“What you mean I can’t go!” I yelled out loud at my manager. I am pissed. I am beyond pissed. We were at the manager’s office, it is where all the managers of all the idol groups of SM keep their work. You see, I came here happily with a box of cookies for my dear manager, Jon. With a sweet smile, I told him about my great idea to have me on Family Outing to ‘promote my group’ and he instantly rejected it. Jon stood in front of me with an annoyed look ignoring all the looks we are getting from everyone.  “Jon!”

“Stop yelling.” Jon hissed under his breath. His slanted brown eyes glared at me with warning. Jon looked around the room to only see everyone staring at us. With a growl, he grabbed my arm tightly pulling me out the room. Once outside, he turned me around to face him. His eyes blazing furiously as he breathed heavily. I think I pissed him off, when don’t I? “What the hell are you thinking? Yelling like that in there! You have to know your place. You have to respect your elders.”

“Bull , Jon.” I sneered. I snatched my arm out of his painful grip. That bastard better not have left a bruise on my arm. “You are only a few years older than me. Now tell me, why can’t I go?”

“You just can’t, Sam!” He ran his hand through his short brown hair. “Do you know who is on that show?”

“Yeah, I do…” I stopped in the middle of my sentence to glare at Jon with annoyance. Are you fuc… “Don’t tell me that’s why I can’t go? That has to be the dumbest excuse I ever heard.”

“But that is just how it is, Sam. You know the unspoken rules here.”

“I also know how to break them.”

Jon’s eyes widen, not that much, in panic. I gave him my signature smirk of arrogance as I crossed my arms over my ample chest. I am not going to back down from this fight. This is for Yunho and Changmin. No one is going to stop me. Not even this damn company. I have never let them control me before, why should I start now? I cocked an eyebrow at him. Jon quickly turned away from me with a loud groan. He ran a hand through his short brunette hair as profanities sprang from under his breath.

“Damn it, Sam!” Jon finally growled turning around towards me. Poor Jon, I almost feel bad for him. He is a good looking guy, there is no doubt about it. But being my manager has aged him immensely. Like I said, I almost feel bad, but then he is a little . “Why can’t you just listen for once and not fight back?”

Where have I heard that phrase before?

“Not in my nature.” I simply answered shrugging. “Now get me on the show. Tomorrow would be preferred.”

“Sam, you know-“

“Don’t care! Get me on the show.”   

“For the last time! I can’t!” Jon exclaimed. “The company will never allow it. How many times do I have to tell you? You can’t go on the show. You will not go on the show!”

I growled in annoyance. Narrowing my dark eyes on Jon. He is to freaking afraid to fight with the president to get me on the show. He is too afraid to break the unspoken rules. Ironic considering, Jon has broken a company rule here. A huge one that I only know about. You see Jonny boy here is secretly dating an idol in the agency and I know who.

How do I know?

 I have my ways.

“If you think about it, Jon. I am not breaking any rules unlike you.” I let out dangerously. Jon’s eyes widen in horror as he figured out what I am going to do. He shook his head no at me, but I simply smiled at him. “Get me on the show by tomorrow of I will do it! I swear I will.” I took a step closer making Jon back up a step in shock.  “I will march up to the President’s office and tell him everything.” Jon’s back slammed against the wall. He looked down at me, his eyes shaking furiously in panic. I placed a delicate hand on his shoulder patting it softly. A smile filled my features. My job here is done. He will do it. I went to walk away him hearing him let out a sigh in relief. I stopped a few feet away. Turning my head slightly to glare at him. “Grab me like you did earlier and I swear I will castrate you!” I threatened.

“Where were you at?” Ran yelled once I entered into our dorm room. Letting out a heavy sigh, I dropped my keys in the bowl as I made my way to the fridge. “Yah! I am talking to you!” My body feels a little tingly as a headache started to make an appearance. I drank too much. I opened the fridge still ignoring her. Grabbing two cokes, closing the fridge with my foot, and then grabbing two family size bags of chip I made my way to the living room with Ran hot on my trail still yelling at me. I dropped on the couch grabbing the remote turning on the Tv. “Sam!”

