“But I do love you, Sehun. I really love you.”

The words that never get their way to Sehun. They’re left unsaid and buried deep down on Luhan’s heart. And he doesn’t think he’ll be able to deliver them to Sehun. Not now. Not anymore.

If it is just some kind of typical romance movies, it would be easy as peeling a banana to forget what happened. If it is just like those movie scenes where a character has done something that hurt his partner, and then the latter would cry so other would soon apologize, they would kiss under the rain, and the next thing we know, they’re on bed, making out. And voila, they’re back together and ready to face their happily ever after.

In their case, Luhan might go all out and announce to the world that he is dating his bestfriend, that maybe he’s gay but he doesn’t give a as long as he knows he loves Sehun and he loves him back; that after that, they could act freely, show their affections without those judging eyes piercing to them.

Luhan silently wishes it is as simple as that.

He may sound so selfish but he is afraid, frightened even, that if he has to fight for Sehun, his world might turn over. He isn’t ready yet. He knows he loves Sehun. He is now certain about that. Although he doubts if this is worth risking, because in the very first place, Sehun was the first one to give up and he, at least should respect that.

It’s been a month since that night he cried over the phone when Sehun asked him to just forget, as if he forced him to have a selective amnesia and live the way he was. Sure, it isn’t easy as , he is already aware of that, but what makes it harder is that it seems like he’s the only one who’s going through this some sort of survival game; where the main goal is to act unaffected.

Luhan swears if everything Sehun is showing off is just an act, he deserves the ‘best actor trophy’ for flaunting a poker face whenever they have a contact, which really is more often.

During the multiple-date, they were planning weeks ago, Sehun and Luhan were practically the seventh and eight wheels. Everyone was smooching and saying sweet words to their boyfriends around them; while both of them, mainly Luhan, were albeit seating next to each other, gawking at the couple awkwardly whenever they do something to show their affection to their partner. Awkwardly actually is an understatement, Luhan thinks.

He didn’t know how Minseok managed to convince him to go with them. Hearing Sehun happily agreed to it didn’t help neither, yet he still did, and he regretted it the whole time they were all together.

Unlike him, Sehun was more at ease at the situation. He smiled and laughed with Jongdae’s and Chanyeol’s jokes. He listened to Jongin like always about random things they see around. He still drank his favorite bubble tea like a kid. He even rode the ferris wheel with Luhan–because all the couples went in pairs–the latter just tried to draw his attention to the scenery behind the glass window totally ignoring whatever Sehun was into. Their friends seemed clueless though; Baekhyun and Jongdae never bring it up except when they are alone with Luhan, occasionally asking how he is, and the latter is grateful for that,

Sehun looks like he isn’t depressed or anything near that like Luhan is. He’s happy for him albeit he envies him.

Everytime his skin touches with Sehun’s, he feels the tickling bolts sending down to his spine, the same feeling he always had when the taller stared at him lovingly. Luhan wonders if the other feels the same way, or he has no one to share this feeling anymore.

They still have conversations though, little conversations that mostly insisted by Sehun since Luhan practically doesn’t want to talk first, scared that he might open up the topic they are avoiding. But Sehun can’t look straight into his eyes for long, and that didn’t go unnoticed by Luhan. He always looks away once the latter tries to have an eye contact. For some reason, that keeps his hopes up.

Little did Luhan know, it is a lot harder for Sehun. No one can understand how Sehun is feeling–maybe Luhan can, but he has no plans of setting these sentiments out especially to him. He’s hurt beyond words and acting like he isn’t affected is a lot even worse, in fact, he’s crumbling inside, and he isn’t sure when his body will betray him.

Tao, who was the only one Sehun is depending on, needed to fly back to China due to filial reasons two weeks ago, so he has to do this all by himself, although he still keeps in touch with him, thanks to internet.

Sehun acts pretty normal in front of Luhan, he does everything as plan, except he can’t look into his eyes, because maybe he’ll get lost into them and never find his way back to reality–the reality that Luhan and he can’t ever be together. Never.

At times, he feels weak to fight the temptation that is surrounding Luhan. He’s always in a close proximity that Sehun just wants to lean on him and press his lips to Luhan’s plump ones. He wants to hug him tight and never let go. He wants to run away with him anywhere, to any place they can be together. If he could just kidnap his best friend, he would.

When Jongin invited, rather obliged him to go with them to hang-out, as he called it, Sehun intentionally said it out loud that he’d go with them, expecting Luhan would decline due to his presence, but he did otherwise so he had no other option but to join him as