Hold On

“Taeyeon-ah, have you heard?” Sunny asks me, and I look up to her. I lifted my eyebrow in confusion, what news did I haven’t heard? I shook my head and she sighs before taking the empty seat next to me. We were both in the dorm; I was having my little ‘vacation’ and decide to be at home rather than going to Jeonju while Sunny was visiting for 2 days, today and tomorrow. “You haven’t looked at the headline news?” She asks again and I shook my head once more.

“Exo member caught in another dating scandal!” Sunny tells me and I gasp. A member of Exo… and dating scandal? A flash of memories between me and Baekhyun creeps me out, did she suffers too? “Who is it?” I ask her and she shoves her phone on my face. ‘Headline news, EXO Kai and F(x) Krystal caught dating by Dispatch!’

Oh, so it’s Dispatch again that caught the two of them. I never knew they were dating, we were in the same company but privacy is still there. Besides, I’m not that close to the two of them, I suppose Krystal still find it hard to talk me again – even if she knows I’m not the reason that her sister is out of the group. “Oh my god, I’m so worried about them… what if it turns out like Baekhyun and you?” Sunny asks me, I can sense her worried tone but I myself, is more worried.

Dating an EXO member is one of the craziest thing I’ve ever done though I have no regrets, I’m even still with Baekhyun now – even if our relationship had been put as ‘broke up’ on the media. I still remember the pain I felt, the depression when I feel like the worst person ever. That I date a person who I should never date, that I made the wrong choice but I can never turn back. I love Baekhyun dearly, and it pains me so much to hear them saying we’re only a setting.

I couldn’t even say or look at him again on stage, it pains me so much. Krystal is also fragile; I hope she’s not going to end up like me, like how I break down in front of my fans that time in the airport – when I couldn’t take it anymore. I just feel like I need to apologize to them but no, the hatred won’t cool down. I was used to people calling me ‘’, ‘’, ‘two faced’, ‘plastic’, ‘auntie’, ‘hoe’ or ‘fox’. I never say anything about it regardless the pain it had done.

Even if I can’t sleep for 3 days straight, after I see all the comments like that feeding up on my Instagram. I remember when I even want to delete it, to erase all the bad memories – but Baekhyun, he told me not to. I quickly got up, searching for my phone – ignoring the calls from Sunny – and quickly calls Baekhyun. The second he answer, I blabber out.

“B