The car came to a complete stop before I knew it.

I need to get out. I need to run like a freaking cheetah. Hell, faster than a cheetah. I can’t be late or I will be skinned alive.

Why did my stuff have to explode out of my purse in the back?

This is ing ‘Speedmaster’ Jaejoong’s fault!

“Damn it!” I kept cursing under my breath.

My body craned painfully to Jaejoong’s backseat gathering my stuff together. If I end up with back injuries, he is so going to be my until I heal.

“I told you not to throw your stuff back there.” Sassy Mr. Sass pants chuckled.

“Not now Jaejoong! I don’t need your smartass comments.” I growled. Damn it, why is my wallet on the nook under my chair. How did it even get there? Ugh! “Argghh! A little more!” I reached straining my muscles and risking a painful cramp.

“I can see your stomach.” Jaejoong cleverly pointed out. I groaned as I used my other hand to pulled down my shirt to cover my showing stomach. “Why don’t you just get out of the car and go in the back to get it?”

I can hear the ing amusement in his voice. I let out another growl as I reached for my wallet. I don’t have time for his ing logic now. I am going to be late to M!Countdown and Ran will have my throat. She will literally rip out my throat with her perfect manicured nails.

My fingernails scratched against the corners of the wallet. I almost got it.

Yes! Come to momma!

“It’s ten till three. Just saying you could have gotten your wallet a lot faster if you jumped in the backseat like a normal person and grabbed it.” Jaejoong’s voice breathed out logically.

“Well, I’m not normal!” I grunted.

“Clearly!”

“God! Where is the power to extend your arms when you need them!” I half yelled half growled.

“That would be in comic books and Manhwa.”

“Damn it, Jae! Not now!”

“I have noticed you have been calling me Jae a lot. Is that a pet name? Can I give you one?”

“Call me whatever the you want. I’m busy now!”

With another small yell, I forced myself to twist in my seat more. My back cracked down my spine. I moaned upon the feeling. I knew I had a knot on my back. Man, that felt good.

Back to the task at hand, Sam!

Oh yeah, the wallet.

I am close.

“How about clumsy muffin?” Jaejoong breathed out ignoring my struggles.

“How about shut up!” I growled.

Just a little more.

“Oh! Samster?” He exclaimed.

“I’m…Not…A…Hamster!”

“Have you seen yourself eat? You are practically a hamster or a starving rabbit.” I let out another loud yell. This time I used my legs to push myself more up. The middle compartment of the car now resting fully on lower regions. “Ok! No animals. Hey careful, you are going to break something.”

And I…

“Got it!” I breathed out in relief. Clutched the leather case for dear life not wanting to lose it again under the black hold abyss. With a excited yell, I untwisted myself and gathered my purse shoving all my things inside. “I can’t believe you didn’t help me and just annoyed me.”

“Hey to be fair, you didn’t want my help.”

“That doesn’t mean sit on the sideline and make snide comments.”

“You wanted me to stay quiet? Well, I am sorry that I am in a good mood.”

“I never should have kissed you. You have been a giant pain in the since then.” I grumbled. I opened the passenger door ready to get out. “I’m out.”

Holding all my stuff on my other hand I jumped out the car. Almost falling on the way out like my clumsy self. Damn seatbelts are like my arch nemesis. Jaejoong let out a snide remark with a laugh to which I showed him my lovely middle finger.

“You do know you can never get rid of me now?” Jaejoong let out. I let out a breath turning my body towards the car to look at him sitting on the driver’s side. A permanent smile plastered on his face. I rolled my eyes at him. “Don’t get shy on me now, Sammi. I might never let you leave.”

I stood in place in shock. He smile transformed almost instantly into an arrogant smirk. I just stood with my mouth agape. Did he just? My blood boiled as I instantly glared at him in annoyance.

Me shy?!

Who was the one that had to make the first move? Me!

Granted I was denying my feelings for him at first. But now I regret his annoying . God, him in a great mood is so annoying.

