Too damn high. Way too damn high.

My eyes remained trained to the metal dinosaur in front of me. I can’t take my eyes off of it. Afraid it might attack or worse, I will end up on it.

I value my life. My life, although ty, is my life. I like breathing. I like eating. I like my naps. Hell, I like my bones intact. Every single one of them.

“Sam? Sam,” Junsu called out. I snapped out my fogged state to only let out a hum. My eyes still on the metal creature in front of us. How high is that? Too damn high, Sam. “Did you hear anything we said?”

I shook my head. Junsu let out a groan followed by a complaint about me to Yoochun.

“You two seriously don’t want to go on,” Yoochun breathed out sounding a little annoyed.

“No,” Jae and I breathed out at the same time without hesitation.

“Stop staring at the damn bungee jump platform for two seconds and look me in the eyes to tell me.”

Jaejoong and I turned to look at him with straight faces. To his and Junsu’s annoyance, we both said ‘no’ then went back to stare at the metal dinosaur. I shivered in fear as I saw someone jump off the high platform screaming their lungs out with just a piece of rope attached to their right foot.

“What happens when that rope snaps on the way down,” Jaejoong mumbled.

“Splat,” I answered. My eyes following the now laughing person dangling in the air upside down over the water. “Bright red organ soup with human intestines as noodles.”

“Oh, come on, you guys,” Yoochun complained as he stood in front of us. He made sure he was in our line of sight so we can give him our full attention. “Don’t psych yourselves out now. The more you stare at it the worse it will get for you.”

“Easy for you to say. You’ve done this before,” Jaejoong grumbled. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he still stood a good distance away from me with his arms over his chest. He’s still pouting. Junsu gave me a questioning look, but I simply just shrugged. I can be stubborn too if he wants. “No, Yoochun. I am not going.”

“Hey, you guys said that you wanted to celebrate our song taking up the number one spot together. This is celebrating.”

“When I said we should celebrate together. This,” I exclaimed pointing to the bungee jump platform in front of me. “Is not what I meant! I meant a nice dinner with lots of soju so I can forget my name the next day. Or a karaoke room. Junsu, don’t look at me like that. I do not have a drinking problem.”

“Whatever. I still think you do. But come on, you two don’t be such scaredy cats. This is to encourage our continuous success for the album and the song. This is for luck.” Junsu chimed in. “If you are scared about going on alone, then you can always do the couple package and do it together.”

That doesn’t-

“She can just do that with Taemin,” Jaejoong snorted bitterly.

“Seriously,” I said turning to look at him. “How long are you going to keep pouting?”

Jaejoong quirked his eyebrow giving me a look.

“As long as I want,” He breathed out.

“You are being ridiculous,” I breathed out rolling my eyes. “And-“

Jaejoong let out a dramatic gasp. “Me! I am not the one who got caught in an intimate position with another man.”

“Here we go. For the last time, he was leaning over to hear a phone conversation I was having with Medusa.”

“Why were you alone by the ocean?”

“Because I was sacrificing him to the great Poseidon so I can live a long youthful life.”

“Really?”

“No, you idiot! The fans attacked me with soda so Taemin decided to runaway from the scene with me.”

“Oh, how romantic. He just held your hand as you two ran away into the sunset.”

“You are such a pain in the ,” I groaned.

Jaejoong stuck his tongue out at me childishly. “Takes one to know one.”

“I’m done with this. I am not going to spend all morning arguing with your jealously.”

“Well, you are in luck. I’m not going to spend all morning giving it to you,” He said. A slight glare in his eyes. I let out a soft growl in annoyance as he ‘humphed’ away from me childishly. Why am I dating him? “I’m going to get a coffee. Alone.”

“I didn’t want to go with you anyways,” I yelled after him as he walked away from me. Jaejoong headed towards the concession building next to the restrooms. He stopped about half way to turn around and stare at me. “What?”

