"I met you three years ago in the subway..."- he was almost half a block away, but I can hear his voice perfectly. So, it was true, he had met me before... but how have I forgotten? I try and force my memory, but Jimin's face doens't appear anywhere in my memories. And he has a face very difficult to forget.  

"How...?"- the ring of my phone in Jimins hands makes the question to never leave my lips. He looks at the screen and answer it without hesitation. I feel how a rush of embarassement invades me so I reach him in a split of a second just to take the phone way, but he's faster and dodges me- "Jimin don't do that!"- but suddenly his mocking smile disappears and a rather expressionless takes over.

"...where?"- his face shadowed. Just with the tone of his voice I can get that something's off. And for some reason, something sinks in my stomach- "we'll be right there"

"What's going on?"- he hangs the phone and take's my hand to pull me for the second time in the day. I force him to stop- "What's going on?!"

"Noona, we gotta take a cab"- he motions to the street but I pull again so he can't move.

"Jimin, I don't have money"-He doesn't look at my eyes- "What's going on?"

"Let's go"

"JIMIN STOP!"

"Noona please..."- His teeth are clenched together, he still can't look at me in the eye so I take his face and make him do it.

"Just tell me what's going on"

"..."- he looks away bitting his lip hard enough to make a red stripe of blood slide of it- "It's your niece... she's sick"

"What...?"- I feel like my eyes could pop. I feel frozen in time. My niece? How could it be? She was perfectly fine just an hour ago. How could she be sick?

"Noona, please trust me. I'll take you to the hospital"

"What happened?"- I try to dig up my mind for a signal of illness when we were together, but I can't find one. She was fine, she was... fine.

"She passed out"

"Jimin... give me the phone"- I start to panic. What could've happened for her to pass out out of the blue? Was it serious? Where is she? I have enough questions to fill a poll with, and I just want someone to answer them.

"The hyungs know nothing more. Hoseok-hyung called Hobeom-hyung and he's on his way..."- My mind is out of me, my knees go weak and I feel nauseus. 

"IT'S YOUR FAULT I'M HERE AND NOT THERE, SO GIMME THE FREAKING PHONE!"- I scream with desperation. I don't want to keep listening to him, I don't wanna keep looking at him. I just want someone that can give me some information, I want someone that knows... He hands me the phone but I cannot look at his face. All I want is to get there, get to the place where she is. I call Hobeom-oppa back and he tries to calm me down, but, as Jimin said, he doesn't know much more, the paramedics hadn't given much information. The only thing that he assures me off is that he's heading to the hospital right besides the ambulance.

"We're getting to the hospital now"- He says- "Get a cab now"- I look around and see Jimin already stopping one. I thank him in my mind.

"Go to the dorm"- I hop into the cab and try to close the door, but his hand stops me from doing it- "JIMIN!"- he doesn't listen and get in the cab- "Jimin get out!"- I try to push him out of the cab, but he shuts the door behind him and pulls me into his embrace.

"Noona... I know your having a breakdown"- he's heartbeat is fast, like mine- "I'm sorry"- I'm so horribly scared that the sudden feel of his body embracing me felt like my moms. So without thiking, I return the hug feeling like I might start crying at any moment.

"Take me there"- It's all I can say still burried in his chest.

_____________________________________

Seoul's traffic has never been worse. But then again, it might be the same, it's just that I feel like the taxi moves at 20 km per hour and I'm about to go crazy. I check my phone almost manically... maybe they'll call or message... maybe the clock won't move as much if I keep seeing it.

"We're almost there"- he says from time to time rubbing the back of my hand. Now, it's me who diesn't wanna meet his eyes. I'm in the middle of a situation in which I'm supposed to be focused on what was happening to my niece, but my conscience keeps playing over and over the scene from minutes ago: "IT'S YOUR FAULT..." I hear my voice boucing to the back of my brain. It began with a little sizzle in my ear, but then it spread to my whole head, pounding back and forward. The terrible feeling of a huge headeach that was giving me nausea. I feel like I'm gonna vomit in any moment, my head spins and I cannot stop myself from thinking the worst...- "I'm sorry noona"- The sad tone imprinted in his words tears the rest of what was left of my sanity. I know, I was the one that had said it... That I wasn't with her because of him, but that didn't mean that... he is responsable for her illness. I was just so... frustrated. I want to say something but the knot in my thoat makes it impossible- "Noona... I'm so sorry"

"... it's not your fault Jiminnie"

"I just... maybe if I hadn't gone looking for you..."

