “I know, I had a memory of me eating Tteoknokki, I try some, and it was delicious.”

“Haha, well let us order Tteoknokki” I signal the waiter.

We both talk while we were eating. He told me so much about his family. I was so relieved that his biological parents took great care of my maknae. His father has a huge company in Japan while his mother just stays home for her children. I heard she was an actress but quit. He said he feels guilty for his mom to quit her career but his mom kept telling him it was her dream to become a stay home mother.

After hearing about his family, I feel my chest tight for some odd reason. I cannot explain this emotion but I guess is because I miss my own mom.  My mom’s warmth. My mom’s smile. Her kindness. Her love. I miss everything about my mom. And, hearing Seungri talking about how much his mom loves him, I just want to cry. I am happy that he has a lovely mom. However, it just aches that I lost mine. I think it is best for my maknae not to remember my mom. It will hurt him.

“Hyung, I have a question” I look at the curious panda. I gave him the signal to ask me the question. “Who took care of me when I was young?” Crap, I do not know what to say. I did not expect him to ask this. Of course, he will! Jiyong told me he has amnesia. He probably is curious about the woman who took care of us. “Did she took care of all of us like she adopted all of us?”

“Um….” I don't know how to start this. I don't know how to avoid it either. I cannot lie to this cute panda. Does he know that she pass away? Ugh “…Um, she loves children Seungri, She wanted so many children but couldn’t because she lost her husband. So she adopted us…” I can’t do this. I begin to sigh, “Sorry, Seungri-ah, I can’t tell you until you remember it on your own…” Seungri averted his eyes and look down at his empty plate.

“I just want to remember the lady who saved me from that accident, I heard she passed away...I just want to know her name but my memories are not allowing me to remember” I can see the frustration in his eyes. He really wants to remember my mom. If I gave him her name, he probably would remember right away. Sorry maknae, I think your memories also trying to keep you safe from remembering that horrible accident. He probably will feel guilty if I told him it was my mom. I must change the subject quickly.

“You will remember her soon, anyway, let’s go to my gallery” I patted on his back. I know eventually he will remember her just not soon. 

“Yes!” He nodded and gave me a wide smile of excitement.

I took him to my art studio. It was closed for today so I can be alone with my maknae. “Wooa~” He was amazed the view of my studio. “You have so many paintings hyung” I chuckle at his child expression. 

“Yeah, it helps me take my mind off of things,” I said.

“What was your passion on painting?”

That is a good question. So many interviewers ask me that question but I never answer it. I always dodge it. But with Seungri, I don't mind answering his question, “You were my passion” I said while pointing at him. He started to laugh and hide his embarrassment on my shoulder.

“Hehee, really?” He lifts his head to meet my eyes.

“Yeah really. You have no idea how much I suffer Seungri-ah.” I place my arm around his shoulder and guide him to one particular art. It was an art that leads me to succeed in my career. My first painting when I was in depression. I show him an art that has all five of us as kids. It was one beautiful art. Lee Seunghyun was being loved from his hyungs in this painting. His hyungs were all around their maknae. Cherishing their moment together.

“Oh…” Seungri gazes deep in the painting. He recognizes himself in the painting, “Is that me?” He pointed at himself in the center of his hyungs (without touching the paint of course). I nodded at his question. “I look so happy in here, what is your reason painting this hyung?”

What was that reason? I think it was the day when we all fought with each other expect Lee Seunghyun. He was there in the center of our fight, trying to calm us down. He had enough of our bickering and begin to cry. Haha oh yeah, now I remember.

“You were such a cry baby Seungri” I can’t stop laughing. Seungri is looking at me with a confuse expression. Like he was saying “Why are you laughing at me” face. Ha! “Hyung is sorry, didn't mean to laugh but really, I want you to try and remember it on your own” Seungri direct his eyes back to the painting. He took a moment.

This is good actually, Jiyong mention that he must control his memories for he won’t faint like last time. He must take a take breath, relax, and take a moment to remember his past. Yes, it was the day where all four of his hyungs were fighting over something stupid and made their maknae cried for not speaking like about one week.

~past~

Choi Seunghyun age 14

We were home alone. My mom was working late. I was in a grumpy mood. I was stress because I had to take care of my little brother who won’t leave me alone whenever I am busy. I have so many homework. Irritated that I have to do the chores but my maknae help me sometimes. And I always clean after themselves. We are not that far apart in age, but they should just grow up and clean their own mess.

I walk in the house and saw the house a complete mess. The only person who I do not see here was my maknae, who called and said he has after school activates. I hit my limit. I cannot stand their childish sometimes.