I can still feel Junsu’s and Yoochun’s eyes on us. They are clearly confused and uncomfortable on what’s going on. Like they have been the whole car ride here. See me and Mr. Man child had an argument about all this before we went to go pick up his bandmates. At first it was calm, then it escalated and got really childish real fast. It went from the fact that I was too close with Taemin when I didn’t need to be to what kind of soda was spilled on me. Apparently, it was really important for him to know if it was Coke or Pepsi. So, when Junsu and Yoochun got into the car, it was dead silent. The atmosphere thick almost choking everyone. They tried to ease the atmosphere a little, but nothing worked. Jaejoong clearly has something deeply shoved up his today.

“I am not going to get you an ice coffee,” Jaejoong stubbornly let out. “So, don’t ask me for one.”

“I won’t. Especially not a caramel one with cream.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“You’re getting a large,” Jaejoong said turning back towards the concession. “With whipped cream.”

“I want a medium.”

“Too bad!”

“Ugh! You’re so annoying,” I groaned kicking a stone on the ground. I watched the stone I kicked jump across the concrete then stop a few feet away from me. I can’t believe how petty he is being about the whole Taemin thing. I told him this morning in the car that it was nothing. But no, he had to pout like a toddler the whole entire time. “And childish. Just a big man child who will never grow up.”

“At least I will always look young,” with that as he last retort, Jaejoong left towards the concession stand.

I snapped my head back towards him to stare at his back. Who the hell does he think he is? Peter Pan? Ugh, why did he have to wear dark skinny jeans today? I told him not to wear those out in public. It makes his looks great.

Jaejoong continued to stomp away his curses heard from here. I let out another growl as I kicked another rock. This time the rock fell into the lake with a plop.

“I am going to go help Hyung,” Junsu said after a small brief silence.

Like he needs any help. He is a grown man child who can take care of himself. He will probably ditch the coffees and get himself a happy meal with a toy. And instead of a burger, his man side will order a medium rare steak. He will have a steak with a plastic toy. Like a man child.

And before you say anything, I am not being childish too.

“Yeah, see if you can calm him down. I will talk to Sam,” Yoochun said.

I am right here, douchebags.

I rolled my eyes at them as I stared at the lake. Another person dangling over the water waiting for the boat to get them unattached from the bungee rope. It was a girl this time. Her laughter ringing through air. Her cheeks red from screaming. Why would people do that for fun? What if the rope breaks half way down? Aren’t they scared are going to belly flop to death? Doesn’t she have a wedgie? Why the hell is this even considered fun? You know what is fun? Solid ground, that is fun.

From the corner of my eye, I see Yoochun come up next to me. His designer sneakers scratching against the concrete as he stopped next to me. He stood with his hands in his jacket pockets as he stared at the same girl in silence. His eyes slightly squinting due to the cool wind. Is he trying to look cool?

“I don’t need to calm down,” I hissed breaking the silence between us. “He started it with his bitter stupid jealousy.”

“Is this why it was weird in the car earlier,” Yoochun asked. I nodded with a sigh. I lifted my right hand running it through my straight hair. My fingers easily going through my dark locks. “What happened?”

“He saw a picture in a magazine of Taemin and I next to the water at Jeju-do. It was taken yesterday during my ‘fake’ date to dispel rumors.”

“I’ve seen it. It’s all over the internet. You guys look pretty intimate.”

“It was far from intimate. We were on the phone with my manager from hell. He was trying to hear, that’s why he was so close to me.”

“I don’t know, Sam. The picture shows a different story.”

So, no one is on my side.

I looked at Yoochun with annoyance. “Are you ing kidding me? It’s a picture taken out of context on some nosy teenager’s cell phone from far away. Of course, it would look like we were making out or whispering sweet things to each other. But we weren’t. The only time Taemin and I kissed was when we did the collaboration on stage and that was forced on me. Jaejoong is blowing this out of proportion. Like what the F! He knew about all this since the beginning. He was fine with all this at first. His said it was all part of the job.”