"Stop..."

"... She could've been alright"- my heart shrinkens. It's not like that... but why can't I open my mouth to say it? Why can't I look at him?- "I'm sorry..."

I finally reunite all the courage I left in my ashamed body and make myself look at him. He looks... even worse than I feel. He's pale, almost yellowish and his normally smiley eyes are droppy... his parted lips are purplish and he's... so cold. I hate it, I hate I made him like this... so I take the little courage I have and disregard the pain I'm feeling so I can say something to soothe him.

"It's not your fault... I shouldn't have yelled at you"- I pat his cheek- "Thank you for coming with me"- and I force myself to smile as widely as I can.

"Don't do that"- he says grabbing both my wrists- "Don't smile like that... If you are sad be sad, if your impatient, just let it be. Don't try to make me feel better... I should be the one making you..."- he looks away and another shiver goes through my whole body. When he looks at me again, my eyes starts to tear up- "Ottoke? I really want to be reliable... I really want to be a man you can lean on, but how can I? When you seem so desparate to make me into a kid... How can I when I can't even help you with this..."

"We are really a mess, aren't we?"- I know, deep inside he's sincere. He really wants to be here, he really would like to help me lift all my worries- "I'm really greatful you came with me Jimin-ah"- this time I say it without the sweet tone, afterall, it's completly true.- "I'm not saying it to make you feel better... I just... I can't deal with this alone... So please, don't let go of my hand"- he seems surprised, and actually, I'm surprised myself. I haven't, ever said something like that. But right now, I don't care if I look weak, I don't care if I'm being desperate or nuisance... I really need him to be strong for me, cause I can't... 

He silently looks out the nearest window while I keep my eyes on the road, sitting as near the edge of the chair as I can. It's not an uncomfortable silence, it's just that he understands too well how hard it was for me to say those words and decides to give me a little space. 

The taxi keeps moving in a steady but slow speed and  like that, once again the anxiety takes over. Everytime the taxi stops in a red light I feel like my heart stops too. 5 minutes later, I'm in the same state of desperation I was when Jimin told me Nana had passed out. My imagination plays the worst cases escenarios so lively that my headache increases exponentially by every second. The pain must have been too obvious as I feel how Jimin puts his hand over my eyes and pulls me back to sit next to him.

"We're almost there..."- and then started to hum a melody to my ear- "After school walking home..."- I know the song. It's a Maroon 5 one, I really like Maroon 5... it's so warm... so nice. His voice is like soothing medicine, reliving my heavy heart. I let myself be lulled by the rythm of the song and the movements of his chest to get air to sing. I can't help myself from thinking that if he hadn't come with me I might have gone crazy by now, that I feel horrible for screaming to him and that he's still probably hurt by it... and yet, there he was, making his best effort to comfort me. He sings the song repeatedly, changing some chords and patrons for it to loop perfectly. My mind rides the melody all too well and all his efforts pays off. My headache goes away- "We're here noona"- he lifts his hand so I can recover my sight. I look at my side and see the huge white building standing next to me- "They're in the emergency room"

"Jimin... thanks"- I whisper leaning back to his ear. I kiss his chubby cheek and proceed to get off the cab. I run into the emergency room and feel him coming near me.

"Noona..."- but something in the emergency room, makes me stop paying attention to him. I see, almost in slow motion, how a little girl in a hospital gurney screams her lungs out and it's taken by several running nurses to another room. A horrible chill invades my whole body.

"Ssalie!"- I hear from the other side of the emergency room. In the farest corner of the room, Hobeom-oppa waves his hand to call us. I approach as fast as I can without running. Jin, Suga and J-hope are with him. I wasn't expecting him to bring the kids to the hospital.

