Falsity and Despair
The Lost PrinceNews of Chinen's death soon travelled to the capital as Ryutaro and Shintaro rushed to report to the King. None of the generals could accept the sudden loss of their comrade, especially Ainosuke who fell deeper into seclusion knowing that he has directly caused the death of his most adored companion. Yabu and Hikaru took notice of Daiki and Yuto's subtle resentment towards Ainosuke and instructed them to back away from him for the time being. Yabu and Hikaru could tell that Ainosuke is already regretting his decision, and giving him more emotional tension will only cause them to lose their king as well.
"Hikaru, what do you think our King is gonna do from now?"Yabu asked.
"definitely not launch an attack after we painstakingly dissuaded him. but I'm sure he won't sit back and do nothing."
"are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I think so..." the 2 eyed each other and let out a smirk, suggesting a meeting of minds.
*****
"no, you can't go! not alone!" Riko pulled Ainosuke back by his arms and cling onto him like a monkey on a tree.
"Riko, I'm gonna go. nothing is gonna change my mind."
"why does it matter?! he's dead. finding his body isn't gonna bring him back to life. instead you will just get yourself into more unnecessary danger"
"it matters! he's my brother, and I'm not gonna leave him in a foreign land, alive or dead. a proper burial at least. besides, until I see his body, I will not take death as an answer. the Chinen I know will not die so easily! he promised he'll be safe."
"it's ridiculous, Ainosuke. Please just stay! I don't want anything to happen to you too."
"Riko~ I hope you can try to understand me... I'm dying from the remorse...please just let me do something for him..." Riko wrapped her arms around his torso as she cried loudly. He returned a soft embrace, while leaning his head on her shoulders. tears ran from both their eyes.
"you can't go alone... it's just too dangerous"
"He won't be alone." two additional voices diverted their attention and they were surprised to see Yabu and Hikaru joining them in their horses.
"Yabu? Hikaru? what are you guys here for?"
"to do what you were planning to..."
"w-what?"
"we knew you will want to find Chinen and at least see for yourself his cold body before you are convinced he is dead.like you said, we too believe Chinen's strong will, we are sure he wouldn't die so easily. so we're going to go with you, since nothing is gonna talk you out of it."
"are you guys crazy?" Riko looked at the 2 generals in surprise, but they appeared calm as they expected her reaction.
"don't worry, we're not Daiki or Yuto. you can be rest assured that whatever we do is rational, matured and well-thought out. Ainosuke's safety is our top priority and technically the 2 of us have never failed anything. so if it's us, you can be sure Ainosuke will be back in one piece."
"B-but..."
"don't worry, Riko. I'll be back. it's something I need to do or I won't be able to concentrate on my work. I've lost just too many of my closest people, and I've disappointed too many as well. if I listened to Chinen, then I wouldn't have caused you and Daichi to lose so much tears every night, if I listened to him, he wouldn't have died. Daiki and Yuto hate me now, even if they dared not confront me. all I can do to start over is to at least close this chapter by finding his corpse. that way, at least his soul can rest in peace. and I must be the one who do it, cause I was the one who sent him away. and only then can I forgive myself and convince others to forgive me. and let me promise you that when I come back, I'll not push you and Daichi away, I'll not leave the 2 of you alone anymore. I'll face the fact that Mirai is gone, okay?"
"A-Ainosuke~" before she knows it, her lips is sealed with a kiss, the first passionate and genuine kiss from him. He held her by the neck and pressed his lips tightly on hers, leaving both of them with no room to take a breathe, and by the end of it, their lips reveal a paler colour as if lost of blood. He gave a faint smile to comfort the uneasiness in her mind, and finally hoped onto his horse.
"be safe!"
"I will. go back now, it's getting cold" he urged Riko to return and only when he saw her re-enter the palace gates that he turned to face his 2 dependable generals.
"don't you guys detest me, like Daiki and Yuto? I was the one who caused his death" Yabu and Hikaru could see Ainosuke's eyes reddened as he speak.
"no. firstly, death is part of our job. all that you have instructed us thus far have always tended to consider our safety, which no rulers i know does and aren't expected to do. Chinen's task was something that any ruler would have assigned from the start, but you didn't. everything that happened to Chinen is clearly an accident which is part and parcel of our occupation hazard. the task might be assigned by you, but it's just like any other task. there's no need to blame yourself, and I'm sure Chinen would understand that. if it wasn't Chinen, someone else might have lost his life too. it's fate."