I felt my heart clench once I finished my mini speech. A part of me felt hurt at the fact that Jaejoong doesn’t trust me. Like I could really two time him with Taemin. My mother raised me better that. I would never do that to him or anyone for that matter. Anyways all I do when I am with Taemin is wish I was with his childish . Tears threatened to come out of my eyes, but I refused to let them free. I will not cry for this. I told myself I would not cry anymore and I meant it.

Yoochun looked at me in silence. His dark eyes softened.

“He does trust you, you know,” He breathed out.

“I never said he didn’t,” I said turning back to the water.

“Your face did.”

Damn it, Sam. Control your emotions better.

Yoochun sighed. “Anyways, give Jaejoong a break. He’s been under a lot of stress lately.”

“Stress?” I let out turning back to Yoochun. Jae didn’t tell me anything. As far as I know they were just a little behind schedule with the album release and that was it. “What are you talking about?”

“He didn’t want me to tell you, but you remember that comeback stage we were supposed to have on M!Countdown,” Yoochun breathed out. I nodded. Yeah, it was supposed to be the stage that will push them back into the public. It was supposed to open doors to more stage performances and variety shows. It was supposed to be the beginning of a new chapter for them. A chapter without being blacklisted everywhere by SM. It was a big deal and they were so excited for it. “ Well, we kinda hit a road block on it.”

“What are you talking about? What roadblock?”

“They won’t let us preform anymore on M!Countdown. They changed their minds.”

Silence.

I stared at Yoochun’s face in disbelief. Hoping for him to laugh and tell me it was a bull excuse to help Jaejoong. But judging from the sad look in his eyes. It is not a lie.

“How long have you guys been fighting with them?” I let out quietly.

A ty feeling overcoming me. How could I have not know? Jae hasn’t told me anything. Or did he try, but I haven’t been there? Like how I wasn’t there for my groupmates when they needed me. Maybe I am a selfish self-centered like everyone says.

“A couple of weeks now,” Yoochun answered. Weeks? This has been happening for weeks and he hasn’t told me. “Jaejoong didn’t want to tell you because he didn’t want to worry you. You already have a lot-“

“That’s bull,” I said. Yoochun flinched slightly by my loud voice. I glared at Yoochun. “I am his girlfriend. I want to be there for him as much as he is there for me. I mean who the hell does he think he is? He can’t just hold it all in for himself and put on a fake smile for me. What so that he can finally burst from the stress like he did today. All morning giving me with his jealousy all because he was holding too much stress in. Bull ! That is how relationships die. That is how people grow apart. I can’t be the only who gets comforted. I have to comfort him too. Why the am I here then? Just a pretty young trophy to be with!”

“I never said you were,” Jaejoong voiced out behind me.

Yoochun and I turned around to see him and Junsu standing there. Junsu holding the drinks while Jaejoong had plastic bags with snacks. If I wasn’t so mad and hurt right now I would give him for getting my medium coffee how I wanted it. Despite him being mad at me he still got me what I wanted. Even when he said he wouldn’t. Because that is the type of man he is. The type to put others first.

The type to put me first.

Jaejoong stared back at me with guilt, shame, and sadness.

“We will let you guys talk,” Yoochun said stepping forward.

I continued to stare at Jaejoong with teary eyes. The anger and hurt still showing on full display to him. Yoochun grabbed the bags from Jaejoong’s hands. And with a quick worried glance at us, both Yoochun and Junsu walked away to give us privacy.

“So this whole jealously blow up was just you being too stressed from holding everything in,” I said. “What you couldn’t talk to me about it?”

“I didn’t mean any of that, Sam. I never meant to hurt you,” Jaejoong spoke.

“That is not what hurt me and you know it. I don’t care about the jealousy. If it was just that we would have gotten over it after a short while. Maybe even laughed about it while I called you an idiot. You know what I am really hurt by.”