"What have doctors said?"

"She regained consciousness while on the ambulance. As soon as she got here, she was valued by a doctor and now they are running blood tests, but it seems like..."- he avoids my eyes. I look to J-hope but he does the same.

"What?!"- I really want to hit someone. Why was everyone so reluctant to say something?

"Noona, calm down. It's not life treathening"- Jin tried to calm me, but I cannot... I'm about to break down.

"She has appendicitis"- Suga said- "I can say by her state. I know that kind of pain and it's the most probable thing right now"- Appendicitis? How can she have gotten it?- "We are just waiting for the doctor to come. It's probable that she has to go through surgery"

"Oh..."- I feel both relieved and at the same time preoccupied. At least they have discovered what was wrong and now... well surgery. I feel my legs giving up on me, but Jimin supports me. The smell of the hospital makes me dizzy, that sick and disinfectant smell that rounds everywhere. The white walls and the steady buzz of people whispering and some loud cries that echoes in the walls. I have always hated being in a hopital, specially because my childhood was filled of visits to the giants buildings.

"Where is she?"- Jimin asks getting me out of my little panic attack.

"She's being tested. We told them that her aunt was coming so you'll need to give consent for the surgery"- It's true. I have to call my sister and let her know, I have to contact her school and her work back in Tokyo. I have to... Jimin's hand goes around mine again and I look at him.

"I'm not letting go"- he says.

_______________________________________

I look at the clock in the waiting room, the clock hands defy me greatly going as slow as they can. I haven't stop trembling since I kissed my niece goodbye in front of the surgery room entrance. Suga's suspitions were right, in the end they'll have to extract her appendix. After the doctor explained me that it was probably due to her lack of healthy eating habits and her messed up sleeping hours, I had a minute to bring Suga, Jin and Jimin to meet her, while J-hope held her hand almost crying at me for not helping her when she needed it the most. Then I scold her for her terrible selfcare, hug her and laugh at her "last comment".

"I met Bangtan, I meet Kookie. I can now die happy"

"Shut up you idiot. You haven't met Rap monster yet, you have to live to met him too. I love you"

Three hours later I'm still here, in this cold and phantomy waiting room, sitting in this uncomfortable plastic chair and watching how painfull patients goes in and out the sliding door. Three hours later, Jimin is still by my side, even when the others were long gone to recover some sleep for their upcoming schedule. Three hours later, he keeps humming the same soothing melody.

"Jimin, you have to sleep a little"- I'm actually disturbed by the posibility of him too, collapsing on me.

"Just a little longer"- he says- "She'll be out soon"

"You have a long night ahead"

"I've have it worst"- his eye smile on again.

"Why...?"- I wanted to ask. I wanted to know... I needed to know. Why is he like this to me? What have I done to deserve it? But I don't need to formulate the questions further. He seems to understands me... actually I'm getting a feeling that today, he can read my mind too.

