Chapter 12: Healing?

~Seungri POV~

Age:21

Place: JongHoon's Apartment 

Time: Night Weather: Cold.

I made it to Jonghoon apartment. I am so tired from the flight. I took a small nap without eating dinner and unpacking my stuff.

“Seungri! Wake up! You've not eaten yet!” Jonghoon shakes my shoulder. I slowly open my eyes, I can feel my eyelids still heavy. I want more sleep. I grab the pillow from the bed and hit him with it. “YAH!” I made him angry. He pushes me out of bed. He grabs the pillow from my hand and uses it for revenge.

“FINE!” I give up. He continues beating me with a soft pillow. “I am awake!” I got up from the floor. I stretch my muscle and yawn a bit.

“I was going to take you to this great restaurant but is close because GD went there and he like it rented,” He said.

“GD? Ah, G-dragon and what restaurant?” I ask.

“Kang’s Restaurant, a guy name Daesung is the chief there and I hear he sings but only on Fridays,” He answers his best friend question with a wide smile.

Daesung?

I felt my head hurt. A slight pain. I shook it off. Felt my stomach growling. I guess I was hungry. “Damn. Well, let’s just a eat cup ramen then I am hungry!”

“Okay”

After we ate, I felt lazy to unpack my stuff so I turn on Jonghoon’s T.V. A music video was on and it was not GD. It was a guy name Taeyang who is playing his music. I end up falling for his voice, though.  He can sing. What I like the most about him, is his dance. He is really great.

“Ah, Youngbae hyung!” Shouted Jonghoon as he walks to sit next to me on the couch.

“Youngbae?”

“He is really great, he did a duo with GD. I guess you can say they are best friends or brothers. Taeyang is his stage name” he explains.

“Well, Youngbae…” I pause when I said his name. A little boy appears in my head. The boy with the hat but his face is still cover with blur. My head began to ache. “Damn” I hold my head and felt a bit dizzy.

“Youngbae hyung show me your dance routine again!! I want to dance just like you!” I saw a vision of me shouting that name.

Youngbae? Hyung…?

 “’Yah! Seungri are you okay?” Jonghoon places his arms around me “Is your head hurting again.” Ah, I feel like I am losing myself.  I fell on my knees. “SEUNGRI!” I can barely hear Jonghoon shouting. “Can you hear me!”

 I am trying to pay attention to Jonghoon voice but I couldn’t because my head went blank.

“YAH! SEUNGRI!” damn I do not have enough strength to open my eyes. My head is still spinning. I felt my body on the wooden cold floor. Taeyang? Youngbae? Who is he? What is his relationship with me…?

-Youngbae POV- 23

Setting: Youngbae Dance studio.

Time: Night

Weather: Cold night breeze.

“Alright, guys you did a good job! Let’s do this again next week since I have to judge the audition tomorrow for our dance choreography!” I clap with excitement joined by my dance crew, cheering their heart out since we lost our last choreography.

We finish with our dance routine for my next concert. I made a great hit with my song, Ringa Linga. Each of them took their bag and ready to leave. I told them to leave without me. They nodded and left. I went back to the mirror and face myself. I look so different. I am different. Ever since I find out about me having an older brother ruined me. I was so mad at Choi Seunghyun but forgave him afterward. He was doing what is best for me.  Hyunbae did catch up with me. He begged for me to stay. He did not want to lose another family member. I sigh that day and gave him a chance.

Now I am living with Hyunbae hyung. Jiyong was disappointed and did not talk to me for a while. I couldn’t blame him until we did a duo together. We begin to tease each other sometimes but we still did not have a strong bond like we used to. We are broken. The only person who is making my day is Daesung. He is the only one who stay in touch with me mostly every day. He still has hopes about maknae coming back to us. I lost that hope. He still believes that I am not healed but I feel like I am.

It has been 9 years, I am pretty sure he is with his family. Jiyong told me about a lost kid that was kidnap at age 5. It was Lee Seunghyun and I am pretty sure it was his family that found him and took him away from us. I can feel it in my gut. Well, is better them than us. I do not want our maknae to suffer. He should be with his family like I am.

Living with Hyunbae hyung was great. But not the same. I miss all my brothers together. Especially, Seunghyun hyung.

Ah speaking of him, I was supposed to meet him.

I close the studio. Started walking to Choi Seunghyun art studio. I took my jacket from my waist and put on because it was cold at night.

While I was walking I was thinking how I am proud of hyung. He became an artist. He really needs that since he suffered so much. He was in a great depression that lasted 3 years. All four of us decided to help him to gain himself back. We took him to therapy and take a turn to take care of him. Until he has a passion for art. Without art, he wouldn’t be healed. Now he can take care of himself. Our relationship is okay. Like I said, with Jiyong is not strong. It is the same with Seunghyun hyung. I still respect him.

“Hyung!” I saw hyung walking towards his studio.

“Oh, Youngbae! I heard your song! It was great!” He patted my back with a proud smile.

“Thanks, we should grab a bite,” I said.

“Yeah, hold on let me check on something on my studio” He said. I can see his breath. It must be really cold then. I did not notice maybe because of all the dancing I did and my body just feel warm.

He came back with his blue scarf. I remember that blue scarf it was a gift from our maknae. He can never leave without it.

-Past-

“What do you have in your hands Maknae?” Maknae is holding a bag between his hands. Lee Seunghyun told me to take him to a nearby craft store. It was already dark and a bit cold at night. There was a store that is still open and my maknae could not wait any longer. He said something about giving an early birthday gift for Seunghyun hyung. Hyung was turning 14 that day.

