I was in my apartment cooking dinner, cooking is not my specialty, everyone knows that, but I improve this past few years, it’s not as bad as before. I was in the deep thought while cooking, I remember the incident a while ago with Yoona, I didn’t want to be cold to her but it still hurt, I don’t know what I did for them to kick me out, I should have known when they ask me before what if I’ll choose between BLANC and SNSD, what will I choose?

They said hypothetically question, but I refuse to answer that question then, I didn’t know that they planning to kick me out. There’s also an incident that they meet and had a meeting without me, that time I just shrug it off because it never crosses my mind that they can betray me like this, we practically sisters more than a friend.

My tears roll down, it really hurts, I didn’t expect this especially from her, she‘s one of my best friend, we practically magnet to each other especially off cam. I wipe my tears; I can’t continue like this, it’s pathetic to shed a tear on someone you know that doesn’t care at all.

I just continue to cook and prepare for the dinner. I don’t want to be a cry baby in front of Yeon again; I remember when I woke up in her apartment.

FLASHBACK

“Jessica-shi you’re awake.”

“Park Jiyeon-shi….”

“Are you okay now?”

“What happen? How I end up here?”

“I saw you in the park near my apartment you're walking, I was heading home that time after my daily exercise then it suddenly rain hard, I saw you getting drench, I was approaching you to offer my apartment till the rain stop but you faint. So I run to you and piggyback you here.”

“Thank you Jiyeon-shi.”

“Are you okay now? You have a high fever since yesterday so---“

“Yesterday, how long was I sleeping?”

“Almost 24 hours already, you faint around 11 am, and 10:05 now. You must be hung---“

“, I need to go. I have a schedule.”

“Jessica-shi, you remember what happen yesterday, right?”

“What happen?”

She immediately took her cellphone out in her pocket and she shown me the article that SM release for my departure on the group. I suddenly remember that it really happens and it’s not a dream, they kick me out already. I was not part of the GG anymore. I sat on the floor and tears keep coming down, I wipe it but it keeps coming down.

“Jessica shi, I’m sorry”

“What are you sorry for?”*Sob*

“I don’t know, I’m just feeling sorry.”

I just cried there ignoring that I was not alone, I felt someone is hugging me, I felt secure and safety.

“Everything going to be okay?” She whispers.

“*sob**sob*”

We stay like that until her cellphone rang and I realize that I was hugging her back, so I back away immediately and wipe my tears, she answered here cellphone.

“Excuse me.”

She stands up and answers the call while I just sat there at the floor, I can’t prevent the tears, I felt pathetic crying like this. My life is perfect till yesterday morning, but now I felt my whole world crushing down.

“Jessica shi, you need to eat for you to drink medicine.”

“I’m not hungry; I just want to be alone.” She held my forehead.

“But you still have a high fever.”

“______”

“Okay, I’ll let you be alone for now, but please eat some later, okay?”

“______”

“I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.”

END OF FLASHBACK

That’s how I spend my first day in Yeon apartment, whole day crying, I was thankful in her because she doesn’t bother me that day, she knows that I really need my space alone, and she let me stay there. The doorbell rang, maybe it’s Yeon but it’s still early, she told earlier that she be coming late because something urgent in there group. Her schedule is changing from time to time because of her solo promotion at the same time her group activities.

When I open the door I was shock but I do not let her see it, it was not Yeon but Tiff. My cold personality in on again.

“What are you doing here Ms. Hwang?”

“Jessi….” I don’t want to look into her eyes because I was afraid what I’ll see in it so I avoided all eyes contact.

“What do you want Ms. Hwang? And how did you find my new place.”

“Jessi, let’s talk. Please.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about.”

“I’m s…..sorry. We---”

“Sorry won’t change anything that happens.” I coldly said.

“_______”

“Is there anything else you need?”

“------“

“I guess nothing, you should go, and I’m busy. And also don’t come here again.” I close the door.

After I close it, I can’t prevent but to lean on the door, my knees felt weak. When she said sorry I strongly keep myself to hug and forgive her. She’s my bestfriend and a sister, I can’t hate them, never, but still I’m hurt, really hurt. But when I remember all that happen, the laugh when I was in the dorm that day,  I feel my chest boiling in anger. That the reason why I want to prove to them that I can be on my own, that kicking me out of the group was their biggest mistake.

After a minute or two I compose myself and walk in the kitchen to continue my preparation.

Later the door rang again, now I’m sure it’s Yeon because she already texted me that she’s on her way here.

JIYEON POV

I’m on my home when suddenly I bump someone on the elevator. Tiffany Hwang. What she’s doing here in the building? Did she come from Jessica’s apartment?

“Sorry” She said with her head hung low.

“It’s okay. Tiffany shi.” 

She just walks straight, but I see her crying so I approach her and held her wrist.

“Are you okay Tiffany shi?” She looks at the hand that I held before she stared at me.

“Park Jiyeon shi?”

“Are you okay? Did you come to see Sica?” She wipes her tears.

“Y…yeah. I’m going home.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…I’m okay. I’ll get going. Bye.”

“Okay.”

I just watch her go, after that I rode elevator and went first in my apartment then take a shower and change before I go to Jessica’s, I texted her already that I’m on my way. Hope she’s okay, I don’t want to see the "Jessica" that was crying is all that she do.

FLASHBACK

I was in the living room, just watching TV, Jessica was in my apartment after I saw her faint in the park yesterday, I pity her, how could her member do that to her, maybe I don't know how hurt her feeling right now but I understand her situation, it happen in one of our member Hwayoung, the rumour said that we bullied her so she quit or kick out by the group, many version of story is spreading.

I left her alone because it’s what she need right now. I’m just here if she needs anything, I want be by her side but I know I can’t, so I’m just going to wait for her to calm down. I have little secret, I meet her in person when I came with Hyomin unnie to their dorm once because she was close to Sunny unnie; when I saw her I was mesmerized.

I can’t explain but I know that I had a crush on her, since that day I’ll always check her schedule through online, watch her shows, I even buy some magazines with her on the cover, first I think it was just a crush because where not close for me to fall for her, right?

My members knows my little crush on her so they always tease me, even my best friend IU teases me, that I was obsess on her already but I always denied it and told them that I’m just admiring how great her voice was and how blunt she was, so I continue like that, watching her from a TV or internet when I’m not busy or nothing to do.

But when we met again in a music show, she talks to me and for the very first time I felt butterfly in my stomach, cheesy as it is but I really feel it that day. I was very happy, super happy that I even arrogantly told my members that, even I know that they will teases me more, I don’t care I’m just happy.

And it’s been 3 years but I still felt that butterfly in my stomach when I hug her earlier, I want to protect her and tell her that I won’t let anyone hurt her again, that I’m just here and no matter what happen I’ll never turn my back on her.

I just sat there until I fall asleep, when I woke up, it's already morning, then I realize that Jessica is here so I quickly stand, she has to eat something for her to drink medicine, she still has a fever yesterday, so I just walk in the kitchen and re heat the porridge that I cook