"thank you, Yabu, Hikaru for staying by my side" Ainosuke looked at Yabu and Hikaru will grateful eyes, filled with tears. Never did he wish for any of the generals, especially the 2 older ones to forgive him, but they did, without a slightest sign of resentment.
"don't be too hard on yourself." Yabu and Hikaru finally saw Ainosuke relaxing his tensed shoulder and felt relieved.
"lets bring Chinen home, dead or alive." Yabu announced and the other 2 nodded confidently. They secured themselves on their horses and galloped across the fields towards the direction of Akunami.
*****
the young lady bun up her hair and disinfect her hands with alcohol. she looked at herself in the small mirror and told herself that she can do it... she stared at the pale, cold body of the guy slightly more build than her whom she saved in the river. his shirt is ripped from the impact of the fall and whatever cloth remaining on his skin is drenched in both saltwater and blood which continued to ooze from the open wounds. one she stared at the one lone broken arrow which remained penetrated at his chest, she had to pull it out and she knew how dangerous it would be if she make one wrong step. She sat beside the corpse-like guy and brushed the few strands of fringe that covered his forehead, revealing the deep frowns on his face. She ran her fingers down the sides of his colourless face and uttered his the all-too familiar name which she dream of every night since the first time they met when she's 8 years old.
"Chinen~" she recalled the sunshine smile that dazzled under the blue skies that fateful day on their first meet. his cheerful, bright personality gave her a fuzzy feeling in her heart and left such vivid impressions that up till today, she could still remember every detail of the short interaction. but the state of him now is already beyond recognition, he looked so weak, so distorted, so vulnerable even to the light breeze and sunlight.
she took in a deep breathe and maintained a tight grip of the arrow, "Bear with me. I won't let you die." in one shot, she pulled out the arrow without any hesitation and blood gushed out like a burst water pipe and she had to immediately compress it. She panicked when she saw him went into a state of shock and seizure. She sat him up and leaned him on her front, wrapping him tightly in her arms and a thick blanket as prayed for the seizure to stop. his head leaned in her shoulder and she could constantly see the distress and sufferings on his face. Teardrops fell as she saw the handsome face so frail, so fearful. she followed her heart and dropped a kiss on his cheeks as if she's so gullible to believe that her kiss could alleviate or take away some of his pain. the current situation doesn't allow her to care the blush that surfaced on her face or the quickened heartbeat. she has never formally kissed anyone ever since the guy in front of her occupied her heart wholly that first time they chanced upon each other's life. Minutes passed and she could feel him gradually calming down while in her arms, colours are returning on his face and lips but the shivering hasn't stop and the frowns remained.
"Chinen, I have to help you wash up. you are probably going to hate me for this, but I've no other choice."
She must admit that her heart is fumbling and wavering, her nervousness couldn't seem to be suppressed. She has never even seen the bare bodies of any guys, what's more the one belonging to him.
she removed the remains of her top, revealing his bare torso and already blood is rushing to her face. she ran the wet cloth over his skin meticulously, cleaning every corner and every groove and lightening her pressure when it comes to his wounds. she applied the medicine and gauze and put on a fresh top, and finally she has no excuse to change his bottom which is equally drenched.
She was unsure how to approach it and troubles were written all over her face. it's just too much for her heart to take. there's too much hassle to remove it so she took her sword and tore it off instead. if there's onlooker, one would have seen her face like a tomato. she found herself curiously staring at and was disturbed by her own absurd lust. she struggled to dress him up and finally, she is all drained by the time he's fully dressed. She wrapped him up in the blanket, and for days and nights, she stayed by his bedside, hydrating his lips with wet tissues, praying and hoping that he'll regain consciousness.
****
Meanwhile, Ainosuke, Yabu and Hikaru arrived at the fortress beside the borders of Akunami and Aoihoshi, where Ryutaro and his subordinates continued their intelligence duties. The latter are of course surprised to see their King visiting and were nervous all of a sudden.