“What!” I finally let out opening my coke taking a sip.

“Where were you?”

“Out.”

“Out where?”

“Let’s see.” I thought out loud opening the bag of chips. Quickly digging in still with my eyes on the tv screen I thought of what to say. I can’t tell Ran I went to threaten Jon in the morning then drinking with Heechul, Yunho, Changmin, and a couple other idols. I defiantly can’t tell her I went drinking with the guys. She still didn’t get over last time how I passed out at the karaoke bar and Siwon had to carry me home. Ran was pissed is an understatement. Don’t get me wrong I am not an alcoholic I am just a social drinker. Ugh. I still feel a little buzz and her voice gave me a migraine. So what if I came home at night without telling her. She is not my mother. “Where is everyone?” I let out noticing it was just the two of us.

Maybe I should have stayed out all night. It is a lot better than it just being just the two of us.

“Mimi and Soonie schedule is running a little late.” Ran answered. Makes sense, they are both staring in the new Kdrama with Seo In Guk and Kim Soo Hyun. Lucky es. Ran plopped down next to me grabbing the second coke opening it. After a sip she went back to glare at me. “You’re changing the subject, now tell me where you were.”

“Not here clearly.” I breathed out.

Ran let out a heavy groan while she ran her hand through her hair. I let out a breath taking another swing from my coke then shoving chips in my mouth. I watched as the replay of M! Countdown for this week played on the screen. BTS killed the stage with their new song. Damn them and their overualized selves. I remember a few months back when I met them for the first time, I you not, I screamed so loud. I fangirled right in front of them. I laughed to myself thinking about it. JongKook and V were laughing and mimicked me while the rest of the guys looked at us weirdly. Now we are pretty good friends.

My thoughts were soon interrupted when I felt Ran come uncomfortably close to me. I turned my head lifting an eyebrow. Her face was a few inches from mine. I noticed her makeup was slightly smeared while her eyes were red. She probably watched a sad drama earlier. Ran scrunched her small face as she sniffed the air. Now looking at it, her nose it a little red. How sad was that drama?

“What are you doing?” I let out looking at her weirdly. I leaned away from her completely freaked out.

“You went out drinking, didn’t you?” Ran simply let out. She leaned back away from me crossing her arms over her chest. Disappointment filled her face as she looked at me with a stern expression. “Sam..”

“Save your breath, Ran. There is no use in giving me a speech about this.”

“At least, you didn’t drink as much as you did last time.” She laughed to herself. I stared at her completely weirded out. Maybe I did drink a lot. “Last time poor Siwon Oppa had to carry you to your bed. He looked so worn out from taking care of your fatass. You know, Sam you should be careful. Going out with all these idol men to drink and party is bad. You will create more enemies than you already have. They will say mean things and talk about stuff that they don’t even know about. They think they know you, when then don’t.” Ran finally took notice to me staring at her in shock. She took another swing from her coke. “What?”

“You’re slightly nice to me now. Why? Do you want something?”

Ran laughed sadly shaking her head at me.

“No, I don’t want something. I am just tired.” She breathed out.

Ran looked down at the floor with a sad expression. I watched as her eyes started to water. I processed everything she just told me trying to figure out why she is crying. Then as if a lightbulb lit up in my head, I knew. All my earlier activities completely forgotten now. I know now why she is like this. Why she is crying silent tears as she looks down at her hands clutching her coke can tightly. She wasn’t like this when I came in, right? Of course she wasn’t. She was holding it in. Ran held it in until she couldn’t anymore. I ahhed out loud as I thought about her appearance when I came in. The smeared makeup and red eyes weren’t for a sad drama.

I can’t believe she read them. After we told her not to pay attention to those damn comments. I swear if I ever meet these damn people that write these stuff online. I will have more than a few words to tell them and it won’t be pretty. I don’t care if I am an idol now. I already punched one of them in the face once I could do it again.

“Ran.” I breathed out softly looking at her with soft eyes.

“Why- why do they hate me so much?” Ran mumbled refusing to look up. “They don’t know me. They don’t know what I went through to get here.”

