As promised, neither Jin nor Suga nor J-hope interfered much after that day.

And I promised myself to see how this new feeling developing in the pit of my chest would come together.

I was emotionally drained after a week where I went through some of my deepest and darkest psyco problems, and the now pondering feeling I had every time I got to get a glimpse of that chocolate mop of hair. Of course, I wasn't naive enough to thing the world was gonna stop to wait for me to stabilise, world kept going at the same incessant pace and I had to run with it or wait for it to run me over. Work had to be done.

Avoiding Jimin was not in my agenda anymore, and even if I had wanted, it was nearly impossible, considering that not even 9 hours after my breakdown in Juha's bar, I was in full presence exhibiting the preliminary sketches Sowon and I had worked on the night before.

"It's good"- BangPD said- "Is something you are dissatisfied with?"- he asked to me.

"Not really, I think I might change some little features on the clothes, and of course we need a good fitting of all of them to prevent any dysfunctions in the presentations, but I think it's a well rounded set of costumes"

"Yes, do that"- he says nodding- "Do you have anything to add?"- he asks to the kids.

"Do I really have to wear pink?"- Yoongi snorts- "Really?"

"Trust me Yoongi, you'll be the sweetest cotton candy on earth"- I smirk almost feeling how he's holding himself to the chair so he won't threw himself at me- "No kidding, I feel your skin colour would match this pastel kind of colouring and I'm sure it would stick out nicely between the others"- he groans but let the theme hanging... I know he'll ambush me somewhen before the actual appointment to the salon.

"Let me know if something happens beyond this point"- PD says and gets up marking the end of the reunion and from then the VPDT (Visual Production team) was in top gear. 

Nothing had changed.

Moving back to my dorm with Nana was another big event in the schedule, so she was more than excited to be under the same roof (even when it was a floor down) with Bangtan. That and her new found friendship(?) with Jungkook. I landed myself the "cool-moral supportive aunt" part in the story, just by hearing her part of day's chat session with Jungkook and the way he sen "the first emoticon".

And that was exactly how I ended up being dragged to a late night (or early morning) marathon of movies, snacks and video games I would ever be able to follow till the end.... "Moral support" my , I was there, trying not to collapse on the floor, just to help her through the first 15 minutes while Jungkook disarmed his shy behaviour and started speaking normally.

Jimin and V were of greater help than I ever was since I was lost in the gap of age theme (video games and tech) and the fact that I was in less than the acceptable mood for a social gathering (I should be getting a well deserved rest in my comfortable bed instead of in a hard wooden floor) so I was wearing my everyone expression thought the whole thing.

Nothing had changed. 

He was the same Jimin he always have been: the puffy ball of energy that plugged everyone into doing things more lively. Nothing had changed. He kept doing the things that made him being my favourite doengsaeng. Quietly taking care of me taking my turn in the games so I could rest. Sometimes, sitting by my side to catch his breath from an intense wii boxing match against Kookie and just smile calmly. Him getting me on the sofa when he noticed I was about to fell asleep... him getting a pillow and a cover.

Nothing had changed much... 

Nothing but the fact that I was more than aware of Jimin's eyes on me, and they burned my skin deeper than fire. 

Nothing can change. 

I still had to do my job, they still had to be on a tight schedule. And like that, two weeks flew like a paper in the wind and we were getting nearer the final date of release.

Jimin remained the Jimin I knew from the beginning. The Jimin that smiled 88% of the time and that played with Tae, Jungkook and Hobi every time they find space to do. Jimin that knew when to stay still and do what he's told to. Jimin that took every practice seriously and the Jimin that was always trying to help his hyungs with everything they needed.

"Hyung, noona... you look like you need a cup of coffee"- he brings the cup to a overworked Namjoon that'd been kidnaped by me for almost 3 hours to show the advances of the graphic design team.

"Thanks Jiminnie"

The Jimin that was more than eager to help the staff through their jobs, even when he’s worn out himself. The Jimin that couldn't keep his eyes off me, and the Jimin that blushed bright red when our eyes met during his glimpses, and his horrid habit of bitting his lower lip to hide it.