“Me Shy? , Please! You are the one that can be arrogant then turn to a shy girl the next minute.” I argued. “Who was the one that turned bright spanking red after I kissed him. You! Who was the one that ran into the door frame on the way out because he didn’t want to look me in the eyes.”

“You didn’t look me in the eyes either!” Jaejoong retorted.

“I’m not fighting with you on this, goodbye Jae!” I scoffed turning around and making a mad dash away from the car. Jaejoong’s laughter echoed in the underground parking garage along with his words ‘I am right and you know it’. This idiot. The corners of the lips tugged up. With a smile I turned around now speed walking backwards. this is hard. Just say a quick thanks to his annoying . “Thanks for this! I’ll make it up to you.” I yelled after him. “I’ll call you later!”

“Fine, but you do owe me! See yah, Jokerina.” Jaejoong yelled after me then laughed at his own joke.

“Idiot.” I muttered turning back around before I seriously injured myself.

I picked up my pace and sprinted through the dimly lit parking garage. Sprinting to the door leading inside the M!countdown building. Thank god, the parking garage is underground and basically isolated or Jaejoong and I would be in deep .

Once I reached the door, I slammed the door open and bolted inside. The chilling temperature of the building’s A/C slammed on my body almost urging me back to the warm dim underground parking garage. But I can’t. I have to keep running. I took the stairs going up to ground floor two at a time. My only thought being getting to my dressing room on time. I will make it. Once on ground floor, dodged everyone and everything yelling sorry’s every few minutes.

What’s the huge rush? Well,

Today, is the day Shinee and Violets do a special stage.

I told you about this right?

Yeah, I did because the past two weeks have been spent with our ‘free’ time in the rehearsal room. Making sure the dances were perfect. And I have spent those rehearsal time’s avoiding Key like the plague.

Man can hold a grudge about a ruined shirt. Granted, I was the one that broke it in the first place. Not my fault, men like him shouldn’t look amazing in woman’s clothing. It is wrong and downright mean.

So this special stage has 3 parts.

The beginning is a techno mix with the song worth it by Fifth Harmony with mostly Soonie and Minho on mic while we dance a hip hop choreo. The second part is mostly Shinee on mic singing to Justin Bieber’s sorry while we act as their dance partner. And the last part. Well, that is the part I dread the most. Not because of who I’m with ,it’s Taemin I mean who can hate being with him, but for what we have to do. It’s a tiring complicated intimate modern dance type ballet duet of just the two of us.
To what song? The hell I should know! I’m more worried about Taemin dropping my fatass when we do the lifts. So far he hasn’t during practice, but the real thing is different from rehearsal. And I don’t feel like breaking my in national television.

“Hey! Watch it!” A stage hand yelled out furiously just as I jumped past her scaring her back in the room she came from.

“Sorry!” I turned my head to apologize.

Did I stop running? Hell no! I’m almost there.

God, I am tired.

My thighs are burning like the sun.

I need water.

I want water.

I'll make it in the dressing room and change in time. I need to make it before they call us up to be on stage. We need to be on stage.

I just have to change when I get there. I already put on the makeup in the car while Jaejoong drove. I was able to put on the makeup easily (well as easily you can in a moving vehicle). I copied Song’s instructions on her text to a tee. The only thing I messed up on was my lipstick, which tinted my cheeks pink.

Creating ‘Jokerina’.

How did I get lipstick on my cheeks? And who the hell is ‘Jokerina’?

If you haven’t realized ‘Jokerina’ is me.

You see my brilliant driver, Jaejoong, decided to not warn me about a speed bump while I was carefully putting on lipstick. A speed bump that he decided to not slow down for causing me to slide the bright pink tube from the corner of my mouth to my cheek bone. Eloquent swirls were drawn on its journey. To say I was pissed was an understatement. And the idiot didn’t make it any better by laughing and saying I looked like Joker’s half sister ‘Jokerina’.