“Damn, Sam. I am sorry. I just….I don’t know,” Jaejoong groaned running and hand through his blonde hair messing it up more.

“Don’t know what, Jaejoong? Don’t know if you can trust me with your problems? Don’t want to open up to me even though I opened up to you?”

“That’s not it.”

“Then what is it? You don’t want to burden me. Don’t think I can handle your problems on top of mine. Because if that is it then that is stup-”

“I didn’t know how to tell you, Sam,” Jaejoong let out cutting me off. “I barely see you and when I do it is not for that long. Each time Jon is there. Jon is always there. We don’t really have alone time anymore. It is not like I can talk about all this in front of Jon. He hasn’t even figured out you were the anonymous voice in our title track. And his stupid comments will just get us both worked up. I knew I couldn’t say it in front of him. How do I even tell you about all this? I can’t even get my groupmates and I in one music show. How do we expect to move on to a new chapter in our lives when we can’t even get over this hurdle. I just kept thinking that our careers are already tanked. I don’t want to take you down with us. And I feel like that will happen and it scares me. I don’t think I can let you go. I don’t want to.”

“You think, me dating you will tank my career,” I asked moving towards him. Jaejoong looked down at the ground giving me a small nod. My heart squeezed at the sight of him. His shaky breaths trying to keep in tears along with his tense body. I felt tears silently come down my eyes as I grabbed his cold hands in mine. Jaejoong looked at me. He looks so helpless. “Idiot, if anyone is gonna tank my career it will be me and me alone. It will happen when I finally beat the out of Medusa. Not you, but me. Don’t ever blame yourself for something that happens in my life. I make my own choices in my life with no regrets. I choose you no matter the consequences. I knew what I got myself into the moment I kissed you on your kitchen floor.”

“You are already being forced to date Taemin because of me.”

“No, I am being forced to date Taemin because I disobeyed the company to many times. They need to reign me in and this was how they decided to do it. It would have happened either way if I was with you or not. Don’t put that on yourself. Why did you pretend everything was all right all this time? You could have just called.”

“You were busy.”

“Not the whole time, Idiot. I will always make time for you no matter what. Especially if you needed me.” God I sound so freaking sappy right now.

“I was fine at first, but then I just kept overthinking everything. Our relationship. Your situation with the company. My situation with your company. Your ‘fake’ relationship. Your groupmates. It was just all filling my head on top of the M!Countdown fight. Then when I saw that picture it all exploded in my head. What if people find out about us and I can’t protect you? What if you lose everything because of me? I can’t let that happen. And a part of me also thinks, what if no one ever finds out. How long will we keep this a secret? I can’t be in public with you, but Taemin can. Hell, anyone else can. We will be sneaking around for how long?”

That is why he blew up with the Jeju-do picture. He was insecure about our relationship and everything. This is my fault. I just always assumed he was fine with all of this. He said he was. He spent all his time making me smile and feel at ease. What have I done? Absolutely . That’s what. I am a horrible girlfriend. This is why my mom always says I would end up alone with fifty dogs.

I squeezed Jaejoong’s hands in comfort as I rubbed my thumbs softly against his skin.

“You don’t think, I think about all that too?” I breathed out. He doesn’t need me to hold his hands now. Letting go of his hands, I moved closer to him. I put my arms around his neck as I stood slightly on my tippy toes to get closer to his height. With a soft sigh, I pulled Jae into a hug. Jaejoong let out a shaky breath as he nestled his face into the crock of my neck. “Whatever happens in the future is in the future. Don’t ruin your present time with this. We will get through whatever comes our way together. As long as we are together we can get through anything.”

Jaejoong wrapped his arms around my small waist bringing me even closer into his body. He held on to me tightly as if I would disappear.

“I don’t want to lose you.” I heard him whisper into my neck.