"Noona"- J-hope approaches me bouncing and leans to whisper something against my ear. We are all in an intense cardio session in the gym- "you are blushing, and it’s not effort provoked”

"I know Hoseok"- I say slapping my cheeks at the same time- "it's just that... he keeps looking..."

"He's always looked"- he smiles- "it's just that now you notice"- Obviously... thanks Hoseok- "He says he likes you in glasses"- I almost punch him away. 

And that’s how it’s been for all these weeks, when I see him watching me, my racing heart menacing to scape my ribcage. I feel like a prepubescent girl that cannot control her feelings... for Christ sake... I'm supposed to be the grown up in this... 

I'm visibly failing as the rushes of jealousy washes over my entire body whenever I notice any of the female staff lingering a little too long around him… and damn the whole world, who could ever blame them? Jimin's always been bewitchingly charming... even Sowon is talking to him in that friendly ageyoish way I hate so much... 

Now it’s me, the one that can’t keep eyes off.

"I'm too old for this , they're starting to do the same every ing week"- Yoongi says after being yet another sleepless night in Bangtan's dorm.

Thursday night, and I was (again) being dragged to a play date by an unconscious niece that had been under-cared by this workaholic aunt. Thank God, I was rescued from the maknae's room by Suga and Jin after a few hours of abusing my body with one of those dance carpet games. 

So now, we find ourselves reunited in the kitchen after being woken by Rapmon's failed attempt of sneaking in our room to get Jin's headphones, that ended up in the incident (tripping over Suga's boots and falling on top of me) that lead us to be in a more than awaken state. I was recovering for my near death experience with Jin's coffee aroma filling the kitchen and my drained soul.

"They should be using this time to rest cause I know a month from now they'll be so tired they'll be sleeping in the freaking floor"- Suga adds.

"If you are too old for this imagine how ed up I feel. Damn, my bones are starting to hurt..."- I say massaging my shoulders and sighing. By then they had get used to my relatively big mouth and not even a sigh from Jin was exhaled in answer to the string of profanities- "I don't know why she brings me here.I swear, she can come knocking at your door and Kook's gonna be here anyways, ready to play... it's been two weeks of sending messages and phone conversations… and I assure you it’s very difficult to ignore being just a feet away at night from her. I’m beginning to worry… giggling that much can’t be mentally healthy. Can’t you just let her live with you this final week?"

"Sure"- Yoongi says- "with the sole condition of me moving out with you”

"Consider it done"- I mumble.

"Quit the chatter"- Jin growled- "She's a girl... how can you even suggest your own niece living with this bunch of dirty guys..."- the consideration of such a taboo concept made him shudder.

"My niece that's sleeping soundly in the floor under Tae's leg"- I say pointing to the living room- "she's not much of a lady... it's my side of the family”- I reconsider- “Probably my mom's genes that ed up the entire line of females in our family”- Jin frowns deeply- “And don't give me the purity saint view of this Kim Seokjin, we just slept in the same bedroom, and last time I checked I'm still a girl"- he sighs heavily and drops his arms boneless from the table.

Coffee it's ready, and I'm readier than ever for it's always proved effect to make my day brighter. After a few sips I feel someone slumping in the chair next to mine: Namjoon tugged in a too big grey hoodie that covered his legs under the knee.

"Kids, we're a few weeks away from deadline"- I get back to business watching him slide a little off the chair groaning- "I have a reunion with the director of the M/V today. I wanted to talk to you about this yesterday but... well we were all dead so..."

"It's ok"- says Namjoon with sleepish voice

"So, you know this time the video won't be out with any choreo"- they nood- " well I had a conversation with BangPD and since you already resumed recordings... I kind of convinced him for you to take some acting classes..."- Jin almost jumps out of the chair.

"That's amazing noona! Thanks"

"Really? you like the idea?"