Long story short (not really long more like me yelling at Jaejoong while he laughed at my face), I tried to wipe the lipstick off , but it had a strong tint to it. So in order to make it even, much to my annoyance and Jaejoong’s amusement, I had to put lipstick on my other cheek in order to wipe it. It created like a soft pink blush on my cheeks. It looks ok, but feels like I rubbed a glue stick on my face. It matched well with the makeup, which is white and black smoky eye with a dramatic wing eyeliner face contoured and highlighted almost professionally with bright pink lips.

So Song will have to begruntedly approve to my makeup.

Speaking of Song.

“I’m Here!” I yelled out of breath as I slammed open the Violet’s dressing room door open. Everyone in the room let out a shocked gasped then complained once they saw it was me. Song, Mimi, Soonie, and Ran stood still staring at me. Then just like a bomb they all exploded at me with furious questions. I just muttered short answers as I staggered into the room closing the door behind me. I looked at Mimi’s worried eyes then the item she held in her hand. “Water.” I breathed out as I grabbed the water bottle in her hand and chugged it.

“You scared the out of us!” Soonie exclaimed looking at me in worry.

“Sorry.” I sheepishly once I downed the water bottle. My thirst quenched for now. Not wasting more time, I quickly stripped my cloths and changed into the stage outfits. My stuff that were on my hand fell to the floor along with my clothes that I had on since yesterday. Ran didn’t miss a chance to comment on that, but I never answered her. “How much time do we have?”

“Five minutes.”

“Where the hell have you been?” Ran let out.

Ran stood in front of Soonie with her arms crossed over her chest. Her long black hair is down cascading down around her as her bangs went across her forehead. She stood tall as if she was a raging goddess with a thirst for revenge. The fury in her eyes could rival a rapid dog.

I stared at her, Soonie, and Mimi with a guilty expression. My groupmates looked at me with anger and disappointment. Even carefree happy Mimi had a disappointed expression. All three of them looked at me with me with tired eyes.

This is all my fault.

I was supposed to be back at the dorm before they got up for todays schedule. But as you know time has got away from me.

All three of them are already ready to go on stage with matching stage outfits and makeup. All of us were supposed to were the same outfits and makeup. I look down at my dark red dance outfit. The top was a cropped tank shirt open in the back revealing part of my cherry blossom branches wings tattoo in the back. The bottoms were a pair of tight dark red high waisted shorts which will have a mesh overlay attached later during Taemin’s and I’s dance. The backup dancer will put it on me before we start the dance.

I sighed as I felt Song quickly fix up my face and hair. She pulled my short curls out of my tiny bun. Along with all the pins that were keeping the short curls in place. The curls bounced down to their positions. With a quick spray of hairspray to keep them in place, Song pulled some of the front strands back in a half up half down look. Some short loose curls were still out in front of my face acting as bangs. As soon as she finished, Song immediately went to my face.

“What happened to your face?” Song scolded. Her brown eyes looked at me in disappointment. I am getting that look a lot today. And I deserve it. “I sent you a text message with the makeup instructions. Didn’t you follow them?”

“I did, but I had a problem so I added blush.” I tried to save myself. Song stopped what she was doing just to give me a look. I can feel the three other girl’s eyes practically burning into me. “You try putting on makeup in a moving vehicle driven by speed racer.” I mutter more to myself.

“Who were you with?” Ran spoke up with a glare. I stared at her from the corner of my eye with a blank expression. Song dried up all the sweat that I accumulated running here and fixed up my make up. “Where were you? Where have you been since last night? Do you know how worried we were when you completely disappeared like you did after recording. You didn’t answer our calls or text. You didn’t even bother to send us a message back.”

!

That is what I forgot to do after I left them. I was to busy in my own thoughts to even think about them. I looked down at my hands in guilt. I didn’t think about them. I didn’t think they would even care.

“Sorry.” I muttered out. I refuse to lift my head up to stare at them. I refuse to see how much I disappointed them and hurt them. I think I have had enough of those stares today. “I didn’-“

“You didn’t what!” Ran shrieked. “You didn’t think! Of course, you didn’t! You never do! All you care about is your own damn self. Do we even matter to you? Do you even care about the future of this group?”