I sighed. “You won’t lose me.” I pulled away from him slightly making him to raise his head up. I looked into his slightly red eyes. My heart melting at the sight of him. I softly placed my hands on either side of his face. “We don’t know what will happen in the future. They could discover us any moment. I mean look at us. We are carelessly standing in each other’s arms in public next to a metal death trap. We are stupid.”

“We are,” Jaejoong laughed.

“Yes, we are. We are in Jon’s words ‘a couple of hopeless idiots’.” I said with a smile. Jaejoong returned my smile. “We can’t always be overthinking the future, Jae. We will never know what will happen until it happens. And I for one refuse to live my youth in regret when it comes to you. If we get caught. We get caught. If we don’t, then we don’t. We just keep going. Don’t ever worry about my future. Okay?” He nodded. “ You can’t just hold everything in and keep things from me. We have to talk to each other, Jaejoong. I can’t be the only one with the issues. I can’t be the only one that has to be taken care of. In a relationship, we take care of each other. We deal with everything together no matter how hard it is, understand.”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

Jaejoong leaned down towards me. His eyes staring down at my lips as our noses touched. His warm minty breath filled my nose. My arms unconsciously wrapped them back on top of his shoulders. I felt his hands move up my back at an agonizing pace pressing me more into him with each inch.

“Thank you,” He whispered. His voice sounding ten times huskier. I couldn’t even respond because my breath was caught in my throat. Oh my god, am I even breathing. “I lo-“

“Heyyyoo!” Junsu yelled popping out of nowhere.

I let out a yelp in shock as I pushed Jaejoong away from me without thinking. When I jumped back my right foot landed on a rock which rolled right when I put my weight on it. I let out another loud yelp as the rock caused me to lose my footing making me fall down on the concrete, first. My tingled with pain. I let out a groan using one hand to rub my . My groan seemed to have echoed not even a second later. Wait, I wasn’t that loud to have an echo.

I looked up to see Jaejoong also on the ground a few feet away. He scowled at Junsu who was currently laughing to the point of tears. Then his eyes landed back on me. Both of us staring at each other with half smiles. A twinkle shining brightly in his brown eyes. No doubt he was thinking the same thing as me right now. ‘Since the beginning, we have always managed to fall for each other’.

“I can’t believe you both fell down at the same time, Who does that,” Junsu laughed.

“Are you guys okay,” Yoochun asked sticking his hand out towards me first.

I grumbled out a ‘yeah’ as I let him help me up. As I dusted myself off he went to help Jaejoong up. Once up Jaejoong came to me asking me if I was okay. His fingers picking out the small concrete pieces stuck to my skin on my arms.

“I’m fine, Jae.” I breathed out. “It is my fault that we both fell down. I never should have pushed that hard.”

“It’s not your fault.” Jaejoong shrugged. “It is the idiot’s.”

“Did you just call me an idiot,” Junsu said.

“Yes, they did. And you are. Didn’t you see they were having a moment? You just ruined it with your dolphin squeal.” Yoochun sighed crossing his arms over his chest. He glared at Junsu with annoyance.

“That is just rude. I just wanted to tell them the good news,” Junsu pouted. Jaejoong and I gave him an expected look. Junsu noticing our looks let out a bright smile. A mischievous glint in his eyes. “Yeah, not gonna tell you.”

“Then what was the point of all that,” Jaejoong snapped. “I was just about to tell Sam that I-“

He stopped. I turned towards Jaejoong in confusion. His face bright red as he refused to look at me.

“Tell me what,” I asked.

“Yeah, Hyung. What were you about to tell her,” Junsu teased. Yoochun let out a loud laugh as Jaejoong snapped his head to Junsu. Fury swirling in his eyes. Junsu’s face immediately fell to that of pure fear. The arrogant look now completely squashed. “Hyung, let’s talk about this. I am sorry.”

“I am going to kill you,” Jaejoong let out chasing after the screaming dolphin.

Yoochun and I stood in place chuckling to ourselves as we watched these grown men run around like children screaming. My eyes followed Jaejoong taking him in. His mouth moving cursing Junsu. His cheeks red with fury. I smiled the more I stared at him.