“Ran?”

 I moved closer to her putting my arm around her shoulder in comfort. Damn it, where is Soonie when you need her. She is usually the one to deal with this.   

“How could they hate someone they never even met? How could they hate me? They don’t even know me!”

“Don’t pay attention to them, Ran. They don’t know what they are talking about.” I let out in comfort bringing her into a hug. Ran immediately broke down not caring that it was me that she was crying into. She sobbed into my chest still venting out her sadness. Those damn bastards. They write whatever on the internet without a care. Do they not know that we read them? Don’t they know we have feelings? “We told you not to read them, Ran. Why did you?”

“I hate you!” Ran sobbed completely ignoring my question. “Why does it have to be you to see me like this? Why didn’t you stay out all night? Why didn’t you call me to tell me you were coming home? Why do you have to be here? I hate you so much. I worked so hard to be here. I trained for so long and worked so hard to be in an idol group. But when you came in, everyone loved you. You were perfect in everything you did. You made friends with everyone so easily. You were able to get along with Yunho Oppa so easily. I couldn’t even get out a word to him at first. Even the damn fans love you. Why do they hate me and love you?”

Does she not know that I get mean comments to? I still remember this one comment I read. They told me that I am not Asian so I shouldn’t be near their idols. I was told to go back to my country a thousand times. I may look American, but I was born in Korea. My father is Korean.

“Ran-“ I went to say.

“No!” Ran yelled. She pulled away from me looking at me with loathing eyes. Tears were continuously streaming down her eyes. Her mascara was running, her nose completely red, and her hair a mess. “Don’t try to comfort me. Don’t be nice to me when I am a complete to you. I hate you, Sam. Why do you have to be here?”

I watched in silence as Ran got up hurriedly. She practically ran to hers and Mimi’s shared room. She slammed the door behind her. The slam was so hard that it shook the whole apartment. I let out a sigh looking down. My hands fisted tightly at my sides.

 Those damn bastards.

Grabbing the remote I turned off the tv not even in the mood to watch tv and drool over BTS. I got up making my way to the closed laptop on top of the kitchen counter.

 Do you want to know what is the number one reason why groups break up? Do you want to know what is the number one reason why idols get sick? Why idols give up?

 I opened the laptop quickly typing in Ran’s password. I knew her password, hell even Soonie and Mimi know it. The screen went black then lit back up to different windows. Youtube, websites with kpop forums on our group, and even allkpop. The windows were showing the malicious comments some fans wrote about Ran. Sure there were some comments defending her, but most were insulting her. It was a fan war right in these comments. It covered the screen as if taunting her. I felt my anger spike up again.

I remember when I first entered in this industry I used to read comments like this. I used to always pass it off thinking the idols don’t care about these comments. They are harmless. Boy, was I wrong.

This. This right here is the reason for most problems in groups.

I read the comments seriously trying to tame my anger. These people called Ran so many cruel names. They called her a . Tried to prove she is completely untalented and fake. I kept scrolling through all the comments. I was practically shaking in anger. How could they? They don’t know anything. Even though Ran and I aren’t good terms I still care for her. I know everything she went through to get here. I ran my hand through my short uneven black hair.

Today was the first time I ever seen her like this. It was the first time, she has ever told me why she hates me. Usually when gets worked up Soonie takes her away and talks to her in private. Unni then comes running in worry to help her. Then in two hours Ran is back to normal. Yelling at me till my ears bled.

Now I know why she hates me. Funny thing, I don’t even blame her. I turned my head to look at the closed door she went through earlier. I can still hear her sobbing behind it in her room. ! Why did I have to be here? I would have preferred if this never happened. And I know she does too.

 I slammed the laptop closed not wanting to read anymore.

I grabbed my phone, keys, and the portable computer. I headed out the door locking it behind me. It is better if I am not there. There is only one person that can get through Ran and get her back to her old self. Walking through the hallway heading towards the elevator, I dialed her number on my phone. Pressing the down button I kept the phone pressed against my ear. I kept hearing the dialing tone waiting for her to pick up.