I snapped my head up. My eyes stared at her tear streaked face. Her dark eyes livid with hurt and fury. I fisted my now shaking hands at my sides.

How dare she say that!

“That’s not true, I care.” I answered back. My chest clenched in pain as tears threatened to come out. I do care. I care about our groups future. I care about them. How can she say that I don’t? “I care about you all. I care about this group!”

“Bull ! You don’t care and you never will. You are just going through this life with a carefree attitude. You don’t care about this group or our future. When will you get through your thick stubborn skull that whatever you do affects us and our dreams.” Ran cried out. Mimi looked down at the ground sadly as Soonie held Ran’s arm in comfort. They stood united in front of me. A line or even an invisible wall was built between us separating us the more she spoke. And just like that, a knife dug it self into my chest stabbing my heart. Burying me in a hole that I dug myself. “You leave without telling us. You always come to schedules a few minutes before it starts. You don’t listen to what the company tells you. You yell at Jon and take control of things yourself. You ruined our recent music video because of your damn temper. You don’t hold your snide comments on shows. They think it’s funny and praise you, but you know what we are thinking.” I stayed quiet. A tear slid down my face. I couldn’t stop the words from piercing my heart. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. My throat constricted instantly becoming dry. I swallowed down my own spit hoping to rehydrate it. “ We think about how much you reflect this group. Your image and everything you do reflects this group and you don’t even ing care.”

“Ran.” I breathed out taking a slow step towards her.

My hand out as if to grab hers. I have to talk to her. Hold her arm letting her know I am here. Letting her know that I am sorry. Get her to understand that I care.

I care so much. Even if I don’t show it to them. I ing care.

Ran scowled at me as she moved away from me towards the door. She snatched her hand away from an close proximity from me as if I was fire. Ran turned her body no longer facing me, but the door now.

Her back to me.

Like it will be like that from now on.

“No. I am tired of this. I am tired of fighting with you. I am tired of being angry at the ing world and you.” Ran hissed. She sniffed loudly. Lifting her own hand up to wipe her own tears. “Last night was the first night that I have been so happy at my own accomplishment. I wanted to go celebrate as a group. I thought you changed because this past two weeks you were actually there. Granted you still made snide comments and acted like yourself on broadcasts, but you were there. I loved that. I wanted that. You were there. Even though we fought and argued and I threatened to kick you out. You were there. You were ing there. I thought you cared, but today showed me you don’t care about anyone but yourself.” Ran walked to the door turning the knob opening it slightly. She turned to me with a sad smile. No, Ran. Please don’t do this. Please. “ But don’t worry, no one will know the tension in this group. Or the fact you ruined any form of friendship with us. I will pretend as if nothing happened. I’m done with you. I am done. Do whatever you ing want. I don’t give a anymore.”

With that, she walked out the room.

“Ran.” Soonie breathed out in worry as she followed after her.

“I better go fix her makeup.” Song all but muttered as she followed after them out the door.

I stood rooted in my place in shock. I continued to stare at the closed door with silent tears dripping down my face. My brain processing everything that just happened.

My makeup probably ruined by I didn’t care.

Did Ran just….give up? What happened while I was gone?

I turned back to Mimi to see her looking at me with a sad smile.

“Mimi, I-“ I went to say, but Mimi just held her hand up to silence me.

The carefree girl that I once knew was now long gone. She was replaced by a serious woman that acted her actual age.

“We missed you at girl’s night at the Karaoke bar. We were supposed to celebrate together as a group. But let’s face it we are not a group.” Mimi spoke up. I shook my head in disagreement stepping towards her. That’s not true we are a group. We are a group. I just made one mistake. You can’t just give up because of that. “When you left we called, we couldn’t celebrate because we were worried sick about you. Jon was even worried about you. We called and you didn’t answer. We thought something bad happened to you because of the online comments.”