"Your highness, i'm sorry for not being here earlier to you in. why didn't you inform me earlier, so I can provide better hospitality" Ryutaro bowed to Ainosuke and didn't dare to raise his head.
"Informing you or not, is only a small matter. I want to see Shintaro and you immediately."
"I'll get him right away. you can take a rest at my tent and we can talk over things" Ryutaro could sense the anxiety in the air when Ainosuke didn't respond in his usual friendly tone, instead today's was exceptionally hostile. He tried to get some hints from Yabu and Hikaru, but it's even harder to pry information from their stern faces. He led the trio to the tent and immediately asked his minion to send Shintaro here right away. As the time ticked, he could see Ainosuke becoming impatient and he himself became anxious.
"Your highness, I'm sorry for being late." Shintaro finally arrived and Ainosuke turned to look at the 2 brothers with Yabu and Hikaru guarding his both sides.
"I'll go straight to the point. Shintaro, did you or did you not check if Chinen is really dead?"
"I~I saw the multiple arrows on his body and after which he plunged into the waterfall... "
"so?"
"no one could survive in his state."
"that's not my question, Morimoto Shintaro! I'm asking whether you verified his death personally?!" Shintaro quickly kneeled on the ground realising that he has angered the King and Ryutaro sensing that things around here is getting tense, he followed suit with what his brother did.
"I didn't. I could only infer..." Shintaro was stammering by this time, and both brothers dared not look into their eyes of their ruler.
"and you simply reported his death?! without even the basic verification!"
"please forgive me, your highness. I overlooked." Shintaro begged and Ryutaro felt the need to bear the load of the mistake made by his younger brother.
"if it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I should have ensured the absolute safety of Chinen, knowing his importance. I was too careless."
Ainosuke sighed and the brothers didn't know what that implied until he allowed them to return to their standing position.
"it's not your fault. it's mine. I made a wrong choice of sending him here. he literally sacrificed his life to get me that crucial document. I can't just take his death so lightly."
"please don't say that. it's an accident." Yabu and Hikaru, along with the 2 brothers attempt to alleviate his blame on himself.
"get me the map of Akunami and show me where you last saw Chinen." Ryutaro wondered what he was intending to do when he started marking out on the map the possible places where Chinen could be found. as it unravels, his uneasiness grew.
"if his corpse followed the river flow, then his body could definitely be found here. so that's our first destination." Ainosuke discussed with Yabu and Hikaru.
"wait, are you going in there?" Ryutaro feared what was coming as he couldn't afford to have more people die in Akunami, especially not their King.
"yes, is there a problem?" Ainosuke replied with a monotonous tone.
"of course it's a problem. that's too dangerous. after what happened to Chinen, hell no am I going to allow another person to enter."
"I have Yabu and Hikaru with me, so I'll not be alone. and I don't need your permission to enter Akunami, do I"
Ryutaro has forgotten that his authority does not work on his King and that there's no way to talk him out of it.
"at least let me go with you then."
"the group will be too big and too obvious. 2 of my top generals would be more than enough." Ainosuke turned him down immediately.
"b-but, sir, wouldn't it be like looking for a needle in a haystack. finding a corpse may be easier, but looking for a live person, may be difficult. especially now that we don't know exactly if he's alive or dead, how are you going to approach this... you could end up looking for weeks and uncover nothing." Shintaro expressed his concerns.
"we'll comb the key spots and if there's no sign of him, then there's a chance he's not dead. if so, we'll return back and relook into the matter, to probably get more manpower to find him. at the most, we'll only spend up to 3 days in the forest of Akunami" Yabu analysed while Ainosuke prepared his gears.
"don't worry, Ryutaro. I know my life is important, so I'll ensure my safety is taken after." he gave Ryutaro a pat on his back and brush off his shoulder towards the exit.
"ah, I don't know if this is important, but one of our spies we sent that day, she didn't return as well." Shintaro's revelation stunned the trio,
"who is she?" Ainosuke probed.
"Umika kawashima" Ainosuke noticed his 2 generals exchanging glances and knew there's something unusual that he should know but he put it at the back of his mind first as they were already behind time.
"3 days and if you don't return, I'll send my guards over to find you" Ryutaro nagged.
"okay, I'm good with this arrangement. thank you" Ainosuke gave Ryutaro a smile before the trio faced their back and rode their horses into the dense and moist forest.