"I guess I didn't have the chance to tell you after we got the call..."- he repositions himself so he can see me in the eye. He swallows a bit of saliva and sighs heavily- "I think I didn't want to tell you cause... this story it's kind of embarassing. At least for me"- After another long sigh he noods and starts talking- "I've been watching you, for a long time. I went to the club every friday just to see you, I tagged along with Hoseok-hyung to watch your presentations in the bar and I passed by your street stall almost every day on my way from the dorms to practice. I did it because... it wasn't my first time seeing you, and I just... wanted to see the person that had saved me"- His hand started emanating a little more heat and his cheeks went a tone of pink higher. He's so cute, even when I was so worried about my niece, I couldn't stop thinking Jimin was way too nice to me- "The first time I saw you was in the Nonhyeon subway station"- he tightens his grip of my hand and starts bitting his lower lip- "I was going to our practice room to yet, another sleepless training night. I can't lie, I was tired. It had been a intense one year training... and... I had to try harder than anyone, afterall I was the last one to join the group. At the beginning it was really hard for me to gain a place in the group. But by the end of the first quarter of the year I gained their interst and... something like respect?- he laughes about it, but I can feel the sorrow in that smile- "Jimin ended up being the image of the person in Bangtan that's always working hard, that's giving his all to everything he's doing. I was always the first to get to the practice room and the last to leave.Every day I tried to help the hyungs with their dance moves and right after I would sing myself to exhaustion just to hit the right note. Japanese tutoring, composition and music basic notions, plus normal school.  I wanted to fit so bad, I wanted to do it perfectly... I ended up burning myself. I was sick of everything, I was sick of not sleeping, of not being able to stay with my friends by the end of school or walk home... or even be at home. I wanted to give up so badly, I just couldn't do it anymore..."- He bit his lip harder this time- "But it was so difficult to let down all those people that have had my back... specially Rapmon, Suga and J-hope-hyung that had been trainees for such a long time, ahhh, I just couldn't abandon them... not with any chance of debuting... But I was so tired..."- In the reflect of his eyes I can see myself, not being able to hide my endearment, with that stupid sorry expression that I know, he doesn't want to see from me. But I can't help to wear that patetic and misserable expression, cause I know what he's talking about. People like us, that have been aming for something so big from an early age... we have lost some other things too. We leave the normal way of living to get what we want... and sometimes, trying to fly higher and higher, we can also loose the horizont real easy - "I remember I was in such a rush... my schoolmates prepared a suprise party for my birthday and I stood a little too long"- he chuckles at the memory- "Practice had already started and I was so late... so I wasn't gonna stop by the sight of a foreigner holding a guitar in the middle of the station. But then, that girl started singing that song"- he starts humming again, the same melody he did for the past hours. I do remember that when I got to Seoul, at first I used to sing in the subways and in Hongdae sometimes, but I couldn't remember singing that especific song somewhere- "It's been 3 years... but I can recall exactly how you sang it. Every little part of the lyrics, every chord, every harmony... I can hear it even now. You were... way too desperate... just like me"- It was true. That was one of the most difficult times in my life. I was broke, I knew nobody and I was trying to learn the language... It was hard because I had to make a living day by day, I could only live off my talents and singing was one of the most profietable. I didn't sing because it was my dream, but I always felt like I could express myself through it. As Jimin was impliying, that song... It can be about love, about lost. But for me, it's about never giving up, never regreting and never forgetting the pain that I've lived to get to... the sun- "I think I cried for an hour after that. It was the first time in that year that I skipped training... but I couldn't stop crying. It was like a drain, I felt bad for loosing myself, I felt realeased and at the same time...you made me remember clearly. The reason why I wanted to sing and to perform. I really want to convey my feelings, to make people feel. To make them feel what you made me feel and think, through music"- His eye smile makes my heart stop one more time- "Thanks to you I didn't waver anymore, you inspired me to keep on going."

I cannot believe it. He knew me from way back, even when I didn't see him, or knew who he was. Our paths have interwined a lot. Fortuity? Destiny? How else can I describe it? Was it too much of a coincidence that the girl he saw singing in that subway station also happened to be his aunt's protegee, or that the other members had all taken a like of me and helped me to get my dreamed job... and that we ended up working in his same company... Is it really hard to believe that even when he's 5 years younger than me, he has support me and held my hand in one of the most desperate moments of my life, and that he's even trying to make time go faster by distracting me with his story... Maybe I shouldn't be trying to understand. Maybe I should just accept that right now, this kid is making me believe that maybe, we really are destined to meet. In this moment, right there in the middle of that situation, I feel my heart pounting furiously.

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Thank you sooo much for subscribing XD Hope you like the story so far. I find myself writting more freely and fluidly, and for me, that's a good sign. 

I really want to keep publishing every Monday so this is gonna be my resolution from here on. 

Again, thank you for reading and endure my terrible grammar and redaction. XOXO!

Fangirl Corner:

Let's take 10 seconds of our life to thank Lord for this beautiful singer whose voice and charisma keeps our days happy and gives us a lot of encouragement to go through everything... Amen.

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