“Online comments?”

“When your ‘family outing’ episode aired many netizens were pissed at you. The hate towards you grew. They threatened a lot of mean things against you because of how close you got to their oppas.” Mimi explained. Tears escaped her tear ducts and dripped down her face. No. Not happy carefree Mimi. She was the innocent child of this group. “When you didn’t answer our calls we thought something bad happened to you. We were worried all night, but here you are. Coming in here as if nothing happened. As if nothing mattered.”

“Mimi, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t think about the missed calls. I just thought it was Ran ing like always. I didn’t pay any attention when I saw them. I didn’t even think to call back. I didn’t even hear the voicemails. I should have. “ I pleaded to the crying petite blue haired girl. Stepping to her, I softly grabbed her hands. I saw all the missed calls when my alarm rang on my phone and Yoochun handed it to me. I was pissed that it interrupted me and Jaejoong so I just think much about it and gather my things and told Jaejoong to take me here. “Unnie, Please! I am so sorry! I didn’t think.”

“That’s it. You don’t think.” Mimi breathed out. She pulled her hand out of mine and backed up. I called her name, but she just shook her head. She continued to cry as she stared at me in the eyes. The invisible wall between me and the group became more fortified. “After Ran saw your comments she saw hers. Did you know people out there are calling her a horrible leader because she can’t control the ‘ American’ in her own group. They even went as far as say that they hope she can never reproduce.”

“Mimi…”

“Stop! Just stop!” Mimi sobbed. She shook her head furiously at me as she put more space between us. “I just wanted everyone to get along. I try so hard to keep our group together. To keep us all happy and together as we reach our dreams. But what’s the point when one of us doesn’t even care.”

“That’s not true.”

“Your actions tell other wise, Sam.” She let out a tired breath. With a heavy breath, she turned around to look at the door. “We are going up soon.”

I watched in silence as Mimi walked out the door leaving me all alone in the dressing room. It felt as the walls were caving in on me. The light swallowed by the darkness. My chest squeezed tightly as tears continued to stream down my face. The ache in my heart increased upon realization that the bad feeling that I felt towards us as a group was true. The feeling that my world will come crashing down was true.

My breaths came out labored. I felt a panic attack come into me as my body shook. I can’t hold on. I can’t hold on.

My legs grew weak under me making me fall to the ground on my knees. I couldn’t stop the sobs from escaping my mouth. The darkness surrounding me in it’s cold silence. The whispers of the shadows telling me what I already know to be true.

Telling me that my own destruction was caused by my own self.
****
“Hey, Sam!” Taemin and Onew cheered with happy smiles once they saw me appear.

I walked quietly to them sending them a sad smile. Stage hands and other idols walked around me going about their own business. I can hear the loud fan chants to Secret’s new song, which they were currently preforming.

I looked at my groupmates to see them standing with Key, Minho, and Jonghyun. The three of them gave me a glance then went back to the boys talking and laughing with them. As if nothing happened.

My chest gave another painful squeeze as I looked down in sadness. There is no way I can fix this.
I don’t know how.

Okay, Sam. This hurts I know, but you have to mask it. Think of that ‘Frozen’ song that everyone won’t stop singing even after all these years. Let it go. Conceal don’t feel. I’m pretty sure the song is not about holding it in and hide your true feelings. Aw, who gives a . I have to conceal and don’t feel. I can’t show them how much it actually destroyed me.

No one can know what went down in the dressing room. No one can know what went down with this group.

Thank God, Song found me to fix my makeup before I came here. Mind you, not happily. She warned me that I really messed up this time and that I won’t be able to fix it this time.

The horrible thing is that I know what she says is true.

I ruined everything and I don’t think I can ever fix it.

“Are you ready for our dance?” Taemin questioned with excitement as he grabbed my arm. His dark brown eyes looked down at me with excitement. Strangely enough, he loves our dance solo. He has been looking forward to it since he heard we would be doing it. I looked up at the man with a small smile nodding my head. Conceal don’t feel, Sam. Channel your inner Elsa. Taemin led me to our group along with Onew while talking to me happily. “I promise not to drop you. I swear.”