“It’s a sewing kit…to make a …scarf.” He hides his blush cheeks in his scarf. I couldn’t help myself I started laughing. He was so cute. He was embarrassed because girls make that kind of things. “Hyung! Is not funny! I want my gift to be special than you guys!” He locks his arms on mine and hides his face.

“Cute, I did not know you were in love with Hyung, maknae” I chuckle.

“I love him more than you!” he stops hiding and turn his face towards me and smiled from cheek to cheek. I felt a bit jealous when he said that. What is so good about hyung? He is tall. He is mature than us…well sometimes he is. He is smart but lazy. He can rap but was shy about it. He is kind. He expressed his love by goofing around. I am better than him right.

“Yah!” I place my arm around his neck and hold him tight, “I thought I was your favorite!”

“Don’t be jealous hyung, plus I do not have a favorite” He chuckle. Couldn’t resist his cuteness. I let him go and patted his back. “Fine, I’ll help you out,” I said.

“Is fine hyung! You should worry about what to give him. Plus November is coming soon”

“Okay, okay let’s go home”

-Present time-

“Let’s go” Seunghyun hyung broke my thoughts. I chuckle remembering his adorable, embarrassed, and smiled when he made that scarf for hyung. “What’s so funny?” Hyung turns and heard me chuckle.

“Nothing” I shake my head and follow him. We both took a taxi to Daesung’s restaurant. We called him that we were heading there. He said he was too.  He just drop off Jiyong at YG.

After we made it. Daesung welcome us in.

“Hyung! You just miss Jiyong! He just came back from his tour.” He said with a bright smile.

“I know” I chuckle, “I am going to see him tomorrow anyway,” I said sitting next to Seunghyun hyung.

“I am going to see him later as well, he still is uncomfortable around me you know” Seunghyun sigh. We stood quite. I know Jiyong been avoiding us. He used to fights with hyung. Sometimes with me too but he forgives me easily. I do not understand why he does not forgive hyung yet.  I was about to change the subject but Daesung beat me to it.

“Hyung guess what! You know how much I love V.I right” He said looking at Seunghyun hyung and place two bowls of noodles for us to eat.

Seunghyun nodded and begin to eat, “Ah this is good,” he said and still eating. I took a bite as well and it was good. I love Daesung cooking.

“Thank you~, Anyway! He is here at Seoul!” He shouted with excitement. V.I? I stop eating for a second. I feel like I heard of him. By looking at Daesung fanboying over V.I, I am guessing he is really good.

Seunghyun glance up, “Oh, Your favorite Japanese Pop singer?” he smiled.

“Ah! Jiyong hyung saw him at the airport!” He said not letting go of his angle smiled.

“Hoo, I bet you are hoping to bump into him right Daesung” Seunghyun ruffled his hair. Daesung blushes with a nod. Oh! He blushes! He really loves this singer! “What did Jiyong said about him?”

Daesung stood quietly. Why is not answering to hyung question? What did he say to him? Daesung kept avoiding eye contact with us. He seems a bit nervous. I wonder why?

“Please do not get mad hyung…” he mumbled.

“Huh?” We both questioned him.

“Um…” his eyes are wandering around, “He said that he saw V.I twice, Once in Japan and today at the airport…he also mention…” he paused. Why did he pause!? I feel like I know what he is going to say. My heart is beating fast too. I can see Seunghyun feeling a bit tense. I bet he knows too.  “…he mention that he feels like V.I is our maknae…” he finishes his sentence. We both were not surprised. We knew this was coming.

It was quiet for a while. Daesung kept tapping his fingers on the counter. Waiting for either of us to say something. What should I say? I mean, Jiyong is being crazy now. I do not know how he should let go of our maknae. Our maknae, our panda is gone! With a better family! A family that needs him the most.

Seunghyun hyung begin to sigh, “Jiyong is still not giving up” he chuckle a little bit. “It has been what 9 years that we have not seen our little panda?” he took his chopstick and went back to eat his noodles.

“We should do something about Jiyong hyung?” I plead. I kept telling hyung that Jiyong needs help. We are slowly healing but to Jiyong eyes we are not. Maybe we are not but he has it worst. Even after when we help hyung out of his depression. Jiyong rejects our help.

“We tried Youngbae, but he will reject us” he slurps his soup and finishes his bowl, “Thanks Dae for the food.” He got up, “I am going without you Youngbae, Daesung takes care of your hyung” Daesung nodded without even making eye contact. Seunghyun bid us a goodbye and took off.

I turn to face Daesung. I can feel that he is down while washing the dishes. I know how much Daesung love our panda. Heck, we all love him. He was such a great maknae. He brought joy and humor to our heart. We all miss him so much. I pray to God to let us see him again. I do not want to blame God for breaking our family no more. Just please let us see him one more time.

At the end of the day, I end up staying over at my dongsaeng’s house. He said he wants to sleep with me like good old times. I agree because I feel bad that we were talking about our maknae and Jiyong in front of Daesung. I know he mentions it but we ask the question. Daesung can’t lie to us. He said he is going to the bakery the next morning. That mean I should expect empty bed when I wake up. Is fine.

Well, I hope my prayers will be answered. I can feel a tear coming down my cheeks. Jiyong is right. I am not healed yet. I miss him. I miss my panda. I hope one day he will come back to us.

Author: Hopefully Seungri will meet them soon. I know how much these 4 brothers love their maknae. Anyway, expect an update this weekend.