“’YAH!” I shouted. All three of my dongsaengs peep their head up from the t.v. They have their attention on me. “Why the is our house is a mess!? You know mom doesn't like messy boys! Heck if you guys are living in the house, at least, help out!”

“Hyung, why are you saying this now?” It was Jiyong who spoke, “Why are you yelling if we were bad guys,” Jiyong said with angry tone.

“Because I am so tired of you guys not helping me around the house!” I yelled.

“Bull! You never notice that WE do help you!” It was Youngbae that spoke up next.

“Yeah, Hyung! You hardly come by the house! You and Lee Seunghyun always at school. While we have to stay and clean! You just arrived early today, so we didn't have time to clean!” It was Daesung who try to defend them.

Is true though I have been busy because I was trying to be a good student for my mom could be proud of me.  That doesn't mean ! Even when I am home they are just in their own little world!

“Guys I am home~” Lee Seunghyun came in the wrong timing. He felt the room was a bit off, “What is going on…?” However, we all didn't notice his presence.

“That is bull! Is not just cleaning the house! You guys always bother me! If you want my attention do not en break other person belongings or make loud noises or bug a person in their room, knowingly that their eldest is busy with school!”

“We hate how you always ignore us but when it comes to our maknae! You treasure him the most than us!” Jiyong raised his anger voice.

“Guys…please…why are you fighting?” Our maknae try to calm us down but we all couldn't control our anger towards each other.

“Jiyong you are just jealous because maknae love Seunghyun more than us! Sometimes you always trying to steal our maknae just to spend your time with him and not with me! He is not just your only dongsaengs!” Then Daesung shifts his anger at Jiyong. “I want your attention too Jiyong but you never give that to me, is only Seunghyun hyung and Youngbae!”

“Guys why are you putting me out there?” our maknae begin to shake his own words. He doesn't know how to calm down his hyungs.

“What! You said you didn't have a problem with that”

“Oh please! I said that just to be kind! I am not always kind you know! You always spoil our maknae! Quit showing favoritism JIYONG-AH” I never seen Daesung jealousy side towards our maknae. I knew that Daesung felt uncomfortable whenever Jiyong spoils Lee Seunghyun.

“You are not going to call me your brother!?” Jiyong glared at Daesung. But Daesung kept his glare lock on Jiyong. He was serious.

“Stop…it guys…” Our maknae plead.

“Yeah guys, stop it!” The Youngbae try to stop the argument between Daesung and Jiyong.

“Like you are any better Youngbae” Jiyong shifts his glared at Youngbae. “Quit en showing off, nobody cares about you!” Oh, I didn't know Jiyong was jealous of Youngbae.

“At least I am better at what I do than just embarrassed myself at the crowd!” Youngbae said it all cocky. He probably saying that day of their dance competition where Jiyong lost by falling down from the stage because Youngbae shirt was there and forgot to pick it up and cause Jiyong to slip. Jiyong hated him for that but didn’t it show it.

We all kept complaining about each other. How much we hate this or that about each other. We couldn’t stop arguing until our Maknae shouted.

“SHUT UP!” he cried “Why are we fighting…aren’t we brothers…” he sniffed. We all turn our heads towards our maknae. We felt guilty that we made our maknae in the center of our bickering. He could not stop crying. Jiyong tries to step up and comfort him but Lee Seunghyun stops him.

“NO! I don;t want this!” He ran to his room and lock himself there. We all stood quietly. Not knowing what to say.

A week pass by, we haven’t talked to each other. I did not know what to do. I have to solve this since I am the oldest. Plus, I started this. I must end this.

I had an idea, so I made invitations letters to take them to the park nearby our house. I hope they will show up.

I did pass the message. I told my mom what happen. She told me to have a nice picnic and talk about our feelings towards each other in a positive way. We have to let each other know how we feel one another. So, I set up a picnic near some pretty flowers. It was nice outside too. The wind feels fresh and warm. I think this will okay.

A few minutes later, each of them shows themselves. “Sit” I signal them to sit down the table. They each slowly took a seat. Not even looking at each other.  Daesung is sitting near the edge of the table, Jiyong is sitting next to Daesung at the other end of the table. Youngbae is sitting across from Daesung while Lee Seunghyun is sitting across from Jiyong.

“I brought you guys here because I want to apologize what I have caused” I begin. “Hyung is not your fault-“I cut Youngbae off. “Sorry Youngbae-ah, let me finish” I clear my throat “Like what I was saying, I started the fight, I just wanted to let you guys know that I really do need help sometimes, I reach my limit when I saw the house a mess. As the eldest I must treasure you guys equally. I really do love you guys and I am happy that I am the eldest hyung. So again I am sorry for yelling or not being there for you guys.” I said.

