JungKook laid in bed awake for the longest time, his mind replaying the same scene he sees and hear every single night his brother sits by his bed. TaeHyung was the closest to him since the time he was born and although they are only 2 years apart, TaeHyung had always fulfilled the role of the older brother as much as he could. And JungKook was well aware of all the things his brother did for him.

Which was why his heart aches this much every single night.

It was almost like each time TaeHyung muttered those words, thinking that he was asleep, that he felt his whole world crash on him time and time again. Tears would form in his eyes and without even any control, would roll down his temple and dampen the pillow beneath his head. He hated seeing his brother like that, apologizing for the life they lived even though it is not his fault and being so worn out every day after work and school. He knew what his brother was doing out of school, even though TaeHyung doesn’t say it. In fact he knew what was going on with the rest of the boys too. He knew how much they cared for him and loved him, especially being the youngest out of them.

But it was that that hurts him the most every single day, knowing that there was nothing that he could do.

Feeling like he was a burden.

Feeling like he wasn’t even worth.

Feeling like… he was better off dead.

He turned his head to his side as he watched his brother squashed amidst the 5 other boys in the middle of the floor, his shoulders hidden beneath the thin blanket and his eyes shut. It was almost like he was afraid it was the last time he would see his brother that he wanted to capture all that he could remember into his mind.

It was that time of that night again, when JungKook would fall deep into thought as he watches all the boys sleep like it was the best thing in the world.

Suicidal thoughts to be exact.

A part of him longed for liberty that he thinks comes with death. Since that happened, he would think about all the ways he could end his life and how good it would be for his brother and the boys if he were