“Better not or I will kick your .” I threatened.

Taemin let out a laugh. Letting go of my arm, he held both his hands up in surrender. I let out a laugh pushing him slightly while rolling my eyes. A stage hand immediately came up to me holding up a ear piece and mic in his hand. I nodded my head at him to let him continue. The man instantly went to work putting the ear piece in my ear. The mic was connected to the ear piece and went out into a soft curve in front of my mouth. The man tapped the mic in place so it stayed in place floating in front of my mouth. I then felt him slip the box that sends all the signals into the back top middle pocket of the pants. The pocket designed to keep it in place and hidden.

“So you ready for the dance?” Minho asked me once the stage hand finished and left.

“What do you think?” I let out with a challenging smile.

Conceal don’t feel.

“I think you are about to get your dropped so hard that you will dig a hole through the ground.” Key chimed in snarkerly.

I glared at the man opening my mouth ready to give him a piece of my mind, but I was instantly stopped by Taemin. He swung his arm around my shoulders pulling me into a side hug. All eye immediately went to the arm in suspecion as I just stiffened in shock. When did Taemin get this touchy? He is the shy boy that makes weird corny that aren’t funny at all. He was never this touchy with me unless it was for a dance. It’s starting to freak me out.

“I would never drop her, Key.” Taemin defended. His hold on my shoulder tightening. I looked up at him with a ‘what the hell’ look, but he just ignored me. “Stop holding a grudge about a shirt. Besides it wasn’t even a nice shirt.”

The .

Key gasped in shock upon Taemin’s words. His hands went to his heart clearly offended. The older male fashionista opened his mouth to say more to the man currently holding me, but he was cut off.

“Shinee. Violets. You’re on in five. “ The stage director spoke cutting off a now pouting Key. Onew and Soonie laughed as they comforted the man. “Please make your way to the stage to get ready we will inform you through your ear piece when it is your time.”

We all nodded showing we understand. The stage director motioned to the stage telling us to hurry. To which we did passing Secret in the processes as they left the stage. Taemin’s arm still around my shoulder almost refusing to leave.

“What the hell was that?” I asked Taemin in a hushed voice.

“What was what?” Taemin questioned looking down at me in confusion.

I gave him a look. Is he serious?

“That! This even. You were never this touchy or snappy to Key.” I hissed. Taemin just smiled letting me go. He made his way to stand behind me as I took my place in the middle of the stage. The excitement of the fans can be felt as they all faced the lit stage with the talking MCs on the side. Our stage was currently pitch black as the dancers took their place. I can feel Taemin’s hands traveled down to my waist holding tightly. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. This isn’t the Taemin I know. I turned my head slightly looking at his dark silhouette out of the corner of my eye. “What is going on with you?”

“What about you?” Taemin’s voice whispered next to my ear. “I could tell you are upset. I have known you since you started here. I know you just as well as Yunho and Changmin.” I rolled my eyes at him. With a heavy sigh, I looked out into the dark sea of fans. I can’t hide from him. Taemin has known me since I audition for SM. He used to help me create my own form while dancing. Before Yunho and Changmin and I became close; I was actually really close to Taemin. But I let that fade away when I started to feel something for him. I had a crush on him and I hated it. I went to open my mouth to say more, but I was cut off by the lights coming on our stage. “We’ll talk later. It’s show time.”

The techno remix came on and Minho began his rap.

I quickly composed myself forgetting about everything in my life and all my problems. The only thing that I let flow through my head was the choreography.

Doing a cat walk to the front of the stage with my groupmates on either side of me. All four of us holding a look a seductress. The crowd went wild as the base dropped and the guys walked to us grabbing us from behind making us do a dramatic bend forward. Then we bent back up dramatically. Soonie let her soulful voice out singing the song’s english lyrics in broken english. We broke away from the guys facing them. Our moves with the guys became more seductive as some twerking came out. The guys grabbed us again pulling use to them.