"Actually I was kind of worried about it"- Namjoon explain while yawning (making it a little too difficult to believe)- "I've never done anything like this and if dancing is scary... acting is"

"Don't worry Joonie"- Jin calmed him down- "we'll do fine"

"The workshop it's really near from here so you can go walking and... I'll make Yuri send the schedules. I know it's more work... and I'm kind of sorry to have to put you through this but... I swear it's gonna be worth it at the end"- I get up and head to the door- "can you please take care of the remains of my niece? I mean... just push her to my bed, that's all I can ask…"

"Wait! Noona stay for breakfast!"- Jin is already breaking the eggs.

"I can't I have to be everywhere today... literally"- I yawn in the middle of my speech and try to put a feet behind the other to walk, but something in Suga’s smirk made me stop in my steps.

“You have to eat"- out of nowhere Jimin appears by the door with a pair of red glassy eyes and a messed up hair... so y...- "You won't leave without breakfast"

"I'll grab something in the cafeteria..."- I say trying to slide out of the kitchen, before I get to process what he's wearing (or not wearing)... but he blocks the way- "I'll eat, I promise"- I say looking elsewhere, I know the blush is starting to spread from my chest up.

"Just have breakfast here"- J-hope says dragging Jungkook and Tae behind him and pushing Jimin (and me in the mid time) into the kitchen. I thank him for the distraction, since I cannot keep my eyes in Jimin longer if I want to keep my cool- "It's already half way done"- he sniffs the air- "And you'll get to see this side of bangtan's homey life"

"JIMIN!"- Jin shouts when he turns around- "PUT A SHIRT ON!! WE HAVE GIRLS IN THE HOUSE!!'

"Sorry hyung..."- he looks alarmed, like he hadn't noticed, and tries hard to hyde his ohh so perfect body rushing back to his room. I can't breath. One thing I can tell, videos can't make justice of Jimin's body, seeing up-close, so up-close.... OMG! The define muscles marking his torso look like out of a da’Vinci’s anatomy sketches… 

I feel frozen to the bone, but my pride wins over my startled state of mind when I cross eyes with Suga, grinning big enough to consume the whole room. So I regain my composure and walk back to the my sit (stomping in Suga’s foot in my way) and letting the calm silence (and Yoongi’s cries) cool me down.

"Jungkook bring the chair that's in my room please"- Jin says scanning the kitchen and seeing there were not enough chairs. Jungkook whines under his breath leaving the kitchen dragging his feet but bumps with Nana's body

"Damn girl!"- he exclaims and takes two steps back- "you look... positively zombified"- cocky crack in between his lips. What a bad idea...

"This is me in the morning"- Nana growls sharply moving Jungkook to the side so she can collapse in the nearest chair- "You don't look much better than me, so bite me"- and right there... right there is my sweet not morning at all niece.

"Jin... a cup of coffee please"- I whisper to him. They are all glacial cold while Nana sits right next to a full of fear Hobi.

"Noona... where is the girl that was playing nicely just a few hours ago"- Tae's mouth is as widely open as Jungkook's.

"She needs gas"- I say serving the coffee to her and playing with her hair while she sips and growls at me again- "It's gonna take a while for her to get back to normal, but I swear she's gonna start bouncing and being her happy self in about an hour or so”

"Kookie the chair "- Jin reminds to the scandalised black haired, he snorts and starts walking to his previous destination saying under his breath something that sounded really similar to: even worse than me- "and the one in Namjoon's too! We need two!”- Seokjin gets to say before he's too far to listen.

It's rather quiet through the meal, no one has any energy left after roughly 2 hours of sleep, and after the near encounter I had with Jimin's abs this morning, I'm in no state to have a polite morning chat. So I start doing what I'm best at: working. In my mind runs the various things I have to prepare. I know I have to be there before 9 so I need to get to the storage to bring the sets of clothing for each member, have Sowon double check the sizes, have the accessories checked in the inventory and get going to the beauty salon to talk to the stylists about the hair tints the kids would be wearing today... I take a quick look to the clock hanging above the door frame: 8:30...

"Noona quit thinking"- Jimin disturbs the comfortable silence- "Everything is going to be alright, they can manage without you for an hour or so"- he puts the egg rolls, the rice and the seolleongtang in front of me... it's been so long since I had a decent breakfast that I almost drool on them- "See? Jin-hyung's a good cook. It's better if you eat healthy food"

"Seokjin, you've just promoted yourself to the official god I'll pray from today on"- I say and dig in the food, grateful for the moment I met this kids, grateful for the way things were going.