I can’t lose you to.

“Now, tell me. Who the said you guys can’t perform on M!Countdown,” I said turning to Yoochun with my arms crossed over my chest.

***

“I’m home,” I said out of habit as I closed my dorm’s door behind me. I took in the darkness and the silence with a heavy sigh. The white walls were as grey as everything has been lately with my groupmates and me. “Don’t know why I bother. It is not like they will say welcome home.”

Sighing, I placed my keys on the bowl on top of the kitchen counter along with my large purse. I headed towards the fridge without a second thought. I probably shouldn’t eat anymore especially after that huge lunch I had with the guys. Jaejoong spent too much in order to make up for being a jerk this morning. At least, we didn’t have to get on that stupid metal death trap. Just the thought of it makes me sick.

Ugh, too much sweets.

On second thought, I am just going to drink a water. Just as I was about to open a new bottle of water to chug, I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Pulling out my phone, I smiled seeing it was Jaejoong.

Sorry about this morning again. Next time I promise I will tell you everything. You are right we are in this together no matter what. I do trust you Sam. I am sorry I got jealous about Taemin.

“Idiot,” I said with a smile.

Putting down my bottle on the counter I quickly used both hands to answer him back: Good. I am always right about everything. Get used to that. Next time this happens I will kick your . Understand

After sending the message, I slipped my phone back in my back pocket. My hand was going back to my bottle, but I stopped short. A loud sniff echoed throughout the dorm.

I thought I was the only one home.

I looked to the living room in confusion to see it empty and dark. Blankets all over the couch and floor along with some empty chip bags. We should really clean this place. Another sniff echoed. I swear if we have a ghost of a crying girl in this dorm, I am going to run away screaming. I don’t care who sees. I don’t mess with ghost especially crying ones. They are the worse ones.

Another sniff. I snapped my head in the direction expecting to see a ghost of a twelve-year-old girl disfigured. But my eyes landed on the closed room door to Ran’s room.

I tiptoed the closed door carefully not to make a sound. My bottle forgotten on the counter. I leaned my head on the closed door curiously completely ignoring my phone vibrating to alert me of another text message. Jaejoong can wait for now.

Another sniff echoed from behind the closed door followed by a small sob.

I looked down to the ground sadly knowing who was behind the door. No matter how many times we tell her not to look at them. She still does.

I’m going to regret this later.

I knocked on the door stopping Ran from another sob. Silence echoed from behind the door. I knocked again. Silence again. Seriously, you are going to pretend you are not here. I knocked again.

“I know you are there, Ran.” I breathed out.

“Go the away,” She yelled back her voice breaking towards the end.

“Open the door.”

“No.”

“Ran.”

“I said to go the away.”

“I know you are looking at the comments, Ran. Give me the computer,”

“ off,” She yelled again throwing something hard at the door. I took a step back still staring at the closed door. Was it necessary to throw something at the door. “Why are you here anyway? Don’t you have a busy schedule to get to?”

“I finished for today,” I breathed out. “Open the door, Ran. I am not going away until you do.” Silence. She is so damn stubborn. I groaned running my hand through my hair. I backed up a couple steps. I think I saw this on tv once. With the right angle, I think I can kick down the door. Jon will kill me later about this and I will get a lot of , but it is better than leaving this alone with that laptop. I know what you are thinking. Why don’t I just call BoA to come to the rescue again? But I can’t. She is on tour in Japan. And Soonie and Mimi are shooting their drama now. “I’m going to break down the door in three, two, on-“

“What!” Ran hissed slamming the door open. I stood up straight staring at her with a hard gaze. What she needs now is not pity especially now that she hates me. I took in her appearance. Tear stained cheeks with smudged makeup. Her nose bright red and congested. Her brown eyes were filled with agony towards the comments and hatred towards me. The longer they stared at me, I felt like they were begging for relief from the pain. From life. “Are you going to keep staring at me like a ? What do you want?” I moved a little to see the side to glance behind her. My eyes immediately landed on her opened laptop on top of her bed. The screen on the comment panel on some website. Ran moved her body to block my view. Her eyes hard as she glared at me. “What. Do. You. Want.”

