December 2015

JIYONG'S POV

"Hyung, I missed you all! I am so happy we will all go to China for the year end count down!" Seungri shouted happily.

We are in YG building rehearsing for our performance in China. 

"Hyung? Are you listening to me?" He asked and poked me in the sides. I glanced at him and smiled weakly.

"Aigoo hyung! Why do you look so weak? We had a long vacation, still tired from the world tour?" He asked worriedly.

I shook my head and smiled at him. "Aigoo! Why do you keep on asking hyung lots of questions? You should focus on your dancing instead! I saw you almost forgot most of our dance routines! Yah Lee Seungri, what have you been doing recently?" I turned to him in my leader tone.

He smiled wickedly and ran to Youngbae's side. He really is such a child. 

"What songs are we going to sing again?" Daesung asked.

"Can't we add Bad Boy?" He suggested.

"Why?" I raised a brow.

"It's been a while since we sang that. And it's one of the most loved song in China." He replied and I just nodded. We are finalizing the set list for the performance. I kept getting distracted while in the meeting.

"Hyung, are you with us? You seem lost in thought." Seungri finally asked.

"Is it still because of Hara?" Youngbae carefully asked. I let out a deep sigh.

"Ji, you need to move on. It's been 5 years. You deserve to be happy. Stop blaming yourself for everything." Youngbae said as he patted my shoulders.

"It's Hara's saengil. Right?" TOP hyung butted in. 

"Yeah, that's why I am feeling extremely down like this." I said weakly.

"Let's party then! Let's celebrate Noona's birthday." Seungri chirped in.

"Drinks on me. You need to let it all go Ji. I think the maknae is right. You need to destress." Youngbae said and I just nodded.

Without them, I probably have long gone mad. The moment we broke up, my whole world already shattered to pieces. 

"Have you heard from Noona. hyung?" I heard Seungri asked Daesung.

"Well she called me last week since she wanted me to greet you on your birthday. She said that she is doing well but we really did not talk that much." I heard him answer. It's a good thing she is still keeping contact with the members. But she is still refusing to talk to me.

"Ehhh??? She greeted me?? That's unfair hyung! You didn't tell me." Seungri whined. 

"Didn't I? Aigoo, hyung is sorry." Daesung replied while laughing.

"We are both in US last week and you didn't even tell me." Seungri insisted while pouting.

"Mianhe..it slipped my mind." 

"Where is she now?" I asked.

"Ah, she didn't tell me hyung. But from the number that called, it seems like she is in Japan." Daesung replied.

"I hope she is doing well." I said sadly as I sipped my beer.

"Haven't you heard from Yunho sunbae?" TOP hyung asked.

"He is in the army now. And he is still mad at me." I answered sadly.

"Gwenchanna, everything will be alright." Youngbae patted my back. Once again, I drowned my loneliness with alcohol. Hoping the bitterness will take my pain away.

HARA'S POV

"Saengil chukhae Hara!" 

"Aigoo, oppa. You called too early! It's only 7AM." I said as I opened my eyes. 

"You know that I am in the army right? 7AM is like 11AM in your time." He replied laughing.

"What's up oppa?" I asked as I stood up and get myself some water.

"Nothing's new. I am still adjusting here. But all is well. You? What are your plans for today?" He asked.

"I am here in Japan. I don't have any concrete plans yet. Maybe go skiing later if I am in the mood?" I said and sighed.

"Anything wrong sweetie?" He asked softly.

"Nothing oppa." I lied.

"Why don't you just go home and be with eomma?" He suggested.

"I can't go back to Korea yet." 

"Do you still have feelings for him?" 

"Oppa. what we have is not an ordinary love. He is part of me. And so I am. Yes we may be apart, but my heart is still with him."

"Then meet him. I won't stop you. I can't bear to see you sad already. It's been 5 years Hara. You need to forgive yourself and be happy." He said sternly.

"Oppa, let's talk again later okay? I need to cook food." I tried to evade his prying.

He took a deep sigh.

"Arasso, call me or eomma if you need anything." He said.

"I will. Bye!" I said cheerfully.

I took a deep sigh as I sit silently. 

I looked around the hotel room and I felt even sadder. I glanced at my phone. Looking at my wallpaper brings a sad smile in my face.

It's a picture of Jiyong and I. Taken in my last birthday that we are together.

I wonder how he is right now.

Is he fine?

Did he move on already?

Is he with someone new?

I felt tears flow down from my eyes.

I sobbed silently like there is no tomorrow.