__________________________________

Time kept flying away, and things went like that: peaceful and calm.

The speed that everything was taking made me almost forget about those two days were I had to confront my inner demons, but it was my niece who pulled me out of the monotony blurred rhythm.

Jimin and I remained the same.

I hoped everything kept going the same way, it was easier that way, a tranquil routine were I could somehow keep functioning.

But things never remain comfortable for too long and Nana was living proof of it:

"I'm going back to Japan. I changed my tickets. Leaving tomorrow”- She stops pushing in whatever she was trying to pack in the case and jumps in bed landing dramatically upside down at my side.

“Why?”- I say in the calmest tone I can manage leaving my purse in the floor and taking my jacket off- “I thought you liked it here” - I sit besides her- “I thought things were good…”

“I told him”- she hugged some stuffed animal I had never saw before- “today I told him”

“You talked to him..”- she hides her face in the stuffed rabbit.

I don't know what I was expecting, especially after she told me what she was gonna go on a date with Jungkook. I knew Kookie wasn't ready… and Nana knew too.

“Shouldn’t you have given him a little more time to…”

“It’s better this way. I don’t want to mislead him”- she moves closer to me and I lay at her side- “It’s not right to lie to him”

“You aren’t lying… you’re just…”

“Hiding?”- she smirks- “no much better, don’t you think? I like him auntie… I really, really like him”-I cannot say a wave of rage didn't invade me, cause if I hand't had a clear mind about this, I would've gone to Bangtan's room and at least threw a punch at Jungkook, but I knew better... things were complicated. I knew better than anyone. 

“I’m sorry”- I mumble back-hugging her.

“Don’t be, I liked being able to meet him”

“Aren’t you heartbroken?”

“But I got to meet the person I wanted to meet the most in the whole world”- her voice higher than normal.

"Can't you be his friend?"- I spurt after a few minutes.

"Nope"- she says popping the p a little too long- "and I kind of hate myself for it... but right now this isn't about him, it's about what I feel..."- she turns to look at me, forehead against forehead- "and I know it won't ever change. Not now that I know him"- I cannot lie, I feel guilty, cause I knew from the start that she would fall hard and I let her. I let her being exposed... when I don't want to do the same.

"You are a brave girl, so brave"- I grin and pull her closer- "Should I be worried?"

"No"- she sighs- "I have to go back to study and... I guess it's better than going back to nothing at all. I'm not gonna say I'm not depressed, but I can handle it"- she really is strong... and here I am, thinking she's my mini-me when she's a thousands times better than me. When did she grew this big?- "It's just that I prefer it this way, before I can’t look back, before I hurt more”

"But you won't have him"

"I never did"

"... right"

“How about you?”- she asks snuggling closer- “he is not gonna hang forever”

“I don’t know yet…”- I admit almost too naively- “wait… what are we talking about?”

“You think I didn’t figure it out already?”- she laughs- “He looks at you as if you are the only girl in this world… he wants to you into his own little world and don’t let anyone else look at you. Poor Jiminie… but I can understand your side too, so it’s up to you.. It's just that... it would be nice, for a change you'll have someone taking care of you.

“Nana… don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong”- I ruffle her hair hard and she giggles. 

"All I can say it's"- she pauses- "Sooner or later, the bomb is gonna fall, he’s naive, but not stupid”

“I can keep the bomb on hold”

“No you can’t”- sleep present in her voice- “you like him too much, he likes you too much”

I lay there, petting her hair until she falls asleep. 

Nothing changed at all, but the fact that Nana is gone.

Nana's earlier departure, rose the kids curiosity and bombed me with questions, but the truth would always be among Kookie, Nana and I. 

I would be lying if I said I could just play along with the indifferent attitude Jungkook pulled off after all of them came to me claiming explanations, but since I am me, and he is him, I could see beyond. 

He was very much affected by it, wether he wanted to admit it or not.