“Hello?” Her soft voice picked up on the other line.

“Unni? It’s Sam, Ran saw them.” I simply breathed out.

“Is she ok?”

“I wouldn’t be calling you if she was. How fast can you get here?”

“Five minutes.” She simply breathed out hanging up the phone.

After five long agonizing minutes I stood outside in the cool night air. My back rested against the dark cold wall of the apartment building. I was right next to the door of the entrance. The guard inside was looking at me weirdly.  I have the half nerve to turn around and stick my tongue out at him. But I am the bigger person. I focused back at my task at hand. Waiting for Unni.

Many people walked past me occasionally looking at me, recognizing me. I changed my whole demeanor as if screaming ‘don’t come near me’. I kept glancing at the time on my phone. I should have brought a jacket. It’s kinda chilly outside.

“Sam.” I heard someone call my name almost out of breath. I looked up to see her running towards me. Her hair was held messily up by a hat while she had on a face mask to may sure no one recognizes her. A couple people that were walking stopped to glance at her, but then kept on. They didn’t even recognize her in her big fluffy clothing. I lifted my hand waving her over. Once she reached me she bent slightly down catching her breath. “Sorry if I am a little late, I got here as fast as I could.”

“You’re not late. Here.” I quickly said handing her Ran’s laptop. “She is upstairs locked in her room sobbing her eyes out. I thought it was best to take the computer with me.”

Unni’s dark brown eyes softened as she grabbed the computer in sadness. She looked down at the device as if it was the source of all evil then looked back up at me.

“I guess, I should go up there and comfort her. Do you want to come?”

“No.” I breathed out shaking my head. “Just get her back to her arrogant, y self. I want her to go back to hating me. Don’t tell her I called you, Unni.”

Unni nodded her head seriously then walked towards the door of them building. I smiled softly to myself kicking a pebble on the ground. Unni will get Ran back to her normal self. Why? Because Ran deeply respects BoA. She will do anything she says. BoA was the reason Ran decided to become an idol.

 I started to walk away from the building silently thinking on what I am going to do for the next two hours. I could go to a bar. Naw it’s boring going by yourself. Anyways I don’t want any more drinks. I could grab something greasy to eat. Maybe not. Oh I should get a donut. Naw.

“Sam?” I heard BoA call out stopping me from going further.

I turned my head slightly to look behind me. BoA stood in front of the opened door with a serious expression. One hand holding the door open while the other held tightly to Ran’s laptop.

 I hummed out loud.  

“You know if Ran knew everything you do for her.” She paused. Most likely remembering all the times I stood up for Ran behind her back. One time I even punched a saesang fan at a fan meeting for insulting Ran’s dead brother. The only person that saw me do that was Soonie. She had to pull me away from the girl. I made Soonie swear never to let Ran find out. “She wouldn’t hate you so much. You two would probably be really good friends.”

“She needs someone to vent her anger and hatred to. It is better if it was me. I could handle it.” I informed her.

I smiled at BoA making her shake her head. I turned back around heading towards to the nearest coffee shop. It’s true, I never knew before why Ran hated, but I knew that it helped her vent. So I let her hate me, insult me, and even yell at me. We get in countless arguments. She sometimes makes my temper come out, but I always tried to remember that it was her way of venting. Emphasis on try to remember. I have to admit sometimes that girl pisses me off to the point that I forget.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket taking me out of my thoughts. I stopped walking pulling out my phone. I stared at the lit screen seeing it was a text message from my trusty ever so loyal manager, Jon. Unlocking my phone I read the message with a wide smile.

“Told you, you could do it Jonny boy.” I breathed out.

I pumped my fist in the yelling ‘yeah’ not caring about the stares I was getting. I felt excitement burn away my solemn mode. I squealed out loud jumping up and down in the middle of the side walk. Yup, defiantly getting weird looks. But I don’t care.

 Guess who is going on Family Outing tomorrow.

Guess who is going to reunite Yunho and Changmin with JYJ.  

Man I was so naïve back then jumping around in the middle of the side walk like an idiot.