“You are looking at them again.” I said looking at her in the eyes. My voice sounding so worn out and tired. “How man-“

“Why the do you care?”

“Ran, that’s not fai-“

“Fair? Seriously. You don’t think that’s fair. I don’t give a . You never cared so why pretend you do now. What? Want to be friends again? We were never friends to begin with. So what is this, wanting to come back to be on good terms with Soonie and Mimi through me.”

“That’s not it.”

“That’s is exactly what it is. You selfish . Leave me alone and I will leave you alone, Okay. Go the away.”

“I can’t,” I said refusing to leave her alone. A small part of me fearing she might succumb into her darkest desires without someone here to watch her. “I will not leave you alone.”

“Oh, so now you can’t leave us alone. After all those times you abandoned us.” She scoffed. She continued to scowl at me as silent tears slipped down her cheeks. “You never cared about us, don’t start now. Just go back to being the ‘Villian’ you oh so want to be.”

I looked at her confused at first, then it clicked. The photoshoot. I told her that I would be the ‘Villian’ everyone wants me to be. My chest clenched in pain as I stared at her.

“I never said I wanted to be the ‘Villian’, Ran,” I sighed. “You guys turned me into the ‘Villian’.”

“You turned yourself,” She growled. Ran then let out a heavy sigh looking down. Her shoulders slumped. Just as quickly as the anger came, it disappeared. “Just go away, Sam. It is not worth it. None of it is.”

“What is that supposed to mean.”

“It means exactly that. Nothing is worth it. You, me. Friendship. Being Famous. It is not worth it all.”

Well that hit from 0 to 100 real fast.

Ran went to close the door in my face, but I couldn’t let her. I rushed my foot forward stopping the door from closing. My right hand on the door holding it open as my left hand clutched to the door frame. I leaned towards Ran. Ran now only inches from me stared at me. Her dark eyes exhausted with sorrow. I continued to stare into her eyes searching for something. For a spark of anger towards or even hatred towards me. Ran just stared at me. Her eyes showing me how much she has given up. My eyes softened.

“What did it say,” I breathed out. She continued to stare at me. She knows what I am talking about. “What did the comments say, Ran.”

“The truth,” She whispered looking down.

“What truth, Ran.”

“Just let it go, Sam. Just leave me alone, please.” I tightened my jaw as I shook my head at her. My eyes boring into her. Tears started to stream down her eyes. “I want to be alone. I want to be alone. Please.”

“What truth, Ran,” I asked again. “What is the truth that they-“

“That I should have died instead of my brother. I stole his spotlight away from him when I became an Idol not him,” Ran sobbed out. She fell down to her knees. She pressed her hands into her eyes as her shoulders shook with her sobs. “I should have died not him. He should have been picked not me. We always said we would be famous together, but that never happened.” My throat tightened as I bent down to her. I could feel my own tears threatening to come out. I whispered out her name as I placed my hand on her shoulders. “He killed himself because of me. It is my fault he is dead.”

“It is not your fault. He made his own choice.” I whispered.

Ran moved her hands from her eyes to look at me. Her make now so smudged over her eyes that it made her look like a raccoon.

“It is. I know it, they know, everyone knows it. Even my own family.” Ran continued to cry. “They abandoned me because of it. They left me because I killed their only son. I killed my brother.”

“Shhhh. No.” I let out pulling Ran into a hug. She left me hold her as she sobbed into my neck. My own tears coming down as I held her. “It is not your fault. None of it is your fault.”

I kept repeating comforting words as I rubbed her back softly. My eyes glaring at the brightly lit laptop through my own tears.