As for me, I decided to do the same Suga, Jin and Hoseok were doing with me: let things be. It wasn’t indifference, not at all. I just had the feeling... time would heal.

_____________

“Let me take another angle”- Changseon instructed the guys. The photoshoot was coming well and even when it was still freezing and the most of the clothes were shorts and delicate fabric shirts, no barrier for the cold weather and the bone chilling wind.

“I’m gonna die”- V slides off the cherry blossom tree shivering- “I don’t feel my toes”

“I’m so sorry”- I run to him. He was wearing sandals… I felt cold just watching him.

“It’s ok noona, I the clothes are cool”- he shoots his square smile.

“Done!”- Changseon claps- “We only have Jimin’s and Kook’s left”- he comes to me while the rest of the staff starts cleaning and packing lights and equipment.

“I don’t think we’ll be done today”- I say reviewing the photograph schedule. We are too behind- “… Let’s get the kids home”

“I know, but we can catch up a little if we take the flower camp ones today”- Changseon suggests- “We’ll get to the pier location, rest in a nearby hostel and start preparing tomorrow’s shooting in the early morning. I already talked to Hobeom so we can take Jimin and Jungkook with us.”

“Ok, great”

This improvised road-trip made me nervous. My remain sanity in the border line. I’ve been trying really hard not to stare too long, not to follow him… but it’s so difficult. And here I am, after almost 9 hours of intense shooting, looking at this crazily handsome pair of boys leaning against each other and devouring the camera

“Two flowers among a flower garden…”- Sowon heaves a sighs… I almost puke, but it had some merit.

I’m glad I’m not the one behind the camera. My palms are sweating.

God! He’s just a walking work of art. He knows how to appeal, what angles to show and how to flex and relax his facial muscles to look better. He knows how to make the camera look at him, even with Jungkook around, he knows… how to twitch his eyes and exactly how much to part his lips, how to stick his tongue a little and look far away. 

“Ok! this is the last take!”- Changseon announces. Jimin and Jungkook smiles tenderly at the camera and that’s when I can feel the warm invading me. He’s Jimin, the Jimin I know… not the idol, not the model, he’s Jiminie.

He catches me. Our eyes meet for a split a second, the furious blush spreading from inside out and my mouth goes dry as I notice how he gets up and is about to talk to me. I turn away and almost sprint to Changseon’s car. 

“Yaaaaahhhh!!!!”- I scream- “This can’t… continue. My heart is gonna explode…”

“If you keep running like that, sure it will”- Jimin’s voice makes me jump. He’s still in the black shorts and the colourful shirt of the shooting. I hate myself for being so childish, how could I’ve just run away from him… of course he was going to find me.

“Jiminie…It’s freezing”- I take a cover from Changseon’s car and wrap him on it.

“You’ve worked hard”- he whispers way too close to my ear.

“You too”- I say pulling away a few steps. I clench my fists in an attempt to release some of my nervousness… Jimin is so near, and it makes my whole body flutter. 

“Let’s get going!”- Changseon voice getting us back to earth- “it’s at least two hours drive from here to the pier and sun is setting already… let’s try to have some sleep tonight”

A sullen Jungkook was standing almost defensively behind the big figure of Changseon. He haven’t been talking to me at all, I could see it in his eyes: the hurt, the disappointment, and something like… isolation. And I hate it, cause I love this kid.

“Kookie, let’s go get a good meal, and then let’s go for ice cream, Ok?”- I say with the best aegyo I can pull.

“I’m not a kid”- he snorts.

“I want to spoil you a little”- I say ruffling his hair- “I’ll buy you meat today, cause today I like Kid Kook”

“You don’t have to… act like this towards me”- his lowers his head.

“You know I love you, don’t you?”- He looks at me with wide eyes- “this and that has nothing to do. You’re still my beloved doengsaeng”- He sighs and a the trace of a little smile takes over the corners of his lips.

“I call the front seat”- Kook jumped in the front seat- “wanna control the radio”

“Call”- Jimin says and takes the backseat. I’m left speechless and rooted to the floor.