******
I could feel the ache in my body. I could feel the numbness of my limbs... i have feelings. am I not in heaven? I must be dead. there's no way I'm not.
how is heaven like? I'm afraid to face it, refuse to open my eyes. will I be surrounded by those fluffy clouds, those angels with a halo above their heads? curiosity and fear try to strike a balance in my crowded thoughts. i tried moving my hands, perhaps to feel my surroundings but I'm unable to move. not paralysis, but rather, there was a warm, light pressure on my hand. I finally pry open my eyes and saw the angel, the same angel that I saw beneath the river... angel? but everything I see before my eyes indicates not the heaven, but earth. reality not dream, so she's not an angel. her silky, soft hair covered her face which laid beside me, while her fingers is tangled with mine. I wanted to survey her more to clear my burning questions. my freehand reached out and brushed her hair, revealing a beautiful face hidden within.
startled from her sleep, she quickly sat up, withdrew her hands and i saw a face of guilt.
if she meant danger, I would be helpless as I stared at my sword far away from me.
"who are you? where am I? what do you want from me?!" i raised my voice a little too much that my wound hurts. taking a closer look, I realised I'm neatly dressed in a fresh set of clothes and my wounds are well-dressed.
"be careful, you are still recovering. I'll explain, but please be assured we're on the same side." her sweet, yet cautious voice relaxed my nerves a little, but perhaps the nature of my work caused my uptight reaction. I tried to sit up and she came forth and helped me. her tenderness made me skip a beat, and for some reason, I kept recalling the scene where she swam towards me in the river... I looked at her lips and I swore I thought we touched. snap out of it Chinen Yuri, that's no way to look at a girl. I told myself to focus.
"alright, I'm ready. tell me all you know."
"I'm one of the spies. I saved you from the river and I treated you. your injuries were serious so I wasn't completely sure you'll survive. thankfully you did. and we're still in Akunami. this is a makeshift base that Ryutaro always make a point to set up, in case we need to spend a long time spying. It has all that we need so I brought you here. its location is secluded and inaccessible so chances of being found by the enemies is too slim."
"and why did you save me? you could have escaped with the rest, but you came back for someone who is most likely going to die if you hadn't interfered. now you are also caught in the mess."
"because it's you."
"huh?" I couldn't hear her properly because of her mumbling.
"I mean I just can't leave my fellow comrade behind if I chanced upon right."
"isn't it the rule to do that?"
"rules are rules, but I have my own rules too. I just can't see a person die when I have the ability to at least save," she insisted and her determination really impressed me. a girl her size displayed such bravery and perseverance that she alone tended to my injuries and brought me to safety. the only other person I know will do that to protect me is Ainosuke... the time he used his own body to shield me from the bashing during the mission, and the other time during the bet, that despite his injury, he refused to let go of my hands.
I was so engrossed that I never realised that a teardrop fell from the edge of my eyes.
"Chinen~ are you okay? you're crying." she gave a very perplexed expression and I wiped my tears so I don't worry her.
"I just remembered something... sorry."
"is it the King you are thinking?"
"h-how did you know?" she has some mind reading skills does she? or how could she have known something deep in my heart.
"ah.. cause when you were unconscious, you occasionally uttered his name. though it was soft, but I'm sure it was your highness' name that you mouthed"
I subtly nodded, but her perplexed expression remained, as though there were still things bothering her.
"your relationship with the King must be very close. he must be someone worth risking your life for."
"yes, King Ainosuke, though young, he is very understanding, very protective of his people, and very tactful as well"
"yet he put you through such situation?"
"that's because I did something hurtful to him" I could see that she knew she said too much. she tried to lighten the mood.
"you made me curious to meet the King myself. but I guess I won't be able to. since my parents death, my family has been reduced to second class guards"
"second class? so you were once in the first class? what's your name by the way."
somehow, I saw her glance changed to a fearful one, as if she's hiding something. I patiently waited for an answer, but it never came.
"if it's gonna be a fuss about telling me your family, then it's fine. I don't need to know it."
"Chinen~.... t-thank you." I saw tears welling up in her eyes but I really don't understand the sudden change of emotions. perhaps it has to do with her parents' death?