Before I knew it the song was over and they started on their dance. We followed the choreography to a tee. Nariko will cry with pride when she sees this performance. The crowd went wild letting out their bias’ name every now and then most of them for Jonghyun , Minho, and Taemin. There were even some chants for our group. I can here the stage director encourage us through the ear piece and tell us that the song is almost done and Taemin’s and I’s solo is up.

As if on cue, the music flowed out into a soft melodramatic instrumental. My heart pounded furiously knowing this was it. My groupmates along with the rest of Shinee walked off the stage leaving me and Taemin alone on the stage with the backup dancers. They gathered around us putting on the mesh see through skirt part of my outfit on me and the suit jacket on Taemin.

Taemin faced me with shining brown eyes. I smiled at him finding his excitement contagious.

He held out his hand to me and opened his mouth singing the lyrics. The backup dancers broke out from surrounding us revealing us to the hyperactive crowd.

Taemin’s voice flowed out in a sultry tone as he twirled then pulled me to him. My back pressed tightly to his front. I let my eyes half closed as I smiled. He walked backwards his arms still around. He continued to sing as he lifted and twirled me in the air. When he put me back down I tried to run away, but he grabbing me again twirling me to him. My hands went to his chest as he slammed me into him. I trailed my hands down his muscular chest as his hand went to my face pushing a loose curl behind my hair. He serenaded me as our dance became more of a tragic love story.

To a dancer’s point of view, the dance was of a man who held on to tight onto his true love and lost her to the terror of the world. So blinded by love, he didn’t see that she was mentally destroying her own self. The dance was supposed to show the fight the man must face everyday in fighting for her to stay sane. The lifts in the air and twirls were him holding on to her, pulling her to him. Every time I pulled away holding my head dancing with the backup dancers represented the illness taking a hold of the girl. The dance went well with the lyrics Taemin sang.

I can feel the fans in the crowd grow quiet as they became mesmerized by us.

As the song was coming to an end, the backup dancers ‘dropped’ me to the ground. The backup dancers slowly walked backwards off the stage with smiles on their face. This part of the song shows that the illness won. The illness has entrapped the girl in a depressing darkness. My hair now undone because of the dance covered half my face as I laid on the ground breathing heavily.

Taemin’s voice still flowed out into the song.

The sadness in each chord he sang can be felt.

“Ok, Sam. Slowly sit up but keep your eyes on the ground. Remember the girl is depressed.” The stage director’s voice echoed through my ear piece. I slowly followed his instructions. I can her him tell Taemin to come closer to me and grab my hands in his. Taemin did as he said still singing his notes softly. Taemin held my warm hands in his gently. His thumbs rubbing mine softly. “Now Sam slowly look into Taemin’s eyes. Keep your expression blank as if your soul died in you.”

As if my soul died in me?
Seriously!
I could have laughed at the stupidity, but I can’t we are on live television.

I can practically hear the heartbeats pick up as Taemin leaned closer to my face. My eyes widen in shock. This was not part of the choreography . He is just supposed to grab my hands and that’s it. Not lean closer to my face looking at me as if he is going to kiss me.

“Ok, Sam. We just told Taemin about the change of plans.” The stage director explained through my ear piece. I can practically feel my pulse as I started to inwardly panic. “Taemin will end the song with a kiss on your lips.” WHAT! No! Abort this! Stop this! “Don’t panic.” I am ing panicking. Who the hell changed the plan to this. “Just go with it.”

The hell I won’t.

I was gonna do something to get myself out of the damn situation, but I was to late. Taemin already sealed his lips with mine. His hands letting go of mine and gently cupped my face. The way he tilted his head and pulled my face more into him made it look like I was kissing him back. When in actuality he was doing all the work. I just sat there frozen in shock as he kissed me.

My eyes completely wide the whole time as the crowd went wild.