“Dear miss rice, please move your in the vehicle so we can get going”- Changseon says in an announcer type of voice- “If you are so kind… that is”- I glare at him and swear in low voice. The palms of my hands are soaked in sweat and I know, no, I’m sure, I won’t survive the one hour trip. It takes everything in my being to stick as close to the window I can. I take out my notebook and travel through dozens of things to be do. I try to concentrate, but Jimin’s smile brightening the whole car and my dry throat makes it impossible. 

We are all dead tired, and only the noise of the engine and the music rumbling in the windows makes us stay awake. The light movement of Jungkook, changing the pace of music and setting the mood and making us doze off little by little, until I put work aside and stretch in the little space.  I look out the window, it’s so nice, being able to look at all the amazing things that sometimes I forget exists. The sunsetting makes the shadows of the cars expand into the pavement and the warm colours scattering the threes. 

Benzino, Bumkey, Primary, Epik high, Zion T… such good music and Jimin and Jungkook’s voices rumbling to it, taking his time to adapt to the pace of every song, harmonising and almost dancing to the melody. They seem effortless, so used to it…

And there, for the second time, Jimin catches me watching him.

“You like it?”

“Yes”- I turn again to my notebook but Jimin’s hand reaches and takes it away.

“Don’t work”

“I need to”- I say trying to retrieve it. Taeyang’s eyes, nose, lips starts playing in the background and Jungkook’s voice fills the car.

“Woah…”- I say under my breath. It’s so amazing, such a honey like voice. To this kid, to this amazing human being, I would give my most important person.

“You really like Kookie”- Jimin smiling wholeheartedly at my side. My hands curl in the sides of the leathered backseat.
“I really like Bangtan”- I admit trying to distract myself from his intense gaze with the most interesting pattern of my hippie like pants- “It’s like I’ve found people I would like to be forever and… I even when I know it’s not possible, I feel you are my family now. So yeah… of course I like you all”- Jungkook giggles in the front seat.

“I like noona too”- he says playfully- “specially when she buys me food”- I smirk.

“Of course you do”- and he keeps singing.

“I like you more than he does”- my heart skipped a beat. Jimin’s voice is sweet and low, like if he wanted no one more than me to hear it- “I really, really like you”- Jimin opens his window a little, just enough for cold air to circulate in the car, just enough for the wind stream to mess with his soft hair. The smell of his herbal shampoo all over my nose

“Jiminie…”- I turn to look at him, but he’s just watching through the window, far in the horizon. 

He sighs and slumps on my lap- “I’m tired”- he sighs again closing his eyes- “can I nap here? Just till we get to the hostel”

“Yeah…”- and I ruffle his hair out of his eyes.
Jimin is heavy, his head presses down my tights… but it feels nice, different from when I let Takuya do it, different from Nana.

“You are warm”- he presses his nose on my tights.

“You too”

I wonder how a month ago I was unaware of his feelings for me, of my feelings for him... and I wish we could have stayed like that. Where I could see Jimin as my doengsaeng, and my heart wouldn't race full speed everytime I saw him. 

I’m such a coward. I’m so scared to disappoint him, I’m scared not to be what he thinks I am, I’m scared he might not like me anymore. What if? What if he decides he doesn’t like me like this anymore somewhere in the future and… What if we hurt each other? What if I can’t give him what he wants…? I’m terrified, cause I’m already too into him... cause I know that I'm not gonna be able to keep this bomb on hold. Cause I know, sooner or later, we are gonna drop it and things won't stay the same. This will change.

“Noona… stop thinking so much”- he whispers in his induced sleep in-out consciousness- “Everything is going to be alright"

 But the truth is that it never stays alright too long, not in my life anyways… and everything is my fault.

_________________________________

Sorry for the delayed chap!! I had a terrible week... mom and dad out of town and I had to work and study and take care of my dog... upcoming finals and OMG!!! Soooo busy... hadn't slept in a while TT.TT.

I'm even sorer because I missed the timing to congratulate Kookie on his birthday... kinda hate myself for it soooo today's Fangil corner would make it up for it (I hope). I stood a little more than three hours doing this but I feel like I needed to do something special for him XD. So... 전정국 생일죽하해!!!