“Hyung…do not take the blame, it was my fault too” Daesung slowly said. “ I also want attention and got jealous of our maknae…I didn’t mean to be jealous of us…is just you guys expressed your love more on our maknae than me, especially Jiyong…” Daesung chuckle at that part, “I love my maknae too but, at least, give me some of your love too”

“Daesung-ah, you know I love you,” Jiyong said with his arms around his dongsaeng “I can’t believe you forgot that we usually sleep together, but I felt lonely when you started sleeping with our hyung. I thought Seunghyun Hyung gave you enough attention and you seem so happy when you are with him. I felt a bit jealous of our hyung. Jiyong shifts his eyes on me “Hyung, I am sorry that I am jealous of you. You are a great big brother. I am happy that I have a brother like you, so sorry” He then move look at Youngbae.

“Youngbae! You are my brother and my best friend I am sorry that I was jealous of your talent. Is just our maknae told me he love the way you dance one day and that was the reason why I enter that stupid dance competition.” He pouted.

Youngbae laughed, “Is fine, sorry that I tease you that you are lame, you also dance so well. I thought I was going to lose until you fell. Sorry about my shirt, though, I really did forget to pick it up right on your part.”

We all begin to laugh at our stupid self, expect our maknae. He was still silent. He did not even say a word. “Are you okay maknae,” Daesung ask. He got up to sit next to our maknae and have his arm around him.

“Yeah…is just” we all are waiting what he is going to say at the end of his sentence. What has he done? He has nothing to apologize. “I am sorry that I have so much love for you guys!” He quickly changes his expression by laughing. We were surprised. We thought he was going to say something serious.

“Yah! Stupid adorable panda! I thought you were going to say something serious!” Jiyong hit our maknae head softly.

“Haha, sorry is just you guys were fighting over me for a moment” He is cheesing.

“Because you are adorable! You are the reason why our bond is strong” Said Daesung and place a kiss on his cheek.

“Hyung! Ew I don’t want your kiss, rather want a girl to kiss me” he wipes it away and Daesung glared at him playfully, “I can’t believe you were jealous of me, though, you shouldn’t be hyung! Because I envy how you have so many girls chasing you” he pouted at Daesung.

“Yah! I rather want them to chase me than you, girls are scary” he shivered. Jiyong laughs out loud. “So true, let Daesung be a hyung, maknae”

“Yeah girls are scary, still hate being around them” Youngbae agreed on Daesung statement. I chuckle. It was a great moment. We all laugh. Joke around. Told each other secrets. Although Daesung and Lee Seunghyun didn't tell us their secrets. I did wonder about their relationships but I let it go. We even took a picture together. I remember Seunghyun does not want to be in the center but we made him. We each put our arms lock on each other shoulder and our maknae is just in the center giving a peace sign on in the air. That is the picture I painted.

-Present-

“Ah!” Seungri broke my thoughts, “I did cry when you guys were arguing but we made up …and took a picture…that picture “Why is he stuttering? Is he okay? “…That picture is this painting…” He looks down. I wonder why.

“Yup, that fight made our bond stronger and we even vow that we will not make you cry, you weren’t there. We talk about that when you were asleep that day.” I smiled.

He glances up to meet my eyes. He gave a small smile, “This feel so weird…I did not even faint …thanks hyung… for showing me this” His body kept turning. I guess he is debating whether he should hug me or not. I can see him trying to extend his arms but stop midway and just look back at the painting. I chuckle to myself. This guy is still not ready to give me a hug yet. He still shies around his hyung or him just nervous.

This is all new to him. I can see why he was stuttering. It was Lee Seunghyun in that picture, not Seungri. I wish Seungri can realize we still love him regardless what he is. Lee Seunghyun or Seungri does not matter the name. He is still our maknae. The key to holding us together.

“Let’s go home now, I think Jonghoon is taking you out for dinner,” I said.

“Yeah, but…let me look at this paint for a few minutes” His eyes are still locked on the painting. I only smiled and nodded at his response. I just lay back on the wall and just stare how joy he seem when he is looking at the painting. I am happy that he is here with me. I really like the view of him standing. I should paint him soon

Author: I am going to fix this chapter later. Anyway, sorry, if is a terrible chapter. I was so busy with tests and all but I will fix it later. I really wanted to update a story. I even made Gri fanfic now. Is call Save Me. Look it up if you want to read it. Anyway, thanks for reading. Until next time. Next chapter will Youngbae POV.