"I should be thanking you. you saved my life." I gave her a light bow but still it hurts my wound even with the slightest movement.
"you haven't eaten in days, let me get some porridge. there's plenty of supplies here to feed us until you are well enough to escape from Akunami."
while she fed me the porridge, I could feel random fuzziness running through my veins that gave me goosebumps. I wasn't sure what this meant, but it was something along nervousness and excitement. maybe I haven't been around girls for too long. I saw the stiffness in her every move and made me wonder how tired she has been the past few days.
"sorry that you've to go through this with me. maybe you should take a rest"
"I'm fine." she looks flustered in the instant.
"I insist. take a proper rest or you'll fall sick too, and that's gonna be disadvantageous to our current predicament. there's still some space on the bed. we can share"
her blush was evident, and I never thought a friendly invite like this is anything worth being embarrassed about. after much persuasion, she hopped on beside me, though she still remained really stiff with her sword armed beside her.
sitting upright so to give her more space, I took her sword from her hand and held it in my hand instead.
"Chinen~"
"I've slept for days, I don't feel like sleeping anymore for now. I'll keep a lookout and alert you if there's anything. so relax and rest for the time being."
I am immersed in his tenderness and my heart constantly skipped a beat with his little gestures. I peeked at his dreamy face and thought that he never changed a bit since the last time I saw him more than a decade ago, still so loving, so considerate.
Chinen, I hope we can remain like this forever.
I shut my eyes as the exhaustion finally kicked in and I let my body rest comfortably in his radiating warmth and masculine scent.
*****
"Ainosuke, it should be here..." the trio reached the end of the river stream and on one look, they can't see anything unusual in the shallow water. Ainosuke went down from his horse and surveilled the area on foot, with yabu and Hikaru trailing close behind, assisting him in the search. all efforts seemed futile as they couldn't find anything, but more despair.
"this~... what's this.." Ainosuke walked into the stream, with his feet soaked in the water, and grabbed a piece of cloth, stained with blood. His hands still trembling at the possibility that it belongs to Chinen.
"it should be his, Ainosuke. this doesn't imply whether he's alive or dead. falling from such high grounds, his shirt is bound to be ripped a little. so there's still hope." Hikaru tried to convince, even to himself.
"if so, where could he be? where should we go now?! we have been looking for days and all we find is this 1 piece of cloth!" Ainosuke lost his sanity and his temper took the 2 generals by surprise. they didnt know how to react.
"Ainosuke~ relax." Yabu walked forth and gave him a soft pat, only to be shaken off by him
"How am I supposed to relax. this is already the 2nd day of search. one more day, and we have to retreat with NOTHING at hand. the thought of his death will soon become a reality, and I DON'T WANT THAT."
"I understand, but think of it this way, there's still 1 day. 1 day means hope still. Ainosuke, if you show despair, then failure will follow suit. Chinen didn't give up even until the last moment, so please pull yourself together. We will stay by your side" Yabu continued and Ainosuke slowly released the tension building in him.
"I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated with myself. Give me sometime alone," Ainosuke lethargically walked over to a tree beside the stream, still holding on to the blood-stained cloth. Yabu and Hikaru could only stand guard nearby, watching their King helplessly while trying to suppress their own sorrows about the loss of their comrade. They knew that if they were depressed over Chinen's death, Ainosuke would be twice or even more depressed. Thye need to pull themselves together for the younger King to count on.
Mirai, I need you...I am suffocating from all these pain and there's no one, no one at all I can share my worries. You know, I am beginning to hate you, hate you for putting me through all these, cause without you, I wouldn't have lost Chinen. I am on the verge of losing myself too. I told you to stay within sight, but you chose to hide from me... Soon, really soon, Shida Mirai will be dead from my heart and mind, and when that day comes, even if you appear before me, you'll be nothing but a plain, commoner girl that I would not look twice.
Ainosuke leaned on the tree bark and dazed into the slow, moving stream, drowning himself in the sounds of nature, allowing the calls of the crickets and birds to calm his tension. Emotions run wild in him, and tears fell quietly down his frail face, losing all the glow he has years back. He clenched his fist against the sharp blade on his sword and fresh blood flowed down the blade like a stream, as if symbolically determined to forget the most precious of his memories, letting go the love of his life.
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